Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[DusterBoy]

Guy does sound like a douche. Someone needs to take him aside and tell him to grow up and get some emotional discipline. Probably a lost cause, though.

 

How big was this mini? 28mm, or larger?

 

Oh, and I'm building a Space Marines army, myself. Bunch of black dudes with dreads. Something a little different.

[CrosshairCollie]

Playing the Pathfinder card game.  My wife, playing the rogue character, has acquired two avian allies during gameplay.

 

"A rogue with two crows?  You're under arrest for attempted murder."

[Drhoz]

Shadowrun - Where Purrdence was hanging around and the Smut Field Intensity correspondingly high. Amazingly, since Inkubus was mostly absent this session, it appears the elf libertine is actually a Smut Sink.

Felix: Labrat! I have a gift for you!
Greenlight: It's a monkey! It has electrodes in its feet.
Felix: There's a Smartphone app that comes with it.
Greenlight: It's called 'Dance, Monkey, Dance!'

It's actually a stealth drone, which may be very useful in a hunt for a serial killer dragon. So will the cunningly modified garbage truck that Labrat has been working on - it looks ordinary and unimportant, but it's filled to the brim with armour, sensors, luxury amenities, and weapons.

Labrat: One problem - the base vehicle is the least cool vehicle on the streets.
Felix: Inkubus' Kryptonite

Felix: I'm not sure how Inkubus is going to deal with a possessed serial killer dragon - and I'm not sure I want to know.

Inkubus: I still think it's a bad idea to let any dragons know we're taking money to kill dragons. Even if it's a dragon that's paying for the hit.
Felix: It certainly sets a bad precedent.

This should all be arranged through our fixer

Felix: 'Contact Miss Kitty -
Greenlight: '...and ask about our Godzilla Special'

We receive directions to the meet with the client.

Greenlight: Copy. Sorry. Warhammer is rubbing off- *splutters* I'll see you there!

The Feathered Serpent Aleesh is annoyed that we nicknamed the target Godzilla.

Aleesh: You need to learn more dragonlore, human. The killer is a lesser dracoform
Felix: It's occasionally useful to pretend to have less knowledge of a subject then we really do, especially when negotiating contracts.
Greenlight: You must be a world class actor, Warhammer.

GM: You scramble into the limo
Greenlight's player: This module is making unwarranted assumptions about Shadowrunners. Is there money in there or something?
Warhammer: There's money in there? *pushes his way past and in*

Greenlight: I've never eaten hamburgers in a limo before.
Aleesh: I enjoy the common things in life.
Felix: You'll get on fine with some of this team then.
Warhammer: Because we're so... common... to. find.
Felix: ..... just enjoy your burger.

Aleesh: I am the ancient Feathered Serpent Aleesh
Warhammer: Hi Aleesh. I'm a dwarf. I shoot people.
Labrat: I could say something now but I won't because you're a Feathered Serpent.
Felix: And we're in enough trouble with dragons as it is.
Labrat: Speak for yourself.
Greenlight: I think I should have handled these negotiations alone.
Warhammer: Would have saved time.

As it happens, Aleesh already knows who we are, our involvement in the situation with the Penguin and the evil statue, and is placing the blame squarely on us. We're not being given a choice in the matter - either we help her attack the possessed Dragon Geyswain in his lair or she'll slap a geas on us and we'll do it anyway.

Greenlight: We're going to case the area for a few hours then attack our target Gayschlong.

At least we'll be paid well. And double if we can take Geyswain alive.

Felix: But she didn't say it was necessary - and I don't need the money THAT badly.
Warhammer: Hey! I like money!
Felix: Dragon legs regenerate, right?

At least our target isn't a GREAT dragon. And Aleesh has hired one Jake 'Cheating Cheater' Armitage as further support. Apparently Armitage already has quite the reputation.

Greenlight: Gentlemen, we have just purchased tickets to the best show ever.

The inadvertent innuendo of Armitage's hacking into Geyswain' lair gives us much amusement.

Felix: .... So you're going to penetrate the secret cave of the dragon Gayschlong.
Labrat: Which is apparently squeaky clean.
Warhammer: And wide open.
GM: Armitage sits there, fingering his deck, whistling and occasionally grunting
ALL: LOL.
GM: *headdesk*

We infiltrate Geyswain's office building - it would appear he's already started killing his staff - the same real estate agents that are already turning up dead. SOMETHING has been ageing them decades anyway. Although the bullet-riddled corpse of one is a mystery. Why would his staff turn on each other? Especially if one of them was apparently already dead when he was shot? Are there actual zombies in 2050? Titus stomps their heads in, just in case.

Aleesh: I need to be alone to prepare for my confrontation with Geyswain.
Felix: Ah - those arseless chaps take some getting into.

Greenlight: We're bait.
Felix: So, basically - Aleesh is hoping Geyswain takes so long using us as cocksleeves that she can take him down herself. Joy.

There are dead employees stuffed into every fourth locker.

Greenlight: Meticulous dragon, isn't he?
Felix: That would help in the real estate business - attention to detail.

The seminar room has a whiteboard. And Zombies.

Felix: Does the board have 'How I Did It' signed Geyswain written on it?
Labrat: 'Why I'm So Great'
Felix: 'All Work And No Murder Makes Geyswain A Dull Dragon'

The possessed dragon is in his basement suite amusing himself with a pile of corpses and other flesh toys. We don't stroll in.

Warhammer: We're not completely stupid.
Felix: 'We're just passing through. And walking off with the statue that's the source of all your evil power. Don't mind us'

One of the flesh toys is that elf from the junkyard. He's also still alive, and gasps that the statue was stolen from the Elven Nation. Then Gayschlong attacks.

Titus: You know, I've almost forgotten what his actual name is.

We're also fortunate that it makes a frontal assault, rather than cripple us with area-effect magics first. All the automatic weaponry and miniguns we're carrying might actually take it down. It gets Greenlight's stun baton in the uvula, but amazingly, Felix's first Stunbolt spell takes the dragon down.

Inkubus: 'I'm going to think very bad thoughts at you - Red wine with chicken! Red wine with chicken!'

Greenlight: Bubbles is kicking ass!

Aleesh arrives in her natural form.

Felix: So now we're between two dragons. Joy.
Titus: We're cool!
Warhammer: We got this!
Aleesh: *swats the other dragon hard*
Warhammer: Hey!
Felix: Kill-steal!

Aleesh destroys the bottled daemon, despite apparent ill grace at our success, throws the empty statue at Felix who recoils in horror, and orders us to leave.

Aleesh: Leave. I must talk with the youngling.
Greenlight: Advise him on stun-batons. They're fun.
Warhammer: And not chew toys.

We stroll out invisible, and jiggle the unconscious elf in front of the Lone Star cops that have shown up.

Felix: Dance, Monkey, Dance!

Leaving the cops to fume about the elf's Diplomatic Immunity, we steal a cop car and make our serene departure. True, the elf contacts us a few days later and offers to pay for the statue. but we left it behind.

Felix: We can rest happy imagining his negotiations with Lone Star to get the statue out of the evidence locker.

Plus, if he wants it THAT bad he can always pay us to steal it for him.

[BlueCloud2k2]

Guy does sound like a douche. Someone needs to take him aside and tell him to grow up and get some emotional discipline. Probably a lost cause, though.

 

How big was this mini? 28mm, or larger?

 

Oh, and I'm building a Space Marines army, myself. Bunch of black dudes with dreads. Something a little different.

 

The mini itself wasn't that heavy. It was the kit-bashed all-pewter throne that the mini was magnetically locked to that hurt. I'd say the piece was about 3" by 2" by 2" and weighed at least a pound. I may not be remembering the dimensions exactly.

 

IIRC, they were playing a Space Hulk-ish scenario where the God-Emperor's ship had been over run by Tyranids.

 

Been so long the details are a little fuzzy (or maybe it was the blunt-force-trama).

 

And yeah, from what I remember of everyone trash talking him afters, he was a Douche with a capital D.

[DusterBoy]

Pewter throne, huh? Yeah, that would have hurt.

 

And I love the idea of the God-Emperor's ship being over-run by Tyrannids.

[BlueCloud2k2]

I haven't played 40k since 4th edition, I think (was late 90's). I missed out on the release of the Space Hulk board-game as I was incarcerated when it was released. Very sad over that.

 

Found some decent non-40k paper minis usable for some space marines, Necrons, and Tyranids and printable patterns to scratch build some of the Terran vehicles and mechas, was thinking of getting back into into it.

 

Problem is I don't wanna spend $100 on rulesbooks and such.

 

Maybe I should home-brew some rules?

 

Hrm...

[Lucius]

Slaanesh types tend to live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse.

 

Want bloody revenge or martial pride? Khorne will strengthen you arm.

 

Envious of another's position, or yearning after knowledge? Tzeench listens.

 

Fearful of death, or simply crushed under the monolithic tyranny of the Imperium? Papa Nurgle loves you, and is generous with his gifts. True, you'll be a bit stinky, but you'll live forever!

 

Then, of course, there's the Emperor, who will protect you from the Ruinous Powers. At least, that's what his priests have been saying for the last 10,000 years.

I get the impression that "the universe is a "crapsack" and there is no hope, many horrible things are certain to happen, and you are guaranteed a greater or lesser - probably greater - portion of misery, suffering, and misfortune."

 

But that the difference for followers of Slaanesh is "BUT, at least you will enjoy it!"

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary notes that living forever in such a cosmos doesn't seem like much of a benefit. How's immortality and apotheosis working out for that 10,000 year old guy?

[DusterBoy]

If I was going Chaos, I'd go for Slaanesh, because none of the rest have any appeal. I'd probably wind up regretting it, though. An I wouldn't even need a bolt round through the head (or whatever) to make me do it.

[BlueCloud2k2]

Back when I last played 40k, there were no Tau, Necrons and Dark Eldar were brand new (I didn't even know there was a Dark Eldar Codex, I figured everyone was jumping on the Drizzt Do'urden Dark-Elf Ranger Train), Star Craft was making everyone want to play Tyranids (and I saw several bits of Tyranid Terrain that was based on Zerg Hive Structures), and Chaos Armies confused the crap out of me (and they still do). And I had forgotten that Orks existed in 40k until I started reading up on the new stuff

 

So much has changed I don't know where to begin. Guess I'll start with Wiki.

[Steve]

So much has changed I don't know where to begin. Guess I'll start with Wiki.

 

That way lies madness. 

[L. Marcus]

And Ork humor.

[pinecone]

One site I've posted on a time or two is DakkaDakka for 40k.

[BlueCloud2k2]

Sumbitch! A new version of Space Hulk sneaked by me last month!

[Christopher]

[...], Star Craft was making everyone want to play Tyranids (and I saw several bits of Tyranid Terrain that was based on Zerg Hive Structures), and Chaos Armies confused the crap out of me (and they still do).

Afaik Star Craft was originally intended to be a Warhammer 40k game (Terrans = Space Marines. Zerg = Tyranids. Protoss = Eldar).

But when Games Workshop pulled the licensing plug, Blizard just went on without them. It worked out rather well in the end

http://kotaku.com/5929161/how-warcraft-was-almost-a-warhammer-game-and-how-that-saved-wow

 

Sumbitch! A new version of Space Hulk sneaked by me last month!

There is also Spacehulk the Videogame:

http://store.steampowered.com/app/242570/

 

Now if only they bring out Space Hulk the Flamethrower or space hulk the Cereal they got all the merchandising areas covered.

[BlueCloud2k2]

Afaik Star Craft was originally intended to be a Warhammer 40k game (Terrans = Space Marines. Zerg = Tyranids. Protoss = Eldar).

But when Games Workshop pulled the licensing plug, Blizard just went on without them. It worked out rather well in the end

http://kotaku.com/5929161/how-warcraft-was-almost-a-warhammer-game-and-how-that-saved-wow

This, I did not know.

 

There is also Spacehulk the Videogame:

http://store.steampowered.com/app/242570/

This, I did know. Been debating on whether or not I want it. Never played actual space hulk, but some 40k using the set at a friend's house.

 

Now if only they bring out Space Hulk the Flamethrower or space hulk the Cereal they got all the merchandising areas covered.

Give Games Workshop time, and I am sure they'll get there.

[BlueCloud2k2]

One site I've posted on a time or two is DakkaDakka for 40k.

 

What's your user name over there? I've been browsing some of Paper Craft pictures for inspiration for my Space Hulk HERO concept I've been thinking of.

 

BACK ON TOPIC:

 

Last Thursday Morning our weekly DnD group got together for Pathfinder. We were in the middle of combat when the GM's wife tried to play basketball with a d20 and a dice tower and over shot the dice tower and sunk her d20 in her coffee cup. Me, my wife and the GM all cried out "Sploosh!" at the same time and I added in "Three Points!"

 

Our airship had touched down to make repairs after some goblins had planted Sonic Bombs on our hull, and several of our crew members went missing. So we went looking for them. The GM has some of Adamant Entertainments Fell Beasts books and decided to throw us up against some of the creatures within. First were the Puppet Spiders (spiders that lair inside a corpse and control it by tugging on its webbing which is connected to the corpse's muscles). My artificer made judicious use of his flame thrower with the battle cry of "Eat Flaming-Hot Death you Eight-Legged Freaks!"

 

Later we encountered a Mercy Flower ("carnivorous" plant that has a Lotus Blossum like effect on creatures it grabs with its vines). Our Fighter and myself were grappled and I had managed to shrug off it's effect. "Get out of my head, Charles!" Our fighter was not so lucky. My wife (the Ranger Archer) had a +1 Flaming Composite Longbow and was whittling it down that way. Then I whipped out my Tesla Cannon and not only managed to burn out the vines entangling myself and our fighter, but knocked it down enough that my wife managed to plink it to death.

 

My wife to me: "Why am I always having to save your a$$?"

 

Me: "Because you like having my a$$ around and if I lost it you would mourn the loss of said a$$?"

[pinecone]

For Bluecloud, I still cannot "quote"...pinecone..

[Balabanto]

Clown Commander, announcing his evil plan.
 

"I want all the soap in New York City delivered to Central Park by 3 PM, or the city will suffer a bubble bath like it has never seen. What do you think of that, Mr. Mayor?"

Mayor (Tied up and gagged): Mfft! !#$#@!!!!!
 

"Mr. Pibbles, use the agonizer...AGGGGGH! ACK! AAAGGH!....pant...wheeze...

not...on...me."

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sun Soldier: Attention, humans! Your confectionary weaponry and carbonated weapons are no match for the science of the Kwa'luur. Lay down your pogo sticks and surrender and you will not be harmed!

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Gideon's Player: Can I be seen inside the Banana?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 Gideon's Player: I get on the pogo stick, leap up, and shoot the balloon man.

 

GM: You pop the balloon man, and inside is a monkey operating it with some sort of contraption.

 

Sun Soldier: I should have known the apes were behind this.

 

Monkey: Awk awk...

 

 

 

 

[Balabanto]

One more.

 

GM: It's not actually a monkey, it's a  Ring-tailed Lemur.

 

Players: What the?

 

Subject 27's player: I examine the Lemur.

 

GM: Make a perception roll.

 

Subject 27's player: By 4.

 

GM: The rings are painted on.

[BlueCloud2k2]

For Bluecloud, I still cannot "quote"...pinecone..

 

I assume pinecone77

[pinecone]

Yep.

[Drhoz]

Shadowrun. June 2052, and we find ourselves mixed up in elven political shenanigans again. At least it makes a change from dragons.

Felix OoC: Purrdence is a Smut Field generator, Inkubus is a Smut Sink.
Inkubus: I collapse the Smut Field. With the Power of the D!
Felix: It's a lightning rod, is it?
Inkubus: I earth out the Smut Field!

Warhammer bemoans the lack of drinking on the trip out to the Puyullup Barrens slums.

Felix: Given how many vehicles use gasohol, these days, is it 'One for the car, one for me, one for the car, one for me'?

Sandii: This is your lucky night - you're going to a party.
Inkubus: *headdesk* And of course I said yes.

Our fixer is very attractive, right up until she flashes the stainless steel razorteeth.

Inkubus: Nope, nope, nope.
Greenlight: Maybe not the effect you were looking for, lady.
Felix: The Anti-Viagra.

The Johnson we're meeting wants to meet at a very noisy Elven nightclub.

Felix: *hums the Mos Eisley Cantina Band tune*
Inkubus: Hey, stop putting Jizz in my ear!

And yes, the Cantina Band's musical style really is called jizz. You have to wonder what the Star Wars writers were thinking, sometimes. Anyway, a club full of elves isn't that unusual - to the disgust of the elf nation Tir Tairngire, most elves has gone pop-culture instead of 'traditional'.

Felix: Not all elves are Galadriel.

As instructed, we mingle until the client comes to us. Greenlight hides in a corner, Titus passes for scenery, Felix bemoans the lack of anything worth ingesting at the bar, Labrat cuts a rug, and Inkubus completely botches his temptation check and promptly becomes the centre of Typhoon Inkubus.

Mr. Johnson: I believe you are the people I am here to meet. Is the rest of your team to hand?
Felix: *sigh and glance at the dance floor where one of the more obscure Hindu gods is apparently having an epileptic seizure.*

GM: How do you do an Elven accent?
Inkubus OoC: Start with Antonio Banderas
Greenlight OoC: And sprinkle with a bit of Paddy McGinty.
Inkubus OoC: As long as McGinty was sober.
Titus OoC: So, dead then.

Inkubus refuses to leave the mosh-pit orgy. Apparently it's a religious thing. Leaving Titus to keep an eye on him, just in case. The rest of us retire to the Elf Johnson's private room. According to the client, the Young Elven Technologists policlub have been doing naughty stuff. Felix's conspiracy dabblings ring a bell at this point, and he swears internally, because the YET policlub has links to Ehran the Scribe, the allegedly immortal author of that manuscript we stole, and an associate of that Scots elf Quicksilver. To avoid political embarrassment somewhere on the Watergate Scale - or possibly ensure it - we need to steal some data. A problem, since none of us are hackers.

Felix: If we walk off with their mainframe, they'll probably notice.

But we can at least call in some friends. Now all we need are passcodes, access to the suite that Ehran the Scribe will be using on his upcoming visit to Seattle, and hack a company from the club and incriminate the Y.E.T.

Titus: This guy is terrible at operational security - the entire team he just hired are in the damn building he wants a Run on.
Felix: He's probably relying on the idea 'It can't have been them, they walked right in here.'
Greenlight: Refuge in f**king audacity.
Felix: 'No shadowrunner would be so stupid as to start an orgy on the dance floor DURING A RUN.'
Inkubus: Speaking of which, I failed that temptation check too.
Felix: *facepalm*

Labrat calls in the assistance of his Korean hacker friend Kimchi. And while she's at it, we try to ID the Johnson. His facial scars, that look like he tried to make out with a kitchen blender, should help there. At least whatever we do, it's going to be hard to distract people's attention from Inkubus on the dance floor. Greenlight leaves the club, and returns disguised as an elf.

Inkubus OoC: I hope I recognise her.
Greenlight: I'm not going NEAR the dance floor.

Greenlight bluffs her way past the bouncers and into the policlub levels.

GM: What are you waving?
Greenlight: Fake security pass.
GM: Oh, I thought it was your stun-baton.
Felix: Admittedly a stun-baton is ALMOST as good for getting you into a secure area as an actual pass.

Felix tells Inkubus what the rest of the team are up to, including Greenlight's disguise.

Felix: Watch out for an elf in a blue dress.
Inkubus: Is she cute? Should I try and chat her up?
Felix: ..... *pokerface* Why yes! She is! You do that!
Inkubus OoC: You bastard.

Alas, Inkubus sees through Felix' deception.

Inkubus: You know, you're awfully eager about this. Usually you're the first one trying to shut me down.

Greenlight: Do you want to go get a drink with me at the bar?
Security: I can't leave my post
Greenlight: Pleasepleasepleaseplease?

Kimchi and the orc Labrat get caught in the server room.

Felix: Are you going to need help removing that guard's memories?
Warhammer: I'm going to remove the guard. *punches him out and stuffs him in a closet*

They've just finished getting the passcodes when an explosion rocks the building and automatic gunfire opens up from the lounge. Given Felix was the only one still in the actual club - Titus and Warhammer was playing cards in the team's 'garbage truck' and Inkubus is naked somewhere - this is bad news for Felix.

Felix: ... F**k!

He attempts to play dead while the gunmen - from the elven extremist group Paranobilis - wander around shooting survivors. We've brushed with before (well, assassinated some of their leadership). Inkubus flies in, naked and glowing.

Titus: Crotch first.
Inkubus: Worse - I was interrupted mid coitus. This is officially my weirdest fight yet. WHO'S MY BITCH

Titus charges in, using one of the exit hatches from the truck as a tower shield. Labrat was clever with his design. The first three gunman get trampled underfoot. We've probably got at least 15 minutes before the Lone Star cops show up. Assuming somebody calls them. Even though there was an explosion. This is the Barrens after all. Or, you know, you could have Greenlight pretend to be a cop.

Greenlight: This is Lone Star! Drop your weapons or you WILL be killed!

Certainly, the Paranobilis group are already on the back foot, what with the glowy flying naked elf, Warhammer hosing them down with gunfire, and the troll battering ram. So this bluff actually works.

Greenlight: If at first it doesn't work, rub Greenlight on it.

Felix: And the cameras are getting all of this.
Warhammer: We are the best team ever.

At this moment the GM is distracted by the snacks on the gaming table.

GM: That is not a frog.
Felix: *examines* Good god.
GM: This is a schlong.
Titus: Complete with testes. Who let Inkubus pick the nibblies?

Felix: By Somnos and Lethe, inTheNameOfHypnosGodOfSleepSLEEP!!!

The stunball works. VERY well - even Titus reels. No wonder Felix managed to take out that dragon. Inkubus has seen people killed by stun spells that powerful. And there's all those people already wounded by the bomb.

Felix: Whoops. Well, at least we can blame any deaths on Paranobilis.

The glowy naked elf hovers down.

Inkubus: Felix. We need to talk.
Labrat: We need to LEAVE.
Greenlight: This is Lone Star! Everybody remain on the ground.
Inkubus: F**k!
Greenlight: Ssh, it's me, you're fine.
Inkubus: Greenlight? Take that dress off, I want my boner to go away!
Greenlight: I want mine to go away too! Get some pants on!

For boner, read ladyboner. Greenlight's habitual cross-dressing might otherwise lead to confusion. Kimchi finishes framing the YET with the corporate hack, we leave the Paranobilis to whatever retribution is coming, and we all fuck off. True, we still have no idea who the Johnson was, but at least we all get well paid despite the elf-on-elf violence.

A few weeks later, we get another job offer - the latest Johnson has been badly injured and wishes to purchase some retribution.

Felix: Do we do retribution?
Inkubus: *shrug*

Felix wonders how notorious we are now.

Felix: You DID appear flying and naked on camera.
Inkubus: On private camera. It was an elf policlub. They just went "Yeah! Elf Power'. Admittedly some of them were a bit self-conscious about the dick, but...

Our new client is currently in a private room in Seattle General. Judging by the damage, someone tried to ice the Johnson WHILE he was at the hospital. Just as well for the assailants that it was a public hospital, and not a DocWagon facility - in that case it would have been "And how far did they get before the quad-guns reduced them to a crimson vapour?" Although the damage turns out to have been hospital security over-reacting when the Johnson crashed through the roof. The Johnson is a small Western Dragon.

GM: The dragon eyes you emotionally.
Warhammer: Unemotionally?
Felix: I'm not sure I want to be the target of a dragon's emotions.
Inkubus: I know one dragon who would eye us emotionally - Gayschlong.
Gayschlong: Oh f**k YOU guys.
Warhammer: Uh, yeah... this is awkward.

Actually, it's not Geyswain - but the tiny dragon has been badly shot up. We're still appalled that we're getting involved in the affairs of a SIXTH dragon, even one that seems more interested in Tri-D than his injuries, after everything with that 'human' in the limo, Celadyr, Lofwyr, Aleesh, and Geyswain.

Our client's most important injury is his total amnesia as to what happened to him, who he is, and why someone would try to kill him. The dragon offers to pay with a ring from one of his horns - a ring that Inkubus instantly recognises. He last saw it as a bracelet on Maria Mercurial, a current pop superstar. And it gets weirder - the dragon also has custom data-jacks. EXTREMELY rare and unusual.

Inkubus: So we're taking the job then - this is too damn interesting.

Lucky Titus has Psychometry, on top of his accounting, gardening, and grievous bodily harm skills. That should bypass half the plot. It would appear the dragon escaped from a cage, managed to fry his own brain with an experimental cyberdeck, dodged their security team, and eventually crashed into the hospital. This is a little alarming. If somebody is even CLOSE to inventing neural implants for dragons, this is huge news, especially since related technology - such as those Persona Chips from the first adventure - can then be used to CONTROL dragons.

Inkubus: I don't want a Jack the Ripper dragon.
Warhammer: I want a Ghenghis Khan dragon!
Inkubus: You wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

Inkubus: I'm going to have to probe your mind. I'm telling you this so when you feel the probe you don't...
Felix: Bite his head off.
Inkubus: Bite my head off. Or eat me. Or breath fire. Whatever.
Dragon: I see. I warn you a dragon's mind is sacrosanct.
Inkubus: I understand.
Felix: Besides, with that fee you get full confidentiality anyway.

The spell Mindprobe bypasses another quarter of the plot. He's the dragon Eliohann, who's always had a fascination with technology.

Inkubus: This is the first time I've Mindprobed somebody that wants me to go deeper.

Working for yet another dragon, and working so effectively, is going to do wonders for our reputation.

Inkubus: 'We work for dragons. Sure, you scare the shit out of us. But we're greedy.'
GM: At this rate the dragons are going to start bidding wars to hire you.

[Drhoz]

A few more sessions of that D&D game, where all the PCs are gnolls, bat-men, panda-kin, etc. It's one of those games. Speaking of games, go have a look at Paul Kidd's new GeneStorm RPG on Indiegogo - it's looking SWEEEET

Clearing out the rest of the old wizard's tower, after slaughtering the aforementioned old wizard and most of his minions. But if there IS anybody left down here, we might as well stake a claim on the moral high ground. Vitus shouts to any hypothetical listeners.

Vitus: Surrender now and there's a chance we will spare you life. Resist, and we'll probably kill you for wasting our time. Got that? And if you REALLY annoy us we'll cripple you then drown you in the pit of liquified undead bugbear.

Laudigan: Is that a room over there?
Vitus: Apparently.
Laudigan: *crosses his arms wearily.* I don't suppose it's the bathroom, is it?

The blue panda-kin is quite enamoured with the Cloak of Useful Items he loots from the dead wizard.

Adrian Vyn: Ooooh! Ooooh! There's a frigging portable ram in this cloak! and... a window... not sure why we'd need a window... Look at this! There's gems in here... and gold... coffer. Doggies!
Vitus: Obviously it's a cursed cloak of dementation

There is one more person in the dungeon, some kind of white-furred fox-kin or canine creature by the name of Sanmer, who was being prepared for sacrifice. Duly rescued, we head back to town. Vitus is a little uncomfortable with the casual flirtation between the various PCs. Even the bloody familiars are at it, apparently. And they, at least, are both crows. Of course, this could just be Vitus not being in touch with his own attractions again. Just look how badly things went with his concubine, 3.

Vitus: Is it just me or is every non-human on this plane a raving satryomaniac?
Laudigan: Don't look at me - it's a living.

Laudigan walks with a noticeable swagger, mostly to hide the fact that he is swaying with exhaustion as he walks. At least his yawns are incredibly photogenic. But he whimpers softly when Vitus orders a hot bath.

Laudigan: Please.
Vitus: Beat you to it. You'll just have to wait.
Laudigan: Can't I join you, Vitus?
Vitus: *flushes bright red under his fur, stammers, and hurries off*
Laudigan: Vitus, waaait- *tries to get up, but unceremoniously slumps down onto the ground, face-planted* Mnm, oh sweet ground, you've come to meet me, so suddenly.

The bartender wants to know what happened out at the ruins.

Vitus: Foul necromancy, giant monsters, swarms of terrible dire vermin. There's no way they were natural rats. Probably demonic.
Nig Llush, Bartender: You said Necromancy, did ye, wizard? and giant rats? ach, good thing you cleared em out..
Vitus: *suddenly remembering we let the Hob leader get away.* ....yesssss. Cleared them out.

Laudigan: Mmm... you wouldn't happen to have an extra bath, would you? One with perfumed water and rose shampoo? And- *trembles eagerly at the thought* A nice, warm bed?
Nig Llush, Bartender: You've got me best rooms for the night. As for a bath, I can give ye a tub, water, and soap, but ye'll have to find yer own perfume!

The ensuing scenes mostly revolve around the developing rom-com of Vitus and Laudigan. What WOULD that slash pairing be called, anyway? LaudiGnoll? Sounds like a sedative.

GM: Vitus is officially the campaign Butt-monkey. Possibly literally.

Vitus' red-hot embarrassment and hotel-room confusions aside, what now? Especially since it looks like the lightning storm was a distraction to allow the hobs a chance to kidnap villagers. Trying to talk the PCs into doing anything about it is potentially challenging, given our personalities.

Vitus: If we don't end the problem now, the one that got away could come back with all his friends. And even if they aren't planning anything like that, we should at least try to find the missing villagers.
Laudigan: Their leader got away.
Adrian Vyn: So? That's a good thing.
Vitus: We are not farming hobgoblins here. And as far as I know there is no standing bounty to encourage us to start farming them. I would like to point out that at least three of my problems over the years have arisen because I left enemies alive behind me.
Laudigan: I don't like leaving loose ends. And Hob outposts mean money.
Adrian Vyn: Is that so?
Laudigan: Perhaps even a chance at vengeance, considering what they did to Sanmer.
Adrian Vyn: Revenge doesn't end well.
Laudigan: It does when it ends in a hefty sack of loot. Search your feelings, you know them to be Chaotic.
Sanmer: Loot!
Adrian Vyn: We have more than enough money to adventure as we please. We don't need to go put ourselves at danger to....
Sanmer: Speak for yourself
Laudigan: Think of it less as revenge... and more of overdue compensation. Hobs kidnap people, many of them go dead, their belongings end up- ownerless. WE can be those owners.
Vitus: Let me offer a hypothetical - we all go our separate ways, dismissing the hobgoblins and any potential threat they might offer. And in a few years we hear that they DID come back, perhaps empowered by sacrifice of their captives, and did horrible, horrible things to the innocent-if-slightly-dim villagers here. Would any of you feel slightly guilty about that, knowing we had a chance to prevent it, here and now?
Sanmer: Loot! That's all I need to know
Laudigan: And even if you didn't care about these people, here's something to think about... sacrificial rituals aren't exactly done to summon a good barrel of mead. What ever they tried to do to Sanmer was something that was probably going to affect not just this town, but the world. And who of us are unlucky enough to live here? No world, no us. No loot.
Adrian Vyn: I will go if you shut your muzzle, bat.
Laudigan: That's the spirit.

Perhaps we can use some kind of poison to wipe out the hobgoblin encampment. As it happens, the village's bizarrely well-stocked Apothecary is among the kidnapped. We're sure he won't mind us looting his store if it gets him rescued.

Vitus: Even if they have a spellcaster, he'll exhaust all his magic long before he can stop the majority of the tribe puking out their own livers.

Vitus: Ooooh, Destroying Angel AND Foxglove seeds! *rattles ones of the vials and sniffs very cautiously* Metallic arsenic.
Narrator: Rust monster flakes, aluminium, Magnesium oxide...

Vitus opens a lead tube, is briefly illuminated by a green glow, & closes it again.

Vitus: No idea.

However, we soon discover that the biggest threat to the village isn't the Hobs, it's there own damn apothecary. Vitus freezes where he stands, having just opened a magical icebox. There's a canister of FOOF magically suspended in the magically frozen interior. Vitus veeeery slowly closes the icebox again, as if he's afraid it will explode. He is. Being such a planewalker, he recognises the stuff by reputation at least, but to the apothecary it was simply the most volatile explosive thing he could make to use in case something horribly wrong happened with his alchemy or the place was attacked. It would destroy the store and its contents to keep them out of the wrong hands.

Vitus OoC: Seriously??? I thought you were joking!
Narrator: It's the apothecary's secret weapon!
Vitus OoC: it's 'Why Is There A Crater Where Our Village Used To Be', you mean.

Vitus: Well, think of something that will not only explode on contact with anything, including ice, but will poison everything around you if you even survive using it.
Sanmer: Ooookay... lets avoid genocidal poison please
Vitus: You have to keep it frozen. You can't even MAKE it without running the vapours over red hot metal. Do you see the problem?

Laudigan: ...We should board that place up.
Sanmer: I say, lets just skedaddle!
Adrian Vyn: You do realised hammering will send vibrations through the building?
Laudigan: Then build a fence around it or SOMETHING, I don't want that to go off when we're in the vicinity!

Vitus starts to tremble, remembering all that lightning and thunder the other night.

Vitus: Sweet chilli and little puppies, we're lucky we are still ALIVE
Sanmer: I think it's better we debate our options AWAY from super deadly alchemy weapons...

FOOF is unspeakably dangerous but being PCs we immediately wonder about ways to use it to our advantage.

Vitus: And reducing the hob camp to a crater with a bombing run counts as 'advantageous' in my book

Vitus: I wonder if your familiars could carry it - on some sort of fibre. Held between their primaries.

Vitus: Ok then... does anybody have a Bag of Holding? Would the cannister fit inside one of the Metaplanar Bank bags?
GM: I don't think the boss of the bank would rather enjoy an alchemical grenade being dropped onto his gold hoard. XD

Vitus recalls a question he was asked right before he clenched his sphincters tight enough to turn coal into diamonds

Vitus: Oh, right, hostages. Well, I suppose we can mix up something that just puts them to sleep. Although explosive gut-wrenching diarrhea would be easier... Assuming they actually feed themselves and the captives the same food.

Laudigan: I haven't decided what my perform is yet... Perform: Dwarfstep. Perform: Rap battle Perform: Supersonic bat squeaks.
GM: Dwarfstep... DROP DA AXE!
Laudigan: Yeah, sounds like lotsa metal grinding and gears turning, and anvils being hammered.
GM: BWOOWWWM BWOOWWM BWOOWWM BWOOWWWM WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB

Meanwhile, the group's corvid familiars Torio and Lockheed gabbing and gossiping while they preen.

Lockheed: Don't even get me STARTED on that empathic link- I tell you- Master may be a masochist, but I sure am not!

We track the hobgoblins, and soon come under sniper fire. Adrian puts Ventriloquism to good effect, two inches from the hob's ear, high in a tree.

Adrian Vyn: Boo!

The sniper clings to life, even after Laudigan cuts his throat. This might make interrogation difficult.

Vitus: He can still blink once for yes, twice for no

The Hobgoblin hideout is underground. We nearly fall victim to a spike-filled pitfall trap at the bottom of the first shaft. Vitus saves Laudigan by grabbing him by the pants.

Laudigan: Thank you for catching me, by the way. It would not have been the kind of penetration I'm used to.

The underground complex is considerably larger then we were expecting. And more full of goblinoids.

Vitus: you know, that FOOF would have been really handy right now

GM: But that's just the surroundings. you're probably more interested in the PHALANX of Hobgoblins, shields raised, spears at the ready just waiting for the order to attack. or the second line of archers behind. Or their leader, the Hobgoblin we ran into under the tower ruins, who glares, and thrusts his blade forward, roaring.
Sergeant Korvazz: DESTROY THEM!
Laudigan: Thank you! Your formations are impressive! I must make one request, however- PLEASE NOT MY FACE.

Fortunately, Vitus' Web spell removes their numerical advantage. Unfortunately, that's when an armoured Hobgoblin war-cleric emerges from a far room.

Nok'ral: Perfect. Good JOB, Adventurers! I couldn't have done it better myself!

The hobgoblin turns to the entangled sergeant and soldiers.

GM: Ah, Korvazz.. I meant to do this a little later, after the town had been razed, but alas, these adventurers have given me the perfect opportunity.
Laudigan: Sweet Bahamut, my bardic drama-sense is tingling.
Sergeant Korvazz: What are you talking about? Either let us out or attack the intrud- Wait, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Nok'ral: You will make a fine sacrifice to Gho'Gath, warrior.. May your soul feed his insatiable hunger..!

The cleric then ignites the Web. Korvazz and his archers burn to death remarkably quickly. Their screams echo through the hall, all the while the Cultist Nok'Ral laughs with the most villainous of evil laughs. He then turns towards the party, and says he looks forward to seeing us again when will make even better sacrifices to Gho'Gath the Devourer. Vitus turns to the surviving Hobs

Vitus: I'd run away now, if I were you.

There's a heavy roar from the north. Two roars, in fact..

Hobgoblin Fighter: ...Oh, no..
Laudigan: By the gods, what now... What has he wrought?
GM: As it's technically their turn, the remaining hobgoblins drop their shields, turn and FLEE to the east.

It's two enlarged dire apes, who shouldn't be able to fit in these tunnels, actually.

GM: So, yeah, looked it up. 10x10 square......WHY ARE THESE IN THE BOOK. WHO DESIGNED THIS MODULE?!
Laudigan: I DON'T KNOW. THE PASSAGES AREN'T EVEN BIG ENOUGH

Happily, Greasing the floor of the corridor leaves the apes scrabbling wildly, shoulders jammed into the walls and feet sliding helplessly underneath.

Laudigan: A party member in the other campaign asked 'Why do you have pork rinds in your spell pouch?' 'Grease'. 'Why do you have grease?' 'Lube.'

Unhappily, the apes still have formidable reach, and even after one is killed the other grabs Laudigan. And Vitus is out of everything but 0th-level spells.

Vitus: ....Are these apes male?
GM: Sure, why not? Why?
Vitus: *uses Mage Hand to telekinetically seize the ape's scrotum and TWIST*
GM: Mage Hand only works on unattended items.
Vitus: Really? And how much attention was he giving his balls? I'll allow he's paying attention to them NOW.

After that, decapitating the traumatised ape is a mercy killing.Then there's just releasing the captives, Laudigan seducing a demon-axe, destroying an altar, and trying to decide what to do with a half-dozen goblin slaves.

Vitus: We can't keep them, regardless of how willing they are! We're already a party of non-humans - if we wander around with a pack of goblins they're shoot us on sight!

[Drhoz]

Black Crusade: In which episode, the warband have found themselves at the gates of a cookie cutter Imperial forces fortress, here to catch an Imperial Commander. Play begins with general discussion about tactics, though any thoughts of stealth go out the window as we simply assault a turret-defended doorway.

Alas, I was too ill to pay much attention to the game – indeed; I was Skyping in rather than risk infecting everybody – But Steve, the GM, did record the events of the session as follows.
 

***

Lord Cassius jumped from the elevated gantry, his wings unfolding from his back with snap, shock waves of energy chasing the rustled air, leaving geometrical impossibilities as phantom images. Dark power lanced from his shrouded fingers, an ever-changing kaleidoscope of colour flashed into being for the barest moment as it impacted into the mantelet of one of the turrets. In an instant the angled plasteel twisted and warped, its very nature shifting allowing the energy further within. The turret didn’t explode but the damage done would be irreversible as the mechanical nature of the servitor gun became organic then... something else.

Behind Cassius's massive form sprung the lost scion Aladar, his regal coat billowing over his gilded power armour and mechanoid body. The roar of his jump pack almost drowned out by the massive discharge of energy emanating from the lascannon 'Big Bertha', tendrils of corrupt energy boring straight through the thick armour of the Imperial HQ missile battery, setting its munitions ablaze with a powerful blast.

The Princess of pain and pleasure, Jrska, moves with full regalia to the railing, her entourage gleefully soaking up her image and the carnage below. Her shrill laughter echoes throughout the massive hallway of the stations docking arm, as she taunts the Imperial fools.

With astounding speed, the mad angel Johanna dives towards the main doors of the complex her inferno pistol making short work of the locking mechanisms and the guardsman on the other side, his desire for destruction frustratingly stalled by the thick bunker door. A hand darting out of a stained red cloak appears over the newly formed hole in the door, the sound of a bouncing grenade, then the billow of smoke choking the lungs of those inside, the indescribable laughter of the missing Cog echoing from a red hood.

Now coming to bear on the new threats the autocannon turrets open up upon the cloaked figure of Cassius. Rounds that would split mortal marines in half merely tear small clumps from his flesh-fused armour and as quickly as they appear, they vanish. Leaving the turrets to Aladar to toy with, Cassius tears the weakened doors from their reinforced hinges, while Johanna throws Jrska out of the way of the retaliatory gun fire. The stormtroopers facing the warband are some of the Imperium’s best and brightest, armed with overcharged las-weapons and armour that nearly matches the legendary power armour of the Adeptus Astartes. This does nothing to save them from the concentrated efforts of Cog, Johanna and Cassius.

After the smoke billows out of the twisted and burnt remains of the Imperial choke point, Jrska spies a number of Imperials fleeing through the opposite side of the building; calling to one of the flying members of the warband to intercept them, she splits from her entourage telling them to stop anyone on the left side as she rushes to the right. Johanna took up the call, dodging the remaining auto cannon fire as she flew over the top of the HQ, shells whistling through the space she occupied mere moments before. There she spied a man matching the commander’s description fleeing with a bunch of other Imperial officers/ staff. After refusing to stop at Johanna challenge, he stops at the second challenge after she liquefies the man next to him with her melta pistol.

Back at the original door, Cassius tries to move further into the buildings before remembering he is the size of a main battle tank; face pressed to the ceiling he sees with his enhanced witchsight the Imperial commanders’ pet psyker and the brief outline of a bolt gun to its head, presumably a Commissar.

As Johanna brings the petrified commander back to Cassius, Cog moves further into the complex sabotaging Imperial equipment with glee, his plasma pistols burning bright as they destroy the remaining turrets’ ammo feeds.

Meanwhile Jrska is cackling with joy as she starts flaying another group of Imperials fleeing out the side door while her minions take care of the group on the other side. They soon realise that this is a losing battle, the commander must be kept alive, Cassius is the only one who can discern his identity quick enough and while Johanna captured someone who matches the commander’s description, it’s not a certainty; he may still be inside or in one of the fleeing crowds and with so many Imperials escaping the warband is hard-pressed to take them all captive.

After extracting himself from the low-slung bunker, Cassius stares down at the snivelling remains of the man Johanna brought him. Even with the memories he stole from the sergeant that foolishly attacked him earlier in the day, he cannot be certain this is the commander , and so his swings his full psychic might down on the man, drilling through the pitiful mental defences before being rewarded with a brief memory of the Imperial psyker implanting a mental trip mine into the lackey’s head. A trip mine that then goes off; haemorrhaging the brain matter of the Imperial and the demonic Cassius ; any lesser person or even daemon would be in serious trouble from this, but Cassius manages to shrug it off after a short but painful migraine. Roaring in frustration he yells at Johanna and Cog to take the psyker alive. Johanna, a former Sister of battle, one whose role was once to hunt down the psychic menace, leaps with joy into the HQ bunker, her wings pressed to her back in the tight space but neither the less with a speed that would leave an Eldar warrior hard pressed to match. Cog for his part already has the second level door hacked and opened by the time Cassius has made his demands.

Once just a simple ceramite pole used to support a banner; the haft of Doomwind, Cassius’s psychically resonating banner, easily carves through the outer wall of the bunker - allowing Cassius to stun the now revealed Commissar with a quick psychic blast.

Freed from the Commissar’s mercy killing, but now at the mercy of daemons, the psyker engulfs the open stairwell with a wave of fire singeing the few weak points in Cog and Johanna’s armour; Johanna retaliates, diving over the crispy consoles and drawing her power-sword swinging it in a quick arc towards the psykers head, flat side first. Fortunate for the psyker. More fortunate still, the psyker rolls away from the blow dodging even before the attack was begun, and engulfs himself in pyrokinetic flame, scaring the ground around him but harmlessly passing over his skin and equipment; with her empty hand Johanna strikes through the flame stunning the psyker but seriously burning her arm as the psychic energy rolls straight past her armoured gauntlet.

Meanwhile Cassius psychically drags the dazed form of the commissar closer to the hole in the hope of scouring his mind for information but the commissar awakens and quickly rolls free of Cassius’s reach; with speed the commissar takes the situation in, activates his power-field and levels his bolt pistol - at the psyker.

Guessing his intentions Johanna puts herself in the way of the bolt shell, her armour barely deflecting the deadly damage, before charging the commissar. Cog moves to guard the stunned psyker while blazing away at the Commissar, but with the Emperors luck all of Johanna’s attacks and Cog’s plasma shots slide off the sparking power-field. With inhuman speed Johanna leaps back from the attack and blocks the next bolter shots with her own field, the twisted spikes of the infernal Iron Star device glowing with energy.

Unable to directly interfere in the battle without hitting those he wishes not dead, Cassius sees the psyker regaining consciousness. He mentally commands Johanna to not stun the psyker again and to finish off the Commissar. Johanna for her part also notices the psyker - but doubt plays with her paranoia and the idea that the psyker sent the message to trick them causes her momentary pause.

Going with the arguably safer option she nails the psyker with a quick kick, causing him to double over in pain. Frustration and fury with a disobedient minion fuels Cassius’s attack as he telekinetically blasts Johanna into the far wall, shattering her leg. The Commissar sees his chance and shoots at the psyker again, Cog dives to intercept but without Johanna’s speed he is unable to stop the bolt shell from turning the psykers head into pulp. Turning off his power field the Commissar turns to face the enraged daemon prince, a victorious smile spread across his face as the psychic bolt annihilates him and the last remaining way to easily locate the Imperial Commander.
 

***

However, I did record a few quotes before I had to lie down, and Cog’s player got more. While posing one leg up on the railing...

Jrska: Another panty shot – fan service!

Johanna: *pulls Jrska into cover*. Unless she’s resisting for some reason?
Jrska: Hardly – you dragged off to some secluded position? Me likey.

After Cassius melts the Imperial defences

Cog: Do you do parties?
Cassius: Sure. How about your funeral?

Mid-way through the fight. Discussion: Can Cassius be used for cover?

Cog OOC: We'll need to get Cassius to close his legs
All: *titter*
Cog OOC: To provide full cover

As people are whizzing around on jetpacks, and the risk of jetpack and wings overheating this gem comes out.

Cassius OOC: Give Jrska some body oil and enough time and she'll make your wings overheat.

Cassius giving the order to kill the commissar, but leave the Imperial psyker alive.

Cassius: I do not give a rat’s left testicle about the commissar, have fun.

Cog, grateful to have avoided the paranoia-driven decision that cost Joanna a kneecap.

Cog OOC: *offers prayer* Thank you to whatever god gave me lower initiative than everyone else.

Next Episode: Healing up and flushing out a sneaky commander, can our intrepid 'heroes' flush him out in time for the deadline or will they have to settle for a daemon station right here and fight their way out through an armada of ships? Maybe, Maybe not

[BlueCloud2k2]

Hey Drhoz, what ruleset are you using for your Shadowrun game? I'm thinking of starting a campaign using Cyber HERO updated to 5.5 (5th ed with some stealing from 6th ed). Any thoughts?