Re: Interesting article about Sexism in Geek Communities
Here I must agree only in part. These questions are ultimately important, but not particularly relevant at the time. As a DV prosecutor, I had almost no serial abusers, but I had several serial victims. I do not question that they were really and truly being abused in each case, so that leaves the question - what gave the dear lady such a punchable face? No, that's not the question - why did she keep finding partners interested in punching her? We had a predatory theory of abusers, which made prosecuting them feel good but had very little to do with reality 98% of the time - life is thankfully not a John D, MacDonald novel.
Asking her what's wrong with her while she's in the relationship is not helpful - but damn someone should ask after she's out of there, shouldn't they? That's not "concern trolling" that's just concern - the third time your friend gets hit by a car, you'll surely ask about their relationship with streets, right?
I don't know the right answer.