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Things that should be in fortune cookies

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... but aren't, for any of a number of reasons. Usually because people don't want warnings, they want platitudes. Occasionally one does get through, though.


Two examples from my life:

"An ambition far beyond your reach." -- I got this one at dinner the day I mailed off my last application to grad school.


"A handful of patience is worth more than a barrel full of brains." -- I got this one at the celebratory dinner the day I did my PhD oral defense.

So to kick this thread off, from a collection of disquieting possibilities I've collected....


You should see a physician. Soon.

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A friend of mine insists that every fortune he's ever read from a cookie still made sense if you added the words, "in bed" to the end, though the meaning usually changed. I have not, however, conducted any research to confirm or deny this.


ADDENDUM: It seems to work for Cancer's real-life examples, though.


Dean Shomshak

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Anything, as long as it's an actual FORTUNE. Not a platitude. Not "wise" words. Not lottery numbers. An actual FORTUNE.

What do you consider an actual FORTUNE?


Lucius Alexander


The palindromedary would like ours delivered in small unmarked bills

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And the obvious:


"Do not travel far from toilet facilities for the next few hours."


That only applies if I get a fortune cookie at Mexican food place.



Edit: although, the suggested reading material for me using the toilet after eating Mexican food, would be the Lonesome Dove novel (944 pages, if I remember)

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