Pariah Posted March 13, 2019 Report Share Posted March 13, 2019 4 hours ago, tkdguy said: I was showing one of my students, a little girl, my avatar and asked her if it looked like me. She said no. Me: Why don't you think it looks like me? Student: It's young! Ouch! Last year I was showing a group of students a picture of my daughter, and one of them asked, "Where did she get that dark hair?" "My hair used to be that color!" "Before you got old?" "...yes." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 13, 2019 Report Share Posted March 13, 2019 A couple of weeks back I met my daughter with a former student of mine outside my office after I got out of lecture; the two now are lab partners in the same Vertebrate Anatomy lab. The conversation was of no particular importance, but my former student was puzzled by something, which caught up with her the next day and she texted my daughter: "OMG!! Is Professor _____ your DAD?!??" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 13, 2019 Report Share Posted March 13, 2019 My mother was an elementary/middle school teacher in the district we lived in. I never had her as a teacher, but both of my younger brothers did. After being corrected multiple times for calling her "Mom" instead of "Mrs. _____" at school, my middle brother slipped up one day accidentally called her "Mrs. Mom". And that's what he and all his friends ended up calling her for the rest of their middle school careers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 15, 2019 Report Share Posted March 15, 2019 Excerpted from a short-in-count, long-in-words email exchange between me and someone else: Them: Thank you for this reply. How do you write such detailed and articulate emails so quickly?? .... Me: The "articulate emails" thing is actually a curse. Almost twenty years ago I told a colleague: "Someday someone will send me an email asking if I know how to write a short email, and my reply will be 3000 words long and boil down to 'No'." tkdguy, Pariah and Christopher 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 18, 2019 Report Share Posted March 18, 2019 "I think that if Debussy could hear Tomita's versions of his work, he would quit using orchestras and purchase a Moog Synthesizer instead." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 4, 2019 Report Share Posted April 4, 2019 "Total solar eclipses are a strange cosmic coincidence and a remarkable, awe-inspiring experience. But they are also a profound reminder that when the emotions, money and politics are stripped away, none of us, at our core, are science deniers." ~Bryan Gaensler tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted April 14, 2019 Report Share Posted April 14, 2019 My two daughters (ages 23 and 26) were playing a trivia game on the PlayStation tonight, and a series of questions came up on Fyodor Dostoevsky and Leo Tolstoy. They got every single question correct. This despite them referring to them as "Frodo Dostoevsky" and "Leo Toystory." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted April 14, 2019 Report Share Posted April 14, 2019 "Speaking of delusional, your cousin is coming over. " Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted April 28, 2019 Report Share Posted April 28, 2019 My wife and I are currently on vacation, and spent much of today driving. While going through Kentucky, I saw a police officer had pulled someone over far ahead on the right shoulder, so I pulled into the left lane, as did most other drivers. The person coming up behind me, however, pulled into the right lane just before getting to where the police car was so he could speed past everybody else. I commented that the guy was an idiot, and what he did was illegal. Wife: "Maybe it wasn't illegal. Different states have different laws. Maybe in this state, you're not required to change lanes when you're passing a police car on the side of the road... Me: (silently points to sign that is very conveniently placed less than a mile from where the cop had pulled someone over, which we are approaching as she's finishing her sentence) Sign: "STATE LAW: Pull over or slow down when passing a stopped emergency vehicle." Wife: Okay. So he's an idiot and what he did was illegal. Tom Cowan 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted May 8, 2019 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2019 On 4/27/2019 at 9:24 PM, BoloOfEarth said: My wife and I are currently on vacation, and spent much of today driving. While going through Kentucky, I saw a police officer had pulled someone over far ahead on the right shoulder, so I pulled into the left lane, as did most other drivers. The person coming up behind me, however, pulled into the right lane just before getting to where the police car was so he could speed past everybody else. I commented that the guy was an idiot, and what he did was illegal. Wife: "Maybe it wasn't illegal. Different states have different laws. Maybe in this state, you're not required to change lanes when you're passing a police car on the side of the road... Me: (silently points to sign that is very conveniently placed less than a mile from where the cop had pulled someone over, which we are approaching as she's finishing her sentence) Sign: "STATE LAW: Pull over or slow down when passing a stopped emergency vehicle." Wife: Okay. So he's an idiot and what he did was illegal. I note she never questioned that he was an idiot. Lucius Alexander Pulling over on a palindromedary tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted May 10, 2019 Report Share Posted May 10, 2019 "I dated Mother Theresa. That's why she decided to become a nun!" Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted May 17, 2019 Report Share Posted May 17, 2019 "clomping foot of nerdism" Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 17, 2019 Report Share Posted May 17, 2019 After an annoying afternoon at her job last weekend, daughter came home and was advocating the employees go storm the CEO's estate and start beheading his family (ending with him). With me having long been an advocate for counter-corporate action of extreme violence, all I could say was, "That's my girl." Pariah, tkdguy, IndianaJoe3 and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 29, 2019 Report Share Posted June 29, 2019 This is about what I DIDN'T say. Pharmacist: Take one pill at bedtime. And you shouldn't operate any vehicles taking these. Me (thinking only): Don't worry. I never drive when I'm sleeping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 29, 2019 Report Share Posted June 29, 2019 ...not on purpose, anyway. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 30, 2019 Report Share Posted June 30, 2019 "As soon as you're done eating that thing, go potty, please." "It's not a thing, Daddy. It's a cheese stick." "As soon as you're done eathing that cheese stick thing, go potty, please." L. Marcus and tkdguy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 6, 2019 Report Share Posted July 6, 2019 "Hopefully there are no ghosts and vampires there." "No ghosts, no vampires. Only demons." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted July 6, 2019 Report Share Posted July 6, 2019 On 6/30/2019 at 2:04 AM, Pariah said: "As soon as you're done eating that thing, go potty, please." "It's not a thing, Daddy. It's a cheese stick." "As soon as you're done eathing that cheese stick thing, go potty, please." The funny part is that you think that after eating a cheese stick anybody could go potty for the next several days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 16, 2019 Report Share Posted July 16, 2019 "The neighbors think we're crazy." "They're not wrong...." Tom Cowan, Cancer and Rails 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 17, 2019 Report Share Posted July 17, 2019 "Why is Josh Gates always looking for the Yeti?" "Because he's obsessed with that thing!" "He just hasn't found it yeti." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 17, 2019 Report Share Posted July 17, 2019 "...because the best way to evaluate the effectiveness of a professor is to solicit the opinions of a bunch of entitled teenagers/young twentysomethings, most of whom have no clue what's involved in trying to drag soneone else kicking and screaming from their ignorance. "Still better than high-stakes standardized testing, though." Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 18, 2019 Report Share Posted July 18, 2019 My only reservation about the above ... is based on my clearly demonstrated but long unused remarkable innate talent for standardized tests. (My daughter seems to have it also.) If I could bottle it and sell it, I would be a very wealthy man. tkdguy and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrosshairCollie Posted July 18, 2019 Report Share Posted July 18, 2019 "This is my #1 argument against intelligent design. If the human body was intelligently designed, there wouldn't be that spot in your back you can't scratch. You'd be able to scratch your whole damn back!" BoloOfEarth and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted July 18, 2019 Report Share Posted July 18, 2019 9 minutes ago, CrosshairCollie said: "This is my #1 argument against intelligent design. If the human body was intelligently designed, there wouldn't be that spot in your back you can't scratch. You'd be able to scratch your whole damn back!" Ah, but it pushed our early ancestors into creating tools to reach that spot in their backs. Or made them work with others to scratch each other's backs. Sometimes, what looks like a design flaw is actually a feature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted July 18, 2019 Report Share Posted July 18, 2019 How about biting the inside of your own cheek? That's pretty useless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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