Guest Celt Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 Re: Darwin Award waiting to happen [snip] Bum: I think ... maybe I need to stop thinking. Me: Maybe you need to start thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enforcer84 Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. It was a great weekend for quotes... Me: When she gets old enough, I plan on taking my daughter to The Happiest Place On Earth! Her: Disneyland? Me: Tijuana! Her: Me: C'mon, kids love stuff like that! They like animals, and Tijuana has Donkey Shows! They love Jello -- Jello shots! Her: You're going to be a great father, you know that? You know your daughter is going to become Amish' date=' don't you?[/quote'] That's all part of his plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemming Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. That's all part of his plan. Guess we better link this now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. At the wine store, I saw a wine called "Odd Lot." I decided to buy it. Me: I read the label and immediately thought of my friends. Clerk: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. At the wine store, I saw a wine called "Odd Lot." I decided to buy it. Me: I read the label and immediately thought of my friends. Clerk: I felt much the same way the first time I saw a bottle of EFFEN® Vodka Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrosshairCollie Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Whispered to my wife during the first 10 minutes of Cars 2: "So, I guess they've got the spy movie car chase thing down cold ..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 18, 2011 Report Share Posted July 18, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Me: "After due consideration, I decided I did not want to know how the bumblebee got into the chocolate chip bag." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 18, 2011 Report Share Posted July 18, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I used a chemistry analogy to explain to a student how Algebra is the building block of higher Mathematics. "Numbers and symbols are the protons, neutrons, and electrons. Basic Arithmetic is an atom. Algebra is a molecule. This is, of course, the nerdiest analogy I've ever come up with, but there you have it." Student: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Coworker: You can too get pregnant through oral sex! Me: Only if you're doing it wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enforcer84 Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Then you promptly shot them, right? RIGHT? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Celt Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. "Sometimes I think I'm too arrogant. But stupid people keep showing up to prove me wrong." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 24, 2011 Report Share Posted July 24, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Conversation about a commercial that has Santa Claus partying. "That's supposed to be Santa on summer vacation." "Santa is allowed to have a vacation." "But who will mind te toy factory?" "Rudolph." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted July 24, 2011 Report Share Posted July 24, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Conversation about a commercial that has Santa Claus partying. "That's supposed to be Santa on summer vacation." "Santa is allowed to have a vacation." "But who will mind te toy factory?" "Rudolph." Well, he's a bright one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted July 28, 2011 Report Share Posted July 28, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Co-worker: Are you limping? Me: Yep. Co-worker: What happened? Me: I walked down to Venice Beach last night. Got into a fight with a couple of guys. One of them pulled a knife and stabbed me in the foot, if you can believe that. Co-worker: Really??? Me: No, not really. Well, I did walk to Venice Beach, but nobody stabbed me. Just over-extended myself is all. Co-worker: :visibly relieved: Oh, thank God. With Venice Beach, you never know! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted July 28, 2011 Report Share Posted July 28, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Co-worker: Are you limping? Me: Yep. Co-worker: What happened? Me: I walked down to Venice Beach last night. Got into a fight with a couple of guys. One of them pulled a knife and stabbed me in the foot, if you can believe that. Co-worker: Really??? Me: No, not really. Well, I did walk to Venice Beach, but nobody stabbed me. Just over-extended myself is all. Co-worker: :visibly relieved: Oh, thank God. With Venice Beach, you never know! First thought: Venice Beach, the world's largest outdoor insane asylum? 2nd thought: Teh Bunny lives near where I grew up? 3rd thought: Which Venice Beach. I grew up near the one in California. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted July 28, 2011 Report Share Posted July 28, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Yes, that's the one -- Venice Beach, CA. I don't live here, I'm just in the area for a couple of days for business. A big outdoor asylum is pretty accurate, but it was fun. I've never seen so many "medical" marijuana places packed into so small an area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 29, 2011 Report Share Posted July 29, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Me: Do you know who the President is? Student: I don't know. Me: Obama is the President. Student: Oh yeah! Me: Do you know who the Governor of California is? Student: The guy on the one-dollar bill? Me: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted July 29, 2011 Report Share Posted July 29, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Friend assuring me about GenCon: "Relax. Seems like the folks who want to meet you already like you , at least a little." Me: "I know it's silly, but I'm a nicer person on the boards than I am in real life." Friend: "Nonsense. You're the same, it's just on the boards you get to edit out the crazy." Me: "Hence the problem!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted July 29, 2011 Report Share Posted July 29, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. More excitement from my evening at Venice Beach! A note: When I travel, I keep my little white stuffed bunny in my backpack, poking his head out the top. He generally faces behind me. This crazy homeless guy is walking along the beach at about the same pace as I am. I'm listening to him as he keeps up this steady patter of dialog with himself, not hardly even stopping for breath. Mostly it's nonsense, just a random string of words, but some of it was about how white people are keeping him down. Then I pass him... Crazy Homeless Guy (walking behind me) Ohhhh, there it is. A rabbit! And a white one! I knew it was gonna come to this, I always knew it, deep down. It had to come to this. There he is, glaring at me, staring at me. They say you shouldn't be afraid of a rabbit, but I know. I know, and he knows, and that's why he's watching me. He doesn't even blink. Goddamn, that is creeping me out, how he doesn't blink! I always knew it would come to this, and now here it is. I'm scared, and I'm not afraid to say it. White-ass rabbit! Black Guy Selling Something: Hey, bro, you look like a pretty cool guy! Me: Uh... I'm a middle-aged white dude. How could I possibly look cool? Black Guy: [pause] Well... um... your shirt is pretty cool. Rasta Selling Something: Hey, mon! Me: (walking past) Jah love, mon. Rasta: Irie, mon! Rastafari? Me: No, mon. Not even a little bit. Jah don't love me. Look at me. I'm the oppressor! Rasta: (laughing) OK, yeah. 'scool, mon. Me: (laughing) One love, mon. Peace. Guy Trying To Sell Me Something: I just need $5. Me: Are you married? Guy: What? Me: Are you a married man? Guy: No, man, I ain't married. Me: I knew that -- because if you were married, you'd know that my wife gave me $5 when I left the house this morning, and she said that this was all the money I got to spend today. And since I had lunch earlier, that means I already spent it. Guy: Oh. Me: And if I spend any more than that, then I will be sleeping on the beach tonight. Guy: Uh huh. Well... Me: And I'm pretty sure I don't want to do that, know what I mean? So, thanks but no. There were more "medical" marijuana places per square foot along Venice Beach than I'm pretty sure there are anywhere else in the entire world, combined. There's a cute girl in a white doctor's coat (and short-shorts, and sandals) standing outside of one... Me: So are you a real doctor? Her: What we do is, you come in and we evaluate your symptoms to see if you can qualify for a prescription. Me: What if I told you that my symptoms are "I'm not completely and utterly stoned right now"? Her: (hesitating) Well... Me: That wasn't a "no"! Her: Well, you need to have legitimate symptoms -- glaucoma, back pain, stress... Me: So, being sober isn't really a symptom? Her: (hesitating) No... not really. But if you have anything else... Me: Nope. Apart from that, I'm good. But thanks! Homeless guy on a bicycle is pacing me, staring at me. Then… Guy: You’ve got a rabbit! Me: Yes, I do. Guy: Can… Can I pet him? Me: Sure, go for it. Guy: [pets the bunny] He’s soft! And… ow! He bit me! Me: Well, you probably upset him, is all. Guy: I know two people who’re named “Bunny.” One’s a drummer in a band, and one’s in a wheelchair. Me: Well, now you know three, ‘cause that’s what people call me, too. Guy: No way! You’re named Bunny? My name’s David. Me: Pleased to meet you, David. Guy: I am really high right now. Me: Yes, I can tell. Guy: See, my doctor has me on Paxil, but my buddy had some extra Wellbutrin so I took some. 30 milligrams, man, and I am flying. I am just in a crazy good mood, you know? It’s like, the whole world opened up. I am literally flying. Me: Uh huh. Guy: It’s like, I want to sleep but I’m already dreaming, you know? Am I making sense? I don’t even know if I’m making sense. Me: Yeah, I grok you, man. Guy: See, I knew you would! I knew you’d know what I was talking about when I first saw you. Me: That’s me, man. One with the universe. Guy: Me too! Me too! So I accidentally took too much of the Wellbutrin, right? Three days in a row. Me: Three days in a row doesn’t sound like it was an accident to me, bro. Guy: No, but hear me out. I went to my doctor and told him to put me on that stuff too, and he gave me 10mg. I think next week I’m going to go back to him and try to get him to up the dose to 20. And then to 30. Because this stuff is good, you know? Me: I can see that. Guy: So my buddy’s got some extra, and he’s sharing it with me until I can get my new prescription. Me: I can see that he’s a good friend. Guy: The best, man, the best. Anyway, I gotta go! My name’s David! Me: See ya around, David. Keep it real. Guy: Later, Bunny! Hermit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted July 29, 2011 Report Share Posted July 29, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I'm not one for reality shows, but I might just watch yours Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SatinKitty Posted July 29, 2011 Report Share Posted July 29, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I took Wellbutrin for years for depression. It neither made me high nor was it addictive. I had to stop taking it because it made me gag on all my food. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted July 29, 2011 Report Share Posted July 29, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I'm not one for reality shows' date=' but I might just watch yours [/quote'] It doesn't seem very realistic to me. Maybe if we add Gary Busey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted July 29, 2011 Report Share Posted July 29, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I would totally do a buddy-flick with Gary Bussey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrix3 Posted July 30, 2011 Report Share Posted July 30, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I would totally do a buddy-flick with Gary Bussey. That...would be insanely cool. Or insanely scary. Either way, I would have to watch it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted July 30, 2011 Report Share Posted July 30, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I took Wellbutrin for years for depression. It neither made me high nor was it addictive. I had to stop taking it because it made me gag on all my food. Well, if this homeless dude is taking Welbutrin and Paxil... the way he talks about the world opening up... Paxil was the first antidepressant I was on, and one of the (few) good side effects was that I was able to remember my dreams. So, who knows what those two drugs combined would do to a person? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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