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teh bunneh

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Everything posted by teh bunneh

  1. A dream within a dream... I was an FBI agent, tasked along with my partner to transport Dr. Hannibal Lector across the country. While we were having breakfast at a small diner, I told Dr. Lector I had an odd dream that night. ----- I dreamed that I was an FBI agent who had brought in a notorious serial killer known as Dan the Animal, or Animal Dan. He was called this because of his habit of biting chunks off of his victims, and because he signed his letters to the police "Dan." His real name was Eric Smith Foley, and I had tracked him down and caught him. He had been put in a maximum security psycho ward, locked away in solitary confinement because he was judged to dangerous to have any contact with the outside world at all. But Dan the Animal had a following in the outside world. A man broke into the facility to free him. I chase the man down and tackled him just before he got Dan's cell door open. I was infuriated with him! I knocked him to the ground, kicked him in the balls, punched his face until it was bloody, and then bit a chunk of his face off. But it was too late. The man was just a distraction; while I was beating him, a woman dressed as a nurse opened the cell door and let Dan free. I tried to stop her, but Dan was already out. He glared at me with his animal eyes, and I backed off. I knew I was no match for Dan one-on-one; he would kill me. I had no choice but to let him escape and hope to catch up with him before he could kill again. After all, no one knew Dan better than I did -- I was the one who caught him in the first place. Unfortunately, Dan was smarter than us. He managed to elude our dragnet. His first victim was a woman who had been in contact with him several times. She had written numerous books and articles about him. She had a rapport with him, as she was able to convince him to talk with her when he would talk with no one else. She had even sent him signed copies of her books. But Dan broke into her house and murdered her in the night. She had been 86 years old. We had to stop him before he killed again, so we set a trap. I knew where he would go next, and we were waiting for him. In an abandoned building, I leapt out at him, a large hunting knife in my hand. He had a knife too, and the two of us slashed and dodged, trying to find an opening. A rookie cop, hearing the noise, came into the room. He had Dan right in his sights, and yelled, "Freeze!" Dan, without a second's hesitation, threw his knife into the cop's chest, killing him. I was so mad -- the cop had Animal Dan in his sights, and he yells at him? Why didn't he shoot? You only get one chance with Dan, and if you don't take it, you're dead! ----- "Interesting," Dr. Lector told me. "Do you know why you dreamt this? It's because you, secretly, *are* Dan the Animal." "No," I said, wary of what the doctor was telling me and knowing about his penchant for trying to get into peoples' heads. "Dan the Animal doesn't exist; there's never been a serial killer like that." "Not exactly, no," Lector agreed. "But think about it. How easy would it be for an FBI agent who specialized in tracking down serial killers to be one? You know all of their habits, all of their methods, all of their psychosis. You could kill any number of people, and pin each murder on the serial killer of the week, and no one would be the wiser."
  2. Re: Order of the Stick Nice. I don't know about in 3rd edition, but when I was playing D&D Heal cast on an Undead took away all but 1d6 hit points. Ouchie!
  3. Re: Foods for those that just don't care anymore When I was a kid, my mom would make some nasty-ass tuna salad every once in a while, using cheap canned tuna. I hated it. Could not stand it. Wouldn't touch it; haven't touched it since. But when I was in college, some friends of mine and I went to a fancy seafood place. Among the other dishes at the table was a beautiful fresh tuna steak, broiled in butter, prepared by a chef of some renoun. So I decided to try a taste. And? Ugh. Yuck. I decided then and there that yes, it's true. I do not like tuna.
  4. Re: I have a dream. (and MAN was it wierd!) The Princess of the Raccoons was upset. In recent years, raccoons had gone from being one of the noblest of nature's creatures, to a joke. Wolves and bears and their like were the most powerful animals now. So she decided to revitalize her people by holding a contest. All the raccoons in the world would participate. She and her advisors had stolen a magical piece of red yarn, and had hidden it somewhere in the world; somewhere impossible to find. Whichever raccoon found it and brought it back would win fame and fortune and help grow his peoples' reputation once again. I decided that the most impossible place to find would be the bottom of the Marianas Trench in the ocean, so I prepared a diving suit to help keep me warm in the icy depths, that was also as stylish as a raccoon could get. It looked like a pirate costume, covered in glittering gemstones. I somehow acquired perfluorocarbon to fill my diving suit with, so the pressures of the trench wouldn't crush me. My team were ready and willing to go, but we had to wait until the start time. I was getting anxious and eager to get started, and kept jumping the gun (which was getting the Princess upset). Finally, they said that they had created a list of clues as to where the object was hidden. They put the list inside a bee's nest, to make it hard to get to. Fortunately, my team were all in diving suits so the bees didn't bother us. We got the list and were reading it over. Frankly, I didn't care what the list said; I was going to search the Marianas Trench and that was that.
  5. Re: Order of the Stick Those lawful good types. Always so unwilling to compromise.
  6. Re: What Fantasy/Sci-Fi book have you just finished? Please rate it... The Year's Best Dark Fantasy and Horror 2010, edited by Paula Gunan. I used to get The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror collection, edited by Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling, every year since the early 90s. I really liked this collection, as it was a mix of the fantastic and the horrific, ranging from light children's fantasies to splatterpunk to psychological horror to swords-and-sorcery fare. But a few years ago, they stopped publishing them. So when I spotted this book in the bookstore a couple of months ago, I had to get it to check it out. It isn't quite the same -- there's a lot more focus on the dark and horror aspects. There's no sword-and-sorcery or light fantasy fare here. Still, it's a solid collection of horror stories, ranging from the mundane (child abuse and its long-term effects) to the truly bizarre. There are some horror genres that are left unfilled (no splatterpunk, no action-horror), but if you like short stories and dark fiction, it's worth a look. I believe I will pick up the 2011 and 2012 volumes.
  7. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I want to name a warship the SS She's On Our Side, Sir.
  8. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... From the Thursday night Savage Worlds: Kerberos Club game I played in. The characters were: - Monarchy, the “Second Most Dangerous Man in the Empire,” a spy and assassin working for the Queen - Matrix, a fallen angel - Bolt, a mechanical man - Archer, the greatest archer the world had ever seen - Fortress, a man of living stone - Teatrix, a dark fae After being attacked by gorillas in steam-tech powered armor: Monarchy: Gorillas don’t normally come equipped as such, in my experience. Matrix, who couldn’t make a single perception roll all night, when someone asked him what had just happened Matrix: I don’t really know… I was just buying some bananas. A world-famous professor of archaeology was uncovering the lost Tomb of Anubis. We explained to him that we thought his dig was in danger due to the gorilla attack. Archaeologist: They’ve been helping me with my project. Monarchy: Who? The gorillas??? Archaeologist: No, my grad students. Archer: Basically the same thing. On opening the tomb and removing its treasures: Monarchy: It’s not looting. It’s archaeology. On opening a tomb said to hold the body of the dead God of Death… Monarchy: I can’t think of anything that could possibly go wrong with this plan. Matrix, who has failed yet another perception roll, is attacked from behind by a gorilla. Matrix: These bananas pack quite a whollop! Later: GM: Matrix, you’re up. What are you doing? Matrix: I’m drinking some tea. Attacked by a dog-man: Teatrix: I shall hit his nose with a rolled-up newspaper. Bolt the Mechanical Man opens up his power source, bathing the area in radiation. Bolt: I only want to hit the animal-man with the radiation. Archer: You can aim your radiation? Bolt: You can’t? Humans are so limited. A mis-aimed attack has cracked the seal to the tomb. Fortress: I sniff the crack. Fortress decides to open the tomb all the way. Archer: Wait… why are we doing this again? Monarchy: It’s archaeology, man! Archaeology! The evil god Anubis awakens and snarls at us. Teatrix: Ug. Morning breath, dude. Teatrix, being a dark fae, is sort of iffy on the whole good-bad thing. Archer: Tell me again why we brought the evil guy? Someone opens up a second sarcophagus… Bolt: We need Monarchy here to tell us “Nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan.” Archer: Also, “It’s archaeology!” Trying to talk to the recently awakened evil god: Teatrix: Maybe he’s not evil. Maybe he’s just cranky. Monarchy: Quick! Someone get this god his morning coffee! Attacked by the living dead: Archer: Zombies! They’re like androids made of flesh. Bolt: Ah! Kindred spirits! Bolt gets a little too close to Monarchy with his radiation field Bolt: You’ll be the Second Most Impotent Man in the Empire! The evil god is about to smash Teatrix Monarchy: It shouldn’t hurt for long. Archer: Just lie back and think of the Empire. Fortress is possessed by the power of evil. Monarchy: Fortress! Don’t turn evil! We love you! A last-ditch effort: Matrix: (sarcastic) I’m sure this plan is going to work. Bolt: Yes! Optimism!
  9. Re: Order of the Stick bunneh CALLED IT! http://www.herogames.com/forums/showthread.php/44696-Order-of-the-Stick?p=2084841&highlight=vampire#post2084841 Yeah. I even said his "children" were probably a euphemism for undead vampire babies.
  10. Re: And now, for your daily dose of cute... Heelan Coos!
  11. Re: "Neat" Pictures Our dear departed kitty Punkin Pie used to do that. She could get 5 feet off the ground from a sitting position. We called her "Air Kitty."
  12. Re: I have a dream. (and MAN was it wierd!) Several of my dreams recently have involved me getting into a fight with someone, and pinning them down and biting chunks of their face off. So, FYI. Don't get into a fight with me. My subconcious wants to eat your face.
  13. Re: A Thread For Random Links How to Avoid Huge Ships. Read the reviews.
  14. Re: "Neat" Pictures Ah. It's been so long since I saw Stargate I had forgotten he was in it. Derp.
  15. Re: "Neat" Pictures Escape from NY, The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, ???, Death Proof...
  16. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... In our Rogue Trader game, we renamed one of our ships The Vorpal Bunny because of its unnatural speed, ferocity, and innocent appearance. That little cruiser has taken down ships 3x its size!
  17. Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Yay! [/indent]
  18. Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. I got a text at like 3am one morning. I decided to play with it... Them (via text): BOA is providing $950 payday loans wired in two hours. NO Credit Check. Claim the cash at CashIn2Hrs.com and get funded now! Me: Boa? Is that you, man? Wow! I haven't heard from you in a long time! Me: It must be, what, seven or eight years? How have you been, man? Me: You're still in Virginia, huh? Some things never change, I guess! Me: What are you doing these days? Did that Communications degree ever pay off for you? Me: Remember how we used to tease you about that? You would get so pissed! Me: Man, we had some times, didn't we? Me: Whatever happened to those days? Me: I mean, obviously I know what happened. Me: Things just got crazy. Me: What with the court hearings and the craziness with all those reporters, things just got weird. Me: Am I right? Me: (about an hour later) No response? Hey man, why so quiet? Me: I used to have to gag you to shut you up! Me: You're not still mad, are you? Me: Dude, that was like eight years ago! Me: I said I was sorry. Me: And it's not like you don't have another sister. Me: Sorry man. That was low. Me: You know I loved her too, right? Me: And everyone knows it was an accident. Me: I was acquitted, remember? Me: I can't believe you're still mad. Me: (the next day) Man, I'm sorry about what I said last night. Me: It's just that when you texted me out of the blue like that, all those memories just came flooding back. Me: And I won't lie, I was drinking. Me: I know I promised to stop after that night, but it's hard. Me: I still live with the memories. Me: Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. Me: I miss her, you know? Me: I want her back. Me: But she's not coming back, is she? Me: (a week later) Dude, it's been a week since you texted me. Me: What the f**k? Me: You don't have the common courtesy to text back even once? Me: Dude. You started this, not me. Me: And now you're just going to go dark like this? Me: How about a simple admission that this was just a mistake? Me: Don't I even deserve that? Me: Jesus, you're an a**hole. Me: You know why she loved me more than you was because of cowardly s**t like this. Me: Yeah, i said it. And I meant it. She loved me more than you. Me: And you can go choke on it for all I care. Stay tuned for the continuing saga. And thank god for unlimited texting!
  19. Re: Creepy Pics. What's creepy about this?
  20. Re: A Thread for Random Musings I'm glad I have a daughter. I don't know anything about how to raise a boy. I don't know anything about boys, really, about what they do, what they are like, anything. I never was a boy. I actively avoided most other boys as I was growing up. I was never interested in sports or other "boy" activities. If I had a boy who wanted to do those things, I wouldn't have the first idea how, or what, or why. And I, in all honestly, don't know if I'd be able to encourage him in those things or not. I suspect I'd be a terrible father for a boy.
  21. Re: Jokes The bartender says, "We don't serve tachyons here." A tachyon walks into a bar.
  22. Re: Quote of the Week From My Life. Me: Baby V has another tooth coming in. I'm hoping it will be an enormous tusk, to rip out the bellies of her enemies with. Him: You have some unrealistic expectations as a parent. Me: All parents do. "My baby's going to grow up to be president! My baby's going to be a world-famous pianist! My baby is going to be the quarterback for the Jets!" Honestly, which of us truly has the least unrealistic expectations? Him: Yeah, you're right. Tusks are definitely more realistic.
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