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Marcus Impudite

People Are Stealing Toilet Paper Now...

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It was one thing when when people were panic-buying and hording it by the metric ton, but now they're going around straight up stealing it. You heard me right, PEOPLE ARE STEALING TOILET PAPER. Rumor has it a state park in Michigan is having to lock all the bathrooms along their jogging trails because someone's been smashing the dispensers and absconding with every single roll. They're even taking the hand soap. Is the Beer Virus turning everyone into Cornholio? Because this makes no fragging sense.

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I heard one theory, that this isn't just a panic buying feedback loop.  Partially, yes, but also people aren't going out as much, and that means they aren't using public restrooms as much. So, they need more toilet paper in their own homes. The public toilet paper business is not the same as the home toilet paper business. They don't get made by the same companies, and sometimes they don't even come from the same mill. They don't get shipped the same way. So, it isn't so easy for suppliers to change to meet the new demand.

 

But yes, my wife got us some TP yesterday, and she said some people have been ripping open packs at Wal-Mart and pocketing individual rolls.

 

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20 minutes ago, Sociotard said:

I heard one theory, that this isn't just a panic buying feedback loop.  Partially, yes, but also people aren't going out as much, and that means they aren't using public restrooms as much. So, they need more toilet paper in their own homes. The public toilet paper business is not the same as the home toilet paper business. They don't get made by the same companies, and sometimes they don't even come from the same mill. They don't get shipped the same way. So, it isn't so easy for suppliers to change to meet the new demand.

 

But yes, my wife got us some TP yesterday, and she said some people have been ripping open packs at Wal-Mart and pocketing individual rolls.

 

Yeah, somehow I'm not surprised people are doing stuff like that. I've also heard of some particularly brazen TP bandits loading up a cart with as many packs as they can lay hands on and just bolting for the front doors at the smaller stores. One pair of such opportunists knocked one of the store employees to the floor like a bowling pin on their way out, they didn't even care that they might have injured the poor guy.

 

You and yours stay safe, I have a feeling things are going to get crazier still before this is all over.

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  Point one;  This is not new behavior.   I worked at Toys R Us during the dark days of the Cabbage Patch Kids.  I saw a little old lady drive the point of her umbrella under the ribs of an Asst. Manager in a two handed quarter staff cross body move I’d never seen outside of a Robin Hood film.  An inch and a half deep puncture wound. We let her take the doll...nobody liked Fred anyway.

 

  Point two;  At times like this I always go back to the line from Men in Black.  “A person can be smart,  people are dumb, panicky animals and you know it.”

 

Watch yourselves out there, the virus is the least dangerous thing in the supermarket.

 

 

 

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35 minutes ago, Marcus Impudite said:

Yeah, somehow I'm not surprised people are doing stuff like that. I've also heard of some particularly brazen TP bandits loading up a cart with as many packs as they can lay hands on and just bolting for the front doors at the smaller stores. One pair of such opportunists knocked one of the store employees to the floor like a bowling pin on their way out, they didn't even care that they might have injured the poor guy.

 

You and yours stay safe, I have a feeling things are going to get crazier still before this is all over.

 

Why do I feel that if I got knocked over like that (if not hurt bad enough to not get up), the rage would get the best of me, and I end up chasing the offender through the parking lot like a madman?

 

On the plus side for the offender I cant run like I used to, well, I do have some decent speed for my age, but almost no stamina (so blind rage would have to sub for stamina).

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Worse yet, some of the thieves do not even use what they steal. Instead, they sell it for absurd prices on the roadside, taking advantage of law abiding people who are desperate for toilet paper but unable to get any.

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Hmmm.  I'm over 60, so I can use the early "Senior hours" at stores, before everything has been sold out.  Maybe I can be a grey-market agent.  What's a good markup number, dollars per roll?

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2 hours ago, Cancer said:

Hmmm.  I'm over 60, so I can use the early "Senior hours" at stores, before everything has been sold out.  Maybe I can be a grey-market agent.  What's a good markup number, dollars per roll?

 

I remember a dozen years back, when it looked like Obama was going to win the election....  all the stocking up...  all the lunatics talking and panicking....

 

most of them were pretty convinced that the .22 long rifle bullet was going to be the new dollar bill......

 

If only they knew.....

 

I bet I could get two cases of .22 long for a single roll of double-ply right now.....   :rofl:

 

 

 

 

14 hours ago, death tribble said:

One of my mother's tenants has apparently got 86 rolls of toilet paper. Bought legitimately. But still.

 

 

Dude, there are four women in my household.

 

What you have there is almost a two-week supply.

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Wasn't it Sheryl Crow many years ago, that said you should only be using one square.

 

I just remember thinking that I need more than one square when blowing my nose in the morning.

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10 hours ago, death tribble said:

You know maybe they are stealing the toilet rolls for s different purpose. I suddenly had that idea and I heard this

 

So is this a mad idea or not ?

 

It sounds like a ripping yarn.

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Maybe it is ok, to steal the public restroom paper, I'm not sure people actually use it anyway.  :o

 

Edit: ok they do, to obsessive-compulsive rip it into small pieces and leave it on the ground around the toilet itself, but for its intended purpose, not so sure.

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That is true.  And I have no idea why I have been on public restrooms lately  (well I sort of do, probably my outward showing of being  bit rattled by the corona*)

 

 

*though, not really of the virus itself so much as the social upheaval forced upon me

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On 4/3/2020 at 11:08 PM, Badger said:

Why do I feel that if I got knocked over like that (if not hurt bad enough to not get up), the rage would get the best of me, and I end up chasing the offender through the parking lot like a madman?

 

In ancient times I worked at Walmart like local store and about 10 minutes after we opened on a Sunday morning a drunkard decided I was taking too long to scan the groceries and threw them in my face.

 

Before I even knew what was happening I had bounced a bag of potato chips off the back of his head as hard as I could throw them with a hearty !@#$ You!! thrown in for good measure.

 

Getting blindsided will mash the Rage button!

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9 hours ago, ScottishFox said:

 

In ancient times I worked at Walmart like local store and about 10 minutes after we opened on a Sunday morning a drunkard decided I was taking too long to scan the groceries and threw them in my face.

 

Before I even knew what was happening I had bounced a bag of potato chips off the back of his head as hard as I could throw them with a hearty !@#$ You!! thrown in for good measure.

 

Getting blindsided will mash the Rage button!


   Props to you for your actions, but it would have been worth bonus points if you used canned goods or a jar of pickles.

  (Pickles because of the weight and the brine gets a nice burn going in the cuts.)

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34 minutes ago, Old Man said:

Real men use crushed glass.

 

Nah, just sit down in the grass in the backyard, and run on your hands, dragging yourself along (aka the method of the canine) :winkgrin:

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