Rails

Love Forged in Fire.  I find myself yelling at the tv when a smith makes cardinal sins like missing basic parameters or quenching in water.  After 7 seasons of watching, I feel like I am an expert knife-maker with absolutely no experience. 

Uhhhhh....Can I wash my hands like I’m washing Scarlett Johansson instead?  

An Irishman took his son to the bar on his birthday to buy him his first drink.
 
The father bought his son a stout, but he didn't like it and didn't want to drink it.
 
The father decided to drink it for him and ordered an ale instead.
 
He didn't like it either. So, the father drank it and ordered him a cider.
 
Lager, cider, cream ale... he didn't like any of them, so the father drank them and ordered whiskey instead.
 
He didn't like any of the Irish whiskeys the father ordered, so the old man drank them and decided to give up.
 
By the time they left the bar, the father was so drunk he could barely push his son's stroller home.

Two Aliens come to our Planet and are greeted by armed forces.
 
They inform us that our inferior weapons don't stand a chance against them. The only way they will let us go is if we can make them laugh. However, they have seen all jokes there are on the internet and only a new original joke will work on them.
 
Humanity gathers the greatest comedians and scientists to come up with an original joke but everyone's opinion on what is a good joke turns out to be at conflict. Furious, one scientist proclaims that we have to know which of our earlier jokes the Aliens at least found funny. All the comedians and scientists agree on this.
 
So a scientist goes to talk with the Aliens and ask them which of our old jokes they laughed at the most. The Aliens respond, "The one where this reality TV star becomes the ruler of the free world."
 
The scientist is taken aback, "But that wasn't a joke. That actually happened"
 
The Aliens burst out laughing and leave the planet without saying a word.

Bill Gates is pulled over by a police officer one night after his car is seen swerving on the highway.
 
The police officer asks, "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?"
 
Bill says, "Absolutely not, officer."
 
The cop says, "Can you please count backwards from 10 for me?"
•
Bill replies, "10, 8, 7, Vista, XP, ME, 2000, NT, 98, 95, 3, 2, 1."

They get really tetchy when you move their carts, too.  I remember one woman whose cart was almost completely blocking the aisle.  I shifted it a little sideways and said, "There, now it's blocking the *entire* aisle. That was what you were aiming for, wasn't it?"   She didn't seem to appreciate my help.

Uh, continuing the Australian tradition of being murder machines?

7
They had a good actor IMO. But the character as written was probably the worst implemented concept since TV went to color. 
 
Also my opinion....

Well, in Chicago all you really have to worry about killing you are the people.

In Australia, it's pretty much ONLY the people that you don't need to worry about attacking you.