Xavier Onassiss Posted October 22, 2013 Report Share Posted October 22, 2013 It was decreed by Bondo, the Used Car God! Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted October 22, 2013 Report Share Posted October 22, 2013 When discussing a former co-worker with my boss. Me: "When he doesn't bother to call or show up for a week, it means he quit. If he doesn't understand that then he's a moron. Even if he is your nephew." Boss Laughs. "I know he is but you should be nice!" Me: "He doesn't work here anymore, so I don't have to." Boss laughs even harder. I should point out that any boss who laughs her butt off and agrees when you call her nephew a moron is a good person to work for. Especially when you are me. Pariah, mikeward2534 and L. Marcus 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbywolfe Posted October 23, 2013 Report Share Posted October 23, 2013 Where I used to work, that would be true. Our salesmen (project managers) keep good definitions because some of them have been burned by this kinda thing in the past. None as large as this one though. So what happened? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 25, 2013 Report Share Posted October 25, 2013 Wife: "Did you find the waxed paper?" Daughter: "I did." Wife: "Did you put it away?" Daughter: "I did." Me: "Who are you and what have you done with our daughter?" L. Marcus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted October 25, 2013 Report Share Posted October 25, 2013 So what happened? We rewrote the program to allow for three crops (actually, it can take as many crops as the admin sets up). Three weeks, almost full time on the project. However, since we could prove that the whole thing had been defined as 2 from the get go, the client paid for the modifications. The next phase is making the summary pages display more than 2 crops. He will also be paying for that. I felt like I won one with this guy! bigbywolfe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted November 12, 2013 Report Share Posted November 12, 2013 Terrestrial planets formed due to accretion in the mental and rock part of the inner solar system. This explains much, actually. Pariah and L. Marcus 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 Whilst waiting for the elevator at school yesterday: Student: "Why so lazy, Mr. _____? There is such a thing as stairs." Me: "There's also such a thing as arthritis." Student: <beat> "Oh." Drhoz 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 Last night: Me: "Okay, the kids are finally sleeping." Her: "Oh, I forgot to tell you, they still need to finish their homework." Me: "What the hell?! You were home with them all day long. You didn't bathe them, or feed them, or do their homework, or get rid of all this crap that's been on the dining table for three months. I put in nine hours on a doomed project, then raced home to feed and bathe the kids for you, and now I have to do a sink full of dishes and take out all the trash, and now I have to wake the kids up early tomorrow morning and force them to do their homework when it's already a struggle to get them to school on time every morning?! F___ ___." "Fantastic." Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted November 15, 2013 Report Share Posted November 15, 2013 After the toddler has yet again stolen the DVD remote Me: "One would think that with the wonders of modern technology, someone would have made a Universal TV Remote App!" My wife: "Then there would actually be a useful smartphone app!" Toddler: "phone!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoneDaddy Posted November 15, 2013 Report Share Posted November 15, 2013 Last night: Me: "Okay, the kids are finally sleeping." Her: "Oh, I forgot to tell you, they still need to finish their homework." Me: "What the hell?! You were home with them all day long. You didn't bathe them, or feed them, or do their homework, or get rid of all this crap that's been on the dining table for three months. I put in nine hours on a doomed project, then raced home to feed and bathe the kids for you, and now I have to do a sink full of dishes and take out all the trash, and now I have to wake the kids up early tomorrow morning and force them to do their homework when it's already a struggle to get them to school on time every morning?! F___ ___." "Fantastic." When I was the spouse f-ing up like that, I was having some serious clinical depression. The very best of luck to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted November 15, 2013 Report Share Posted November 15, 2013 When I was the spouse f-ing up like that, I was having some serious clinical depression. The very best of luck to you. It is gradually dawning on me that I might be dealing with something like that. The marriage counselor has made some hints in that general direction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted November 16, 2013 Report Share Posted November 16, 2013 Best wishes to you both, Old Man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 16, 2013 Report Share Posted November 16, 2013 "I'm a chemist! I don't need someone else to mix sugar and boric acid for me!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted November 22, 2013 Report Share Posted November 22, 2013 "You're not people; you're family!" Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted November 22, 2013 Report Share Posted November 22, 2013 Yesterday there was an attendance-mandatory session on what to do in the event of an armed, actively shooting intruder. Predictably with our hopelessly messed-up tech infrastructure, the presenter had problems with his Powerpoint, which led to an exchange I found amusingly apropos for the intended topic: "Escape out of it." "It's not responding." That first line was, of course, meaning "press the escape key to abort whatever it thinks it's doing," but... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted November 22, 2013 Report Share Posted November 22, 2013 Yesterday there was an attendance-mandatory session on what to do in the event of an armed, actively shooting intruder. Predictably with our hopelessly messed-up tech infrastructure, the presenter had problems with his Powerpoint, which led to an exchange I found amusingly apropos for the intended topic: "Escape out of it." "It's not responding." That first line was, of course, meaning "press the escape key to abort whatever it thinks it's doing," but... I'm imagining the irony if someone had pulled out a handgun and shot the computer... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 Attempt to show the intruder a Powerpoint? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianaJoe3 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 Attempt to show the intruder a Powerpoint? I doubt that will calm him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 I dunno, a properly formatted PP can be a thing of beauty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 I sincerely doubt such a thing exists. Or if it does exist, it is unique. Pariah and L. Marcus 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 24, 2013 Report Share Posted November 24, 2013 I sincerely doubt such a thing exists. Or if it does exist, it is unique. Like the R. O. U. S.? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted November 24, 2013 Report Share Posted November 24, 2013 I dunno, a properly formatted PP can be a thing of beauty. What kind of medication are you on? Can I have some? tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted November 24, 2013 Report Share Posted November 24, 2013 I'm not currently on any pharmaceuticals. Some may argue that this is what is wrong. Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted November 25, 2013 Report Share Posted November 25, 2013 The children's program at church involves superheroes this year. I was uncomfortable with this because it mixes Marvel and DC characters. But that's beside the point. It's also beside the point that the Hulk player will wear a savage Hulk costume but have a style of speech closer to the Professor and Joe Fixit. Yesterday, my wife, who is directing, was talking to the kid playing Cap. "You've had the script for a month. When I made you Captain America, you assured me you would learn your lines." "I know." "Look, you're the main character here. Without you, this falls apart. With great power comes great responsibility." Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted November 25, 2013 Report Share Posted November 25, 2013 That's astonishing. Superheroes are basically banned at the Sunday school and the Baptist preschool that my kids go/went to. Halloween is banned too. There is no way in hell that Captain America would be central to a church play here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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