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Ockham's Spoon

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Everything posted by Ockham's Spoon

  1. Two mafia hit-men are walking deep in the woods in the middle of the night. One of the says "This forest is kinda spooky. I gotta admit I am a little scared." The other replies "You're scared? I'm the one who is going to have to walk back alone!"
  2. I don't mean to brag, but it only took me one week to finish a jigsaw puzzle even though the box said 2 to 4 years
  3. When I am an old man with grandchildren, I will tell them about the great toilet paper shortage of 2020 when we had drag our butts across the lawn to wipe them, In the snow, Uphill, both ways, Dodging murder hornets
  4. Two guys, one in a green jacket and one in a blue jacket, are arguing over which of them is more badass. As they pass a bakery, the guy in blue dares the guy in green to steal some buns. So Green goes into the bakery, and surreptitiously swipes three buns, stuffs them in his pockets, and saunters back outside. "Okay, now it is your turn." says Green "You're an amateur." says Blue "Watch this." Blue goes into the store and asks the baker if he would like to see a magic trick. The baker agrees. Blue asks him to hold his jacket, and then asks for a bun. The baker takes the jacket and hands Blue the bun. Blue eats the bun and asks for a second. The baker, still holding onto the jacket, gives him a second bun. Blue eats this one also, and asks for one more. The baker, interested to see where this is going, hands him the third bun, which Blue also eats. "Okay, now where is the magic trick?" the baker asks. Blue responds "Go look in the pockets of that guy out there in the green jacket."
  5. A flight attendant asks one of the passengers how he likes his coffee. Fancying himself a player, he says "I like my coffee the way I like my women." The flight attendant responds "Don't worry honey, the coffee is free. You don't have to pay for it here."
  6. The missing posters in this are my favorite detail
  7. A cabbie picks up a nun, but can't stop looking at her. She asks him why he is staring and he says "This is going to sound silly, but I have always wanted to kiss a nun." After a moment's thought, the nun says "Well, I will kiss you, but only if you are single and Catholic." The cabbie says "Great, I'm both!" The nun proceeds to kiss him in a way that would make a hooker blush. When the cabbie gets his breath back he says, "I'm sorry, but I lied. I am actually married and a Baptist." The nun says "That's okay. My name is Kevin and I am on my way to a costume party."
  8. Speaking of Superman and terrible fates, I would posit Christopher Reeves as a superhero if you toss in a mech suit or medical therapy to restore his mobility or even give him super-powers. The exception that proves the rule.
  9. I really only see this coming into play for characters affected by long-term Drains and possibly the odd Transform (although usually those will be covered by BODY recovery). If you use Impairment rules it might crop up as well, but again, once the BODY is healed the impairment should go away. But if you just want to recover quickly from an Enfeeblement ray that sapped your STR or a poison that is depressing your CON, I think using the Regeneration per character point would work just fine. I would even consider letting a character with Regen buy the Expanded Characteristics Advantage from the Adjustment powers on their Regen, so +1/2 advantage for each additional characteristic they wanted to cover past BODY.
  10. Those who confuse the word 'burro' and 'burrow' don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
  11. You could also have this potion add Piercing Points if you use them in your campaign
  12. These look fun! I like the Teen Dream best; seems topical and potentially rich in plots and character development. As great a setting as the Cold War is, I am personally ready to move on to something else. Universal Rejection sounds like a great background for a single hero, but I would struggle with it for a whole team if I were the GM. Divine Conscription is a good unifying theme for a group of heroes, but I am always reluctant to bring actual gods into a Champions campaign.
  13. A farmer buys a new rooster. As soon as he gets it home, it mates will all 100 of his hens. Before the end of the day, the rooster has mated with all of them again. The next day, the rooster has another round with the hens, and then starts in with the ducks and geese. By the end of the day, the farmer finds the rooster lying half-dead on the ground with vultures circling overhead. "Serves you right your horny bastard!" the farmer says. The rooster opens one eye and points skyward. "Shhhh! They're about to land!"
  14. Don't forget other Transforms! Potion of the Amphibian: Transform into a frog, salamander, or newt Potion of the Porcine: Transform into pig Potion of (insert animal here): let your imagination run wild Potion of Petrification: Transform into a statue Potion of Disguise: Transform into one other human shape (requires a personal item from target) Potion of the Spider (Instant Spiderweb): Entangle, Sticky, AoE 1 Hex Oil of Slipperiness: Change Environment -4 DEX rolls when on a floor, but +20 STR only for Escapes when used on yourself Oil of Glibness: +5 Levels with PRE-based skills
  15. If you are doing the squeezing, then you are the fresh one and you deserve to have your a$$ kicked 😁
  16. I am going to have to use "raging death-beast" as the description of the next monster the party encouters
  17. Don't forget pieces of eight either, where coins were cut like a pie into halves, quarters, and eighths in order to make change. There were also coins called a piece of eight that happened to be worth one-eighth of a more valuable coin, but the octal-base for money systems comes about from the fact it is easy to cut things in half, and an eighth of a coin is about as many cuts as you can reasonably make. In my own games, I don't mind PC's getting large amounts of wealth, because there are always ways to make it disappear. They might be robbed, taxed, lose their fortune when their ship sinks, or have to buy expensive equipment (often some rare magical spell components or a magical McGuffin, but also horses. I can't tell you how many horses my players have gone through; they are the red shirts of my fantasy worlds). My favorite though is donations to charity; what is the point of saving the town from the goblins if their crops were burned and they are all going to starve if they can't buy food? How can you resist the puppy-dog eyes of that little orphan who tells the PC that they are going to be a hero too and just gave their last crust of bread to their little sister so she wouldn't starve? To be fair, this only works because my players don't actually care that much about money. Their characters might care, but the players themselves are ambivalent about it and would rather be noble and generous than rich.
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