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Quote of the Week From My Life.


Lucius

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Daughter, after being picked up Sunday afternoon after attending a sleepover birthday party:

 

"It was a great party. The only bad thing that happened was me eating six pieces of cheesecake and a bunch of trailmix and drinking a two-liter of soda and then going out running in the rain with everyone else and puking it all up on the corner across the street. And that isn't bad, really."

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

(My wife and I are discussing the furniture in our house. She comments about wanting a wider computer chair.)

Me: "Or we could just get narrower butts."

Her: "I was trying to be realistic. My butt's not getting any smaller. I might as well tattoo 'Wide Load' across it and be done with it."

Me: "Worst. Tramp stamp. EVAR." (Beat.) "I take it back, second worst tramp stamp ever."

Her: "What's the worst?"

Me: "'How am I doing? Dial 555 ...'"

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

In the apartment complex we live in, there's a place in the parking lot for car washing, complete with a hose and vacuum. So one day, as we're driving past, we see a lady with a pair of dogs walking straight towards that spot.

 

Wife: Oh my God! She's going to vacuum her dogs!

Me: Um, I'm pretty sure she has something else in mind...

 

Sure enough, moments later, we see her pulling bags from the near-by doggy-poo bag dispenser.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Getting into bed last night, the wife has the headgear and tube for her CPAP machine...

 

Wife: I feel like an elephant.

Me: Moo.

Wife: ::laughs:: That's a cow, silly.

Me: I know, but I can't make an elephant noise.

Wife: ::tries to make some elephant noises:: Darn. Me neither.

Me: Then "moo" it is.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Maybe not quite on topic, but a quote I saw today that I thought worth sharing:

 

I don't want to sound gloomy, but, at some point of your lives, every one of you will notice that you have in your life one person, one friend whom you love and care for very much. That person is so close to you that you are able to share some things only with him. For example, you can call that friend, and from the very first maniacal laugh or some other joke you will know who is at the other end of that line. We used to do that with him so often. And then when that person is gone, there will be nothing like that in your life ever again

-- Christopher Lee, speaking of his friend Peter Cushing.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Carlos May for Congress, But Carson probably will.

 

Just wanted to say that before the election is over.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary notes that Lucius managed to name both candidates without actually endorsing either

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  • 2 weeks later...

Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Last night at the restaurant, my brother looks at the dessert menu, and says:

 

"What the heck is hummingbird cake?"

 

My awful reply:

 

"You'll like it... it's really crunchy."

 

 

...at which point we discovered my brother and I were the only ones at the table who had seen the infamous Crunchy Frog sketch on Monty Python. So he's glowering at me, I'm laughing at him, and everyone else is looking at both of us like WTF?

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Her: Yello.

Me: Jello. Yellow Jello! What would that be, mango-flavored?

Her: I think mangos are orange. It would be lemon jello.

Me: Lemon Jello? Wasn't he a blues musician from the 30s?

Her: I think that was Blind Melon.

Me: Can't be. Melons are pink.

Her: Cantalopes are orange.

Me: ...And we're pretty much back to where we started.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

"There's an article about how some of the animals during the filming of The Hobbit were kept on a dangerous farm."

"This is New Zealand we're talking about, right?"

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Her: Yello.

Me: Jello. Yellow Jello! What would that be, mango-flavored?

Her: I think mangos are orange. It would be lemon jello.

Me: Lemon Jello? Wasn't he a blues musician from the 30s?

Her: I think that was Blind Melon.

Me: Can't be. Melons are pink.

Her: Cantalopes are orange.

Me: ...And we're pretty much back to where we started.

 

Blind Lemon Jefferson.

 

Blind Melon is a mediocre "alt-rock" band from the 90s.

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Wife: I just had the most bizarre dream!

Me: You? (For the viewing audience, having bizarre dreams is very run-of-the-mill for her).

Wife: Very funny. But no, it was like the most bizarre dream ever!

Me: You mean... we were an average, normal family?

Wife: Whaaa?

Me: ::shrugs:: It was the most bizarre things *I* could thing of...

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Re: Quote of the Week From My Life.

 

Talking about The Wizard Of Oz...

 

"Where does the red brick road go?"

 

"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the red brick road - the story ends, you wake up in your bed in Kansas and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the yellow brick road - you stay in Oz and I show you how high the monkeys fly."

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