archer Posted April 10, 2019 Report Share Posted April 10, 2019 Everyone knows that a city succeeds or fails on its bureaucracy. Next time your players try to enter a new town, have a bureaucrat standing next to the city guards and have him give each of the PCs this form. Make sure the players fill this out separately then have the bureaucrat compare their answers. APPLICATION FOR ENTRANCE TO THE CITY 1) Full name 2) Mother's maiden name 3) Any titles you have and where they were granted 4) Place of birth 5) What is your reason for visiting our fair city? 6) Education 7) List your previous three jobs 8 ) List of references (preferably at least one within the city) 9) Preferred religion 10) Any outstanding tax debts 11) Any outstanding bounties and the circumstances of why a bounty has been placed upon you 12) Declare all dangerous companions and all dangerous items in your possession 13) Declare whether you are possessed 14) Do you eat carrots? 15) Emergency contact information 16) Are you literate? 17) Do you have a horse or other livestock which you are bringing into the city? 18) Are they literate? Giving false information on this form is punishable by fines, imprisonment, and/or execution as deemed necessary by the local magistrate and such punishments may be inflicted in any order. Hermit and Old Man 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted April 10, 2019 Report Share Posted April 10, 2019 APPLICATION FOR ENTRANCE TO THE CITY 1) Full name Grognak Skullcrusher 2) Mother's maiden name Bloodletter 3) Any titles you have and where they were granted "the Horrible" - Last Date "The walking bicep"- Wizard companion "Champion Triumphant"- The Weepin' Warlock Tavern drinking contest 4) Place of birth My mother's bed, duh. 5) What is your reason for visiting our fair city? It was this or D'troyt 6) Education My grandfather had a backhand you wouldn't belive 7) List your previous three jobs Mass slaughter on goblin raiders and their village when the paladin gave me the okay Given task to escort Noble man's virgin daughter to her future husband, mostly done; daughter did arrive sans purity but with smile (No, I'm not bragging, blame our bard) See Drinking Contest (Won a pretty good pot from that one) 8 ) List of references (preferably at least one within the city) Beggar on corner I paid off to get me a name on this list Merchant on caravan expressed surprise we didn't steal anything (That's a reference right?) Wimbly's Mace Imporium 9) Preferred religion Krom! (I do visit Bachanallias) 10) Any outstanding tax debts None living. 11) Any outstanding bounties and the circumstances of why a bounty has been placed upon you Remember that bit with our bard and the noble expecting his bride? Yeah... 12) Declare all dangerous companions and all dangerous items in your possession I could break a man's neck with my bare hands, I have a mace with flanges that...well, see Surname. Wizard has been known to hurl fireballs and hurtful remarks about my intellect We have a relic, some talking skull with a bloodstone in its forehead that cackles every new moon. So far it seems harmless but thought you should know. 13) Declare whether you are possessed We are not. 14) Do you eat carrots? Only if the carrot is in a roast boar 15) Emergency contact information See any of my adventuring allies, tell them it's a #7. They'll know what it means. 16) Are you literate? X 17) Do you have a horse or other livestock which you are bringing into the city? I am riding a heavy warhorse descended from the hellsteeds of the Tormented Lands, he has killed almost as many people as I have; his name is Binky. 18) Are they literate? Binky says no Lawnmower Boy, lensman and archer 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
assault Posted April 11, 2019 Report Share Posted April 11, 2019 The answers would be written in Firelander pictoglyphs, which probably wouldn't be the same language the form was written in. APPLICATION FOR ENTRANCE TO THE CITY 1) Full name 1st Son of 1st Son of the Possum Clan of the Fire People. 2) Mother's maiden name 3rd Daughter of 4th Daughter of the Green Snake Clan of the Fire People. 3) Any titles you have and where they were granted Prince of the Fire People. Granted by the Fire People in the Firelands, and earned by my spear. 4) Place of birth Birthing Tree, Melon Country of the Firelands. 5) What is your reason for visiting our fair city? To crush my enemies, drive them before me, and to hear the lamentation of their women. 6) Education I am an initiated man of the Fire People. 7) List your previous three jobs Warrior of the Fire People. Prince of the Fire People. Conqueror of Cities. 8 ) List of references (preferably at least one within the city) Great Horde of the Firelands. My followers. I, too, would prefer them within your city. 9) Preferred religion The spirits of the Firelands are no "religion". 10) Any outstanding tax debts What is tax? 11) Any outstanding bounties and the circumstances of why a bounty has been placed upon you My enemies curse my name. I cut out their tongues. 12) Declare all dangerous companions and all dangerous items in your possession Great Horde of the Firelands, my weapons. 13) Declare whether you are possessed The Fire People are nobody's property! 14) Do you eat carrots? There are no "carrots" in the Firelands. 15) Emergency contact information This contact between our people does not need to be an emergency. 16) Are you literate? I have written this with my own hand, with only slight assistance. 17) Do you have a horse or other livestock which you are bringing into the city? There are no horses in the Firelands. The last time outsiders brought them there, we ate them. And the horses. 18) Are they literate? See previous question. Giving false information on this form is punishable by fines, imprisonment, and/or execution as deemed necessary by the local magistrate and such punishments may be inflicted in any order. Hermit, archer and Old Man 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher R Taylor Posted April 11, 2019 Report Share Posted April 11, 2019 Burn the carrot eaters!!! Lawnmower Boy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted April 11, 2019 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2019 8 hours ago, Christopher R Taylor said: Burn the carrot eaters!!! Dude, carrots are good for you! And tasty if you're into that sort of thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxxus Posted April 11, 2019 Report Share Posted April 11, 2019 12 minutes ago, archer said: Dude, carrots are good for you! Studies conducted over sufficiently long periods of time confirm that 100% of carrot eaters eventually die. Thusly, we conclude that carrots are as deadly as water (water drinkers also having a 100% mortality rate). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DusterBoy Posted August 31, 2019 Report Share Posted August 31, 2019 This is hilarious, especially Grognak's answers. Also, I notice his Hellsteed-descended warhorse is called Binky. Hermit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lensman Posted September 1, 2019 Report Share Posted September 1, 2019 1) Full name Poltir 2) Mother's maiden name unknown 3) Any titles you have and where they were granted Blade Master, Iron halls of Myrmidon Uthordrak-Qog, Orc Chieftain of the Red Crag Tribes Kafiej-Paode, Conclave of Padashar of the Bright Desert Prince-Errant, Hold of the Ten Thousand Faithful 4) Place of birth summit of the Shattercrown Peak 5) What is your reason for visiting our fair city? to secure commerce or contract 6) Education informal 7) List your previous three jobs Captain Commander, 6th Phalanx of 1st Expeditionary element of The Army of Seven Kings Consort Protector of the Princess of Endless Tides, Daughter of the Moon, Ruler of the Jewel Coast Emissary-Khadiq, Ars Elemental Council 8 ) List of references (preferably at least one within the city) None in city Arch-Militant Ophir, Commander of the Sequestori Defier 9) Preferred religion Aftagiel, Lord of Patient Silence 10) Any outstanding tax debts none 11) Any outstanding bounties and the circumstances of why a bounty has been placed upon you Bounty offered by the Pirate Xoa-Wu Qin; destruction of landing parties, City-State of Byzartium Bounty offered by Cult of Kjistiloth, for raid, murder of Priests and destruction of the Tower of Wisdom 12) Declare all dangerous companions and all dangerous items in your possession Companions, none. Items, I hold bladed weapons of various lengths and weight 13) Declare whether you are possessed I am not Possessed 14) Do you eat carrots? Only in stew, goulash or salmagundi 15) Emergency contact information Master Li Mu, Monastic Order of Salves 16) Are you literate? No, answers scribed by companion 17) Do you have a horse or other livestock which you are bringing into the city? None 18) Are they literate? Two are literate, the Engineer and the Minstrel Giving false information on this form is punishable by fines, imprisonment, and/or execution as deemed necessary by the local magistrate and such punishments may be inflicted in any order. Hermit and archer 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Ruggels Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 Quote 1) Full name Magnus, Quercus (Oak Clan) 2) Mother's maiden name Enya daughter of Amúnüe of The Oak Clan 3) Any titles you have and where they were granted The Gray Orc Slayer Miles Sir Fergus' Dog 4) Place of birth I don't know 5) What is your reason for visiting our fair city? Investigating local situation for Lord armstrong, to see if the Orc infestation has impacted the politics or economy. getting an idea of the diplomatic situation. 6) Education Fighting, manners, custom, and literacy from Sir Fergus, Knight of Lord Armstrong, Duke of Copper Keep. 7) List your previous three jobs Reconnaissance of Westerlands territory Scout and Unit comander against Orc interloping two years ago Squire to Sir Fergus 8 ) List of references (preferably at least one within the city) None within the City Sir Fergus Lord Armstrong (But he's touchy). Lady Dona Vashtal 9) Preferred religion No preference at this time 10) Any outstanding tax debts None 11) Any outstanding bounties and the circumstances of why a bounty has been placed upon you I would not know. 12) Declare all dangerous companions and all dangerous items in your possession No Companions, at this time. Dangerous items, Spear, spatha, pugio (dagger), skinning knife. 13) Declare whether you are possessed I am not. 14) Do you eat carrots? If I have to. 15) Emergency contact information Lord Armstrong, Copper Keep. 16) Are you literate? In Latin. 17) Do you have a horse or other livestock which you are bringing into the city? No, I do not own any live stock. I hate horses. 18) Are they literate? What a stupid question! Who in Hades would have literate livestock? How do they even hold a pen in their hooves? What kind of mental midget came up with this stupid question. Is it stupidity, or Paranoia that placed this question upon this waybill? I had thought this form was already intrusive into one's personal business, but this question has got me questioning the competence of the governing body of this city! Good Day, Sir! Giving false information on this form is punishable by fines, imprisonment, and/or execution as deemed necessary by the local magistrate and such punishments may be inflicted in any order. archer and lensman 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Ruggels Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 On 4/10/2019 at 7:25 AM, archer said: APPLICATION FOR ENTRANCE TO THE CITY 1) Full name Utgor Son of Angor 2) Mother's maiden name Mara, Daughter of Brynna 3) Any titles you have and where they were granted Giant Slayer Wolf Smasher 4) Place of birth Spine of the world, near Mirabar. 5) What is your reason for visiting our fair city? It's where Stave said we should go. I am just keeping him, and the rest of them safe. 6) Education I know how to hunt, and fish, and kill things. I know how to speak Giant, common. 7) List your previous three jobs Helping deliver notes and letters from Neverwinter to Waterdeep Helping deliver notes and messages from Luskan to Neverwinter, Helping ddeliver letters and notes, and an acolyte from Fireshear, to Luskan, Escorting a merchant caravan from Neverwinter to Night stone. 8 ) List of references (preferably at least one within the city) Never been here before. Helewyn. Initiate Shelieria Tipplemender Nomura Narikage 9) Preferred religion Totem of the Wolf 10) Any outstanding tax debts Stave makes sure we pay Taxes, so no. 11) Any outstanding bounties and the circumstances of why a bounty has been placed upon you Probably, but I don't really care. probably Fire Giants, and that Mercenary Company, who's small unit we crushed like a grape. 12) Declare all dangerous companions and all dangerous items in your possession Dangerous companions Stave, Helewin, Nomura, Sheleiria, Oh, and our bard, Wunturs can be dangerous, when you scare him, or let him play his bagpipe in public, I guess. As for dangerous weapons, I have a magic twoheaded axe, and a magic two handed sword. some daggers, and a note i can't read. 13) Declare whether you are possessed what? no! 14) Do you eat carrots? If it's a good stew, yeah, but eating them raw, is what livestock does. 15) Emergency contact information Helewyn or Stave. 16) Are you literate? Nope 17) Do you have a horse or other livestock which you are bringing into the city? This really Nice Horse, Stave's buddy sold us outside of Waterdeep. It's great horse! I mean seriously. I haven't picked a name for it yet, but he's a great horse! 18) Are they literate? Helewyn is, stave can read a whole mess of languages. Sherlieria reads Elvish and common, but I don't know about Wunturs. Nomura doesn't read. Wunturs speaks orkish, but everyone knows orcs can't write. I have never seen him read anything else, but I kinda think he can. Giving false information on this form is punishable by fines, imprisonment, and/or execution as deemed necessary by the local magistrate and such punishments may be inflicted in any order. lensman and archer 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeropoint Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 APPLICATION FOR ENTRANCE TO THE CITY 1) Full name Kilanie of the White Sands 2) Mother's maiden name It is not the custom of my people to change names when married. My mother's name was and is Karanda of the White Sands 3) Any titles you have and where they were granted "Death Witch", an unimpressive hamlet of ignorant peasants in the east "Cast Iron Bitch", mercenary camp of Veltran's Blades 4) Place of birth North-eastern grazing territory of the White Sands clan 5) What is your reason for visiting our fair city? Commerce, sleeping in a real bed, eating something besides pub food 6) Education I am skilled in all things that an Elven nomad of the eastern deserts must know, and also in the arts of magic, particularly that relating to harm and healing of the body, and of the undead 7) List your previous three jobs Investigate and control outbreak of skeletons near the village of Turnip Flats Artifact retrieval for mage's guild of Grant's Port Protection and medical care for mixed group of pilgrims and peddlers 8 ) List of references (preferably at least one within the city) Sheriff of Turnip Flats Mage's guild in Grant's Port Brother Flandrian, Earth Mother's temple, Hammondburg none in city 9) Preferred religion I worship the Lady of Sorrow, as is proper for one of my clan 10) Any outstanding tax debts no 11) Any outstanding bounties and the circumstances of why a bounty has been placed upon you A mishap with healing magic led to a rival family in the White Sands clan placing a bounty of 100 silver pieces for my capture. I advise you not to attempt to collect. 12) Declare all dangerous companions and all dangerous items in your possession My companion is a half-demon with great strength and an enchanted sword. He is quite dangerous. I possess a variety of knives and daggers and also a rod of ebon and bone which amplifies certain magics. The most dangerous thing I possess is my knowledge. 13) Declare whether you are possessed no 14) Do you eat carrots? I fail to see how this is relevant. I have no special love for carrots but I will eat them when they are presented. 15) Emergency contact information My travelling companion, Jonah Kane. He appears to be a tall male human with black hair. You will know him by his red eyes, the bone spurs on his knuckles, and the fact that he never removes his hat. 16) Are you literate? This is an insulting question. I am a mage and a scholar and I am literate in several languages. 17) Do you have a horse or other livestock which you are bringing into the city? one horse of inferior human stock but endearing disposition 18) Are they literate? it is a horse. no. Giving false information on this form is punishable by fines, imprisonment, and/or execution as deemed necessary by the local magistrate and such punishments may be inflicted in any order. I swear by my honor as a scholar that the information I have scribed here is correct to the best of my knowledge. (signed) Kilanie of the White Sands archer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted September 2, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 13 hours ago, Scott Ruggels said: 1) Full name Utgor Son of Angor 13) Declare whether you are possessed what? no! 17) Do you have a horse or other livestock which you are bringing into the city? This really Nice Horse, Stave's buddy sold us outside of Waterdeep. It's great horse! I mean seriously. I haven't picked a name for it yet, but he's a great horse! 18) Are they literate? Helewyn is, stave can read a whole mess of languages. Sherlieria reads Elvish and common, but I don't know about Wunturs. Nomura doesn't read. Wunturs speaks orkish, but everyone knows orcs can't write. I have never seen him read anything else, but I kinda think he can. Dear Mr. Utgor, Question number 13 is not optional. You may not decline to declare whether you are possessed. Also Questions 17 and 18 obviously go together. You were evasive and declined to give information about whether your horse is literate or not. We are therefore forced to believe that your horse is not only literate but is planning to use his literacy in order to spread subversive literature in our fair city. Utgor, Son of Angor, you are denied entry into the city. Have a nice day, Rinestagg, Headmister and Keeper of the Gate Bureaucracy of Candlekeep Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted September 2, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 13 hours ago, Zeropoint said: APPLICATION FOR ENTRANCE TO THE CITY 1) Full name Kilanie of the White Sands 6) Education I am skilled in all things that an Elven nomad of the eastern deserts must know, and also in the arts of magic, particularly that relating to harm and healing of the body, and of the undead. 12) Declare all dangerous companions and all dangerous items in your possession My companion is a half-demon with great strength and an enchanted sword. He is quite dangerous. I possess a variety of knives and daggers and also a rod of ebon and bone which amplifies certain magics. The most dangerous thing I possess is my knowledge. I swear by my honor as a scholar that the information I have scribed here is correct to the best of my knowledge. (signed) Kilanie of the White Sands Dear Ms. Kilanie of the White Sands, Regarding Question 6, we do not normally allow people who admit they are skilled at healing the undead into the city. However, since one of our city councilmen recently transformed into a lich, we have been persuaded to waive that restriction at the present time. This policy may or may not remain in place in the future, depending on the composition of the city council. You are required to come to City Hall at sundown. The councilman's transformation seems to be unstable and he is in need of medical assistance. Please bring your rod of ebon and bone. Bring your half-demon companion as well since the councilman has given us to understand that his blood might be of assistance in any necessary rituals. Best wishes, Rodrick One-Eared, Beloved of Satannish Newly-appointed Overseer of the West Gate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lensman Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 2 hours ago, archer said: Dear Mr. Utgor, Question number 13 is not optional. You may not decline to declare whether you are possessed. Also Questions 17 and 18 obviously go together. You were evasive and declined to give information about whether your horse is literate or not. We are therefore forced to believe that your horse is not only literate but is planning to use his literacy in order to spread subversive literature in our fair city. Utgor, Son of Angor, you are denied entry into the city. Have a nice day, Rinestagg, Headmister and Keeper of the Gate Bureaucracy of Candlekeep Appeal to Denial of Entry of Utgor Son of Angor I am Stave, retained to argue for overturning the Denial of Entry and the Admission of Utgor Son of Angor to this Fair City. Question 13. This question, as probing and fair as any, was in fact answered by Utgor. The answer given did transcribe his surprise, not an objection to the question. Utgor Son of Angor is not now, nor has he ever been possessed, as I understand Possessed to be defined in City canon. Question 17. This question was answered in all honesty. Question 18. Utgor Son of Angor hails from a homeland that defines the word 'they' to only refer to bipedal races. Utgor Son of Angor's plain understanding of the word 'they' has one frame of reference, bipedal persons he currently travels with that are also entering this fair city. Utgor Son of Angor would amend his answer to Question 18, he would strike his given answer and amend that his unnamed and well bred horse is not literate. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Stave archer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted September 2, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 47 minutes ago, lensman said: Appeal to Denial of Entry of Utgor Son of Angor I am Stave, retained to argue for overturning the Denial of Entry and the Admission of Utgor Son of Angor to this Fair City. Question 13. This question, as probing and fair as any, was in fact answered by Utgor. The answer given did transcribe his surprise, not an objection to the question. Utgor Son of Angor is not now, nor has he ever been possessed, as I understand Possessed to be defined in City canon. Question 17. This question was answered in all honesty. Question 18. Utgor Son of Angor hails from a homeland that defines the word 'they' to only refer to bipedal races. Utgor Son of Angor's plain understanding of the word 'they' has one frame of reference, bipedal persons he currently travels with that are also entering this fair city. Utgor Son of Angor would amend his answer to Question 18, he would strike his given answer and amend that his unnamed and well bred horse is not literate. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Stave Dear Barrister Stave, Thank you for the clarifications, particularly in the matter of possession. The decision on whether to admit someone into the city or not is based in law. And as you know, possession is nine tenths of the law. After due consideration, Utgor Son of Angor is now granted entry to the city. Enjoy your stay and don't forget to tip your waiters. So I have said and so I have decreed, Rinestagg, Headmister and Keeper of the Gate Bureaucracy of Candlekeep Scott Ruggels and assault 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Bushido Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 APPLICATION FOR ENTRANCE TO THE CITY 1) Full name Koloth the Virile 2) Mother's maiden name The Fertile 3) Any titles you have and where they were granted The Virile: Koloth have eleventeen wives, some his own. Have tens and tens of childs. Deathbringer: former village in the hills Iron Doom: Gatekeeper at former fortification before hill village The Sapper: numerous walled cities other side of hills Rat bastard: guy who cheats at dice 4) Place of birth On horseback. Mom plenty tough 5) What is your reason for visiting our fair city? Look around. Find wives. Study walls. 6) Education Know wenching, math to seven. Also architecture and which pot for drinking, which pot for peeing. Good sapper. 7) List your previous three jobs Break walls a fortification before hill village Break walls at hill village This job here 8 ) List of references (preferably at least one within the city) Good article about Koloth in Sapper Monthly. Let me in; I show you. 9) Preferred religion Big fan of statues with battle axe. Battle axe means best god. 10) Any outstanding tax debts Owe nothing to any currently-standing village, city, or kingdom. 11) Any outstanding bounties and the circumstances of why a bounty has been placed upon you Bounties on Koloth all based on poor survival skills of someone with too much coin. No bounty on Koloth by any living person. 12) Declare all dangerous companions and all dangerous items in your possession Koloth peaceful traveller. Have only shovels, axes and scrolls on "how to sap" for barbarians. 13) Declare whether you are possessed Koloth possessed of great strength, great stamina, and cool hat made from skull of ogre war chief. 14) Do you eat carrots? Sweetens rice dishes and removes gaminess from orc stew. Also makes roast bear taste like food. 15) Emergency contact information Deity who owes you best favor. Contact now. 16) Are you literate? No; parents married. 17) Do you have a horse or other livestock which you are bringing into the city? only horse for riding and two horses for eating. Horse for carrying potions of fireball way in back. 18) Are they literate? Yes. Horse parents never married. All horses literate. Giving false information on this form is punishable by fines, imprisonment, and/or execution as deemed necessary by the local magistrate and such punishments may be inflicted in any order. Koloth not lie, but amenable to perform executions and inflict punishments for local master gate when current job over. Eyrie, archer, Scott Ruggels and 2 others 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.