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Rails

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  1. Like
    Rails reacted to Logan D. Hurricanes in Jokes   
    Admiral Nelson was just under 6'1" tall but his statue in Trafalgar Square is just over 18' tall; that's Horatio of 3 to 1.
  2. Like
    Rails reacted to Logan D. Hurricanes in Jokes   
    I auditioned for a musical about the periodic table.
    I got the lead role!
     
  3. Like
    Rails reacted to Logan D. Hurricanes in Jokes   
    I thought all maths were the same, until I learned how to differentiate.
  4. Like
    Rails reacted to death tribble in Thor: Ragnarok spoiler thread   
    But the music was soothing
    and they all started grooving.
    Yeah ?
    Yeah
    Yeah ?
    Yeah
    And the Man at the back said 'Everyone Attack !'
    And they fell into a ballroom blitz !
  5. Like
    Rails reacted to bigdamnhero in Quote of the Week from my gaming group...   
    Some good ones from last night's FH game:
     
    Welshman: “Songs will be sung of our deeds!”
    Priest: “Mostly dirty limericks, but...”
    Alchemist: "There once was a Priest from Rome..."
     
     
    Pilgrim: “What if [bad thing] happens?”
    Priest: “God isn’t enough of a dick to do that to us.”
    Pilgrim: “You haven’t ever actually read the bible, have you?”
     
     
    Traveling through Faerie, the Irish warrior decides to make a small sacrifice to the land asking for safe passage, so he spills a little wine on the ground symbolically.
    GM: “Wait, the Irishman just spilled alcohol?”
    Italian Priest: “I thought we talked about the dangers of alcohol abuse.”
    Irishman: [shrugs] “It’s just wine, doesn’t count.”
    Italian Priest: “Whoa whoa WHOA! You did not just say that!”
     
     
    The Heroes encounter Aletcien, a Fey huntress they met once before, and with whom the Welshman had a tryst. But since their last meeting, the Welshman has married another woman. (Background: in my world, the Fey have something resembling marriage, but they don’t really get the concept of monogamy.)
    GM: (to the Welshamn) “Aletcien runs over and leaps into your arms with a squee.”
    Welshman: [sigh] “It’s truly wonderful to see you again.”
    [Aletcien tries to drag him off into the woods for a quickie, but he resists...reluctantly...]
    Welshman: But I must tell you…I’ve gotten married.”
    Aletcien: “That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you both! I can’t wait to meet her!”
    Welshman: [relieved] “That’s great…”
    Aletcien: “As long as she doesn’t mind sharing, amirite?”
    [Aletcien resumes trying to drag him off into the woods]
    Welshman:  [groaning] “No, no… you don’t understand…you see…my religion says I can only be with one woman.”
    Aletcien: [thinks for a minute] “At a time?”
    Welshman: [OOC] “Yeah, that’s it. I go with her. I’m not even going to try and make that EGO Roll.”
     
     
    Later…
    They  come back out of the woods picking leaves out of their hair. The Welshman walks over to the Priest.
    Welshman: “Indulgences are still a thing, right?”  
    Priest: “Last I checked.”
    Welshman: [drops a bag of gold] “Bless me Father for I have sinned.” [walks away]
  6. Like
    Rails reacted to Cygnia in And now, for your daily dose of cute...   
  7. Like
    Rails reacted to Old Man in Musings on Random Musings   
    Flashbacks to when I was grading papers.  "Altitude cannot be negative!"  "Orbital speed cannot be faster than light!"  "Mass is not measured in meters!"  "You call this handwriting?"
  8. Like
    Rails reacted to massey in College Football 2017-2018   
    More impressive is the stamina needed to stay awake and watch soccer.
  9. Like
    Rails reacted to Bazza in Marvel Cinematic Universe, Phase Three and BEYOOOOONND   
    That Hope's costume is not bright...stings a bit.
  10. Like
    Rails reacted to Pariah in Jokes   
    A man found himself standing at the pearly gates before St. Peter. He gave his name, his address, and a few details of his life. Saint Peter then said, "I have located your information, and it looks like we have you listed for provisional acceptance into Heaven. It doesn't look like you've committed any particularly serious sins, however you haven't really done anything to distinguish yourself for the side of Right, either. If you could tell us about something you've done that was particularly courageous or heroic, it would really make the issue a lot easier to resolve."
     
    "Well," the man said, "I was walking home from the pub when I looked down a dark alley and saw a young girl on the ground, surrounded by five or six tough-looking bikers. They had her trapped, and I could tell their intentions weren't honorable. I don't know why, but it made me really angry. I knew I had to do something.
     
    "So I turned and walked right down that alley, right towards the biggest, toughest-looking one. He turned around when he saw me coming, and before he could do anything, I kicked him right in the family jewels, if you take my meaning. He dropped like a rag doll, and the others started to close in on me. Well, I picked up a piece of metal pipe and brought it down right on the next guy's head. He dropped, too.
     
    "By then they'd hesitated for a minute. So I shouted at them. I said, 'All right, you scum, that's enough! I've never seen a more disgusting collection of human filth in all my life! You're all animals! You leave this poor girl alone, you freaks! Now get lost, before I give the rest of you a serious lesson in pain!' "
     
    "Wow," St. Peter said, "that's quite remarkable. That would certainly qualify you for entry into Heaven. When did this happen?"
     
    The man replied sheepishly, "About two minutes ago."
  11. Like
    Rails reacted to Pariah in Jokes   
    Q: How do you milk a sheep?
     
    A: Offer a slightly upgraded version of the same phone and charge $700 for it.
  12. Like
    Rails reacted to Pariah in Jokes   
    The Ideal Government:
    The values of the Federation.
    The business acumen of the Ferengi.
    The honor of the Klingons.
    The subtlety of the Romulans.
     
    Our Current Government:
    The values of the Romulans.
    The business acumen of the Federation.
    The honor of the Ferengi.
    The subtlety of the Klingons.
  13. Like
    Rails reacted to dmjalund in New Series--The Orville   
    This could be simply Orville if they Don't do it just Wright
  14. Like
    Rails reacted to Pariah in Quote of the Week From My Life.   
    "If we weren't meant to consume dairy, cheese wouldn't be so damn tasty."
  15. Like
    Rails reacted to Tech priest support in Political Discussion Thread (With Rules)   
    I really don't care if the right is tired of the "false equivalency" thing. It's true and I won't quit calling them out on it. Maybe Obama's followers and press did hype him as a messiah. He never did. He even joked about his father sending him to earth from krypton.
     
    Trump came out and said he was the only man who could safe America. It came out right out if that ever open mouth of his.
     
    Yet Obama was called "arrogant". Note that "arrogant" is newspeak for "uppity".
     
    Obama never called for violence against anyone, even his enemies. Trump told his followers to "best the crap out of him" in regards to a protestor.
     
    Obama never used crude or vulgar language. Trump publicly told people to "go XXXX themselves".
     
    But Obama was called arrogant, power mad, hateful, etc.
     
    Also right wing media has gone to extremes no major left wing media ever went to. While on fox news Glenn beck did a "comedy skit" about poisoning Nancy pelosi and otherr left wing personalities. Oh, but it was "just a joke". Can you imagine if MSNBC had done something like this?:
     
    https://youtu.be/UudQuVOwSds
     
    We'd have see and heard little else than outrage over that for several years.
  16. Like
    Rails reacted to Old Man in Political Discussion Thread (With Rules)   
  17. Like
  18. Like
    Rails got a reaction from Cancer in The Last Word   
    Drinks?
  19. Like
    Rails reacted to Burrito Boy in Destroy Your Geek Cred!!   
    Hmmm. Having kids confirms that you've been with a woman. I guess you did destroy your geek cred.
  20. Like
    Rails reacted to mattingly in Creepy Pics.   
  21. Like
    Rails reacted to mattingly in "Neat" Pictures   
    Geek Recreates Original Dungeons & Dragons Cover Art with 50,000 LEGO Bricks
     
     

  22. Like
    Rails reacted to Nolgroth in Hyperman R.I.P.   
    To all the people with the big C, hoping for your collective triumphant cries of "beat you mutha fu<censored>!"
  23. Like
    Rails got a reaction from bigbywolfe in A Thread for Random Movie Lines   
    My favorite from that movie is just before that:

    "Just a dumb kid, Hub.  Don't kill him."
  24. Like
    Rails reacted to BoloOfEarth in Marvel Cinematic Universe, Phase Three and BEYOOOOONND   
    You're new to this internet thing, aren't you? 
  25. Like
    Rails reacted to Pariah in Quote of the Week From My Life.   
    Me: "I've never been on the new TRAX [light rail] line to the airport. I'd like to ride it just to see what it's like."
     
    Lady P: "The airport? It's a big building with lots of planes."
     
    Both: "...but that's not important right now."
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