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BlackCobra

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Everything posted by BlackCobra

  1. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I apologize in advance, but what can you do about undead puns, they keep getting back up. Yes, I was responsible for the last undead-related thread derailment, why do you ask? --- GM tells us about the monsters in front of us. Lord Tars OOC: so what you're telling us is that there's a dwarf and seven wights? --- GM: They going to be on her like wight on rice in a moment. --- And these are just a sampling from that pun-filled evening. Really, is there any monster, creature or NPC more pun-able than the wight?
  2. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... A quote from our plane-hopping D&D (3.5) campaign. The characters are seeking out an all-powerful archmage type who has disappeared. They find a fountain in the bathroom of one of his fortresses that grants a Wish spell once every century. They debate whether it's a good idea to use up his once a century wish. Osborne (OOC?): "Oh please, one wish every 100 years? He craps better magic than that!" In retrospect, the line was even funnier since we were in his bathroom...
  3. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... From before we even started playing, so no campaign to reference. Our group uses a fairly arcane, grown-over-time system of rules for voting on who will run in a particular evening. (Yeah, I know, we have that rare gaming group disease: Too Many GMs. It's rough, but we're suffering through it.) Someone (me?) suggests voting by pointing, rather than the time-honored secret paper ballot. Someone: "Ah, that's not kosher!" Me: "What, point of order, per Robert's Rules?" Someone else: "We don't use Robert's Rules of Order." jtelson: "We don't even use the Dread Pirate Robert's Rules of Order."
  4. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Big fight. Hero whacks the villain with a table from the restaurant: "Your table is ready, sir!"
  5. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... This quote of the week, from our Shackleborn City D&D game, brought to you in the form of a webcomic. The guy playing the bard in the group made a comic on the very quote I was going to post, and since it's SO much better than I had transcribed... http://comic.howansky.org/comic/being-the-bard (There's a small typo in the first panel. Where it says "drarven" it should be "dwarven".)
  6. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Session of our dimension hopping D&D campaign: The samarai-ko Lady Min is grappled by a nasty demon. Her halfling companion comes up behind the demon and sneak-attacks him for a HUGE amount of damage. Lady Min OOC: "Say hello to my little friend!!" ----------------------------------------------- GM, referring to the same demon, who is being killed by the halfling rogue, OOC: "Nothing but goo!" (Which is like "Nothing but net", but with more demon-gore.)
  7. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Finally back playing our Heracles Children: Heroes of Ancient Greece campaign! We're finally out of the jungles of Deepest Africa (modern day Lake Victoria to the Sudan) and in Lower Egypt (Nubia). We haven't played so long, poor Critias is having trouble remembering where he's prince of: Critias: "I'm Prince of ... " OOC: "Crap!" Aveula OOC: "Prince of Crap? You should probably call it Crappiér, it sounds better." ------------------------------------------- We're discussing various plans for getting our former Hyksos rebel fighters, now Myrmidons, out of Nubia and the ideas aren't flowing so well. Lydos (Me) OOC: "We're not so good when we're not in Greece."
  8. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... From my [Evil d20 System Which Must Not Be Named] game last week. Marvin has acquired a new ability which lets him do a hilarious (for him) amount of damage in one strike. He is preparing to do battle versus a very large zombie-fied Ogre (the flesh kind, not the tank kind). Marvin OOC: "I totally Voltron him"* -------------- Neville tucks the two daggers he had out -- and had been hacking some zombies with in close quarters (!) hand-to-hand combat -- back into his boot-tops. Then he picks up his staff. Neville: "Gotta carry a staff. I'm a Wizard." * You must be THIS old to get that joke. Or be enormously Anime-proficient.
  9. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... More quotes from our "Fantasy Game Which Must Not Be Named": Our heroes are trying to deal with a large army of orcs, bugbears and minotaurs. The encampment is divided into sections or semi-circular bands: orc, bugbear and leaders (with the minotaurs). Osbourne OOC: "What's at the edge of the orc band?" Jessica OOC: "The orc mosh pit?" ------------------- Two of the very lawful players in the group are trying to figure out how to create a distraction so they can sneak out. It isn't going really well. Belleric OOC: "You're so lawful, you couldn't create choas in an orc camp!" ------------------- Jessica OOC:"It's bigger than a standard quasit, it's a walk-in quasit!"
  10. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Some more quotes from our "Fantasy Game Which Must Not Be Named": We're on the outskirts of a large orc army. We've already killed all the outermost scouts. Xan: "I wonder if they put out more scouts?" GM: "When they're incompetent, and come in large blocks, they're called patrols." Osbourne: "Ok, then we patrol towards the camp." ---- The orc army has a contingent of minotaur. We idly wonder if they have any sneaky scout types. Minotaur ninja? Crazy talk, we say. Belloric OOC: "But they get bonuses to MOOOoove silently." [The groaning may now commence.]
  11. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Quotes from our "Fantasy Game Which Must Not Be Named": Party is discussing whether we should rescue the NPC who's caught behind enemy lines. Belloric OOC: "We have to go save her! She's wearing 100's of thousands of gold pieces worth of party gear!" [NPC fighter-type ended up being given some VERY pricey weapons that no-one else in our very arcane-focused group wanted.] --- Players asks if the wizened goblin riding on the minotaur's shoulder is flat-footed. You know, no reason. Me OOC: "Quick, make your bluff check against the GM!" --- Xan (our Elven warrior princess with a little magic) casts glitterdust on the patch of Evard's Black Tentacles that demons just dissappeared from. GM: It's a disco hell. ---
  12. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... More quotes from our Ancient Greek Heroes campaign: Herakles' Children. Current story arc? "Out of Africa" [Our heroes are attempting to return to Thebes after an accidental and non-consensual teleportation to deepest Africa.] A new character (Avel) introduces himself as the grandson of the South Wind. Critias: "You can have sex with the wind??" GM: "You had sex with the moon!" [Critias got it on with Luna, the Titan/goddess of the moon.] ---------- Critias: "Am I the only one who needs to eat or sleep?" Lydos (me), grumpily: "No, I have to eat and sleep, thank you very much!" Xander: "Apparently, Mr Grumpy needs to sleep right now." [dismissive hand gesture] ----------- Avel is making a smell perception roll, and someone mentions it's got to stink to high heaven, what with the Deep Ones decomposing on the beach (where we slew them as the exited the lake). The GM says that they completely dissolve away before the sun rises. Xander: "It's a dry stink." ------------ Callisto is seized by a giant beast (think Cthulhuian brontosaurus) using its mouth. She's in danger of the dreaded D&D-style "swallow whole". Xander: "And now you can find out if you can regenerate from poo!"
  13. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... From our dimension-hopping fantasy game: Xan (elven princess): "I'm sorry, but I don't feel good about getting directions from I-don't-remember-who-I-am girl!"
  14. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... From our dimension-wandering D&D campaign, currently in the Middle Kingdom (Asian-inspired fantasy world): OOC: "Because that's the name of this campaign, three hot chicks and Kan Shui." (All our front-line fighters are women.) We find out the Emperor is a 14-year-old boy. He's taken a shine to Xan, our Elven princess (and one of the fighters). We're imagining what's going on in his head: "Wow, a hot alien chick! I need to totally do her!"
  15. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Originally Posted by BlackCobra From my D&D Everybody Plays a Dragon campaign: After someone commented how the massive army of undead was no big deal: Tom (Warlock, brass dragon): "Hey, what about the 3 square miles of zombies!? They took me all night! No appreciates the little things." It's worse than you think. He was complaining because he spent all night taking out the giant army of zombies by using the Warlock invocation which creates a small field of writhing, bone-chillingly cold tentacles of darkness, which thrash around and squeeze things. Because he's a Warlock, and can create another field every round, he had to carpet the battlefield with them.
  16. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... More memorable quotes from our Ancient Greek Heroes (Heracles' Children). Our friend Callisto has been kidnapped. We burst into the largest hut/house in the Evil Village, where we find a bunch of worshipers and the Evil Bad Guy on a throne. Hector (OOC): "Is Callisto there Princess Leia'd?" ------------------ Pelorious (OOC): "It's ok to nail goddesses if it's on their own altar." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ From my D&D Everybody Plays a Dragon campaign: After someone commented how the massive army of undead was no big deal: Tom (Warlock, brass dragon): "Hey, what about the 3 square miles of zombies!? They took me all night! No appreciates the little things."
  17. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... From our planar hopping D&D campaign: We picked up a huge load of loot (cash, magic items, art), way out of our payscale, and we're trying to be subtle when selling it so as to not attract the wrong attention. Warmage: "I let that guy know what else we had for sale ... what? I shouldn't have?" Osborne (rogue): "No, that's ok. I've been poor most of my life." Two women in the party discussing being hit on by the same male party member: Xan: "I'm used to men being a lot more aggressive." Osborne (rogue under discussion) OOC: "I'm proficient in sap!" ---------------------------------------------------------------- From our Children of Heracles: First Age, ancient Greek superheroes campaign. About to engage in a grab/wrestling move with a giant-sized hyena*: Critias: "It can't be stronger than me!" (OOC: boy, am I going to regret saying that) Critias (only seconds later): "It's head didn't come off!" * Since our Greeks had never seen or heard of a hyena, it was referred to as a "giant lop-sided dog". Our heroes have just been teleported by an enemy's spell to deepest Africa (about Lake Victoria or Ukerewe area), right before an attack on Thebes was about to happen. The priest from the village we end up near is asking us for help with a killer demon-thing (the giant lop-sided dog). Xander: "This might be the time to mention our pressing engagement." Callisto, our "Hero of the People" is Unflappable (distinctive feature). We run into Luna, a Titan, who is posing as or is actually the moon goddess in the area. Everyone reacts with trepidation and concern (or toga-wetting). Someone quips "everyone except Callisto, she's unflappable". Callisto (OOC): "No, I'm a little flapped, actually."
  18. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... A quote from the Heracles' Children: First Age, ancient greek "superhero" campaign. The whole group is engaged in a round-robin of torqued-off-ishness at each other. And we're trapped in a caved-in mine (it's a death trap). We're arguing, close to fighting, and one character is trying to get over the arguing part: Critias: "How many times would you have to stab me for this to be over?" Someone immediately chimes in: "How many stabs does it take to get to the center of Critias?"
  19. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Quote from another of our Fantasy games. PC is explaining the current situation to a halfling we found near-dead in the midst of a half-orc camp (post fight with the same half-orcs): PC #1: "I'm sorry, but your companions are all dead---" PC #2, interrupting: "No, no! First, you say 'Your adventuring companions are up on the roof...'" For those of you who don't get the reference, this is a reference to a very old joke, reprinted here for your edification: "A fellow is going away for a vacation for a couple of weeks and he has his best friend look after his house. And water the plants, take care of the pets and all the rest of it. He’s gone for a couple of days and he gets a phone call from the fellow tending to the house. He says, “I gotta tell you, I’ve got bad news – your cat’s dead.” The guy was traumatized. So the next year when he was getting ready to go on vacation he says, “I’m going to be going again. I want you to watch the house --- and look after things. But if anything happens, you’ve go to give it to me in small installments – so I can absorb it. Like with the cat – you call me up and, Bingo! You say, “Your cat’s dead!” Instead, you should have said, “Your cat went up on the roof.” Then, call me back later and said, “And, the fire department came to rescue your cat.” And then you can say, “And then the cat fell off the roof.” And then, you could have called me and said, “Your cat’s dead”. That way I could have prepared myself rather than being so shocked. The guy said, “Okay. I’ll do that. Probably nuthin is goin ta happen anyway. I understand.” So he goes on vacation for a couple of days; he’s only on vacation for a couple of days and he picks up the phone and it’s his friend who’s looking after the house, and the fella says, “I’ve got news for you. Your mother’s on the roof.” Reprinted via the internet from this fine website: http://facets-aquamarine.blogspot.com/2007/02/joke-cat-is-on-roof.html
  20. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... From our (forgive us!) D&D game: It has been the habit, derived no doubt from campaigns more rife with guns, to refer to wands that have been Metamagic Maximized as being "cocked". You know, like people do with shotguns to make a point. Mir OOC: I pull out my cocked wand. Nimbus OOC [clutches head]: Too ... many ... jokes... * * It's helpful to used a choked expression and a Shatner-style delivery.
  21. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... OOC Discussion of heroes in our Greek Heroes campaign (Heracle's Children): "Woodchippers do a lot of stun!" (It was a discussion of "how tough is my character".)
  22. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Some quotes from our filler FCUAS (Fantasy Campaign Using Another System): Hardicott: halfling warmage Constance: human rogue Hardicott OOC: "Is she going to be a long-term NPC? Should I write her name down?" GM: "Depends on if you guys get her killed or not." Hardicott OOC: "Ok, I won't bother then." ----------- Our rogue is being mauled by a shadow mastiff, and the party has not been tremendously helpful in fending it off. Constance: "What's with everybody coming in and winging magic at it!? Stab it! Stab it!"
  23. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... More quotes from Heracles' Children: The First Age game Critias has been talking to the Big Bad Guy, negotiating. Pelorios: "So why aren't you kicking him yet?" Critias: "Because ... we're still at the talky stage?" ----------------------- The Big Bad Guy (BBG), leader of an Okia [Viper] nest, is talking about the henchmen of another (much more evil) bad guy. Lord Fraxas (BBG): "They're fit." Critias: "Fit?! Men who I stab with my spear repeatedly and who don't fall down afterwards? More than fit!" ------------------------ Don't remember the speaker, but the remark was made in response to one of the PCs visiting the estate of one of the Lords of Thebes. And he's quite the partier. "What happens on Lord Cassius' estate, stays on Lord Cassius' estate."
  24. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Another quote from our intrepid Ancient Greek (super)Heroes: We're looking at the shoulder bag dropped (ok, split off from his shoulder with lightning) by the head Cyclops who was going to attack the city but then left. Critias (a PC) is overly curious, goes over and manfully pushes open the bag (which takes something). A HUGE burst of energy blasts forth, knocking him 7 hexes in the air. We're talking about it afterwards and another character is describing it has Critias having been bathed in it's cosmic energy. Critias: "I wasn't bathed with the energies of the universe, I was punched in the face by the energies of the universe." -------------- We later visit the Oracle at Delphi, which prompts the discussion of what we'd buy from the souvenir vendors outside the temple. We settle on the ever-popular ancient quote from another campaign which also involved talking to the Oracle: "I talked to the Oracle at Delphi, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."
  25. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I guess I didn't make clear the completely-off-the-cuff, rapid delivery of the trigonometry in question. But perhaps it was more 1 part had-to-be-there, 1 part English major marveling at the Math.
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