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Quote of the Week From My Life.


Lucius

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"Dad, we should hit strangers."

 

"What? Hit strangers?"

 

"Yes, we should hit them."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because strangers are bad. The teacher says we're not supposed to talk to them. So we should hit them to make them go away."

 

"...Okay. I think you got the gist there, which is good, but we need to work on the details."

Me: "Have you ever met a stranger like me before?"

Kid: "No."

Me: "Then we must be friends!"

 

Probably an old Groucho Marx schtick, I think. :P

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

I grew a goatee over the Thanksgiving weekend, and a few students noticed it. Especially one young girl.

 

Student: Carlos, you grew a beard!

Me: I'm not really Carlos. I'm actually his evil twin. When the real Carlos comes back, you'll see he's clean-shaven.

Student (after staring at me incredulously for a couple of seconds): YOU'RE LYING!

Me: Of course, I'm lying; I'm evil! :sneaky:

 

....how old is this student?

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

But that would ruin the joke. My cryptic quotes and actions would lose their gravitas if my students learned they actually came from old songs and TV shows.

 

Kids have no sense of time or age. You could always say, "Yeah, that show really ripped me off, didn't they?" and I bet they'd buy it.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Here's my favorite thing that's happened in a while. I'm calling a customer, telling him his pants have arrived from the warehouse to be fitted. Names have been changed for professional reasons.

 

Me: Hi, Mr. Smith, I'm calling to tell you that your pants are in to be fitted. You can fit your second suit at any time.

 

Mr. Smith: What about the first one? Can you look and see if that's in?

 

Me: Hold on just one second. (Watching Shipper open shipping box from tailoring service.) I'll take a look.

 

After getting off hold

 

Me: Mr. Smith?

 

Customer: Yes?

 

Me: How about three feet to my right?

 

Customer: That's pretty good.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Kids have no sense of time or age. You could always say' date=' "Yeah, that show really ripped me off, didn't they?" and I bet they'd buy it.[/quote']

 

True, although just to clarify, none of the kids I told that I was my evil twin believed me. Their incredulous looks were the "WTF has this guy been smoking?" kind.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"Dad, we should hit strangers."

 

"What? Hit strangers?"

 

"Yes, we should hit them."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because strangers are bad. The teacher says we're not supposed to talk to them. So we should hit them to make them go away."

 

"...Okay. I think you got the gist there, which is good, but we need to work on the details."

 

Reminds me of this article.

 

In the car, I explained to this 10 year old where I would be and that they would watch a movie. Unfortunately the preview threw this kid into a full-fledged panic. He said, “Oh, no, I can’t do that. Oh, no. No way. I’m not supposed to be somewhere alone or I’ll be abducted.”

 

I asked, “Who is going to abduct you?”

 

“The people,” he said.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

True' date=' although just to clarify, none of the kids I told that I was my evil twin believed me. Their incredulous looks were the "WTF has this guy been smoking?" kind.[/quote']

 

Reminded me of a pair of twins (Identical, of course) about 9 years old, both wearing the same T-Shirt: "I'm the EVIL twin!"

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"Dad, guess what we made in school today!"

 

"What?"

 

"Picture frames!"

 

"Wow, really?"

 

"And we're going to put pictures in them tomorrow!"

 

"That sounds really neat."

 

"And then we're going to wrap them!"

 

"What a nice present!"

 

"Yeah! But we can't tell you!"

 

"Really? Why not?"

 

"It's a surprise!"

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

In the office with the boss (Jim) and one of my co-workers (Jose).

 

Jose: So, Jim... what are we getting for Christmas this year?

 

Boss: Probably two lumps of coal.

 

Me: Oh, time to re-gift.

 

Boss: That's what I'm doing with the lump of coal.

 

Jose: (to me) So, how many times you think that lump of coal's been re-gifted?

 

Me: I'm guessing it started out as a fruitcake....

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

A friend of mine on FB: I just saw an ad for "The Perfect Holiday Gift!!!' I don't have much time for organized religion...or organized atheism, for that matter, but this makes me twitch in my brain:$25 or $50 gift cards for Hooters.

Which one would Jesus prefer?

 

My comment: Considering that Christmas is nothing more than a Pagan holiday in a poor disguise, I think that giving the gift of Hooters is perfectly in-line with the spirit of the season :)

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

A friend of mine on FB: I just saw an ad for "The Perfect Holiday Gift!!!' I don't have much time for organized religion...or organized atheism, for that matter, but this makes me twitch in my brain:$25 or $50 gift cards for Hooters.

Which one would Jesus prefer?

 

My comment: Considering that Christmas is nothing more than a Pagan holiday in a poor disguise, I think that giving the gift of Hooters is perfectly in-line with the spirit of the season :)

LOL, repped! :P

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"They used to call female sailors "Waves". It stands for 'Woman's Auxiliery Volunteer Emergency Service'".

"Yes, join the navy and ride the waves!"

"That's awful."

"That's why they changed it to Winds". "Women in Naval Department Service."

"Join the navy and let the Winds blow you!"

"Get him!"

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Backstory: At work today, one of the junior Security techs got a pretty bad piece of malware on his laptop (the fake XP Anitivirus 2012 to be exact). So, I replaced his hard drive and imaged it while my friend and co-worker (and his senior in the Security department) mercilessly ribbed him about it. When I returned the unit to him...

 

She: Now have we learned our lesson yet?

Him: (sheepishly) Yes.

She: Are we going to take better care in web surfing now?

Him: Yes. I hope this never happens again.

She: Hope? Hope!? There is no hope - there is only you!

 

((Yes, yes... she was trying to make the point that "hope" is a poor substitute for due-diligence. But there was no way I could let an opening like that go...))

 

Me: Oh, what a great way to put it! ::booming voice:: "There is no hope! There is only you!"

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