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Logan.1179

Today's Dumb Criminal Story ...

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9 hours ago, Cygnia said:

 

 

You know, I'm going to tell this story.  I haven't told to many people since the days it was going on, but I'm going to tell it now.

 

 

Many years ago, I lived in Savannah (can't recommend it).  I won't tell you his name, but at the time, he was THE FREAKIN' MAYOR OF SAVANNAH!  He was, in the most proper of respectful southern speech, a big man.  I mean he was a _real_ big man.  Getting less respectful, he was about five-foot-eight.  In every possible way you could measure him.  I mean (another true story), the day he got elected a morning DJ got fired for playing the Fat Albert theme music and voicing over with "Hey-hey-hey!  It's Fiiiiiiiiirrrssst Last name...."  (it helped that the syllabic rhythm was identical)

 

When I was single, after I got out of the house-moving business, I was so used to being on the road and working long hours that I found myself with "too much" time on my hands, so I took a part-time night job working at a Home Depot.  I worked three nights a week doing tool maintenance.  Liked it okay: nice and quiet and I was left to myself.

 

The mayor came in four or five mornings every week.  At first, I'm thinking "Oh cool.  The mayor hangs out at my second job.  Neat."

 

Eventually I noticed the way the faces of the "normal" employees would have that "oh, no!" look on them.

 

 

So here he was, the grand poobah of the Jewel of the Coastal Empire, and people hated to see him come in.

 

 

Turns out he was an early riser.  He liked to get breakfast at the god-awful  locally-revered  twenty-four restaurant across the street from Home Depot.  Then he came across the street to Home Depot.  Why?  Because we (at least in this store at that time) had a nearly-full-time custodial staff that did nothing but spend the day cleaning the restrooms, the break room, and the kitchen cabinets and countertop display area.  I mean seriously:  they'd finish one, move on, move on again-- it was all day.  The restrooms got cleaned almost exactly every four hours starting at 5 AM (an hour before opening at that location) and going on until closing time at 9 pm.  They came in about an hour before the mayor did, and they were finished with the men's room just about the time he came in.  It was like having a brand-new twelve-seater all to himself.

 

And every single morning, when he left, there was a clogged toilet.   Every _time_.

 

He wasn't shoving in plastic bottles or anything that wasn't his own byproduct, either.  He just had way, _way_ more byproduct than a commercial high-pressure flush toilet could handle.   

 

My mind _still_ boggles at the idea of that (and no: it's _not_ something I ever considered double-checking!), but I have never felt more sorry for a group of guys in my life than the morning cleaning staff....

 

 

 

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