The Academics Thread

[Cancer 5,805]

I discovered a new form of self-inflicted academic torture today.  It transcends even meetings with administration types for repetitive boredom.

 

We're going to be hiring a new assistant professor.  I started in on getting very cursory impressions out of the 50-odd applicant packages that are my share of the first screening.  Oh, and BTW, all seven of us have the same size share of these, and we're to meet next Thursday for initial discussion.

 

I only got through about half of them in about an hour and a half before I started looking for the fork that I keep in my office for eating occasional leftovers for lunch, so I could use it to gouge out my eyeballs.

[Pariah 6,210]

The First Law of Academic Writing:

For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.

[Old Man 9,418]

On 11/7/2019 at 5:57 PM, Cancer said:

I discovered a new form of self-inflicted academic torture today.  It transcends even meetings with administration types for repetitive boredom.

 

We're going to be hiring a new assistant professor.  I started in on getting very cursory impressions out of the 50-odd applicant packages that are my share of the first screening.  Oh, and BTW, all seven of us have the same size share of these, and we're to meet next Thursday for initial discussion.

 

I only got through about half of them in about an hour and a half before I started looking for the fork that I keep in my office for eating occasional leftovers for lunch, so I could use it to gouge out my eyeballs.

 

How did they taste?

 

Also, if you think reading resumes is bad, wait until the interviews.

[Cancer 5,805]

So far the most interesting one is a guy who (I think) fled Turkey when Ergodan went after his enemies in July 2016.

[Bazza 3,782]

19 hours ago, Pariah said:

The First Law of Academic Writing:

For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.

 

Ie first draft, and second draft.  😛 

[Bazza 3,782]

12 hours ago, Old Man said:

 

How did they taste?

 

Also, if you think reading resumes is bad, wait until the interviews.

 

...and that is when the destruction began...

 

ps: so how did the interviews go with Adam and Eve? 

[Old Man 9,418]

They were unbelievably stupid and naive.  But the applicant pool was really limited, and I figured the job was pretty easy, so what could go wrong?

[Starlord 3,505]

It's your own fault for growing that apple tree and then telling people not to touch it.

[Old Man 9,418]

That was my little brother. But still, how can you get fired from a job where all you have to do is hang out in a garden?

[Cancer 5,805]

Hey, if you take their phones away, there's not a millennial in the world who could just hang out in a garden without f-----g it up royally in their own way.

[Pariah 6,210]

I'm giving my MS research project presentation to my committee tomorrow evening. Wish me luck!

[Starlord 3,505]

"No time to discuss this with the committee."

 

"I AM NOT A COMMITTEE!"

 

Good luck!

[Cancer 5,805]

7 hours ago, Pariah said:

I'm giving my MS research project presentation to my committee tomorrow evening. Wish me luck!

 

"May random factors operate in your favor."

[Cancer 5,805]

Your attitude is confirmed when you name the spreadsheet that is your answer key "Lab3s--t".

[Pariah 6,210]

More than one of the assembled PhDs at my presentation last night told me it was one of the best they'd seen.

[Pariah 6,210]

The other day in class I made a remark about having 12% of a plan. One of my students raised her hand, so I called on her.

 

"I understood that reference."

 

Clearly, she's one of the bright ones.

[Bazza 3,782]

Is she in the 88% percentile? 

[Old Man 9,418]

Better than the 87th percentile. 

[Starlord 3,505]

52 minutes ago, Pariah said:

The other day in class I made a remark about having 12% of a plan. One of my students raised her hand, so I called on her.

 

"I understood that reference."

 

Clearly, she's one of the bright ones.

 

"That's a fake laugh!"

[Cancer 5,805]

"I am Groot."

 

<grazes on his arm>

[Pariah 6,210]

Gunship Parents: Like Helicopter Parents, but more militant.

[Logan.1179 5,108]

[Pariah 6,210]

In my experience, grading labs is a bit like smashing your head against a concrete wall. It feels so good when you're done.

[Cancer 5,805]

... though there's also the vague fear that someone may have seen you performing such an irrational and degrading act, and you'll appear in some America's Famously Humiliating Videos episode without your knowledge someday.