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Quote of the Week From My Life.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

ME: "Velociraptors make terrible pets."

Steve: "I know. We learned that with our other sister."

ME: *sniff* "I miss Betty."

Ashley: "You guys had a sister?"

 

Jamie: "There's nothing there but incest and ignorance."

ME: "They should put that on the brochure."

 

Nate rolls a *cheater's* d20 and gets a 3

Me: "Uh... You should probably cheat."

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Pete: "YES! I love huge burritos! Of course that is the gayest thing I like I think

I am not a big hot dog fan.. so burritos are my mouth phallus of choice"

 

Me: "There you go."

 

Pete: "SEE! That is what I am talking about! Totally awkward in conversation!"

 

Me: "This is awkward?"

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"Naked hot tub and a bag of wine is f***ing awesome."

"You, my friend, are a renaissance man."

JonB and Ali 12/18/09

 

"Why is there glitter all over the floor?"

"The Twilight guys came over."

"I heard their farts shoot glitter."

Steve, Ali and Jon B 12/18/09

 

"I'm halfway to Amy Winehouse."

Jamie 12/18/09

 

"I never hated the number one until I started playing D&D"

Jamie 12/18/09

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Purrdence: New Years. Would have been the due date if those symptoms back in May actually HAD been pregnancy :(

Me : Look on the bright side - at least you didn't give birth to a 12-pound virus

Purrdence: But think of all the presents we would have got!

Me : 20 bracelets, one for each protein spike? What colour would they be - Blue or Pink?

Purrdence: Yellow. Let's not force gender roles on our virus

Me : What would we call it, anyway?

Purrdence : Connie, for contagious?

Me : Or Gus, for Gustroenteritis?

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Me and a friend went Christmas shopping. We got there when the mall opened, and were leaving around 11am. As we walked our packages to his car, we were 'followed' by a largish SUV. Annoyed, my friend suggested dropping off the stuff we had, then going back to the mall for lunch. So...

SUV: honks horn, Driver sticks head out window, "Hey! I was going to use that space!"

SHF: We're not done with it yet. Give us another hour.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Me and a friend went Christmas shopping. We got there when the mall opened, and were leaving around 11am. As we walked our packages to his car, we were 'followed' by a largish SUV. Annoyed, my friend suggested dropping off the stuff we had, then going back to the mall for lunch. So...

SUV: honks horn, Driver sticks head out window, "Hey! I was going to use that space!"

SHF: We're not done with it yet. Give us another hour.

 

:rofl: Love it!

You have given out too much Reputation in the last 24 hours, try again later.

 

Bummer!

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

A former co-worker and her husband went to see their kid sing at an elementary school recital. After the first song...

She: Why aren't you clapping? That's your son up there!

He: Yeah, but they SUCK!

 

Heh, at least their kid sang. Mine didn't even try.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

My aunt went to her first children's recital as a grandmother, proudly waiting for her Granddaughter Morgan and the other kids to do their thing.

 

At this point I should point out that Morgan was the oldest child in the recital...at age 2

 

"Why did I get dressed up for this?"

 

I love my family.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

That reminds me of one from before the holiday program that I forgot about.

 

"I don't like wearing this on my head."

 

"But it's part of your shepherd costume."

 

"I don't want to wear a shepherd costume! I want to be a Transformer!"

 

"You know, that would be totally awesome, but this is for Christmas, so boys have to be shepherds and girls have to be angels. And you are no angel."

 

"I still don't want to be a shepherd."

 

(sigh) "You get to carry a stick."

 

"Ooh! Ooh!"

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

For this year's Christmas season, I offered my students an opportunity to earn a little extra credit. The assignment was Chemistry Carols—in other words, some chemistry-related lyrics set to a recognizable holiday tune. Oh, and to get full credit, they had to perform it in front of the class. I got a lot of interesting submissions, but this one, from one of my AP students, was the best.

 

The Twelve Days of Chemistry

 

On the twelfth day of AP Chem, Mr. M gave to me:

* A twelve page chapter test,

* Eleven pounds of flash cards,

* Ten tiny test tubes,

* Nine moles of magnesium,

* Eight graduated cylinders,

* Seven nerdy jokes,

* Six grams of iron,

* Five hours of homework,

* Four little beakers,

* Three sexy aprons,

* Two unbalanced equations,

* And a pop quiz arbitrarily.

 

Even though she didn't perform it in class, she's getting full credit. :thumbup:

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

I heard the following on a call-in radio program this morning. A caller told about his grandfather, who said: "It's the friction between minds that strikes the spark of truth."

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Nice to see that Purrdence's Smut Field even affects planning meetings

 

 

'Four Inches is enough" promptly followed by "we usually get 10"

We were actually talking about Tin Duck trophies

 

At Angriest's NYE Party

 

Sturgeon's Jude Law - 90% of Jude Law's film are crap

 

And Purrdence about a slightly gullible acquaintance

 

"Of course this was the same person I convinced another club member walked into sunlight and burst into flame"

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

me: "I've had three kinds of jobs.

Some, you didn't need to be crazy to work there, but it helped.

Some, you did need to be crazy to work there, so they hired their employees accordingly.

And the rest, you did need to be crazy to work there, so they provided on-the-job training."

 

A coworker was talking to my boss:

boss: "Are you laughing at me."

coworker: "No..."

me: "She's not lauging at you. She's laughing near you."

boss: "And pointing."

 

choir director: "The problem we are having ... and by 'we' I mean 'not me' ..."

 

In our choir, one tenor is married to an alto. That tenor was figuring out how to pick out the tenor note.

tenor: "The tenors' note is the same as the altos' note."

me: "So for once you'll have to listen to your wife."

 

At my first post-40 physical.

Doctor: "Turn your head and cough."

me: (cough) "This isn't exactly my favorite part of the physical."

Doctor: "Just be glad that you're not forty yet."

me: "I turned 40 three weeks ago."

Doctor: "Then face the exam table and bend over." :eg:

(afterward)

me: "Now I have a new least-favorite part of the physical."

 

At a New Years party.

hostess: "I'm going to scrounge up some food."

(She promptly walked into the bathroom.)

me: "In there?" :idjit:

 

My girlfriend is significantly older than me.

my girlfriend: "Our relationship works because I'm immature for my age."

 

The head of the Unitarian General Assembly: "We aren't marking time in this life, waiting for our 'real life' to begin. While we can't agree whether there is life after death, we're all certain that there is death after life."

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