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Marcus Impudite

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About Marcus Impudite

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    Momo's beloved Captain
  • Birthday 10/26/1974

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  1. I imagine Fox might laugh if her Ex, Jerry, was the one who fell for this. 😉
  2. Overnight, all over Campaign City, someone has set up several kiosks in public places. Said kiosks feature only a large, red button and sign over it that reads, "WARNING: DO NOT PRESS THIS BUTTON." If pressed, the button triggers a hidden spray nozzle that sprays the person with a (non-toxic, soap and water washable) bright orange dye and then plays a digital recording of mocking laughter from a hidden speaker. At each kiosk, a web cam is hidden nearby, constantly streaming to a popular video hosting site (the URL for each kiosk's video stream is in small print at the bottom of the sign). Who is behind this? WWYCD?
  3. Yeah, somehow I'm not surprised people are doing stuff like that. I've also heard of some particularly brazen TP bandits loading up a cart with as many packs as they can lay hands on and just bolting for the front doors at the smaller stores. One pair of such opportunists knocked one of the store employees to the floor like a bowling pin on their way out, they didn't even care that they might have injured the poor guy. You and yours stay safe, I have a feeling things are going to get crazier still before this is all over.
  4. It was one thing when when people were panic-buying and hording it by the metric ton, but now they're going around straight up stealing it. You heard me right, PEOPLE ARE STEALING TOILET PAPER. Rumor has it a state park in Michigan is having to lock all the bathrooms along their jogging trails because someone's been smashing the dispensers and absconding with every single roll. They're even taking the hand soap. Is the Beer Virus turning everyone into Cornholio? Because this makes no fragging sense.
  5. We've been self-quarintined since last month, the office is closed until further notice anyway. Not sure if the Beer Virus can affect a demon in a meat suit, but I chose not to take any unnecessary risks. Only going out when absolutely necessary, like shopping for groceries.
  6. I was thinking much the same thing just now. Depending on how much of a brain-trust our Jane Doe was, she might've thought it would be a good idea to "shake and bake" some meth in there. Cooking hillbilly crack is a great way to blow yourself to kingdom come if you're careless.
  7. Fair enough, but that still leaves us with an exploded porta-potty and a thoroughly charred Jane Doe that require an explanation.
  8. If I had to hazard a guess, I think it's likely our Jane Doe decided to have a smoke while in there. Not a smart move, but no one ever said Florida-Woman was that much brighter than Florida-Man.
  9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLq5R8LcvnI When you gotta go, you gotta go...
  10. Q: What does it say in Facebook's TOS? A: And that's when I jumped out the second story window.
  11. The general idea is this: A planet in a remote star system to which a galaxy-spanning empire exiles criminals who they want to be rid of for good but for various reasons could not just be outright executed. After transmitting a security code, the transport enters the planet's atmosphere just long enough to shove prisoners out a back hatch with parachutes. New arrivals who survive the skydive from the upper atmosphere can expect to spend the rest of their lives here--how long that is my vary. It's not unheard of for chutes to fail and the unlucky to go spat when they hit the ground, "the first cut" as some call it. It's effectively a prison with out guards or a warden, the empire doesn't care what individuals exiled to this planet do as long as they never leave. Escape is but a pipe dream; even if someone manages to cobble together a craft that's even remotely space-worthy, one of the many Damocles-Class laser cannons that orbit the planet will shoot it out of the sky long before it achieves escape velocity.
  12. Q: What was that piece that came off the grenade when I pulled the pin? A: The three shops in every town you should never, ever try to rob: the gun shop, the pawn shop, and the donut shop.
  13. Q: What do you mean Papa Bear is having an affair? A: I told you she would never consciously betray the Rebellion.
  14. Q: Did you hear Elmer Fudd went bankrupt from all the fines he's had to pay to the Fishing and Wildlife Department? A: And that's why we don't bring you on important missions anymore.
  15. Next time, pay attention during the mission briefing... If indeed there is a next time for you. :D
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