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Pariah

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Everything posted by Pariah

  1. A young law student has just failed his final exam. In desperation, he goes to see his professor. "Professor," he asks, "you are one of the most brilliant minds in this department, are you not?" "So I've been told," replies the professor. "All right," the young man says, "I have a legal question for you. If you can answer it, I will accept the failing grade without complaint. But if you cannot answer it, you must agree to give me an A. Are you willing to accept those terms?" The professor thinks about it for a moment and then says, "Yes, I will accept those terms. What is your question?" The young student asks, "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither legal nor logical?" The professor racks his brain for some time, but is ultimately unable to come up with an answer and changes the student's course grade to an A. The student thanks him and goes on his way. The next morning the professor still hasn't come up with an answer, so he asks the group of his TAs the question. Much to his surprise, the TAs immediately indicate that they know the answer. He asks one of them to explain. She says, "You are 62 years old, but you are married to a woman who's 25 years old, which is legal but not logical. Your wife has a 23-year-old lover, which is logical but not legal. And you just gave your wife's lover an A in your course, which is neither legal nor logical."
  2. "What are you doing in that wardrobe?" "Narnia business!"
  3. "Being honest may not get you many friends, but it'll always get you the right ones." ~ John Lennon
  4. I saw more of Terry Bradshaw than I ever wanted to in the movie Failure to Launch.
  5. ot this book for Christmas, forgot about it asa soon as we got back from Colorado. Rediscovered it a few days ago and began reading. There's a lot of crazy recipes in here, but Dylan says he only included the ones that taste good (with the exception of five really awful ones at the end). Gonna have to try some of these soon.
  6. "Ahem. Tell me, how do I look?" "With your eyes, Bert."
  7. The pants are worse. The white ones are practically see-through. And a certain member of the Giants (as I recall) had a fully-clothed wardrobe malfunction that probably can't be posted here. Nike has totally fubared this thing.
  8. In the airport lounge she sat, in a fancy feathered hat The grandest lady I had ever seen Outside the heavy rain had grounded all the planes So I asked her if she'd like some company In my rhinestone studded suit, my cowboy hat and boots I must have been a sight for her to see But she said, "pull up a chair" as she fumbled with her hair A more unlikely pair you'll never see I was Mogen David wine, she was Chablis '59 But there we sat, the cowboy and the lady She was evenings at the opera, and summers in Paree I was Grand Ole Opry, Nashville, Tennessee The cowboy and the lady, as different as could be But it seemed so right that rainy night in Tennessee And somewhere in between her Harvey's Bristol Cream And the beer I drank and the easy company We somehow came together, for a night of stormy weather Now there's a little bit of class in this old cowboy There's a little bit of cowboy in the lady The cowboy and the lady, as different as could be But it seemed so right that rainy night in Tennessee We somehow came together, for a night of stormy weather Now there's a little bit of class in this old cowboy There's a little bit of cowboy in the lady
  9. The doors to the mission open at seven And the soup will be ready about nine Right now it's six-thirty, they're ragged and dirty They're standin' and sittin' and layin' in line First they'll do a little singin', then hear a little preachin' And get saved for the 3rd time this week A bowl of soup later and a pat on the shoulder And by midnight, they're back on the street They walk to the corner of 4th Street and Broadway Then take the first alley on the right One of them asks a stranger, "How 'bout a hand"? And he gives 'em one finger at a time Then they spot an old buddy with a bottle of heaven Then pass around what means everything One bottle for four, thank God, someone scored And now the midnight choir starts to sing Will they have Mogen David in Heaven? Dear Lord, we'd all like to know Will they have Mogen David in Heaven, sweet Jesus? If they don't, who the hell wants to go? Will they have Mogen David in Heaven? Dear Lord, we'd all like to know Will they have Mogen David in Heaven, sweet Jesus? If they don't, who the hell wants to go? If they don't, who the hell wants to go, dear good God? Will they have Mogen David in Heaven? Dear Lord, we'd all like to know Will they have Mogen David in Heaven, sweet Jesus? If they don't, who the hell wants to go?
  10. I tried to eat some lasagna today It didn't taste how it did when I made it Come to think of it that was Tuesday Maybe I shouldn't have saved it The microwave gives it a radioactive crisp Which is not what you're after I still have half a pan left Wish you were here Went to a restaurant and saw these two They had a table near the band And when the band played a slow one He reached over to touch her hand Well I think they saw me staring So I went to pay the bill And somehow it made me Wish you were here It's not like I can't stand on my own It's not like I don't have friends who will call on the phone And boys who will take me out That's not what this is about 'Cause I've never missed you before But lately sometimes I do And I don't know where you are Or if there's even such a thing as you All I know is today hasn't been any different From any other day of any year And maybe that's what's wrong Wish you were here You've been gone too long Wish you were here Wish you were here
  11. I'm a cultural infidel, painting in the dark I'm a cultural infidel, singing in the park Socrates, hypothesis, the music of Mozart I'm a cultural infidel, coming from the heart Free thinkin', hoodwinkin', unblinkin' man Start trouble, burst bubbles, join my caravan Someone's got to talk about accountability Someone's got to raise some hell, I guess it could be me I'm a cultural infidel trying to draw a crowd I'm a cultural infidel, singing right out loud Philosophy is not for me, laughing is my game I'm a cultural infidel, slap me with the blame Loose cannon, Armageddon, preachers at the door Spittin' poison at the boys 'n girls on dance floor I hear them in the congress, I see them on TV I hope the Inquisition remains a memory Al'Diablo Picasso, Al'Diablo Manet Al'Diablo Fontainebleau, Al'Diable Hemingway O'Diab Dr. Thompson, O'Diab St. Joan O'Diab Village People, O'Diab Rolling Stones Someone's got to talk about accountability Someone's got to raise some hell, it might as well be me I'm a cultural infidel, believe in common sense I'm a cultural infidel, love the present tense But we have to keep a look out for those mean old backed-up farts I'm a cultural infidel, comin' from the heart My heart, my heart, mon coeur Will I see you in Heaven, will I see you in Hell Will I see you in Rio, only time will tell Will I see you in Heaven, will I see you in Hell Will I see you tomorrow, only time will tell
  12. Well, it looks like we had our first spring training game last night, so the new baseball year has officially begun. Let's kick it off with an amusing little article from college baseball: LOOK: LSU designated hitter Hayden Travinski uses pencil bat Maybe he can land an NIL deal with Ticonderoga.
  13. My son asked me if a punch bowl is a bowl where you keep the names of the people you want to punch. I usually just keep them in my head, but the idea of seeing them in a fancy bowl seems pretty festive. Agreed?
  14. Q: Do you really expect us to believe that your dog didn't make that mess? A: I'm not really that serious, and my name is actually Shirley.
  15. You're not technically late if you never show up at all.
  16. Chiefs K Harrison Butker 'honored' to send jersey to parade shooting victim for funeral
  17. "I have read of a place where humans do battle in a ring of Jell-O." "Call Daniel." I'm aware of no reason that the two have to be mutually exclusive.
  18. “A desire not to butt into other people's business is at least eighty percent of all human 'wisdom'...and the other twenty percent isn't very important.” ~Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
  19. The best part of a cucumber tastes like the worst part of a watermelon.
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