BoloOfEarth Posted July 18, 2019 Report Share Posted July 18, 2019 Or ice cream headaches? (But I know the cure for those.) (Though one could say that biting the inside of your own cheek serves as negative reinforcement to teach you to slow down and pay attention to what you're eating.) Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted July 19, 2019 Report Share Posted July 19, 2019 My wife was watching TV, and switched the channel to Dr. Pimple Popper. Me: Ewww! How can you stand to watch that?! Her: It's medical! Me: So is a proctology exam. That doesn't mean I want to watch one! tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 25, 2019 Report Share Posted July 25, 2019 In the middle of the class, one student decided he wanted Dippin' Dots ice cream. So he asked me if he could go and get some, as there's a Safeway nearby. I wasn't having any of this, especially since he came to class 20 minutes late. That didn't stop him from begging for the rest of the session. At one point, he decided to channel Shakespeare. Student: I beseech thee. Prithee.... Me: I say thee NAY! Tom Cowan 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted July 27, 2019 Report Share Posted July 27, 2019 Years ago, one of my daughters typed up something on my computer when I had stepped away. It amused me enough that I printed it off and saved it. I recently discovered it, and decided to save a copy here for posterity. I LOVE YOU! YOU LOVE ME! WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY! HIIIII DADDY!!! I'M SPECIAL IN A SUPER DUPER SPECIAL WAY OF RAINBOWS AND AWESOMENESS THAT IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR AWESOMENESS!!! I SHALL RIDE A FEROCIOUS UNICORN WITH A LIGHTSABER HORN INTO BATTLE AND CONQUER YOUR LAME ARMY OF NOT-AS-AWESOME-AS-ME-NESS! I LIKE COOKIES AND CANDY AND COOKIES. I ALSO WOULD RIDE A DRAGON INTO BATTLE IF I HAD ONE BUT I DON'T SO I WON'T. Have a nice day. Hmmm... I have no idea where they got their weirdness... L. Marcus, Ternaugh and Pariah 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 27, 2019 Report Share Posted July 27, 2019 Overheard from a 20something at a farmers' market today: "It's like cash isn't actual real money." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 9, 2019 Report Share Posted August 9, 2019 "Don't you want to dance Zumba with your mother? It's the offer of a lifetime!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 9, 2019 Report Share Posted August 9, 2019 "Dark matter isn't squirrels!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 11, 2019 Report Share Posted August 11, 2019 OT: I think we created a joke exam question along those lines once, actually. "Estimate the space density of gerbils if the dark matter responsible for the Galaxy's rotation curve is in the form of gerbils. Comment on possible observational tests of this hypothesis." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted August 19, 2019 Report Share Posted August 19, 2019 Overheard a pre-teen girl yesterday say, "Why do they call them Rest Rooms? I've never fallen asleep on the toilet!" Also saw a sign I found unfortunately appropriate for me and my wife: "We don't skinny dip. We chunky dunk." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 19, 2019 Report Share Posted August 19, 2019 Night is as precious as day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 19, 2019 Report Share Posted August 19, 2019 My European shoe size is 'dog'. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 "You did your good deed for the day." "That's okay; I'll do something evil tomorrow to balance it all out." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 "Ugh! Of all the the architectural styles, it had to be Brutalist. I'd be okay with anything but Brutalist architecture." "Hey, I like Brutalist architecture!" "You are dead to me!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 "I've never been paid to sing, but I was once paid to stop singing!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 31, 2019 Report Share Posted August 31, 2019 A few weeks ago my five-year-old was telling me he needed something to drink. I jokingly asked him if he wanted swamp water. He told me, very matter-of-factly, "No. It tastes like crocodiles." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted September 4, 2019 Report Share Posted September 4, 2019 Prepare to die, you rotten turnip! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted September 4, 2019 Report Share Posted September 4, 2019 This is not from this week, but from some decades ago. One of my brothers were hanging out with his friends -- most of whom are of questionable intelligence -- and one of the guys was just sitting there, apparently deep in thought. After more than an hour, he stirs and says, "You guys, I've been wondering ... what does snot smell like?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 6, 2019 Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 ((We went to sushi place for our anniversary dinner this evening.)) [hours later] (enormous belch) "Ooh! Wasabi!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 6, 2019 Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 "Giraffe pimp." L. Marcus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 11, 2019 Report Share Posted September 11, 2019 "I promise not to judge you based on your race, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion, or political affiliation. But I will judge you based on your spelling and grammar, your use of your turn signal, and whether or not you believe that vaccines cause autism." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrosshairCollie Posted September 11, 2019 Report Share Posted September 11, 2019 "Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people." tkdguy, Ternaugh, Lord Liaden and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted September 12, 2019 Report Share Posted September 12, 2019 "If I can't rule the world, I'll eat it!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 12, 2019 Report Share Posted September 12, 2019 “I am a cage, in search of a bird.” ― Franz Kafka Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ternaugh Posted September 18, 2019 Report Share Posted September 18, 2019 "Well, I get a lot of messages from Corporate." -- my response to a co-worker's question about my incoming message tone on my work phone. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 19, 2019 Report Share Posted September 19, 2019 Try this one. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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