Well, Dad is in Yellowstone for another tourist season, so here are the ranger jokes.
1 How to identify the bear trying to eat you: Climb a tree. If it climbs the tree to eat you, it's a black bear. If it knocks down the tree to eat you, it's a grizzly bear.
2. Do not blow your car horn at the herd of bison crossing the road. The males have been known to use thier horns in retaliation.
3. In August, you get the mating season for elk. At this time of year, male elk get single minded, and tend to look at things as either a. something to mate with, b. something to fight with, or c. something to eat. As you do not wish to be in any of these catagories, stay away from elk.
4. Male bighorn sheep are called "rams" for a good reason. If you want a demonstration, stand too close to the herd.
5. The tree that looks like a telephone pole with a Christmas tree on top is a lodgepole pine. They grow that way naturally. The tree that looks like a telephone pole with a palm tree on top is a cell phone tower trying to blend in and failing.
6. Geysers are not on a clock. "Old Faithful" erupts about every 45 minutes, plus or minus a half hour. And it's the most regular geyser in the world.
7. If a bear wants your backpack, let him have it.
8. Don't shoot a bear with a pistol. You may injure him, but he'll kill you.