mattingly

A young lady is walking near the Olympic track and field stadium when she sees an athletic young man carrying a long, fiberglass pole. She stops him and says, "Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"
 
Somewhat shocked, the young man replies, "Nein, I am not a Pole. I am German. But how did you know my name was Walter?"

The New Romantics documentary. An interesting look at the beginnings of new wave.
 
 

FUNNY FICTIONAL FICTION
#1 The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest celebrates purposely awful opening sentences to imaginary novels. Here are the "best" from the past year. As Holmes, who had a nose for danger, quietly fingered the bloody knife and eyed the various body parts strewn along the dark, deserted highway, he placed his ear to the ground and, with his heart in his throat, silently mouthed to his companion, "Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand a foot ahead." --Dennis Pearce. 

 

From #NSAPickUpLines: “Did you fall from heaven? Because there’s no tracking data on how you arrived at this location.” @Normwilner, “I know exactly where you have been all my life.” @Adonish_P 

10,000,000 Americans are overweight. Of course, these are round figures.
 

‘Where is everybody?" the cowpoke asks. "They've all gone to see Brown Paper Pete hang," says a bystander. "Why do they call him that?" the cowboy asks. "Well, he always wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper shirt, and brown paper trousers." "Really?" says the cowboy. "And what are they hanging him for?" "Rustling."

That reminds me...Lego Masters starts in less than a month!  

My wife was in labour with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!" "Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?" I asked. "Nothing," he said. "She's just having contractions."