Old Man Posted August 28, 2015 Report Share Posted August 28, 2015 *ring* "Hel--" "So did you survive your meeting with the auditor from hell?" "I'm not sure yet. She's still here in the office. You're on speaker, by the way." tkdguy, L. Marcus, FrankL and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted August 28, 2015 Report Share Posted August 28, 2015 Text I sent to my wife today while I was at work: The random s*** that pops in my brain: Do you think the Flying Spaghetti Monster prefers Alfredo or Marinara? Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted August 28, 2015 Report Share Posted August 28, 2015 *ring* "Hel--" "So did you survive your meeting with the auditor from hell?" "I'm not sure yet. She's still here in the office. You're on speaker, by the way." Ouch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted August 28, 2015 Report Share Posted August 28, 2015 One of one of my cousin's little troublemakers posted on Instagram: "Dear math textbook, please grow up and solve your own problems." https://photomath.net Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 28, 2015 Report Share Posted August 28, 2015 Don't mock the funny hats. They contain plastic explosives for emergency use! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 28, 2015 Report Share Posted August 28, 2015 "How time flies while you're spending $20,000." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 J. just got a hint from the Universe -- "On the label to my teabag it said 'You are what you eat.' In my other hand, I held a bunch of nuts." BlueCloud2k2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 "If today was a fish, I'd throw it back." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 One of the joys of having a trick ear (randomly miss letters and syllables). Head Pastor's wife: Friday I have to take my dad to the urologist to see about his Parkinson's. Me (thinking): Do what? Oh, I dropped the Ne-! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 I'd take trick ear over what I have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iuz the Evil Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 "What, do you want us to start means testing folks to let them walk through a public easement?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 "Do you really not know, or are you hoarding information again?" "I really don't know!" "So you say." "The data you requested is not available." "I get a permanent 404 error from you!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burrito Boy Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I was at the 99 cent store when some guy looking at the Halloween stuff picked up a witch decoration and told it, "You look scary. You look like I owe you money." Hermit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burrito Boy Posted October 3, 2015 Report Share Posted October 3, 2015 "Stay in touch, stranger." When she said that I got all warm and gooey inside, like a marshmallow over a campfire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 3, 2015 Report Share Posted October 3, 2015 Working on concept for a supernatural monster character in a Feng Shui 2 campaign. Such things have a monster form and a human form, can transform between those. Monster form is already complete, an anthropomorphic crocodile. Character's name is Arrrgh. From an email with the guy who puts together the custom character sheets: Had a sick idea for Arrrgh's human form. Google image search for "Asian dating sites". Choose a PG-13 rated pic of one of the nigh-identical babelets that appear from that. That's the human form's appearance. Human form's name, when one is needed, is 'Bootie Pie' or some homophonic respelling thereof." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Wife: Tomorrow we will have tapirs. Me: What?? (visions of large quadrupeds with funky noses in the house) Wife: Tapers. The guys who put tape and mud on drywall and sand it down. Me: Oooooooooh. Pariah, Lucius, tkdguy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted October 15, 2015 Report Share Posted October 15, 2015 "Gluttony has become my vice in my old age." "It's all good." "Not for my wallet, it ain't! Or my waistline, for that matter." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 15, 2015 Report Share Posted October 15, 2015 Yesterday during lunch I walked the four-five blocks to a supermarket, got a deli sandwich for lunch there and a container of salt which was needed for this week's lab. One of my students happened to be there, and she was in minor-crisis mode, as her debit card had been refused by the store; she was on her phone talking to her mom. She explained the situation to me, and my irreverent but immediate reaction was, "That's why we old people carry cash." She found this amusing, and passed it on to her mom, who for some reason also found it uproariously funny. I still don't really grasp why it's so funny, though. Burrito Boy and Lucius 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted October 15, 2015 Report Share Posted October 15, 2015 Humor -- contexual and personal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burrito Boy Posted October 15, 2015 Report Share Posted October 15, 2015 I don't get the humor either. I only carry cash. Never even had a debit card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted October 15, 2015 Report Share Posted October 15, 2015 I know too much about cybersecurity to ever use a debit card anywhere besides an ATM. And I always have to check the ATM for skimmers. Lucius 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 26, 2015 Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 Parent: "Let's have burritos with beans and cheese." Young child: "No cheese. I'm gonna smack cheese in the face. Hi-ya!" L. Marcus and Burrito Boy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 26, 2015 Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 "What other way are you going to learn about the network of secret conspiracies contending against each other to rule the world for all time, than to get it from the exceedingly toothy jaws of a demon from Hell?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted October 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 "What other way are you going to learn about the network of secret conspiracies contending against each other to rule the world for all time, than to get it from the exceedingly toothy jaws of a demon from Hell?" What game was that? Wait...this isn't the gaming quotes thread is it....? Lucius Alexander The palindromedary whispers to me that the Professor has spent too many hours staring deeply into the infinite abyss of the outer spaces, seeking to pry into the secret mysteries of alien suns.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 Actually, it was from after-session discussion of what went on during the game. Yes, the new PCs did learn about the conspiracies from my character, who is a supernatural netherworld creature. But that quote was not, strictly speaking, from the gaming table. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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