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Quote of the Week From My Life.


Lucius

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Sister: I hear they have George Takei saying "Oh, my!" as a ringtone. That'd freak me out, though.

 

Me: Especially if they kept their phones in their pants. If I'm sitting in the bus, and I hear "Oh, my!" coming from near someone's groin, that'd freak me out!

 

Sister: :lol:

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

My daughter and her friend were watching the Star Trek remake, and enjoying the part where Bones is injecting Kirk with various medications.

 

Daughter: You know what would be cool? If Bones was on the Tardis with the Doctor.

Me: Then if someone asked him something about time travel, he'd say, "Dammit, I'm a doctor, not The Doctor!"

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  • 2 weeks later...

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

At Home Depot

 

Mistervimes: I need some #6 machine screws

Helpful Employee: How long?

Mistervimes: Long time, I'm hanging a ceiling fan

Helpful Employee: Yuk, yuk

Mistervimes: I used to work in a lumber yard. I've been waiting 25 years to use that line.

Helpful Employee: Well done, sir.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

At Home Depot

 

Mistervimes: I need some #6 machine screws

Helpful Employee: How long?

Mistervimes: Long time, I'm hanging a ceiling fan

Helpful Employee: Yuk, yuk

Mistervimes: I used to work in a lumber yard. I've been waiting 25 years to use that line.

Helpful Employee: Well done, sir.

 

well done indeed :D

the secret to comedy is timing, and waiting 25 years for the perfect straight line is epic timing...

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

I don't get it. :think:

 

They were asking about the length of the machine screw, but asked "how long" which can be defined as a length of time. It was a common joke in the lumber business regarding the length of wood. I didn't get to use it 25 years ago when I was a lumber yard manager.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

I'm visiting my brother and his family as they celebrate their first Father's Day; his daughter is seven months old. We decided to call Dad, back in Illinois, and my brother put him on speaker phone so everyone could hear.

 

The following exchange ensued...

 

Brother: "So what did you do for Father's Day?"

 

Dad: "Your Mom."

 

Me, and everyone else: :nonp:

 

 

 

I've occasionally been known to say something a bit off-putting. Ever wonder why? That's why.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

I'm visiting my brother and his family as they celebrate their first Father's Day; his daughter is seven months old. We decided to call Dad, back in Illinois, and my brother put him on speaker phone so everyone could hear.

 

The following exchange ensued...

 

Brother: "So what did you do for Father's Day?"

 

Dad: "Your Mom."

 

Me, and everyone else: :nonp:

 

Sounds like my dad. :yes:

 

But then wouldn't XO's dad get pissed at your dad? :winkgrin:

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Today, while I shower...

4-year-old son: Papa!

Me: Yes?

4yo: I gotta go potty!

Me: Well come on in!

seconds pass...

4yo: Oops.

Me: You didn't make it?

4yo: Almost.

Me: Did you wet your pants?

4yo: No...

Me: Did you poop in your pants?

4yo: Not in my pants.

Me: On the floor?

4yo: No...

I finally pull aside the shower curtain and look. My darling son had very nearly made it to the toilet. He was standing right in front of my pants, which I had left on the bathroom floor when I got in the shower. My son pooped in my pants, which let's face it doesn't happen every day.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

My almost 6 year old daughter had her first accident in a very long time the other day. It was partly her own fault (she was watching TV and not paying attention to her bladder), and partly our fault: she was momentarily stymied by the toilet lock we put in place to keep her 19month old brother from playing with the toilet and peed her pants just a little bit before she got the lock undone.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Taking a driver safety course. The instructor reviews DWI penalties around the world.

 

DI: In El Salvador the punishment for first offense? Death by firing squad! Bet you won't see a lot of Mexicans driving drunk there!

Me: Bet you won't see a lot of Mexicans, drunk or sober.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

More dialogue with me and The Wife...

 

Wife: I need to borrow you thingy-book.

Me: ::befuddled look::

W: You know! Your second book on chugga-wugga!

M: What?

W: You know! So I can look that up :: points to a stone pyramid we'd just bought earlier::

M: You mean my crystals book?

W: Yes! That's the one!

M: ::laughing:: Oh, obviously! I mean, "chugga-wugga" and "crystals" sound so much alike, its easy to confuse them.

W: You're making fun of me!

M: I'm marveling at the absurdities you come up with.

W: :: pouts:: You're making fun of me...

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