Steven Smithen Posted April 3, 2011 Report Share Posted April 3, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel I think that depends on whether the "Elves" are Tolken style or Sidhe Elves. If they are the latter' date=' you can trust to keep their word to the letter. In otherwords no. Tolkien Elves you would be more likely to be able to trust. Figuring out which they are would be a trick. Tossing iron to a Faerie Elf would PO them and you don't want to PO the Fae.[/quote'] Also, you have to remember that the Sidhe Elves will also make sure that whatever you get them to agree to will benefit them more than it ever will you. You would have a better chance making a deal with the devil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Weapon Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel Also' date=' you have to remember that the Sidhe Elves will also make sure that whatever you get them to agree to will benefit them more than it ever will you. You would have a better chance making a deal with the devil.[/quote'] It's possible to make a good deal with the fairies, sidhe, or elves, it's just not very likely. Just remember the exact terms and learn to exploit their peculiarities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midas Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel I think that depends on whether the "Elves" are Tolken style or Sidhe Elves. If they are the latter' date=' you can trust to keep their word to the letter. In otherwords no. Tolkien Elves you would be more likely to be able to trust. Figuring out which they are would be a trick. Tossing iron to a Faerie Elf would PO them and you don't want to PO the Fae.[/quote'] Remember not to take Tolkien's elves' advice, for they will say both no and yes. (/geekmode) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susano Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel And do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, as they are subtle and quick to anger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel The most important question to get an answer to is' date=' "Can I trust the elves?"[/quote'] The problem, I think, is that entities with very different lifespans have very different ideas about what is important and what a relevant time is. In a racial way, it's the problem of promptness being dependent on who's on which side of the bathroom door. The potty hog never has a problem with Mr. Prompt, but Mr. Prompt is always on the verge of violent rage with Ms. Sitsalott. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caris Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel And do not meddle in the affairs of wizards' date=' as they are subtle and quick to anger.[/quote'] Yes, but no matter how subtle the wizard, a knife between the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style. (OK, not what we normally consider Urban Fantasy, but Adrilankha is certainly an urban center.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel Oh, and back on the original theme.... 54. I will not have sex with anyone whom I have not walked hand in hand with in the open under the noonday sun in a clear sky. No, absolutely no, late-night booty calls. The guy who wrote "It is better to have loved and lost" wasn't thinking about souls when he wrote that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel 55. Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vondy Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel Which brings us to 53 (a) If I do find myself in Anita Blake novel, I will make doubly sure not to wind up as a member of Blake's "harem". Word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel Which brings us to 53 (a) If I do find myself in Anita Blake novel' date=' I will make doubly sure not to wind up as a member of Blake's "harem".[/quote'] Word. Oh, I certainly agree, but the nature of the Blake stories is such that ordinary nebbishes like me never, ever impinge on Blake's personal universe, so I wouldn't be in the least worried about my being on her list of erotic toys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadowsoul Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel 56. I will not keep my friends and the local law enforcement officers ignorant of the supernatural world to 'protect' them. Knowledge is power and my friends had better be pretty darn powerful when they wander into the path of whatever abomination is hunting me this week. 57. I will forcibly interrogate all of my close relatives, (especially the dead ones), to find out what they know. Whatever is happening to me, they are up to their necks in it. 58. When I have to investigate a creepy abandoned building I will bring guns, lots of guns, and backup, lots of backup. 59. If I irritate an ancient vampire in the course of my investigations and they threaten to take revenge at some future time, I will not wait and see what happens, I will firebomb their house/apartment/crypt and sprinkle the ashes with salt and holy water, then try to get planning permission to build a church on the site. 60. I will invest in a travelcard/buspass for when my car gets trashed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel 61. If my trainer in the mystical arts informs me that whatever powers I am being trained in interfere with technology or science, I will give serious testing to the idea that it is, in fact, a subconscious action and/or find a better mystical art. 62. If my trainer in the mystical arts deals with malign beings regularly, does blood sacrifice and has precisely one pupil (me), I will not wait for them to inevitably attempt to sacrifice me to some malign power, but will contact the proper authorities promptly. Otherwise, I will give serious consideration to finding a more benign practice to learn. 63. If the mystical arts I am learning do not permit killing in self-defense, I will give serious consideration to learning better mystical arts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsatow Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel 64. I will remember that if a mystical enemy can't be killed by any weapon forged by man, that Rocket Propelled grenades are actually produced on an automated assembly line. 65. Always fill your canteen with holy water. Its drinkable, and if your friend gets mortally wounded by a vampire, you can always give him a last drink. That way, when he turns, he'll explode it flames from the inside out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel 64. I will remember that if a mystical enemy can't be killed by any weapon forged by man, that Rocket Propelled grenades are actually produced on an automated assembly line. 65. Always fill your canteen with holy water. Its drinkable, and if your friend gets mortally wounded by a vampire, you can always give him a last drink. That way, when he turns, he'll explode it flames from the inside out. 65a. Not to mention that having holy water flowing through your body has gotta have some pretty nice benefits in an urban fantasy setting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel 65b. If someone I last knew as dead or probably dead shows up alive, the first thing to do is offer them a drink. 66. I will take note if the setting has such subtleties as having easy ways to identify villains by voice tone/inflection, dress or appearance. While I will not rely on those indicators, I will not ignore them cluelessly like everyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinanju Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel 65a. Not to mention that having holy water flowing through your body has gotta have some pretty nice benefits in an urban fantasy setting. 65c. (65b already taken) Holy Water is homeopathic. Pouring holy water into a larger body* of water turns it ALL into holy water. As long as you keep a stock of "seed" holy water stashed somewhere, you need never run out. *Within limits. You can't turn the sea, or Lake Michigan, into holy water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vondy Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel Oh' date=' I certainly agree, but the nature of the Blake stories is such that ordinary nebbishes like me never, ever impinge on Blake's personal universe, so I wouldn't be in the least worried about my being on her list of erotic toys.[/quote'] I'm not up to Hamilton's male-stripperific standards, either, thank God. For a woman writing speculative fiction her sex scenes have a flat, unimaginative, amateur erotica verve to them. No, cancel that. They don't have a verve. Like gruel doesn't have meaningful taste. Its just a bunch of retread Bertice Small stereotypes. Except Small could write. But, at least Hamilton hasn't used the word "manroot." Oh, hell, never mind.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vondy Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel 65c. (65b already taken) Holy Water is homeopathic. Pouring holy water into a larger body* of water turns it ALL into holy water. As long as you keep a stock of "seed" holy water stashed somewhere, you need never run out. *Within limits. You can't turn the sea, or Lake Michigan, into holy water. You know, this sounds suspiciously like "Rebbe Mashka" in reverse. The Lubavitcher Hassidim, being from Russia, love Vodka. When the Lubavitcher Rebbe would say a blessing over a bottle of Vodka at a farbrengen the bottle, mostly full, would often mysteriously show up at one of his follower's houses. The custom replenishing the bottle then emerged. What they did, bizarrely enough, was apply the halachic principle of "follow the majority" vis-a-vis presumptive states to the vodka. In other words, you pour in less Vodka than there was to start with and then it all has the status of having been blessed. This practice continued after the Lubavitcher Rebbe died. You can, they seem to think, do this ad infinitum. So, instead of a holy water you can have holy Vodka! And its imflamable! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel .... So, instead of a holy water you can have holy Vodka! And its imflamable! W00tski! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel 65c. (65b already taken) Holy Water is homeopathic. Pouring holy water into a larger body* of water turns it ALL into holy water. As long as you keep a stock of "seed" holy water stashed somewhere, you need never run out. *Within limits. You can't turn the sea, or Lake Michigan, into holy water. Well then, what is the limit? Crater Lake? Olympic sized swimming pool? The reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial? What about running water, like Niagara Falls or the Mississippi? [/pedant] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clonus Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel 59. If I irritate an ancient vampire in the course of my investigations and they threaten to take revenge at some future time, I will not wait and see what happens, I will firebomb their house/apartment/crypt and sprinkle the ashes with salt and holy water, then try to get planning permission to build a church on the site. 6 This is a plan that will not turn out well for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manic Typist Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel You know, this sounds suspiciously like "Rebbe Mashka" in reverse. The Lubavitcher Hassidim, being from Russia, love Vodka. When the Lubavitcher Rebbe would say a blessing over a bottle of Vodka at a farbrengen the bottle, mostly full, would often mysteriously show up at one of his follower's houses. The custom replenishing the bottle then emerged. What they did, bizarrely enough, was apply the halachic principle of "follow the majority" vis-a-vis presumptive states to the vodka. In other words, you pour in less Vodka than there was to start with and then it all has the status of having been blessed. This practice continued after the Lubavitcher Rebbe died. You can, they seem to think, do this ad infinitum. So, instead of a holy water you can have holy Vodka! And its imflamable! Wait, what? Can you explain the simple, physical steps to me? If you pour less vodka into... what? How do you determine what was "the level of when you started?" Why am I pouring into vodka rather than pouring vodka into me? Huh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vondy Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel Wait' date=' what? Can you explain the simple, physical steps to me? If you pour less vodka into... what? How do you determine what was "the level of when you started?" Why am I pouring into vodka rather than pouring vodka into me? Huh?[/quote'] Okay, you're a incomparable rebbe fanboy who has his bottle of vodka blessed by the guy you think will be the messiah. That he died does not deter you despite the fact that you an ultra-orthodox Jew rather than Christian. Obviously he'll come back! But you've drank most of the bottle because boozing is a devout religious obligation in snow packed mother Russia and now you only have 4 ounces of the sacred liquid left. Oh no! So, you pour 3.99 ounces of profane vodka in. Now you have 7.99 ounces of super-holy rebbe mashka! Because the profane vodka has been nullified in the majority. But wait, after a pause you pour in 7.98 more ounces of profane vodka. Now you have 15.97 ounces of most holy rebbe mashka because profane vodka has been nullified in the majority. So, after a pause.... soon you will have a coveted and full bottle of most high rebbe mashka. Indeed, if you now fill two bottles half way and start pouring a drop less than half into each you will have two bottles and can give one to your friend. And no, this strange practice is not accepted, mainstream, or normative in the Jewish world. Its unique to lubavitcher hassidim who are, to say the least.... unique. And, I suspect, the lubavitcher rebbe would be mighty perplexed that those among his followers who started doing this after his death. A good chunk of the movement has yet to move through denial in the five stages of grief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinanju Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel Well then' date=' what is the limit? Crater Lake? Olympic sized swimming pool? The reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial? What about running water, like Niagara Falls or the Mississippi? [/pedant'] I'm not sure of the limit, actually. I'm pretty sure you can't transform running water into holy water, so no rivers, streams or seas. I'm pretty sure it also has to be clean water, so probably nothing that has fish and other critters in it--after all, they do their business in it. So no lakes either. But a bathtub? A swimming pool? No problem! The important thing is, you get a sample of holy water from helpful old Father Flanagan, pour it into a larger body, then scoop some out again and put it away. You never need run out as long as you're careful about putting some away for a rainy day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Re: ...If I End Up In an Urban Fantasy Novel If I see someone turning into a werewolf I will either shoot them or run like hell. I WILL NOT stand there with a stupid look on my face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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