SatinKitty Posted August 20, 2012 Report Share Posted August 20, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. That is just sick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrosshairCollie Posted August 21, 2012 Report Share Posted August 21, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I do so dearly love going to Pagan festivals where I get to spend time with other Pagans, kinky, and polyamorous folks. Otherwise, I'd never get to hear gems like this... "I could never have sex with her! She's like a sister to me. Moreso than my actual sister. Yes, I'm the father of her child, but that was via artificial insemination. There was no sex involved. As for my real sister, I'd totally do her. She's hot!" And his wife was standing right there, smiling joyously the whole time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted August 21, 2012 Report Share Posted August 21, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. In college, I was friends with a brother and sister. I was, in fact, in the brother's small group Bible study. One day I called her dorm to ask her out. Sarah: No, I'm just not looking for a date right now. Me: Okay. I understand. Sarah: Hey, you know my brother right? He's here. Chris, didn't you have something you needed to ask Frank? Chris (shouting in surprise): That's Frank! The next day or so, Chris said in the group (he asked me if he could do this first): Chris: Guys, there is a new member of the Rejected-by-Sarah Club. Heath: Growing group. Is she planning to be a nun? Chris: No. But the new member is Frank. Cheers from all around. Chris: Your liking my sister has no bearing on our friendship. You're a great guy, and I would be honored if she had said yes. Me: Thank you. Chris: And, Frank, I completely understand. The other day in the cafeteria, I spotted a girl with her back to me, and thought, "Wow, she is hot! Who is she? Wait, that's my sister! Argh!" Roomful of facepalms. Me: Was she wearing the white jeans and light pink top? Chris: Ye-es. Jeff: That is a really good outfit on her. Ken: I like the one she has with the- Chris: We can stop now. Really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted August 21, 2012 Report Share Posted August 21, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Boss: Apparently, Time-Warner is unaware that there is free porn on the internet. Me: Wait, there's porn on the internet now? When did this happen? Boss: I guess it's a new thing. Just started in the last week or so. Me: Well, that would explain why T-W was unaware of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted August 21, 2012 Report Share Posted August 21, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Am I to understand that the management of T-W pretends to be a bunch of home-schooled kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted August 23, 2012 Report Share Posted August 23, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Believe it or not, this exchange had nothing to do with politics. Friend: Oh wait, yeah, that was one of the bridges they burned a while ago...along with the Igivea**** bridge and the Yougetto******myair Bridge Me: That's a lot of bridges. You'd think they were vikings or something Friend: they do rape and pillage kind intent along the coastline of social discourse quite thoroughly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted August 24, 2012 Report Share Posted August 24, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Me: Better for 99 guilty to go free than one innocent unjustly punished. Other Guy: Only if the 99 guilty murderers have to live in your neighborhood. Me: OK, but you're the one innocent unjustly executed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. My wife to one of the housecats: Purrdence : Jiji! Get out of the Totoro costume!... Totoro goes in the cat, not the cat goes in Totoro. Probably more appropriate to the Cranky thread, but... Because of a rather aggravating decision ( because it means Purrdence loses her job ) at one of Purrdence's schools - Me : I don't understand why they're switching from teaching Japanese to Indonesian. Purrdence : Because Indonesia is next door. By that logic we should be teaching Maori. Or Penguin. I pity whoever teaches those students next year. Some of them are racist towards the Japanese because of World War Two - or so they claim. Its mostly an excuse not to learn anything. Imagine the fun when they're learning a language spoken by Muslims. *headdesk* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Daughter awakens quite grumpily and slams her bedroom door closed. Me: "If she's in this foul a mood for being woken at the crack of 10:30, wait'll she has her first hangover." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Discussing King Lear... Wife: "Blow winds and crack your cheeks. Everybody dies." Me: Is that really a line from the play? Wife: Well, the "Blow wind" part is, yes. Me: It sounds like he's describing an epic fart. Wife: Gee, thanks! I'll never be able to ever hear that line without laughing again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Celt Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. YuriPup: Did you see Michelle Obama's speech? Me: Nah. They had me at 'Not Romney'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoneDaddy Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Son: "Why do I have to clean my room first? That wasn't part of the deal!" Darth Me: "I have altered the deal. Pray I do not alter it further." Son: "This deal keeps getting worse all the time..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Celt Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Son: "Why do I have to clean my room first? That wasn't part of the deal!" Darth Me: "I have altered the deal. Pray I do not alter it further." Son: "This deal keeps getting worse all the time..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrosshairCollie Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. A positive rarity for me ... when my wife asks me two questions that I can answer with the exact same sentence. It was positively sitcommy. "The marriage license is in the glove compartment of the car ..." "No, it's not. It's on the computer desk." "What? When did I take it out of the car?" "I don't know, but you did." "For that matter, WHEN did I take it out of the car?" "I don't know, but you did." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Why was the marriage license in the car to begin with? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrosshairCollie Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Why was the marriage license in the car to begin with? My wife kept her own last name, so any time we do any kind of paperwork, we usually need to provide it to prove that we're actually married. It seemed simplest to just keep it in the glove compartment, because we never need it in the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. American bureaucracy, eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrosshairCollie Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. American bureaucracy' date=' eh?[/quote'] Pretty much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Maybe in his jurisdiction. We've never had the issue, and my wife kept her name; AFAIK there's never been call to document that we're married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enforcer84 Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. He lives in Missouri. I think that answers it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSgt Baloo Posted September 7, 2012 Report Share Posted September 7, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Why was the marriage license in the car to begin with? My wife kept her own last name' date=' so any time we do any kind of paperwork, we usually need to provide it to prove that we're actually married. It seemed simplest to just keep it in the glove compartment, because we never need it in the house.[/quote'] Adds new meaning to the phrase "License and registration please?" doesn't it? He lives in Missouri. I think that answers it. TSAR! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xavier Onassiss Posted September 8, 2012 Report Share Posted September 8, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. In the office today about 5pm, after about three hours of spreadsheet work. One of the field hands comes in. "How's everything going?" Me: "Almost done with the August production report." Him: (glancing over my shoulder at the computer) "Well, don't go crazy, okay?" Me: "Too late, it's a done deal." Him: "Your insurance covers that, right?" Me: (shaking head) "Pre-existing condition." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted September 8, 2012 Report Share Posted September 8, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Son: "Why do I have to clean my room first? That wasn't part of the deal!" Darth Me: "I have altered the deal. Pray I do not alter it further." Son: "This deal keeps getting worse all the time..." Raising a child: Ye'r doin' it rite! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted September 9, 2012 Report Share Posted September 9, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Out for drive... Wife: Oh, look over there! It's just like one of those New York City street festivals! Except it's not New York, and it isn't on the street. Me: But beyond that, it's an exact replica! Wife: Oh, shut up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted September 9, 2012 Report Share Posted September 9, 2012 Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Just now... Wife: Oh my God! Do you know you have a penny where the back is on backwards? That is so bizarre... :: pause:: ... OR your wife was just looking at it upside-down and was too stupid to realize it! Seriously, folks! You can't make this shit up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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