Bah. So you've been a hot headed, violent prick, with psychological issues. So freakin what?
So Am I.
Three weeks ago, I was holding my neighbor's German Shepherd in the air with one hand threatening to tear her throat. I put both hands on her jaws, held her up that way and started to yank them apart till her head cracked off.
Sure, she had just attacked my dog. Twice. Sure, I could claim I was just defending myself and my property.
But, truth be told, I WANTED to rip her head off. Because she pissed me off, I wanted her dead.
I've always had access to firearms. Ask yourself why haven't I ever killed anything with one of them? I'd rather use a 24 oz rip hammer with a sharpened nailpuller than a gun. It's because I like to see the blood up close and personal.
You know what that struggle is like. The killer that you hold inside that you're afraid to let out, and that you can barely control.
And, yet somehow we do.
I didn't kill her. I don't think I even hurt her. Took every ounce of willpower I possess not to just snap her, and deal with the concequences (her owner is a local cop) later. Because I decided not to kill that day. If the situation happens again, who knows what'll happen.
Your demon might be closer to the surface than mine. Mine is closer than others. But we've all got one. Something will set us off, and away we go. It's how we cope that's the issue.
And, yeah, you've had issues with the coping. That just means you haven't learned how yet.
You're no more a monster than I, or Zornwil for that matter. (sorry Zorn)
You've got a good heart, to go along with that demon. That's why this tears you up so much.
So, I was going to my favorite sandwich place for lunch today, and as I was walking up, this guy comes walking up next to me. We kind of fell into step, and I held the door open for him. He called me sir.
Staff Sergeant, US rmy, 101st Airborne. Dress Uniforms are pretty. FWthat
The line was long, and we talked about the weather. He tried to let me cut in line ahead of him.
He's recently returned from the freakin desert, risking his life, and he's trying to let me cut in front of him.
I passed on the cuts. "I've got to take an hour for lunch. They get grumpy if we don't. No OT."
"That'd be nice. They don't even like for us to not work through lunch. 'That's what the MREs are for'."
I almost bought him lunch, but he was just getting some drinks and getting back to work. I didn't want to insult him, either.
He mentioned that there's rumors that they might be shipped back soon. It doesn't surprise me, but I was hoping that they'd have some more time back home.
I thanked him, and wished him good luck.
And I'll do the same here. Good luck Sargeant. And Thanks for everything.
This has been an interesting 6 days. I took two days before and two days after the easter weekend off to travel up to the old homestead and see the relatives.
Met with Mandy on saturday. Met her new fiancee. He's much better than any of the 10 or so other fiancees she's had. More social. More on the ball. He's a gamer, and was amazed that we were too. He's got "Superman Syndrome"; He's sweeping in to save her from her bad situations, though. Plus, she's having Loser Stalker guy's baby, so he gets a ready made family, which he really wants. Shane reminds me of nothing more than a much more social version of her father. The evil part of me wonders if he's way to damn good for her. Of cource, I thought the same thing when my cousin married her mother.
Jaime is three now, and just learning how to talk. You see, his mamma and her live-in both smoke like a coal fired powerplant, and guess who's so allergic to cigarette smoke that he gets continual ear infections, which has so damaged his hearing that he's going to have to undergo surgery? And do speech therapy? Megan's living proof that people should be required to get a licence to have children. Baby number three is doing well, cute as a button. We're standing in line to get the food (we had swiss steak for easter this year) and my brother turns to his wife and asks "who's baby is that?". She says, "Don't know." Says I, "That's Megan's new baby." Then I had to explain that the only reason why I know that is because I call my grandma directly to get info. Calling my mom gets me more information that I could ever care to know about her medical problems, and about people that she knows that I never have met. Relatives, nope. Family, nope. Some person she works with. Enough data to choke a horse. Sigh.
Cousin April's husband has taken a severe turn for the worse. His kidneys are failing rapidly, and they're trying to get him a transplant. He's type O, and everyone of his approximate size in the family is A. So, none of us can do it. Funny thing. His sister would donate, but she's A too. His brother is O, and could donate, but won't. Brother's wife lost a sister before she could donate bone marrow, and is pissed that her husband is being that selfish. Damn glad I don't have to go to Easter at their house.
Dad and CJ and I had a long talk while mom was out. It was fun. The reason why he hasn't come for a visit to give us our Christmas present (to help us figure out what we need to get this place fixed up right) is because Mom keeps telling him he has to wait for her. Um, mom, the point was to get him to come down so that you would be rid of him for a couple of weeks, and we'd get to show him around. You can come down in the summer like usual, and everything will be hunky dory.
Speaking on mom, Pyrex is your friend. Use it. She's making iced tea. Boil water, plunk in tea bag. Let steep, pour over ice. She boils the water, pulls out a pretty glass pitcher, and pours the boiling water right in.
Crack, splash, there's broken glass shards and boiling tea water everywhere. So, I clear a path and get mom to go into the bathroom and run cold water on the burn on her foot, and dad and I clean the entire floor. Sigh. Fortunately, we were there, or she'd have probably stepped in the glass, and we'd have had another trip to the emergency room.
The termite treatment went well, we're out $1700, but we should be good for a while now. We were a little mislead about how long it was going to take. They got here at 9:00 and left at 3:30. Somehow, my wife and I were under the assumption that they'd be done in two or three hours. So, rather than doing all the shopping and stuff we took today off to do, we spent it at home doing nothing, because we couldn't leave. Sigh. At least we got to go out for dinner. Thai again. Go figure.
Good to see morningstar's back. I always miss him when he goes.