Cancer Posted May 25, 2012 Report Share Posted May 25, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. "For now, one thing is perfectly clear: Our teeth have not evolved a defense against sodas." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted May 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 28, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Hamsters don't go to Valhall. Not even if they die bravely in battle? Lucius Alexander The palindromedary wonders if all old Norse dogs go to Valhalla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbywolfe Posted May 28, 2012 Report Share Posted May 28, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Not even if they die bravely in battle? Lucius Alexander The palindromedary wonders if all old Norse dogs go to Valhalla Of course not. All Dogs go to Heaven. I saw a documentary that explained it once... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted May 29, 2012 Report Share Posted May 29, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. A fine example of Missing The Point™... Mom: I want to get a bicycle. Step-Dad: Wouldn't something like a Vespa be better? Mom: I want the exercise! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted May 29, 2012 Report Share Posted May 29, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Sister: I hear they have George Takei saying "Oh, my!" as a ringtone. That'd freak me out, though. Me: Especially if they kept their phones in their pants. If I'm sitting in the bus, and I hear "Oh, my!" coming from near someone's groin, that'd freak me out! Sister: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted May 29, 2012 Report Share Posted May 29, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. My daughter and her friend were watching the Star Trek remake, and enjoying the part where Bones is injecting Kirk with various medications. Daughter: You know what would be cool? If Bones was on the Tardis with the Doctor. Me: Then if someone asked him something about time travel, he'd say, "Dammit, I'm a doctor, not The Doctor!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 12, 2012 Report Share Posted June 12, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. "The Prodigal Son returns." "That's from Star Wars, right?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterVimes Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. At Home Depot Mistervimes: I need some #6 machine screws Helpful Employee: How long? Mistervimes: Long time, I'm hanging a ceiling fan Helpful Employee: Yuk, yuk Mistervimes: I used to work in a lumber yard. I've been waiting 25 years to use that line. Helpful Employee: Well done, sir. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nevelon Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. The Wife: Honey, come look, there are wild turkeys in the yard! Me: Cool, I just finished off the last of the Maker's Mark friday. Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John T Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. In a two-person conversation: Me: "Obviously, neither one of us has the slightest idea what you're talking about." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmadanNaBriona Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. At Home Depot Mistervimes: I need some #6 machine screws Helpful Employee: How long? Mistervimes: Long time, I'm hanging a ceiling fan Helpful Employee: Yuk, yuk Mistervimes: I used to work in a lumber yard. I've been waiting 25 years to use that line. Helpful Employee: Well done, sir. well done indeed the secret to comedy is timing, and waiting 25 years for the perfect straight line is epic timing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SatinKitty Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I don't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterVimes Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I don't get it. They were asking about the length of the machine screw, but asked "how long" which can be defined as a length of time. It was a common joke in the lumber business regarding the length of wood. I didn't get to use it 25 years ago when I was a lumber yard manager. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xavier Onassiss Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I'm visiting my brother and his family as they celebrate their first Father's Day; his daughter is seven months old. We decided to call Dad, back in Illinois, and my brother put him on speaker phone so everyone could hear. The following exchange ensued... Brother: "So what did you do for Father's Day?" Dad: "Your Mom." Me, and everyone else: I've occasionally been known to say something a bit off-putting. Ever wonder why? That's why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Sounds like my dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I'm visiting my brother and his family as they celebrate their first Father's Day; his daughter is seven months old. We decided to call Dad, back in Illinois, and my brother put him on speaker phone so everyone could hear. The following exchange ensued... Brother: "So what did you do for Father's Day?" Dad: "Your Mom." Me, and everyone else: Sounds like my dad. But then wouldn't XO's dad get pissed at your dad? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Like dad would care! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xavier Onassiss Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. No comment.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted June 19, 2012 Report Share Posted June 19, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. That's perhaps for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoneDaddy Posted June 20, 2012 Report Share Posted June 20, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Today, while I shower... 4-year-old son: Papa! Me: Yes? 4yo: I gotta go potty! Me: Well come on in! seconds pass... 4yo: Oops. Me: You didn't make it? 4yo: Almost. Me: Did you wet your pants? 4yo: No... Me: Did you poop in your pants? 4yo: Not in my pants. Me: On the floor? 4yo: No... I finally pull aside the shower curtain and look. My darling son had very nearly made it to the toilet. He was standing right in front of my pants, which I had left on the bathroom floor when I got in the shower. My son pooped in my pants, which let's face it doesn't happen every day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manic Typist Posted June 20, 2012 Report Share Posted June 20, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. You should have know immediately when he said "Not in my pants" as opposed to "No..." Sorry man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrix3 Posted June 20, 2012 Report Share Posted June 20, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. My almost 6 year old daughter had her first accident in a very long time the other day. It was partly her own fault (she was watching TV and not paying attention to her bladder), and partly our fault: she was momentarily stymied by the toilet lock we put in place to keep her 19month old brother from playing with the toilet and peed her pants just a little bit before she got the lock undone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted June 24, 2012 Report Share Posted June 24, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Out for a drive with the wife... Me: There seems to be a severe paucity of those. Wife: What does "paucity" mean? Me: ::chuckles:: Dearth. Wife: ::snarls:: That was not helpful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Celt Posted June 26, 2012 Report Share Posted June 26, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Taking a driver safety course. The instructor reviews DWI penalties around the world. DI: In El Salvador the punishment for first offense? Death by firing squad! Bet you won't see a lot of Mexicans driving drunk there! Me: Bet you won't see a lot of Mexicans, drunk or sober. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted June 30, 2012 Report Share Posted June 30, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. More dialogue with me and The Wife... Wife: I need to borrow you thingy-book. Me: ::befuddled look:: W: You know! Your second book on chugga-wugga! M: What? W: You know! So I can look that up :: points to a stone pyramid we'd just bought earlier:: M: You mean my crystals book? W: Yes! That's the one! M: ::laughing:: Oh, obviously! I mean, "chugga-wugga" and "crystals" sound so much alike, its easy to confuse them. W: You're making fun of me! M: I'm marveling at the absurdities you come up with. W: :: pouts:: You're making fun of me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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