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Funksaw

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  1. Like
    Funksaw reacted to SCUBA Hero in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    After roleplaying the scene where the streetwise detective met with a contact:
     
    Player 1: Why does your St. Louis underworld contact sound like he's from New Jersey?
     
    Player 2: [knowingly] *All* underworld contacts are from New Jersey.
  2. Downvote
    Funksaw got a reaction from Lord Zod in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    *There's a warning plaque on the closed coffin lid. It says: "DANGER: Do not expose contents to sunlight. Do not expose contents to flame. Do not open unless accompanied by an expert. Fragile.*
     
    On the coffin lid seems to be a series of pictograms designed to be read by a civilization thousands of years in the future depicting a person opening the coffin and pulling out the stake. The first one shows a happy spaceman from the future opening the lid. You know he's happy because he's got a smiley face. The second shows him pulling the stake. The third shows the stick-figure in the coffin sitting up. He's got a frowny face with fangs. The fourth shows the stick-vampire eating the spaceman. Now the spaceman is frowning, and the stick-vampire is smiling. The fifth shows the stick-vampire frowning, hunched over the dead body of the spaceman.
  3. Downvote
    Funksaw got a reaction from Than0s in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    What's Rep?
  4. Like
    Funksaw got a reaction from death tribble in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    Caleb is worried that he may spend too much time chasing after women.
     
    Caleb: "Would you say that I'm an inveterate philanderer?"
    Erin: "Is that a nice way of saying you're a ladies man?"
    Caleb: "Actually, 'ladies man' is a nice way to say 'inveterate philanderer."
     
    Later...
     
    Caleb: "Besides, we've already established I'm an inveterate womanizer"
    Regina: "Spineless womanizer?"
    Caleb: "I really have to get a thesaurus to look up a synonym for inveterate. It sounds too much like 'invertebrate'..."
     
    ------------
     
    Regina: "Maybe I can help you with your little ghost problem.. "
    Caleb: "So... any details? What should I be doing?"
    Regina: "Lemme ask you somethin' Caleb.. you believe in God?"
    Caleb: Just the vengeful, vindictive one. Why?
    Regina: "There's other sides too.. and when you start to see those ghosts.. I want you to rebuke them.. you ever hear of that? "
     
    [pause]
     
    Caleb: "Reg, doesn't that mean calling upon the power of Christ to compel demons to leave the mortal plane and return to hell? *That* rebuke? I don't think I can do that."
    Regina: "Why not?"
    Caleb: "For one, don't you need to be A) a priest, somewhat faithful, C) entertain the possibility that God might actually listen to *my* prayers, and D) require a God that isn't a complete choad? Can't I rebuke them with one of the fun gods? I like Bacchus."
    Regina: (slow, deliberate breath.) "No.. you don't have to be a priest.. but you do gotta have faith.. and you already know that demons exist... They hear you.. what makes you think God doesn't? "
    Caleb: "Oh, he hears me. He just doesn't *listen.*"
    Regina: "Maybe he does Caleb... it'll work.. trust me.. if you believe it will."
    Caleb: He's like a Jewish mother whose son grew up to be a gay stripper in the East Villiage rather than a doctor... he doesn't acknowledge that I exist, I'm such a dissapointment. Goin' out. Murdering people, taking his name in vain, coveting women of all stripes. Putting Bacchus before him. Ach, such a schundik!"
    Regina: (Shrugs) "You could always keep livin' with the hauntings."
    Caleb: "Oy, gevalt!"
  5. Like
    Funksaw got a reaction from Korvar in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    Caleb is worried that he may spend too much time chasing after women.
     
    Caleb: "Would you say that I'm an inveterate philanderer?"
    Erin: "Is that a nice way of saying you're a ladies man?"
    Caleb: "Actually, 'ladies man' is a nice way to say 'inveterate philanderer."
     
    Later...
     
    Caleb: "Besides, we've already established I'm an inveterate womanizer"
    Regina: "Spineless womanizer?"
    Caleb: "I really have to get a thesaurus to look up a synonym for inveterate. It sounds too much like 'invertebrate'..."
     
    ------------
     
    Regina: "Maybe I can help you with your little ghost problem.. "
    Caleb: "So... any details? What should I be doing?"
    Regina: "Lemme ask you somethin' Caleb.. you believe in God?"
    Caleb: Just the vengeful, vindictive one. Why?
    Regina: "There's other sides too.. and when you start to see those ghosts.. I want you to rebuke them.. you ever hear of that? "
     
    [pause]
     
    Caleb: "Reg, doesn't that mean calling upon the power of Christ to compel demons to leave the mortal plane and return to hell? *That* rebuke? I don't think I can do that."
    Regina: "Why not?"
    Caleb: "For one, don't you need to be A) a priest, somewhat faithful, C) entertain the possibility that God might actually listen to *my* prayers, and D) require a God that isn't a complete choad? Can't I rebuke them with one of the fun gods? I like Bacchus."
    Regina: (slow, deliberate breath.) "No.. you don't have to be a priest.. but you do gotta have faith.. and you already know that demons exist... They hear you.. what makes you think God doesn't? "
    Caleb: "Oh, he hears me. He just doesn't *listen.*"
    Regina: "Maybe he does Caleb... it'll work.. trust me.. if you believe it will."
    Caleb: He's like a Jewish mother whose son grew up to be a gay stripper in the East Villiage rather than a doctor... he doesn't acknowledge that I exist, I'm such a dissapointment. Goin' out. Murdering people, taking his name in vain, coveting women of all stripes. Putting Bacchus before him. Ach, such a schundik!"
    Regina: (Shrugs) "You could always keep livin' with the hauntings."
    Caleb: "Oy, gevalt!"
  6. Like
    Funksaw got a reaction from death tribble in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    Caleb: My current problem isn't mental.
     
    Fury: Did I miss 'let's randomly beat the hell out of somebody' night again?
     
    Caleb notices a woman's zombielike state... "You're not interested in me for my brains, are you?"
     
    Caleb: Why do all the women interested in me have to be psycho or zombies!
    Suicide: Maybe it's your aftershave...
     
    (Cornered by three demon possessed women.) Caleb: You may think you have the upper hand, but you forgot one thing...I can run really fast, and none of you are wearing support bras.
     
    Fury: This is just sport. It's like bobbing for apples.
    Suit: If bobbing for apples involved guns and killing people, yeah.
    Fury: You've obviously never played it my way.
     
    Suit wipes away an invisible tear. "I didn't know you cared, Fury." Like a little teddy bear...a little, sarcastic, murderous teddybear."
     
    Fury: "Is there a cult I should know about, because if I'm missing virgin sarcifices. I'm going to be pissed. I always miss out on the fun shit. Drawing first blood, devirginizing virgins, the ice cold beer, jacking the new shipments of mercedes, alternating tuesday fright night fights."
  7. Like
    Funksaw got a reaction from Samuraiko in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    The group is a bunch of supernaturally-based supers and occultists searching for the Spear of Destiny in a humongous castle during WWII (think Hellboy.)
     
    Five minutes into the first session of the first game:
     
    Mateusz: "Found it!"
     
    (The GM looks shocked.)
     
    Mateusz heads into the bathroom that he was searching for.
     
    Mateusz: "You try holding it since Cherbourge"
     
    ----------------
     
    Mateusz is a Polish national.
     
    GM: Letizia and Mateusz find each room they search empty of any signs of recent activity. They search a dining hall, a kitchen, several bedrooms, an armory. Finally the hallway comes to a a set of stairs heading up and one going down.
    Letizia: "Up or down?"
    Mateusz: "I'll take down."
    Mateusz: "When have you ever heard of a monster on the roof?"
    Mateusz: "Unless it was some sort of tradition."
     
    -------------------
     
    Mateusz: "Keep your eyes peeled. Unless, there's something here that actually peels eyes. In which case, don't let it peel them."
     
    --------------------
     
    GM: Carved into the circle in the center are the roman numerals 1 through 10, where each of the red robed individuals are.
    Mateusz: "It's like a fancy clock... in... the metric system..."
     
    --------------------
     
    Letizia and Mateusz come across a tunnel only big enough to crawl through.
     
    Letizia: "This way."
    Mateusz: "I'll go in first."
     
    Letizia starts crawling through the tunnel.
     
    Mateusz: "I *said* I'll go in first!"
    Letizia: "I'm smaller."
     
    Mateusz crawls in after Letizia...
     
    Mateusz: "Not by much."
    Mateusz: "On second thought..."
     
    Mateusz keeps his eyes ahead of him...
     
    GM: The tunnel Letizia and Mateusz are traveling down goes on for about 20 feet before exiting out into a medium sized room. As they come out they hear the sound of guns being cocked. That's when they notice the four men in Nazi uniforms holding MP40's at them. Their skin is a strange shade of white-ish grey.
     
    Letizia stares at the Nazis for a moment.
     
    Mateusz: "If we die, I just want you to know that I enjoyed looking at you in the tunnel."
     
    Letizia can't help but giggle.
     
    Letizia: "If we don't die, I will kill you."
     
    -----------------------
     
    Mateusz: Okay... there will be Nazis there. Here's the plan. Step one, I will run in and kill everything. There is no step two.
  8. Like
    Funksaw got a reaction from Koshka in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    Mikkelus: Uhhh... ye did pay yer exorcist, right? Because, if not... it could be that ye're about to get repossessed.
  9. Like
    Funksaw got a reaction from death tribble in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    Caleb's car has just been possessed and was about to drive straight into Regina's prized Harley-Davidson.
     
    Regina: So.. I'll ask you again.. who did you piss off this time, Caleb?"
    Caleb: I don't know, alright!
    Regina: Oh. Sure you do... These things.. don't just happen..
    Caleb: This only started happening, since about 5 days ago. I haven't pissed anyone else off since then. Honest!
    Regina: Ever seen an exorcist, Caleb?
    Caleb: The last time I saw an exorcist, you got mad at me when they blackmailed me into spying on you...
    Regina: Hell. I can't even remember half of your insane antics..you've done so much shit.. (Local big muckety-muck) Snow's got a whole drawer devoted just to you.
    Caleb: Really? Can I see it?
     
    -----
     
    Caleb: Let's think about this rationally. I haven't pissed off any Necromancers recently. Haven't pissed on any graves, haven't killed anyone.
    (A new PC, Clayton, comes into the scene mid-sentence.)
    Caleb: Did kill a seeing-eye-dog. Maybe the blind guy wandered off into traffic?
    Regina: You killed a seeing eye dog?
    Kaylyn: I wasn't even going to go there.
    Caleb: I didn't know it was a seeing-eye dog.
    Clayton: You killed a innocent animal. That's horrible!
    Regina: I'd haunt your ass too... you freak.
    Caleb: It's not important
    Kaylyn: Well, it was to the blind guy, but I don't think that's the cause of your problem.
    Clayton: That's just plain wrong. you killed a blind mans dog?
    Caleb: I didn't know the guy was blind!
     
    ------
     
    Clayton is admiring Regina's bike, touching the paint job. (Remember, this conversation is ALL IC)
     
    Clayton: This yours? Nice.
    Caleb: I'd watch out. The last person who touched Regina's bike without her permission was... well, that was me. And my life's a living hell.
    Regina: He's not taking an axe to it, genius.
    Caleb: I had a very good reason for taking the axe to the Harley.
    Kaylyn: You took an axe to Gina's Harley?
    Caleb: It was a long time ago. And she was evil then. I think. Wait, why did I take the axe to the Harley? Maybe we should check the drawer.
    Kaylyn: You really are lucky to be alive.
    Regina: Yeah, well you're a dumbass. You were hanging out with Fury then.
    Caleb: Oh, that's right. that's when I was evil... Yeah, sorry Reg.
    Regina: The only reason I didn't kill you.. is Snow thought you were useful. Imagine that...
    Caleb: Well, goes to show he's not that great a judge of character...
  10. Like
    Funksaw got a reaction from Magmarock in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    Mikkelus: Uhhh... ye did pay yer exorcist, right? Because, if not... it could be that ye're about to get repossessed.
  11. Like
    Funksaw reacted to Samuraiko in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Funksaw again."
     
    Sorry, man!
     
    Michelle
    aka
    Samuraiko
  12. Like
    Funksaw got a reaction from Southern Cross in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    Stokely: All that I've seen is people being mean to me and to eachother. I've always known that because I've always been picked on and hurt! So is that how it's always going to be for me? I'll never be happy, just miserable?
     
    (Long Pause.)
     
    Caleb: I'm sorry. Did you want me to disagree?
     
    ------------
     
    Caleb: People aren't making fun of you half as much as you think they are. And if they are, it wouldn't hurt to hit back once in a while. Unless, of course, they're bigger or stronger than you.
     
    Stokely: I'm not going to hit people. It would make me no better than the bullies that they are.
     
    Caleb: And if this were an after-school special, I would agree with you.
     
    -------------
     
    Stokely (a fledgling vampire): I really know how to screw things up and all I'm trying to do is make sense of it all. I just want these bad feelings to go away and never return, or at least not return for a very, very, very long time.
     
    Caleb (an experienced vampire): Oh, that's simple. You just have to get numb to the pain. Eventually, you'll stop feeling bad. You'll stop feeling anything right around the time you start to get competent.
     
    Caleb: It's kinda like working an entry level job at a corporation.
  13. Like
    Funksaw got a reaction from Samuraiko in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    Caleb: My current problem isn't mental.
     
    Fury: Did I miss 'let's randomly beat the hell out of somebody' night again?
     
    Caleb notices a woman's zombielike state... "You're not interested in me for my brains, are you?"
     
    Caleb: Why do all the women interested in me have to be psycho or zombies!
    Suicide: Maybe it's your aftershave...
     
    (Cornered by three demon possessed women.) Caleb: You may think you have the upper hand, but you forgot one thing...I can run really fast, and none of you are wearing support bras.
     
    Fury: This is just sport. It's like bobbing for apples.
    Suit: If bobbing for apples involved guns and killing people, yeah.
    Fury: You've obviously never played it my way.
     
    Suit wipes away an invisible tear. "I didn't know you cared, Fury." Like a little teddy bear...a little, sarcastic, murderous teddybear."
     
    Fury: "Is there a cult I should know about, because if I'm missing virgin sarcifices. I'm going to be pissed. I always miss out on the fun shit. Drawing first blood, devirginizing virgins, the ice cold beer, jacking the new shipments of mercedes, alternating tuesday fright night fights."
  14. Like
    Funksaw got a reaction from Susano in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...
     
    Caleb: My current problem isn't mental.
     
    Fury: Did I miss 'let's randomly beat the hell out of somebody' night again?
     
    Caleb notices a woman's zombielike state... "You're not interested in me for my brains, are you?"
     
    Caleb: Why do all the women interested in me have to be psycho or zombies!
    Suicide: Maybe it's your aftershave...
     
    (Cornered by three demon possessed women.) Caleb: You may think you have the upper hand, but you forgot one thing...I can run really fast, and none of you are wearing support bras.
     
    Fury: This is just sport. It's like bobbing for apples.
    Suit: If bobbing for apples involved guns and killing people, yeah.
    Fury: You've obviously never played it my way.
     
    Suit wipes away an invisible tear. "I didn't know you cared, Fury." Like a little teddy bear...a little, sarcastic, murderous teddybear."
     
    Fury: "Is there a cult I should know about, because if I'm missing virgin sarcifices. I'm going to be pissed. I always miss out on the fun shit. Drawing first blood, devirginizing virgins, the ice cold beer, jacking the new shipments of mercedes, alternating tuesday fright night fights."
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