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Aphorisms for a Superhero Universe

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If you're in a bind that seems impenetrable, just wait for a megalomaniac supervillian to come around and give a 20-minute monologue on how awesome he is and that should buy you enough time to get out of your sticky mess.

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I kinda like the Maxims from Schlock Mercenary Verse:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schlock_Mercenary#The_Seventy_Maxims_of_Maximally_Effective_Mercenaries

 

While they are undoubtedly fitting for any dark champions game or supervillains/mooks, adapting them to a superheroes is tricky. Here is what I got:

For most you can repalce grunt with Sidekick or "Primus Agent", Sergeant with Sidekick and Officer with Hero and get something meaningfull.

 

1. Gather Evidence, then start a superfight

2. A Sidekick in motion outranks a hero that does not know what is going on.

3. An ordnance technician/mad scientist at a dead run outranks everybody. (afaik that is a Aphorism of the US Airforce too)

10. Sometimes the only way out is through. . . through the wall.

11. Everything is air-droppable at least once. Somethigns and somebodies more then once

14. "Mad Science" means never stopping to ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?"

15. Only you can prevent friendly fire

16. Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth

17. The longer everything goes according to plan, the bigger the impending disaster

18. Sidekicks, if the Heroes are leading the Charge, watch out for an attack from the rear.

24. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a superweapon.

28. If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get a win by not starting the fight.

29 The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.

32. Anything is amphibious if you can get it back out of the water

41. "Do you have a backup?" means "I can't fix this"

44. "If it will blow a hole in the ground. It will double as an entrenching tool"

47. "Don't expect the enemy to cooperate in the creation of your dream engagement."

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Now the villanious versions that had to be mayorly rewritten;

1. Get the loot first, then start the superfight.

34. If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.

34b. If you're not even leaving sorch-marks, you should have run.

As hero in order to get the mooks to give up: "The bad news is you are not even leaving scorch-marks. The really bad news is, neither will I"

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The difference between a common supervillain and a criminal mastermind, is that a common supervillain doesn't tell you the beating you are giving him is all part of his "master plan".  

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Some heroes can use lethal force with nary a qualm, and no one will ever call them on it.

Others dare not strike thier opponents too hard for fear of causing them serious injury.  If they do slip up, even accidentally, they will be persecuted for it.

Find out which catagory you are  in early in your career, because once it's been decided you cannot change.

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Or to put it another way, "The laws of nature are really more in the way of guidelines"

 

"Civilians have the attention span of drunk ferrets.  Wait 15 minutes and the way you saved the world is ancient history."

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Never underestimate the power of the press to make a superhero's life more difficult.

 

A laboratory accident is like a box of chocolates. You never know what abilities you'll wind up getting.

 

One world's mutant terrorist is another world's freedom fighter.

 

Stick to dealing with supervillains robbing banks. If you try to solve a real world problem with superpowers, the press will crucify you if you make a mistake and the government will start getting twitchy if you succeed.

 

Never get into a romance with someone more powerful than yourself. If the relationship ends badly, you can be in for a world of hurt.

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Stick to dealing with supervillains robbing banks. If you try to solve a real world problem with superpowers, the press will crucify you if you make a mistake and the government will start getting twitchy if you succeed.

 

 

In a supers universe, supervillains robbing banks is a real world problem.

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In a supers universe, supervillains robbing banks is a real world problem.

"These 'no-nonsense' solutions of yours just don't hold water in a complex world of jet-powered apes and time travel" Superman.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

These aphorisms of yours just don't fly in a complex environment of palindromedaries and indoor heated variable power pools

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