Jump to content
Hermit

The Adventures of "Fish Guy" (Superhero fiction)

Recommended Posts

Sorry for the delay this week. Among other things, I seem to have a little bit of a stomach bug

I'm sorry you're not feeling well.

Now to make you feel like Geo. R.R. Martin.... "We don't care how you feel!!!" "Get up off of that deathbed and write us more STORIES!!!!!!!"

Doesn't that make you long for a new carrer. Feel better soon....or else!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Woot!  Go Fish Guy!  And Ariana and Fox, too!  (And Hermit, whom I hope is mostly if not totally over being sick.)

 

I like how you included the killbot, which evened the odds and kept the whole thing challenging.  Nicely plotted out.

 

I had looked back over a prior installment, where Fox almost slipped and called Valodorous by his real name, saying, "Je..."  I assumed it was Jerkface.  (just kidding.)

 

Also cool how you covered the question of Eel putting on a belt (which had crossed my mind).  Excellent use of the belt, BTW.  I assumed she was still KO'd, so I didn't even consider that.  I hope she keeps it (remodeled by Lady O, of course, to be more sleek and stylish).

 

The only (minor) bump in the storyline to me was Ariana's literally broken arm.  I could buy her altering her density to make her able to combine the pieces (it's a comic book genre thing), but I'd suggest including a mention of it at least still hurting - maybe her cradling it after the fight, or wincing in pain when she punched the killbot.  It just seemed (at least to me) that it shouldn't be an instant 100% fix.  As I said, a minor thing, but I feel obligated to share.

 

Very gratifying fight, in all respects.  I'm looking forward to the epilogue.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nice pacing on the fight and an excellent job of including both Ariana and Artic Fox.

 

Thank you. I was trying to avoid making the ladies into damsels. I admit I was unsure about letting Arctic Fox be the one to take out "Jerry" instead of Fish Guy but it just felt right, and it wasn't like Fish Guy was helpless either so I think it worked out.

 

Time to drop Valodorus into a lime pit.

 

I see you come from the Appalachian school of body disposal. However, I point you towards the school of "If you kill em, he won't learn nothing" :)

 

 

Nice work, Hermit. I hope there's more.

 

I hope to have that final chapter as it were loose strings are tied up. I know you and I share a love of shipping supers, so I hope poor Fox's broken heart is somewhat balanced by Ariana and Caleb getting their kiss.

 

I'm sorry you're not feeling well.

Now to make you feel like Geo. R.R. Martin.... "We don't care how you feel!!!" "Get up off of that deathbed and write us more STORIES!!!!!!!"

Doesn't that make you long for a new carrer. Feel better soon....or else!

 

Feeling better, thanks.

 

I hope there's a movie

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Coming soon to a palindromedary near you

 

Me too. Preferably with plenty of royalties.... enough money and I'd find I could stand the complaints of how Hollywood got it wrong with great fortitude ;)

 

Woot!  Go Fish Guy!  And Ariana and Fox, too!  (And Hermit, whom I hope is mostly if not totally over being sick.)

 

I like how you included the killbot, which evened the odds and kept the whole thing challenging.  Nicely plotted out.

 

I had looked back over a prior installment, where Fox almost slipped and called Valodorous by his real name, saying, "Je..."  I assumed it was Jerkface.  (just kidding.)

 

Also cool how you covered the question of Eel putting on a belt (which had crossed my mind).  Excellent use of the belt, BTW.  I assumed she was still KO'd, so I didn't even consider that.  I hope she keeps it (remodeled by Lady O, of course, to be more sleek and stylish).

 

The only (minor) bump in the storyline to me was Ariana's literally broken arm.  I could buy her altering her density to make her able to combine the pieces (it's a comic book genre thing), but I'd suggest including a mention of it at least still hurting - maybe her cradling it after the fight, or wincing in pain when she punched the killbot.  It just seemed (at least to me) that it shouldn't be an instant 100% fix.  As I said, a minor thing, but I feel obligated to share.

 

Very gratifying fight, in all respects.  I'm looking forward to the epilogue.

 

Huh, good point. I put in a bit about her arm. I hope it doesn't distract too much.

 

Glad everything else worked out for you. As I mentioned in a PM you're very hard to surprise :) So last minute additions like the Killbot let me at least cheat and use it almost as soon as I introduce it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope to have that final chapter as it were loose strings are tied up. I know you and I share a love of shipping supers, so I hope poor Fox's broken heart is somewhat balanced by Ariana and Caleb getting their kiss.

 

Just remember when shipping supers to use an acid-free backing board so they don't get bent. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think the additions about her arm do a good job, without distracting from the action.  Thank you for adding that.

 

I don't see the addition of the killbot as a cheat.  It's a good example of the dangerous stuff they have in their secure storage (and why they held onto it rather than leaving it lying around or giving it to the government).  Much better to show it in action than do something like having Mabel or Lady O tell Eel (and us) about it.  A really good addition, IMO. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OK. Schedule is crazy and I'm going about 5 hours of sleep when I feel like I want 12 each night this week sooo...I don't have it done yet. Still, better to get a part in and keep this going than to sputter out at the end entirely.

 

It would have been nice to end things on a kiss. But this is the real world, a world not of kisses and closing curtains but one of flying men, undersea civilizations, six-inch tall men cursed by fairy magic and iguana people.

 

And that means the wrap up is full of paperwork, consequences, and complexity.  Mind you, superheroes have some insane short cuts. Case in point, it seemed like no sooner had Ariana and I gotten all the prisoners sedated in the medbay when word came in from Mabel the New Samartans had returned! Tornado had gotten groggily to his feet (An advantage of his high speed metabolism was his processing some drugs faster I suppose, though he was still shocky) and woke up even more when he learned his niece had been fighting the bad guys.

 

"You went toe to toe with a Purifier XI AND Valorous?' Tornado's voice slurred a bit drunkenly but was improving.

 

"And did not end up sedated," She countered in a calm cool tone, preparing to make her case, "So before you lecture me on how dangerous this is and so on, I want you to know I did what I had to do to protect a place I care about too and if there were other options, I might have tried them but there were not so…"

 

He held out one hand to forestall her, "Hey, it's okay. I actually do get it. I was trying to tell you 'good job'."

 

"Oh," Ariana looked sheepish, "Well, I had help."

 

"I think I was the one who needed help," I said with a smile to her, "That killbot pert near took my head off…"

 

"Wait, say that again?" He said.

 

"'Pert near took my head off'?" I repeated sighing as his eyes lit up in delight at the expression, "It's a legitimate expression, and you have an accent too. You know that, right?"

 

"Maybe in your part of the country I would," He smirked, "But here my way is the normal way to talk and you're the one with the accent," picking on me seemed to revive him a little. I'm not sure that spoke kindly of him, "Say something else folksy!"

 

"I will arrange a coming to Jesus meeting that has nothing to do with mass if you don't lay off the way I speak?" I gave him my most saccharine smile.

 

"Guy nearly gets his head shaved off by a killbot and he gets all cranky," Tornado sighed as if he were the victim here. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nice start to the ending.

 

While I'm eager to see more, I'm okay with waiting a bit if that's what it takes.  It's more difficult to tie things together nicely, than to keep the action rolling.  I'd rather it end as first-class as it began.

 

Though I agree you don't want to sputter out just shy of the finish line.  So a few short vignettes to close things out works well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All that remains is to deal with the agency that sent Vain-Gloryhound and his mooks...

 

I'd be interested in knowing what kind of "cost" there will be to Doctor Salem for getting Fish Guy back to the base in time to stop Valodorous.  I don't think that should wait for a sequel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Shouldn't that be in the sequel?

When some James Clapper wannabes send their goons to raid your base while you and your teammates are out putting life and limb on the line to save the entire world from some eldritch abomination? Yes, I believe that calls for an immediate response; preferably one that puts the fear of God into them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...