Michael Hopcroft Posted June 19, 2020 Report Share Posted June 19, 2020 On 6/12/2020 at 6:20 PM, Asperion said: A: We now have Death by the Planet. Q: OK, what the heck is happening now that Lex Luthor has bought up all of Metropolis' newspapers? A: This new portrayal of Superman looks like the work of someone who wants to be fired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 19, 2020 Report Share Posted June 19, 2020 27 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: This new portrayal of Superman looks like the work of someone who wants to be fired. Q: "Erotic Furries from Krypton"? A. In a kiln. For 72 hours. At 600 degrees Celsius. With a lead-cadmium-chromate glaze. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 19, 2020 Report Share Posted June 19, 2020 3 hours ago, Cancer said: A: In a kiln. For 72 hours. At 600 degrees Celsius. With a lead-cadmium-chromate glaze. Q: And how would you like us to cook your turkey, Matter-Eater Lad? A: Barnum said there's a sucker born every minute. Happy Birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 Anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 On 6/19/2020 at 3:13 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Barnum said there's a sucker born every minute. Happy Birthday. Q: There's some guy outside who said you're selling a bridge. Which one? A: Bridgework. I'm a dentist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 33 minutes ago, Cancer said: A: Bridgework. I'm a dentist. Q: I've got cards. You said you were good at bridge? A: We don't use that word around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 7 hours ago, Pariah said: A: We don't use that word around here. Q: Can you define "oxymoron" in terms of inconsequential recursive tautological catabolic mass wasting? A: That depends on the perversity of your political pollution policing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 3 hours ago, Cancer said: A: That depends on the perversity of your political pollution policing. Q: Mark Zuckerberg here. Can you please stop boycotting my platform? A: On one hand it's sad to watch it burn. On the other, it's such a wonderful aroma. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 17 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: On one hand it's sad to watch it burn. On the other, it's such a wonderful aroma. Q: Is it true that the bakery is burning down? A: The two ladies from ABBA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 1, 2020 Report Share Posted July 1, 2020 On 6/27/2020 at 10:58 AM, Pariah said: A: The two ladies from ABBA. Q: Whose picture is that on the ceiling, son? A: Pictures of Lily made my life so wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 3, 2020 Report Share Posted July 3, 2020 On 6/30/2020 at 7:25 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Pictures of Lily made my life so wonderful. Q: You've got 800 pages of text and 1320 pages of illustrations in your manuscript for "Definitive Taxonomy of Genus Lilium"? A: They're toxic to cats, you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 3, 2020 Report Share Posted July 3, 2020 11 hours ago, Cancer said: A: They're toxic to cats, you know. Q: If dogs can learn to obey simple commands, why can't cats? A: I'm down to my last ten bucks. I'm certainly not gonna spend it on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 3, 2020 Report Share Posted July 3, 2020 25 minutes ago, Pariah said: A: I'm down to my last ten bucks. I'm certainly not gonna spend it on that. Q: Wanna buy a Ronco Self-Igniting Vegetable Roaster, Fish Smoker, and Baseboard Curler? Comes in three designer colors! A: The three colors are Basic Black, Bone Black, and Deep Space Black. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 3, 2020 Report Share Posted July 3, 2020 49 minutes ago, Cancer said: A: The three colors are Basic Black, Bone Black, and Deep Space Black. Q: Why won't you sell me a pink Darth Vader costume? Wouldn't they be on sale now that Pride Month is over? A: This is a piano piece the human hands are utterly incapable of playing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 3, 2020 Report Share Posted July 3, 2020 27 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: This is a piano piece the human hands are utterly incapable of playing. Q: What's your opinion of John Cage's "Four Minutes Thirty-three Seconds"? A: There is no answer, obviously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 3, 2020 Report Share Posted July 3, 2020 5 hours ago, Pariah said: A: There is no answer, obviously. Q: I'm waiting, so why aren't you asking a question? A: I always wondered how a duck can use a desktop computer. Thank you for enlightening me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 3, 2020 Report Share Posted July 3, 2020 Just now, Michael Hopcroft said: A: I always wondered how a duck can use a desktop computer. Thank you for enlightening me. Q: With our remarkable new voice recognition and translation software, we have waterfowl programming in C++! A: Nothing happens for nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 5, 2020 Report Share Posted July 5, 2020 On 7/3/2020 at 4:10 PM, Pariah said: Q: With our remarkable new voice recognition and translation software, we have waterfowl programming in C++! A: Nothing happens for nothing. Q: How are you going to be paying for the Dyson Swarm? A: By traveling through time, obviously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 5, 2020 Report Share Posted July 5, 2020 4 hours ago, Asperion said: A: By traveling through time, obviously. Q: AAGH! My phone's been cut off! How did it get to be ninety days past-due anyway? A: All those people in mental institutions for saying they were time travelers from the future sent to stop Trump -- well, I'm beginning to have my doubts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 11, 2020 Report Share Posted July 11, 2020 On 7/4/2020 at 10:38 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: AAGH! My phone's been cut off! How did it get to be ninety days past-due anyway? A: All those people in mental institutions for saying they were time travelers from the future sent to stop Trump -- well, I'm beginning to have my doubts. Q: Why did they release you from the insane asylum? A: There is a New moon in the solar system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 12, 2020 Report Share Posted July 12, 2020 On 7/10/2020 at 6:33 PM, Asperion said: A: There is a New moon in the solar system. Q: Anyone seen Donald Trump's ego lately? A: Oh, never mind. Here it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 12, 2020 Report Share Posted July 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Oh, never mind. Here it is. Q: Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering kaboom! A: No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There's always a boom tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 14, 2020 Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 On 7/11/2020 at 10:08 PM, Pariah said: Q: Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering kaboom! A: No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There's always a boom tomorrow. Q: Can we get Mr. Garibaldi on the phone? There are some fireworks that need his attention. A: Welcome to Pyromanics Anonymous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 15, 2020 Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 14 hours ago, Asperion said: A: Welcome to Pyromanics Anonymous. Q: We don't like mental health clinics and want this one destroyed. Any ideas? A: There soon won't be a Planet Earth if I'm right about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 15, 2020 Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: There soon won't be a Planet Earth if I'm right about this. Q: The election is in four months and our choices are what? A. Welcome to Drivel Central. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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