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Quote of the Week From My Life.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"Daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!!!"

 

"What?! What?!"

 

"That Integra has a spoiler just like yours!"

 

"What? Yeah..."

 

"And it has cool wheels just like yours!"

 

"Yeah."

 

"And it's really dirty, just like yours!"

 

"...Yeah."

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"Where is the angel?"

 

"Oh, I left it by the WD-40."

 

"Daddy, you can't leave it by the WD-40. It'll die."

 

"What? Angels aren't bugs."

 

"Angels are chemicals like bugs. They're carpenters and astronauts too."

 

"Do you know how much your preschool costs?"

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Me
: Ah,
2012
- disaster porn. As opposed to porn disasters, such as that fruit scene in
Phantasm

 

At a community park dinner

 

Rent-a-cop in-law
: I'm finding it really difficult not to get up and arrest people for drinking in a public place.

 

Same bloke, walking into a shop with his cat on a leash

 

Cashiers
: Oh, what kind of cat is that?

Rent-a-cop in-law
: This? It's a drug-sniffing cat

Customer
: *
visibly panics, grabs bag, and flees shop
*

Cashiers & Rent-a-cop
:
:rofl:

 

A friend,
regarding his pregnant wife
: She's doing a good impersonation of a 747 nose-cone

 

Me
: Bear in mind
Grave of the Fireflies
was the movie where they had to show
Totoro
as well, so audiences wouldn't commit suicide on the way out.

 

Weldun
: I was asked to pick an animation for a six-year-olds birthday party. I got them
Watership Down

Purrdence
: Are they still talking to you?

Weldun
: No
:eg:

 

Weldun
: I do like [ Drhoz's ] gnolls... ( eg,
&
)

Fireleaper
: Except when they're giant and breathing fire

 

Walking through town, and hear someone playing guitar badly and belting out "I Can't Dance"

Me
: Can't sing either

 

 

 

Purrdence
: I've a student who announced his intention to hitchhike from the US to Japan.

Kyu_Kage
: Good evening ladies & gentlemen, welcome aboard your non-stop flight to Tokyo ... Holy shit there's a kid on the runway!

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Patient: "You sound exhausted."

Me: It's my double life. At night I roam the streets fighting crime."

Patient: "Really?"

Me: "No."

 

This happened about five minutes ago. I also had an audition last night.

 

Director asks in an application(there's probably a better word for that, but I am so tired my brain hurts) "are you comfortable with dropping trou in front of an audience?"

I lean over to my friend, Jamie and say "I've lost a bunch of weight and don't have a belt. It'll probably happen tonight."

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"Hey, can I trouble you for a mask and snorkel, and maybe some fins? Size 11-ish?"

 

"Sure." (rummages behind the counter) "Here's the fins, and let me get this mask ready for you." (gets out a spray bottle and sprays the inside of the mask) "There, that'll keep it from fogging up on you."

 

"Oh good, that way I don't have to spit in it."

 

"It is spit."

 

(considers nearly-full spray bottle) "Filled that up all by yourself, did you?"

 

"Yup. It's perfectly aged."

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Guest Celt

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Friend: We saw a great movie the other day (thinks) The Men Who ... Watch Sheep?

Everyone Else: The Men Who Stare At Goats?

Friend, That's right! Goats, Sheep. Well, I guess Sheep would be Patrick.

Me (Patrick): WHAT?!?!

Everyone Else: (much laughter)

Me: I'm Irish, not Scottish!

 

Edit- insult to injury, this was at our ad hoc wedding reception.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Me: When we're together for a day, we remember why we got married.

When we're together for two days, we remember why we got divorced.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

She got the house, I got the palindromedary

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

At a birthday party, several people were taking photos and joking about them being "blackmail pictures."

 

me: "Nobody has ever taken a blackmail picture of me."

(several people gave me skeptical looks)

me: "But a lot of people have taken photos of me that they thought were blackmail pictures."

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Me: "I ran out of diet coke this morning, and had to top off my glass with caffeine-free."

 

Room-mate: "Isn't that like mixing matter and anti-matter?"

 

Me: "No...more like mixing matter and doesn't-matter."

 

 

Don't look at me,

Xavier Onassiss

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

In an email exhange with a creationist troll ( altho it looks like I scared him off, by giving the example of hyena reproduction in response to his claim that god is kind to animals )

 

"On the contrary, religion features heavily in most of my games. As an entertaining fiction that offers heaps of character motivation, endless amounts of drama, and excuses for any kind of atrocity. Just like real life"

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Driving around and criticising the Christmas lights...

 

Me : Where's the Martian War Machines? I'm sure you could do a perfectly good Tripod Deathmachine with christmas lights...

Purrdence : YOU would....

 

Me: Hmm. haven't seen lights that colour before. I could a nice educational display about blue-green algae with those. Perhaps with a illustration key on a plaque by the mailbox, so people could tell what species was what.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Me: "You realize that before you can get your learner's permit you'll have to lose the hat."

 

Daughter: "WHY?!? I LOVE my new hat."

 

Me: "Because wearing a hat while driving makes you into a terrible menace to everyone else on the road."

 

Daughter: "I don't believe you."

 

Me: "That's because you don't drive yet so you aren't paying attention to the other drivers. Get behind some little old man in a pork-pie hat and he's guaranteed to be doing 20 MPH below the speed limit and straddling the lane boundary. Get some young punk wearing a baseball cap backwards behind you and he'll have his d*** car stereo up around 7.9 on the Richter scale and he'll do his d***edest to push you into the ditch as he passes you illegally in a school zone. Get some mouthbreathing country-music-loving trucker wearing a greasy gimme cap and driving an 18-wheeler (or G*d help you a logging truck) behind you on the highway and he's gonna do his 64 MPH no matter what the conditions are or the speed limit is or how much the traffic there is and he won't touch his brakes until you're already wrapped around his third axle."

 

Daughter: "You wear a hat in the car sometimes."

 

Me: "It was 22 degrees Saturday morning so yeah I wore my watch cap as the car warmed up. Then I took it off and I became a MUCH better driver. Your Uncle Scott wears hats while driving all the time, and he's a moron."

 

Daughter: "He's bald and wears hats to keep his head from getting sunburned."

 

Me: "How much sun gets through the roof of that junk truck he drives? None. Case closed."

 

Daughter:

 

Me: "Wear your hat if you want, but not while driving. You've got 3 and a half years before you can get a learner's permit, so you watch other drivers between now and then and see if I'm wrong."

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