Pariah

The invasion came, as they suspected it would, with Mary Marvel in the vanguard. Not knowing where, exactly, the invaders would strike, it took the heroes almost seven minutes to respond once the breach had been opened over Nairobi. Nine square kilometers of the city had been obliterated by the time they arrived. The heroes engaged the invaders, attacking enemy troops and trying to evacuate civilians from the carnage. In the midst of the chaos, Adam spotted Mary Marvel atop a hill in the center of the battle zone. "Take care of the rest," he called back to the others, leaping into flight. "Mary is mine!" "I'm afraid I can't allow that." A streak of white, moving almost faster than even he could see, struck Adam down and drove him into the ground, leaving a 50-meter furrow behind them. Galatea stood in the air above him, smiling smugly down at him. "You belong to me." With the swiftness of Horus, Adam launched forth from the hole in which he found himself and slammed into Galatea. The impact sent them both sprawling, but seemed to leave her little the worse for wear. The battle was now truly joined. For several minutes, the two titans battled, knocking each other all over the city and causing untold destruction in their wake. Glass shattered with each punch, and buildings collapsed under the strain of their impacts. In time it became clear that while Adam was holding his own, he could not do so indefinitely. She was just too powerful. "Just give up," she offered cheerily. "You know you'll never beat me. Why fight it? Join the Empress. Right now, you're just a king over a small backwater country. Help us, and you could be viceroy over a continent." "My conscience is my kingdom," he replied, "and I will not sell it to the likes of you and your Empress." "That's the problem, really," Galatea said. "You represent the gods and heroes of this world. But there can be no gods or heroes before Istvatha V'han. So you'll have to change your allegiance, and serve the Empress instead." "It will never happen," Adam replied defiantly. "I will resist you to my last breath." "Have it your way," she said flatly. Twin beams of crimson energy burst forth from her eyes and pierced Adam's heart. He fell, his eyes still open in shock. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" The cry was nearly deafening. Victor was the first to identify where it had come from: Mary Marvel. She floated, seemingly transfixed, with an unearthly light in her eyes. Her movements were stilted and uncertain, but only for a moment. Taking her completely by surprise, Mary flew and struck Galatea broadside, driving her into a nearby hill. Before she could arise, Mary was there, striking her with punches that could level city blocks. Galatea fought her way to her feet, only to find that May had maneuvered herself behind her and caught her in a subdual hold. Her voice echoing like a landslide, Mary Marvel cried out, "SHAZAM!" Lightning struck Galatea, racking her body with electric agony. Her screams caused everyone around them to cover their ears. Mary wasn't finished. Flying high in the air, Galatea still firmly in hand, she shouted once again: "SHAZAM!" Five more times Mary Marvel did this, each time causing Galatea greater suffering. After the seventh time, Mary calmly reached her hand across Galatea's face and jerked it violently back and to the side. The sickening crack was audible from the ground below. Mary released her hold and Galatea fell, a puppet with its strings cut. She landed, a charred and mangled heap, on the ground below. Mary Marvel, moving seemingly not of her own volition, descended slowly to the ground and landed before the very surprised Victor von Doom. "Mary," he said, not sure how to proceed, "what have you done?" "I have done what they bade me do," she said softly. Victor wasn't sure what to say. "When Adam died, the Gods and Heroes called out to me. They raged in my mind and heart, demanding that I avenge his murder. I had no choice but to obey them. I am their agent, after all. My power is bound up in their will." "And what will you do now?" Victor asked softly, the battle continuing to rage around them. "I am now twice a traitor," Mary replied, "and not worthy of life or mercy. I have killed many innocent people, caused many more to suffer. So I will take Adam's place, to try to atone for the evils I have done. I do not expect that I will survive the war. But if I do, I will submit myself to whatever justice you see fit to inflict upon me." Victor took Mary by the hand. "We will talk of justice and judgment later. For now, there is an invasion to stop."

Did the Jazz really beat the Warriors by 30?!

There would be a certain irony in having the Chefs be the team that made it possible for Denver to finally solve its quarterback problem.

Cousins to Broncos hype in 3...2...1...

I had calcium deposits on both ankles. Again, not pleasant.

Wizard's First Rule. People will believe any lie if they want it to be true, or if they're afraid that it might be true.

True that.

The other day I was talking to my wife about an article. It claimed that men used about 10,000 words each day on average, while women used about 20,000 words a day. She said, "That's because we always have to say everything twice, because you knuckleheads are never listening the first time." To which I said, "What?"

"Did . . . not see that coming . . . ."

Victor and his cadre were just wrapping up their meeting when the sounds of a scuffle erupted outside. Before they could make the door, a tall, broad-shouldered man let himself in, accompanied by several others in combat gear. "Kaufmann!", Victor exclaimed. "That's 'President-for-Life-and-de facto-Ruler-of-the-Civilized-World Kaufmann', if you please." "What do you want?" "The same thing you want. To save the word from the coming invasion. The way I see it, we can really help each other." "A 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend' scenario?" Magneto suggested. "Just so." "Except that you have no friends," White Adam retorted. "You have enemies, and you have subordinates." "Quibble, quibble. It goes with the position, I'm afraid. You'd do the same, were our places reversed." "It would be a twisted world indeed where our positions were reversed," Victor said. "But you're here. Say what you have to say, so we can show you out and get on with saving the world." "Such hostility," the Golden Avenger replied. "Relax, Victor. I'm not here to threaten you or to disrupt your operations. I'm here to save your butts. Next time, show a little gratitude." "I'm not staying here to listen to this," Adam said, turning to leave. "Stay," Victor entreated him. "Let's hear him out. So, what are your intentions, Kaufmann?" "It's simple, really, You don't want Istvatha V'han taking over the world. I don't want her taking over the world either. We have a common goal. There's no reason not to combine our resources to achieve that goal." "So, we help you drive the Empress away, and then you betray us when it's all over? Is that it?" "What betrayal? We work together to dive the Empress away. That's it. After that, I go back to ruling the world cleanly and efficiently like I have for the past 20 years, and you go back to trying to stop me, like you've been doing for the past 20 years. That's all." "And what do you have to contribute?" "Manpower." He smiled a brief smile of satisfaction. "It's like the ancient Egyptians said: There's nothing you can't accomplish when you have vision, determination, and an inexhaustible supply of expendable labor." Adam cringed visibly. "So your contribution is to send millions of men and women to their deaths?" "V'han is coming. Millions of deaths are a statistical inevitability at this point. The only questions are who is going to die, and what are they going to be doing when it happens? Who would you rather have dying in droves, soldiers or civilians?" All manner of debate broke out over this. Kaufmann let them go for a few moments, then decided it was time to rein them in. "Look," he nearly shouted." You don't like me, you don't trust me, some of you probably even want to kill me. Fine. But the important thing right now is this: Do you want to kill me more than you want to stop the Empress? I doubt it. So let's get past the name-calling and get down to saving the world. It'll be easier with your help, but I'll do it without you if I have to." "Fine," Victor acquiesced. "Let's see what your troop numbers look like...." Option (Ally): Golden Avenger and P.R.I.M.U.S.

Praise indeed. Thank you!

He was interrupted by the knock at his door. "Director Rogers?" "Mary, come in. What is it?" "I am . . . concerned." "About the upcoming war for Earth?" "Yes. I've scouted the opposition, as you requested." "Yes, I read your report. Very thorough." "Even with Istvatha V'han's forces backing us up, we'll be hard pressed to defeat the Resistance. Von Doom, White Adam, Lestrange, Magneto, and Mechanon are all formidable fighters. And Lady Shiva brings an expertise in combat nearly equal to your own. I'm not thrilled at our chances." He scowled. "So, you're a master tactician now?" "No, of course not," she replied. "I would never presume to usurp your role, or your position. But I do have a gift of Wisdom, and it tells me the odds are not in our favor." "That's only because you don't have all the information. Come with me." He led her out of his office and across the base to a small building that looked like a storage shed. Inside, he opened a hidden panel and summoned an elevator. Down they rode together in silence . . . a hundred meters, two hundred, three hundred. At last the doors opened. Inside a glass enclosure stood an unconscious female form. Mary looked on in wonder. "Is that . . .?" Rogers nodded. "When the Kryptonian became unavailable to us, the Empress commanded me to oversee this project. She is a homunculus, cultivated from both human and Kryptonian DNA. She is nearly as powerful as he was. As powerful as you are, in many ways." "And she is loyal to the Empress?" "Completely. It's been programmed into her personality. She is, in many ways, the perfect weapon." She stared silently for moment. He watched her carefully, looking for any kind of reaction. At length, she spoke. "With her power on our side, we cannot lose," she concluded. "The Empress will be pleased when we deliver her this Earth." "Indeed she will." Option (Second Dragon): Galatea, Justice League Unlimited

Oh, I'm well aware. I have a plan. Well, I have at least 12% of a plan.

Spades it is!

"This paper reminds me of the anion formed by fluorine: F-."

Student: "Why did you give me an 'F' on this assignment?" Teacher: "Because I couldn't give you a 'G'."

Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy, she'll beat you of she's able. The Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.

Malfunction

Paradise City has green grass and pretty girls. I was reading the other day on the internet (so it must be true!) that Kenny Loggins was actually the fifth choice to sing "Danger Zone" in Top Gun after two groups and to solo artists declined. So, an I Challenge You! Two-fer: Toto vs. REO Speedwagon Bryan Adams vs. Corey Hart

Q: Why are you trying to teach partial differential equations to a kid watching Looney Tunes? A: The triple integral of yo' mama.

The inevitable upcoming reboot of Knight Rider. Dropped a curling stone right on Glorious Leader's head. Knocked some sense into him.

Justin Timberlake

The Bog! The Bog!! MY EYES!!!!! Bears vs. Lions

I think I still need two Options and the Card. It may be Monday before I get that done.