Cancer Posted July 29, 2019 Report Share Posted July 29, 2019 16 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: You are safe. Don't you struggle now. I assure you the Orcs just want to talk. Q: What did those ... uh ... people mean by, "Meat's back on the menu"? A: Call the waiter and ask for a clean one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted August 2, 2019 Report Share Posted August 2, 2019 On 7/29/2019 at 1:21 PM, Cancer said: Q: What did those ... uh ... people mean by, "Meat's back on the menu"? A: Call the waiter and ask for a clean one! Q: We have just dealt with Ragnaroc and went to this beat-up restaurant. Now you are complaining about dirty dishes? A: I just graduated from the University of Oa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 2, 2019 Report Share Posted August 2, 2019 12 hours ago, Asperion said: A: I just graduated from the University of Oa. Q: That's one heck of a class ring you've got there. Do you wear it all the time? A: We're just waiting for Genghis Khan to return to bring peace to the world! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 2, 2019 Report Share Posted August 2, 2019 2 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: We're just waiting for Genghis Khan to return to bring peace to the world! Q: You've got horse bows, near-total indifference to religion, and complete and willful ignorance of what machine guns did to horse cavalry in 1914. What are you up to again? A: We haven't had that spirit here since 1969. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 3, 2019 Report Share Posted August 3, 2019 On 8/2/2019 at 10:08 AM, Cancer said: A: We haven't had that spirit here since 1969. Q: Is this where Betelgeuse lives? A: I'm live at Rockefeller Plaza -- well, dead, but live! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 On 8/3/2019 at 5:50 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: A: I'm live at Rockefeller Plaza -- well, dead, but live! Q: The zombie apocalypse started in New York City? A: A glass of whiskey, a gun, and two bullets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 3 hours ago, Pariah said: A: A glass of whiskey, a gun, and two bullets. Q: What is the only way to have fun in a dive bar on Gauda Prime? A: Unfortunately, he is the Lesser Evil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 Q: But I don’t wanna vote for Bernie Sanders! A: The last thing I needed the first thing this morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 1 hour ago, Pariah said: A: The last thing I needed the first thing this morning. Q: Count? Count? Could you get out of your coffin for about an hour? I need to clean all that dirt out of it. A: Remind me to fire you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 11, 2019 Report Share Posted August 11, 2019 On August 7, 2019 at 1:11 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Remind me to fire you. Q: Honey Chile, I'm just your gun: point me and I'll take care of whatever you want as long as I can be in your holster! A: There are four lights! This intersection has a protected left turn lane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted August 12, 2019 Report Share Posted August 12, 2019 On 8/10/2019 at 10:12 PM, Cancer said: Q: Honey Chile, I'm just your gun: point me and I'll take care of whatever you want as long as I can be in your holster! A: There are four lights! This intersection has a protected left turn lane. Q: What are you waiting for? There is no one else and all is clear. A: I will regret dying in the morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 12, 2019 Report Share Posted August 12, 2019 1 hour ago, Asperion said: A: I will regret dying in the morning. Q: You know the Daimyo is hosting a banquet in your honor tomorrow night? A: Chom-chom. Remember that. Chom-chom. Never say bananas again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 14, 2019 Report Share Posted August 14, 2019 On 8/12/2019 at 1:23 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Chom-chom. Remember that. Chom-chom. Never say bananas again! Q: What's the latest politically correct term for being a moron and bats**t insane at the same time? A: By continuing to read this site, you agree that you have sold your soul to Mephistopheles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted August 15, 2019 Report Share Posted August 15, 2019 11 hours ago, Cancer said: Q: What's the latest politically correct term for being a moron and bats**t insane at the same time? A: By continuing to read this site, you agree that you have sold your soul to Mephistopheles. Q: What does it say in Facebook's TOS? A: And that's when I jumped out the second story window. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 15, 2019 Report Share Posted August 15, 2019 29 minutes ago, Marcus Impudite said: A: And that's when I jumped out the second story window. Q: The assailant kept saying you had no way out. Then what did you do, ma'am? A: Sorry, madam, but we no longer carry honesty in our station policies. But go ahead and order that waffle iron anyway. We're good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted August 15, 2019 Report Share Posted August 15, 2019 14 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: The assailant kept saying you had no way out. Then what did you do, ma'am? A: Sorry, madam, but we no longer carry honesty in our station policies. But go ahead and order that waffle iron anyway. We're good. Q: Why would you sell me this pos iron? There are no internal components or any other way to make it work. A: I have captured Death. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 15, 2019 Report Share Posted August 15, 2019 37 minutes ago, Asperion said: A: I have captured Death. Q: And Mandy? What did you do on your Summer Vacation? A: My mother is having a hard time dealing with your existence. Maybe you should find an apartment closer to the office. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 18, 2019 Report Share Posted August 18, 2019 On August 15, 2019 at 12:14 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: A: My mother is having a hard time dealing with your existence. Maybe you should find an apartment closer to the office. Q: She's been in the columbarium for five years, and she still tries to pick your friends for you? A: Of course we're not monkeys! When we disagree, we scream and throw vacuous tweets at each other! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 18, 2019 Report Share Posted August 18, 2019 9 hours ago, Cancer said: A: Of course we're not monkeys! When we disagree, we scream and throw vacuous tweets at each other! Q: And what is your argument against natural selection this time, Mr. Ham? A: Yes, she may be an accessory to the crimes of a serial killer, but you've got to admit these meat pies are exquisite! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted August 18, 2019 Report Share Posted August 18, 2019 8 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Yes, she may be an accessory to the crimes of a serial killer, but you've got to admit these meat pies are exquisite! Q: So why aren't you prosecuting the accomplice who disposed of the bodies? A: You fool what do you think she did with those bodies! Lucius Alexander Feed them to a palindromedary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted August 20, 2019 Report Share Posted August 20, 2019 On 8/18/2019 at 9:11 AM, Lucius said: Q: So why aren't you prosecuting the accomplice who disposed of the bodies? A: You fool what do you think she did with those bodies! Lucius Alexander Feed them to a palindromedary Q: Why does everyone assume that I have the ultimate answer for the greatest assassination of all time? A: The United States is closed. Please leave a message at the tone and never expect a call back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 20, 2019 Report Share Posted August 20, 2019 8 hours ago, Asperion said: A: The United States is closed. Please leave a message at the tone and never expect a call back. Q: < Insert gratuitous Trump Administration immigration policy remark here. > A: Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 20, 2019 Report Share Posted August 20, 2019 8 hours ago, Pariah said: A: Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me.... Q: I found this at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Isn't it a lovely drain stopper? A: A new vocabulary? Priceless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 On 8/20/2019 at 1:55 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: I found this at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Isn't it a lovely drain stopper? A: A new vocabulary? Priceless. Q: Why are you addressing me in this strange comlang? A: This dragon only wants to be your friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 26, 2019 Report Share Posted August 26, 2019 1 hour ago, Asperion said: Q: Why are you addressing me in this strange comlang? A: This dragon only wants to be your friend. Q: Why is the dragon reaching for the ketchup? A: I threw a rock at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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