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Everything posted by FrankL

  1. FrankL


    Woo-hoo! Thanks for the updates.
  2. Two British brothers were riding on a train when a general sat down across from them. One of the brothers was hard of hearing and said, "Ask the general is he's ever been to India." The other brother says, "Pardon me, sir, but my brother is just wondering if you've ever been to India?" The general says, "India? Why yes, marvelous place full of wonderful people!" The first brother says, "What did he say?" The second brother replies, "He said he's been to India." A few minutes later, the first brother says, "Ask him if he's ever been to Punjab?" The second brother asks, "Pardon me again, general, but my brother wants to know if you've ever been to Punjab?" The general says, "Punjab! Oh, magnificent curry in Punjab!" The first brother says, "What did he say?" The second brother replies, "He said he's been in Punjab." A few minutes later, the first brother says, "Ask him if he knows a Lady Elanor?" The second brother asks, "Pardon me again, general, I promise this is the last question, but my brother wants to know if when you were in Punjab, you knew a Lady Elanor?" The general says, "Lady Elanor! Why, oh yes! Beautiful woman! My bedroom window looked right into her bathtub!" The first brother says, "What did he say?" The second brother replies, "He said he knows Mother."
  3. Why do programmers give gifts on Halloween? Because 31-oct = 25-dec.
  4. Wife: So I've entered a broth challenge. Me: Really?! Wife: Yes. Are you interested. Me: Most definitely! Wife: I'm surprised. Me: Why are you surprised? Wife: Well, you just aren't a fan of broth most days. Me: Broth? Like chicken broth? Wife: Yeah. I make different recipes of broth each weekend, and drink 8 ounces a day. What did you think I said? Me: Bra. Wife: Bra? How would a bra challenge work? Me: I don't know, but I really want to find out!
  5. Tonight, while looking for something else, I found a file I knew I had made 10ish years ago but had lost. 43 pages, single spaced, almost 17,000 words of dialog, debate, research notes, and analysis I had done on Psalm 22 with most citations complete enough to find again in academic tools if needed! Giddy! SO MUCH WIN!
  6. Written by one of my seminary professors and the man I did my student teaching with. http://penews.org/features/secrets-unlocked-from-ancient-scroll
  7. If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey. Even if it's got a monkey kinda shape. If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey, It's an ape!
  8. If you removed an angel statue from a fountain, what would you have? A sans seraph font
  9. At least it isn't apocryphal.
  10. My wife will hate that pun. I can't wait to share it with her!
  11. The first Tuesday following the first Monday in November, 1984? (The 27th amendment was ratified in 1992, but I wanted to throw Reagan's 49-state blitzkreig win in for lolz.)
  12. If there was any doubt as to if my youngest is me done-over, it was done away with on Saturday. That afternoon, he designed his first game. It was a Ghostbusters board game where each player advances on a track and you have to defeat a ghost on the way to the winner's square. We gave it a playtest and said it was fun. The next day after church, he said, "My game was fun but fast. How can we slow it down to give us more turns?" I suggested going to 1d6 instead of 2d6. He came up with the idea of SORRY-style movement; draw a card with the advancement listed. Less than half (but he didn't tell me how much less) would be "go back X" squares.
  13. My youngest last night when we were discussing speedsters. "Why is he called Reverse Flash? That sounds like he's a slowpoke."
  14. Seeing that I lay back down and went back to sleep after the second awakening, that's actually a valid question.
  15. Had a small surgery on my nose last week. Before it could be done, I had to stop taking one of my daily nutrient supplements and could not start back on it for a week after surgery. I have found over the last few days that taking this supplement drastically improves my mood. I can feel my temper shortening and want to say things that will cause fights with friends and family. This was the first morning I could take it again. Now, I'm trying to hold out until things get normal again. And I have to go off it again next month before and after a colonoscopy!
  16. I woke up cold in the night last night, so I grabbed a light shirt I keep near the bed for such an occasion, put it on, and went back to sleep. I then woke up cold in the night wondering where my shirt was. No, I hadn't taken it off in my sleep. I had dreamed I put it on. This is the first time I recall a dream of waking up.
  17. But what has Athens to do with Jerusalem?
  18. Let us not forget the KungFu Chickens (big as a house, strong as the dickens). Let see, names were Fricasee, Cordon Bleu, Catchatoree, and Stew.
  19. Was on YouTube listening to Lindsey Sterling this morning. One of the "you may also like" said "Halo Theme - Lindsey Sterling." For a moment, I read it as "Hal Lindsey" and wondered how YouTube's algorithms really needed work.
  20. What I noticed is that they are all gluten free except the Wheat Chex. That would be rather difficult to accomplish, I suppose.
  21. [Proudly stolen from Jerry Clower and Lewis M. Grizzard Jr., my highschool idol and a great American!] I was just remembering this morning an event from my high school days. Back one dry summer, no body was catching any fish. They'd spend all day at the lake and rivers but come home empty. Not so my boyhood friend and idol, Chad J. Carpenter, a great American! He'd go out and return with his pickup truck loaded down with ice chests full of catfish, striper, or bass (depending on where he went that day). One day the local game and fish warden came to see him. "Son, I want to see how you're catching all these fish when no body else can get a thing." Chad shrugged and said, "Get in." 15 minutes later, out in the middle of the river, Chad pulled out a stick of dynamite from a tackle box. He trimmed the fuse. The warden said, "Son, that's against the law. You can't do that." Chad lit the fuse and handed it to the warden. "Son! Weren't you listening! I said this's against the law!" Chad raised an eyebrow at him. "Sir, you gonna sit there and argue or fish?"
  22. Took the four boys from church to a Ranger Kids' day in the next town over. One of the games was "Needle in a Haystack." This was literal. While my kids were taking their turn to look, one of the other commanders said there was a special prize for the boys who found the golden needles. I said, "Maybe next year you can have them look for the marble in the oatmeal." The adults gave me weird looks. My youngest piped up, "Yeah! And the special prize would be getting to drink from the fire hose!" They looked at him like he had grown a third arm and said, "That would knock a little guy like you right over." I said, "You're awesome, Jonny." [Nobody found the needles all day. Sometime when I'm not so wiped out I should share the story of the boffer sword fights (made from pool noodles). Great fun! Pictures here! That's me in the second picture, blue vest, back to the camera. You can see me better in the boffer fight pix.]
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