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Re: Answers & Questions  

On 8/18/2020 at 9:06 PM, Michael Hopcroft said:

Q: I couldn't find Fred Stick fr you. I didn't mishear you, did I?

 

A: I have no choice but to vote for you -- the Seasick Crocodile isn't even on the ballot.

 

Q: Why did Trump win re-election?

 

A: That is the dark matter generator.

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14 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

A: When FORTRAN was not even THREETRAN!

Q: How'd you program computers before punched cards?  Way, way back?

 

A: There is a difference between an existential threat and an existentialist threat.

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On 8/25/2020 at 9:40 AM, Cancer said:

A: There is a difference between an existential threat and an existentialist threat.

 

Q: How worried are we about the threat of armed revolt from the Philosophy department?

 

A: Enya, turned up to eleven.

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1 hour ago, Pariah said:

A: Enya, turned up to eleven.

 Q: OMG, how do you deal with their on-hold muzak being Yanni's Greatest Hits?

 

A: Boston, Kansas, Asia, Chicago, Alabama ... none of them is Nirvana.

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1 minute ago, Cancer said:

 A: Boston, Kansas, Asia, Chicago, Alabama ... none of them is Nirvana.

 

Q: What makes Boston, Kansas, Asia, Chicago, and Alabama so great?

 

A: At least I still have my nine-iron.

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1 minute ago, Pariah said:

A: At least I still have my nine-iron.

 

Q: All the cobalt-56, chromium-51, aluminum-26, and cesium-137 have decayed away!  Now what do we do?

 

A: I think it's a little cooler now.

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2 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

A: There is no room for free will in this picture.

 

Q: See this headline: "Robert Will gets seventeen consecutive life sentences for serial murders"?

 

A: Burns, Busts, Bummers, and Rip-Offs.

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3 hours ago, Cancer said:

 

Q: See this headline: "Robert Will gets seventeen consecutive life sentences for serial murders"?

 

A: Burns, Busts, Bummers, and Rip-Offs.

 

Q: What are we making this blessing to the Sun for?

 

A: The infinite finite.

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21 hours ago, Asperion said:

A: The infinite finite.

Q: You're saying the Universe has a finite amount of matter yet still expands endlessly in all conceivable directions? Can you explain that further?

 

A: People told me my plans were insance, and now that I'm alone in here I must admit they were absolutely right.

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On 8/29/2020 at 5:22 PM, Michael Hopcroft said:

Q: You're saying the Universe has a finite amount of matter yet still expands endlessly in all conceivable directions? Can you explain that further?

 

A: People told me my plans were insance, and now that I'm alone in here I must admit they were absolutely right.

 

Q: There was one vote for the Infinity Gauntlet Program. What made you vote for that program?

 

A: This is actually the Definity Gauntlet.

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27 minutes ago, Asperion said:

A: This is actually the Definity Gauntlet.

Q: You said this would depopulate the planet? All it does is describe everything and everyone you point it at!

 

A: Your efforts to find a polite way to tell me I'm a rancid-smelling, whiskey-soaked, sloppy, gun-crazed, impotent loonie are failing spectacularly.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 9/3/2020 at 9:24 PM, Michael Hopcroft said:

Q: You said this would depopulate the planet? All it does is describe everything and everyone you point it at!

 

A: Your efforts to find a polite way to tell me I'm a rancid-smelling, whiskey-soaked, sloppy, gun-crazed, impotent loonie are failing spectacularly.

 

Q: Why did you turn all those whiskey bottles into rapid fire assault weapons?

 

A: You only think this pandemic has made me insane.

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12 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

A: When a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes, and your lungs.

 

Q: So now you're using Febreze instead of incense?

 

A: He was convicted of abusing Axe body spray and sentenced to 90 days in jail.

 

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5 hours ago, Pariah said:

A: He was convicted of abusing Axe body spray and sentenced to 90 days in jail.

 

Q: 90 days for an axe attacker?  What'd he do, bribe the judge?

 

A: During the lockdown I used alcohol solutions to control microbes, so instead of Right Guard I used beer.

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2 hours ago, Cancer said:

A: During the lockdown I used alcohol solutions to control microbes, so instead of Right Guard I used beer.

Q: Why did you come into work smelling like rancid yeast and so unable to remain on your feet for two minutes at a time?

 

A: I can dance the Tango, I can read Greek. I can even do them at the same time! Easy!

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2 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

A: I can dance the Tango, I can read Greek. I can even do them at the same time! Easy!

 

Q: What makes you think you're qualified to date my daughter?

 

A: Cyanide-coated peanuts.

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21 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

Q: So, Boris, vat iees plan to ge reed off Moose and Skvirrel?

 

A: Learn to cook like a pro with the CIA!

 

Q: Those are Impressive skills with the knife and spatula. Where did you learn those skills?

 

A: Uranium-laced seltzer water.

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