Quote of the Week From My Life.

[MisterVimes]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

*says something witty about vegetables*

 

Cheeky monkey

[L. Marcus]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Ook eek!

[MisterVimes]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Ook eek!

 

Librarian?

[L. Marcus]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

You still have all your limbs, so no. ^^

[teh bunneh]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Me: Hey guys, I got some Mexican Coke for the game tonight!

Me: ...And by "Mexican Coke" I mean Coca-Cola, not cocaine.

Me: I just thought I had to clarify that. You know. On account of how this is me.

[martin4frogs]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Riding in my brother's car to something or other with my niece and her friend in the backseat. My brother said something to tease his daughter's friend. Then this exchange happens:

 

Niece's Friend: You're dad's evil! You're family is evil!

Niece: No we're not.

Niece's Friend: Yes you guys are. You're family is just evil!

Niece: We're not evil. We're...twisted. There's a difference.

 

I was proud of my brother's offspring in that moment. Especially since her friend gets fairly annoying and it shut her up.

[Cancer]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"Cookies made by Grandma are automatically better, because Grandma made them."

 

"That's not true."

 

"Yes it is."

 

"It depends on how long Grandma has been dead, says the man where that last detail is eighteen years."

 

(Pause) "Okay, that does nuance the question in ways I hadn't considered."

[Cancer]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Lets have a sprint or a jog or a marathon -- perhaps we can have a dash instead. Also a scrum' date=' and a pookledeepoo and some other nonsense words. It's simple, a project manager said: How can I justify my pointless job? I know, I'll create a BS method that creates more work and more paperwork and more meetinsg so it looks like I'm super busy while standing by and watching people who actually work.[/quote']

 

You left out the critical role for every project manager I had to work with: ... harass the people who do work with hundred-hour work weeks and mindless micromanaging "milestones" to drive them into making the impossible nonsensical deadline the PM set without consulting the actual scope of the work or whether it could actually work with existing technologies.

[bigbywolfe]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

My friends Travis and Lisa introducing their new born daughter to her grandma:

 

Travis: Look what I made!

Mom: I think Lisa helped a little...

Travis: Nope!

Lisa: *sigh*...

[matrix3]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

You left out the critical role for every project manager I had to work with: ... harass the people who do work with hundred-hour work weeks and mindless micromanaging "milestones" to drive them into making the impossible nonsensical deadline the PM set without consulting the actual scope of the work or whether it could actually work with existing technologies.

 

I worked with a project manager at a small company, and she was excellent at actually managing projects. She was soon hired by Intel, who then worked her to the bone flying her around the world to manage projects. I am awaiting news of her burnout...

[Old Man]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

You left out the critical role for every project manager I had to work with: ... harass the people who do work with hundred-hour work weeks and mindless micromanaging "milestones" to drive them into making the impossible nonsensical deadline the PM set without consulting the actual scope of the work or whether it could actually work with existing technologies.

 

The only question is whether the PM came up with the nonsensical deadline or whether that was imposed by higher/external personnel. Certainly this last job that I had had a lot of the latter. Customer wants their stuff installed and working in four weeks, order leadtime with Cisco is at least six. Customer has decided to change the scope of the project halfway through install, still wants to meet original deadline. That kind of thing.

 

Naturally every single one of these customers had the company CEO on speed dial and the order would come down to "just make it happen". I'm glad I'm not going to be there at end of year for the P&L statements and resulting housecleaning.

[teh bunneh]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Naturally every single one of these customers had the company CEO on speed dial and the order would come down to "just make it happen". I'm glad I'm not going to be there at end of year for the P&L statements and resulting housecleaning.

 

Been there, my friend. I used to work at a place that sold and rented durable medical equipment. One day, we got a call from a hospital that said they wanted 10 XYZ units by tomorrow. I check our stock and see we have none. So I tell them, "I can do one of two things. I can order more units from the manufacturer in France and have them shipped to you directly. It'll take maybe a week to get them there if we expidite it. Or I can send you 10 ZXY units, which are functionally the same thing just from a different manufacturer, and have them there tomorrow."

Grumble grumble on the other end of the line, then, "We'll call you back to let you know what we want."

 

Ten minutes later, I get a call from our CEO who says, "I need 10 XYZ units to this hospital, tomorrow."

 

I tell him the same thing I told them -- we ain't got them, but I've got a couple of options on what to do. "I don't care," sez he. "Make it happen."

 

[tkdguy]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"We're men, damn it! It's our right to be hairy!"

[matrix3]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Been there, my friend. I used to work at a place that sold and rented durable medical equipment. One day, we got a call from a hospital that said they wanted 10 XYZ units by tomorrow. I check our stock and see we have none. So I tell them, "I can do one of two things. I can order more units from the manufacturer in France and have them shipped to you directly. It'll take maybe a week to get them there if we expidite it. Or I can send you 10 ZXY units, which are functionally the same thing just from a different manufacturer, and have them there tomorrow."

Grumble grumble on the other end of the line, then, "We'll call you back to let you know what we want."

 

Ten minutes later, I get a call from our CEO who says, "I need 10 XYZ units to this hospital, tomorrow."

 

I tell him the same thing I told them -- we ain't got them, but I've got a couple of options on what to do. "I don't care," sez he. "Make it happen."

 

 

How did that go down? Was just "having a talk" in private enough, or did you have to ice that CEO and install someone more pliable?

[teh bunneh]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

How did that go down? Was just "having a talk" in private enough' date=' or did you have to ice that CEO and install someone more pliable?[/quote']

 

Pfft. I wish. No, what happened is that I performed a frickin' miracle. I contacted our various salespeople and the other hospitals we had equipment in, and had each of them rush-deliver all of the XYZ equipment they had/could spare to the hospital in question. So they got their 10 pieces of equipment the next day. Of course, the whole rigamarole ended up costing our company a fortune in next-day air charges (not to mention having to ship replacement equipment out to the guys who were willing to give up theirs).

 

But hey, I did exactly what he asked. And I even documented our conversation, complete with dates and times, and confirmed with him in writing that what I typed out was accurate, so that when they came back to me in a month to ask why the hell I blew $12000 on equipment and shipping, I could show them.

[Old Man]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

And that is exactly the kind of fire drill that was standard operating procedure at this last job. A shockingly high percentage of their customers were buddies with the CEO and probably wouldn't have been customers otherwise. Kind of hard to make money when you get a CEO make-it-happen mandate once or twice a week. I feel bad for the front line workers there, who are really resourceful, really good at CYA, and strangely prone to stress related health problems.

[teh bunneh]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Yeah, that place was a mess to work for. When their (the pres and CEO were husband and wife) niece graduated from college and couldn't find a job, they decided to hire her as their office manager (not that she was qualified in any way, but you know. Nepotism). A month later, she fired me for insubordination. Why? She walked into my office and said, "You have to move your desk over to that corner." "What?" says I. "But the light is terrible in that corner. Why do I need to do this?"

 

"Because I said so, and that's all you need to know."

 

Lucky for me, I got a much better job about a month later. I actually wrote them a thank you letter for firing me, else I never would have found that new job.

[Shadow Hawk]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Been there, my friend. I used to work at a place that sold and rented durable medical equipment. One day, we got a call from a hospital that said they wanted 10 XYZ units by tomorrow. I check our stock and see we have none. So I tell them, "I can do one of two things. I can order more units from the manufacturer in France and have them shipped to you directly. It'll take maybe a week to get them there if we expidite it. Or I can send you 10 ZXY units, which are functionally the same thing just from a different manufacturer, and have them there tomorrow."

Grumble grumble on the other end of the line, then, "We'll call you back to let you know what we want."

 

Ten minutes later, I get a call from our CEO who says, "I need 10 XYZ units to this hospital, tomorrow."

 

I tell him the same thing I told them -- we ain't got them, but I've got a couple of options on what to do. "I don't care," sez he. "Make it happen."

 

 

I have had this conversation many times during my navy career. The usual cycle for me was...

 

PO3: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

PO3: OK.

(5 minutes)

PO1: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

PO1: OK.

(5 minutes)

PO1: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

PO1: OK.

(5 minutes)

CPO: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

CPO: OK.

(5 minutes)

LT: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

LT: OK.

(5 minutes)

CPT: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry sir, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

CPT: OK.

Me: And before you call the Admiral, you know I'm going to give him the same answer.

[BoloOfEarth]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Talking to my out-of-state sister on the phone, and she mentions that her husband saw the Avengers movie and that she's going to see it soon.

 

Me: Okay, just be ready when somebody dies.

Her: Why does somebody die?

Me: It's a Whedon movie. Somebody *has* to die.

Her: Nobody died in Serenity.

Me: (chuckles) Yeah. "I'm a leaf on the wind!"

Her: What? What are you talking about.

Me: Wait... you were serious?!?

[Tom]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

I have had this conversation many times during my navy career. The usual cycle for me was...

 

PO3: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

PO3: OK.

(5 minutes)

PO1: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

PO1: OK.

(5 minutes)

PO1: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

PO1: OK.

(5 minutes)

CPO: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

CPO: OK.

(5 minutes)

LT: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

LT: OK.

(5 minutes)

CPT: I need xyz for 1st division asap.

Me: Sorry sir, we don't have them, they're on order and they'll be here next week.

CPT: OK.

Me: And before you call the Admiral, you know I'm going to give him the same answer.

I recall a similar conversation when the satcom went down and we were the squadron flagship.

 

The escalating rank/assigment of people asking me when it would be fixed finally stopped when I pointed out "I'd figure it out a whole lot faster if I didn't have to keep stopping to tell people that I wouldn't know until I isolated what the problem was in the first place."

[Old Man]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Which is why, in my former positions as a manager of engineers, I seemed to spend all my time keeping the layers of management above me from interfering with them while they tried to do real work. I suppose I should have realized this was a doomed approach from the outset.

[Klytus]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Which is why' date=' in my former positions as a manager of engineers, I seemed to spend all my time keeping the layers of management above me from interfering with them while they tried to do real work. I suppose I should have realized this was a doomed approach from the outset.[/quote']

 

My immediate supervisor has to do the same thing with me... and so far, it *has* worked.

 

I am currently the one-and-only guy on our team of six help desk techs who works with imaging and fixing the laptops. It's a Tech II position, which means I am no longer chained to the phones in the standard help desk call queue. It's also a full time job (actually a job and a half, but they refuse to hire a second full time hardware tech because there isn't the workload for it... which is BS) which keeps me very busy all day every day. And yet, every one in a while, upper management kept asking him, "Can we put Klytus back on the phones to help make sure we have full coverage?" To which he has always had to reply, "Absolutely not!" All modesty aside, having been doing this for 6 years, constantly tweaking and improving the process, my productivity is nothing short of amazing. And there is no way I could be anywhere near as productive if I had to take calls. We know this for a fact, because back when I first started, everyone on the help desk did hardware AND took phone calls. Once that changed, phone service and hardware service both got better. Yet they still seem to think that staffing shortages and coverage problems are best solved by getting the existing staff to do more work.

[Old Man]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

. Yet they still seem to think that staffing shortages and coverage problems are best solved by getting the existing staff to do more work.

 

Bingo. One of the running battles I was fighting up until recently was the sales reps' perpetual desire for shorter and shorter quote turnaround times. Given that the company was doing its level best to drive good engineers to our competitors, we were always short staffed, so my answer to those requests was always "as soon as you get me some headcount". The remaining engineers were already pushing 50 hours a week, past which they would just start making mistakes. If they wanted an engineer sitting by the bat-phone waiting for the call, then they needed to fund such a position. Of course hiring was never even considered as an option. I don't know why, even the most junior engineer was directly responsible for at least $2M in sales; management can't invest $80k in another one? Oh well, not my problem anymore.

[AmadanNaBriona]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"Despite all the chaos and insanity in your life, at least you're the guy who has women throwing off their clothes whenever he's around."

-One of my camping buddies this weekend, after the campful of lesbians next door discovered my dress-up bag

[teh bunneh]

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Yet they still seem to think that staffing shortages and coverage problems are best solved by getting the existing staff to do more work.

 

When I worked at Lockheed-Martin, we had the opposite problem (believe it or not!). Our technical writing crew was falling behind on the documentation, primarily because (a) The hardware wasn't finished yet, and you can't really document something that doesn't exist, and ( they kept changing the specs on us. So management's solution was to get a bunch more technical writers on staff!

 

So those of us who'd been on staff for a while had to stop what we were doing to train up the new guys, and then we had a bunch of new guys standing around with the rest of us, doing nothing while waiting for the hardware and the processes to finally get sorted out.

 

Someone on my team made a comment about "It takes one woman 9 months to have a baby... so if we hire nine women, we should have a baby in a month!"