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My wife is doing a series at church on the founding of America, of course that means Pilgrims. As she's researching, she keeps finding new things related to what she's looking at and trying to figure

Last night my eldest (7) took all his remaining allowance and birthday money (~$40) and put it in an envelope to give to the church. He said, "The church needs it more than I do. It will help."   My

Student: "I notice that you've been getting more sassy with our class. Is that because you're starting to feel more comfortable with us, or because you're just getting tired of our bullcrap?"   Me:

Visiting father-in-law in the hospital; I happen to be there when his lunch arrives.

 

Nurse: "Today you got what you wanted ... the hot chicken sandwich. The gravy's a little ... strange, though."

 

FIL: "Strange how?"

 

N: "It's yellow."

 

Sure enough, take the cover off, and the "gravy" is yellow and transparent. Not quite like lemon gelatin that had failed to set, but that's an adequate analogy.

 

Me: "Oh, I recognize that. That's not chicken gravy. It's chicken pee gravy."

 

Fortunately father-in-law has a crude sense of humor like I have and was willing to eat his meal anyway.

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Me: America is a two party system.

Random Internet Person: No.

Me: It is. And Iceland has a parliament and a president.

RIP: Iceland has two parties.

Me: I don't think you're understand what a two-party system is.

RIP: And Ross Perot ran under another party. You are wrong. It is not illegal to have another party.

Me: I don't think you're understanding what a two-party system is.

RIP: You are a slave to the two parties.

 

Rinse, lather, repeat. Why, Facebook, why?

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Me: America is a two party system.

Random Internet Person: No.

Me: It is. And Iceland has a parliament and a president.

RIP: Iceland has two parties.

Me: I don't think you're understand what a two-party system is.

RIP: And Ross Perot ran under another party. You are wrong. It is not illegal to have another party.

Me: I don't think you're understanding what a two-party system is.

RIP: You are a slave to the two parties.

 

Rinse, lather, repeat. Why, Facebook, why?

"Because I know what you're talking about, therefore you're wrong, even though my three-paragraph post has at least one logical inconsistency per paragraph, as I beat a dead horse made of straw."

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In the Royal Rangers outpost I lead, one of the patrols has three brothers, two are twins (they have a fourth brother in another age group and two sisters). The brothers in Discovery Rangers are sized at wee, large, and extra-large. I always assumed that large and extra large were the twins. No. I found out that wee and extra large are the twins.

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My daughter is a delegate at today's district caucuses. It's about 4PM when I have my son text her about when they'll be home (it's my job to have dinner ready). Her response:

 

KILL ME NOW

 

I PRAY FOR THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH

 

WE'RE GOING TO BE HERE FOREVER

 

Nice to see that district caucuses haven't changed in 24 years.

 

Also nice to see that my daughter has *no* future as a politician.

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My daughter is a delegate at today's district caucuses. It's about 4PM when I have my son text her about when they'll be home (it's my job to have dinner ready). Her response:

 

KILL ME NOW

 

I PRAY FOR THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH

 

WE'RE GOING TO BE HERE FOREVER

Nice to see that district caucuses haven't changed in 24 years.

 

Also nice to see that my daughter has *no* future as a politician.

 

 

The Iowa republican caucus this year was rather painless and well scheduled.

 

OTOH, I know people who went to the D caucus and reported the above.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

"Are you for or against nuclear power."

 

"I'm for it."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because if we can't save the world, we can at least blow it up."

 

"Nuclear apocalypse..."

 

"Not as bad as it sounds."

 

"How so?"

 

"Look at it this way. If you live out your whole life and die a natural death, you'll die alone. At least in a nuclear apocalypse, everybody dies with you."

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