Funky Old Medina (with apologies to Tone Loc)

[Epiphanis]

Alright, dig it!

Cold coolin’ at Club Caprice, I was lookin’ for some action

But like Sapphire said, I didn't get no satisfaction!

The girls were all around, but none of them would surrender

My armor’s fresh and I'm lookin def, yo, what's wrong with Defender?

The girls is all jockin’ at the other end of the bar

Havin’ drinks with some Latin chump, when they know that I'm the star

So I got up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina

I asked the guy, are you Spanish fly? He said: “No, I’m a funky old Medina.”

… Funky Old Medina …

This brother told me a secret on how he got the chicks:

“I’m a Spanish psychic with mind-controllin’ tricks;

It's better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac

Just stare in their eyes and give the mind a zap!

I did Doctor Vox down by the docks and gave Flashover a whirl;

Got laid by that old Masquerade--who might not even be a girl!

A one night stand with Scorpia only seemed to make her meaner:

But can’t stay too long, I must move on, I’m a Funky Old Medina!”

“You know, gotta be away when it comes to day

Get a groove and stay on the move, ya know?"

… Funky … Old … Medina!

“Now Cateran is a redhead gal who dresses up like Xena

But she lost her cool and stayed after school with this Funky Old Medina!

I done Lady Blue, and Mantara, too, and that mystic chick Morgaine;

Maybe went too far with Gravitar, when I bollocksed up her brain!”

He grabbed Witchcraft and with a laugh he gave a demonstration:

Just stared her down with a frown of total concentration

She went to town and reached right for his wiener--

That’s how I lost my girl to that Funky Old Medina!

You know what I'm sayin’?

He done every lady in Millennium:

Zephyr and Vixen,

Medusa an’ Mind Slayer in a threesome…

Even Psimon can’t match the Medina, pal.

The Funky Old Medina…

[Epiphanis]

Re: Funky Old Medina (with apologies to Tone Loc)

 

In case the joke needs explaining, in the Champions Universe, Medina is the name of a wealthy Spanish family controlled by Doctor Destroyer. The family has produced a number of superhumans, most of whom have psionic or mind controlling powers, impliedly due to some genetic mutation. The Medina in the song is probably the archvillain Menton, who does not hesitate to use his power in exactly the way described, but it could also be Thoughtcrime or a different Medina.