Logan D Posted February 28, 2004 Report Share Posted February 28, 2004 Edit - Ah crap... This post was SUPPOSED to go into the Gaming Quotes thread. I don't know what happened. I'm going to be doing a copy/paste over to there where it is supposed to be. ========== First, some background. So, here we are, playing a Hero System version of Final Fantasy 7. We're playing original characters with what appears to be a slightly different plot line. Characters - Fahra - Possibly an Ancient, or at least infused with genetic material from one. Kinda quiet, but with an occasional mischievious side that peeks out. She is our summoner and can merge with her summons, rather like the main character from FF6. Scar - A former Turk, and master of the Grammaton school of two-gun-fu. Asian, bald, wears a variant of the Turks blue suit. Master of security systems and electronics. A surprising amount of charisma for someone who doesn't really talk all that much. Nina Scirocco - A native of the western desert regions. Our resident dark/red mage. Good with offensive magics. Particularly anything to do with the element of fire. Beautiful and exotic. Blonde hair and dark skin. Very VERY fast on her feet. Most likely member of the party to have someone look at her and say - "Aren't you cold, wearing that?" Djinn - A chameleon, in both dress, body and personality. An expert at disguise and subterfuge. So good at her job we thought for sure she was a male until later when we visited a hot springs and she went over to the female side of the bamboo screen... A bit of a snarky, sarcastic personality. Hates Sephiroth with a passion - and won't say exactly why. She uses a whip primarily, although she seems capable of drawing almost anything from within the folds of her cloak. And I do mean ANYTHING. Jason Sikorski - Expert pilot and weaponsmith for the party. Carries a large blade with an integral six-shot gun along the spine of the blade. Dark hair, grey eyes. Wears a leather bomber jacket and goggles. Calm and cool, almost laconic. Except when it comes to talking "tech" on the subject of either weapons or airframe design with someone else who understands these things. He's modified and improved the party's weaponry on at least two separate occasions when they found the resources and materials. Idolizes his uncle Cid Highwind and wants to design his own airship. Cid let him acquire his latest airship, the "Blackjack", for the party's quest. (If you've played FF6, you should know what it looks like.) He's also turned into the more or less default leader of the group. Tifa, Barret and Red XIII are supporting characters (NPCs) in the party. Anyway. One of our players has been documenting all the various quotes over the last few weeks, and I thought I'd share. They're probably more fun out of context. Heh. And some of them are in character. But a lot of them are just the players bullshitting and trading jokes and double-entendres. So here we go! ========== "The landing is definitely bumpy, and everyone gets jostled around some, but you get down okay." "Can I make a roll to see if I land anywhere fanservicey?" "Roll a d6." "Dammit! 1! Shit!" "No, you don't. Well, actually, you get fanservice, but it's Barret." "OH MY GOD! HOW DOES HE WALK?! MY -GOD-! HE'S STILL GOT TWO GOOD ARMS LEFT!! SWEET MERCIFUL LORD! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!! (He hides behind Tifa.) Get awaaay! Shoo!" ========== "So if we land it there, it's gonna be rough." "Yeah, and if we go to Junon, we get shot. We left Rufus stranded at the mines, and I bet he wasn't pleased." "Yeah, but if we put down in that clearing, the plane's never lifting off again." "Between a rough landing and a pissed-off Rufus Shinra, I know what I'd pick!" ========== [The party is in a shack, trying to figure out how to escape without being attacked by the large group of Shinra guards outside.] "Well, we could send Tifa out and she could flash them, and while they're distracted by the blood gushing from their noses..." "You don't even finish your sentence before she slaps you." ========== "I don't know why we haven't ditched you already!" "Yeah, that's really meaningful from you, Ms. Run-and-hide-behind-a-tree." ========== "I made my disguise roll by one." "So, yeah, okay, you make a decent Sephiroth. You're suddenly a whole lot taller and an asshole." ========== "I missed the opportunity to see someone's panties AGAIN?! Dammit!" ========== "So, since I probably have greater presence after that resounding destruction of the mecha, I'm gonna do a presence attack, running at them and screaming." "Ah! The Han Solo Maneuver!" ========== [something you really don't want to hear the GM say, especially after one vehicle-related accident already:] "Did you remember to check the plane's fuel gauge?" ========== [Close after, in reference to the previous accident, wherein our intrepid pilot didn't notice a helicopter was missing its rear rotor assembly (we were in a very great hurry, and being shot at, a leisurely walk-around of the vehicle was out of the question):] "Great, right about now we're going to start spinning again, aren't we?" ========== "That materia better be a NATURAL yellow!" ========== "So Jason, being covered in Midgar Zolem blood and swamp water, kind of pauses and tugs at his collar, going "Whew! And I thought they smelled bad on the OUTside!'" ========== "So, you see a horrible sight... one of the Midgar Zolems, shoved down on this big flagpole outside the mine, and basically gutted." "After the crap that one in the swamp just now gave us, this is a HORRIBLE sight?" ========== "Yes, your presence attacks have definitely caused the Midgar Zolem to notice you. This is not particularly a good thing." ========== "I'm not con-stunned anymore! Put me down!" ========== "The fight so big, we needed two weeks to prepare for it!" [The previous session was canceled on account of sickness.] ========== "Can I get 'Respect' as a character skill? How many points to buy that?" "No." "Man, I'm never gonna get any Respect." ========== "It belongs to Shinra! Let's blow it up!" More than one player: "NO!" ========== "I predict our visit to Junon will wind up with me in drag again. In fact, I strongly suspect that I will be required to seduce Rufus Shinra. This is not a premonition... it's a mission statement." ========== "The bathroom is a horrible mess. It's basically a port-a-potty." "I'll take care of this. Restore! Restore! Restore!" ========== "The last time we slept in a Shinra installation, it turned out bad." "Yeah, but it also means we got this plane!" "SHUT! UP!" ========== "So, since Fahra has merged with Ifrit, a fire summon, Nina should have a greater affinity with her, since she's got a Fire element." "Ya! Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts! ENTERTAINING thoughts, but bad! Entertaining but bad thoughts!" ========== "So he looks at Barret and says, 'Does that thing have any other attachments?'" "... Just a minute..." ========== "The Gelinka cargo planes, luckily, have a lot of rings and hooks to attach stuff to." "I could be very happy here!" ========== "I can pilot it, sure!" "You said that about the helicopter, too." "Well, yeah, but that was much more complicated." "Yes, the fact that you can only use simple stuff really makes us more inclined to put our lives in your hands..." ========== "Sephiroth said he went to 'talk' to Rufus, but I doubt that's what he means, since I don't think he really does the 't-word', unless it's followed by '-erminate'." "... ... OH! Oh, okay. I was kinda weird there, thinking 'talkermitate, what's that?'" "It's when Sephiroth shoves his hand up the ass of a green felt puppet to talk with. 'Rufus, I'm very disappointed in you!'" ========== "Sephiroth's down there, we could-" "Shoot him in the head!" "... try talking to him." "And THEN shoot him in the head!" ========== Yuffie: "YOU! YOU NEVER WRITE! YOU NEVER CALL! YOU JUST LEFT! I'VE GOT YOU NOW, YOU LOUSY, ROTTEN EXCUSE FOR A BOYFRIEND!" We all turn and LOOK at Djinn. "... I just turn and start beating my head against a tree..." (It should be stated that at this point, we STILL weren't sure of Djinn's gender. And this didn't help the confusion any...) ========== "The stuff that was stolen... was it shiny?" "Everything was." "Someone is stealing -shiny things-!" "I DIDN'T DO IT!" ========== "We'll need to bait the trap with something shiny..." "NO! You can't have any of my shiny things! They're MY shiny things! Mine!" "My preciousssss..." ========== "Since you ALL botched your perception roles, you wake up and you've been robbed blind. All your materia's gone, and Djinn's missing his last pair of clean underwear." "GOD NO! NO! MY SATIN THONG!" "Oh dear lord it was a shiny thing!" ========== [GM RPing a little girl in a coastal village] "Since I lost my whistle, it's not as easy to play with Mr. Dolphin... NOT LIKE THAT, PEOPLE." ========== "And so, as you come out, you spot the Bouncy Trio, I mean, the girls..." "Yes. What we have here is Medium, Large, and Family Size." ========== "Magical Office Lady Transformatiooon!" ========== "Curatives now come in four sizes: Potion, Hi-Potion, X-Potion, and Barret's..." "AHEM!!!" ========== "The good news is you have plenty of Shinra rations. The bad news is they make Barret gassy." ========== "What's WRONG with Shinra rations?!" "Trust us, Barret, they're helping to destroy the planet. -Through you-." ========== "I've got Red XIII hooked on candy! Soon he will be mine to toy vith!" "... Dude, just... no." "I just like saying that." ^.^ "With the French accent and all?" "Eet's like wiping your ass weeth silk..." ========== "And Tifa says 'I am NEVER having children!'" "Now there's a crying shame, right there." ========== "I still say we should blow the Gelinka up." "-No-. There's -no reason-." "Shinra could come back and get it!" "They've got plenty, they won't care." "I WANNA SEE AN EXPLOSION DAMMIT!" ========== "And so, you see Junon, with its giant cannon." "Do you think Shinra's compensating for something?" ========== "Consider that Scarlet's the one in charge of that thing..." "Caliber envy." ========== "Boy, I bet that thing would blow the head clean off a giant sea monster!" ========== "I want to see an explosion! I just don't want to be at the CENTER of it!" ========== "And a giant tentacle tears its way down from above..." "Quick! Hide the schoolgirls!" ========== "You do realize that trying to kill Sephiroth would most likely result in the sinking of this ship?" "There are _probably_ lifeboats!" ========== [Talking to a local Shinra Guard] "It's sort of a catch-22... I can't go off duty because I don't have my keycard, and I can't leave my station to go look for it." "How long have you been on duty?!" "Ten hours. ... I need to go to the bathroom REALLY bad..." ========== "So Nina's off just trying not to puke..." "Looook, Nina! I got you some stuff from the galley! Greasy bacon, a big pile of scrambled eggs, sausage...!" "... HUAAAARG!!" "Nina, roll to hit. He was asking for that." ========== "That'll hit." "Wow, thanks, Djinn! I feel sooo much better now!" "Yeah. You're welcome. To show how welcome you are, here's a big hug!" =========== "NO MORE HELICOPTERS FOR YOU!" ========== "May I remind you you haven't actually LANDED either of the last two vehicles you've piloted?!" "Well... the Highwind doesn't really -land-, per se, anyway..." ========== "Djinn -could- be a girl! A girl with an intense interest in Tifa's breasts, sure, but then, who doesn't have that?" ========== [Djinn hands Tifa a roll of binding tape while the group is disguising themselves as sailors.] "Well, this hurts a lot, but at least the shirt's more comfortable, now!" "Yeah, I know what you mean." "... What?" "... Nothing!" ========== "Red? Your species made the cave paintings, right?" "That's what my mother said, yes." "... HOW?!" (Red XIII is a quadruped creature with no hands. Kinda looks like a cross between a Wolf and Lion.) ========== [While Djinn is busy writing a letter.] "And Barret's all 'We still gotta stop the Shinra!' He's waving his hands around wildly and shouting 'They're still tearin' shit up and messin' up the planet!'" "'The large black man continues to be excessively loud...'" ========== [After a party member has learned Cid, his uncle, may have been taken captive by Wutai] "Don't worry, Jason! Those stories of Wutaians torturing captives are SLIGHTLY exaggerated!" "Somehow, I am not reassured." ========== "Worse yet, Yuffie's BROTHER has a thing for you, too. Thinks he's a girl, and has sent him flowers for the last four Valentine's days. In fact, there's probably some poor delivery guy sap wandering around Midgar right now." "Oh lord." "But then, her brother's got a kind of screwed-up gender sense anyway. He calls Yuffie his little brother." ========== "That was Yuffie Kisaragi. Her family's pretty much the royalty of Wutai." "That's your royalty? No wonder you're such a royal pain." ========== "Our country's kind of poor, but they're still the richest people around. So that might have offered some incentive... IF SHE WASN'T SO FUCKING NUTS!! ... That and the fact she'd probably have to share me with her brother." "I think we've heard enough of this story..." ========== "I had the Family Size Fun Bags!" ========== "Don't worry, WE wouldn't leave you to die in the desert without at least telling you first!" ========== "Welcome to the Fellowship of the Damned. Our medical coverage sucks, but you get dental. Barret has an attachment for that." ========== "Is he dead...?" "No." "Kill 'im." ========== "After touching the screen, you have fingerless gloves. You didn't, before." ========== "You LOST our SUMMONER?!" ========== "You made her trip and fall in some hole?!" "I didn't -make- her do anything, she did it perfectly fine on her own." ========== "Okay, so touching the Leviathan Token, it feels like sticking your hand in cold water." *makes motion of reaching up and touching something to other player's forehead* "Brainfreeze." ========== "So, as you hold the token out in front of you, the flames SWEEP apart." "I TOLD YOU TO LET MY PEOPLE GO!" ========== "First lesson of life in Wutai. Do not cause a ruckus in a bar where the bouncer is a former sumo wrestler." ========== Cid: "It's a great ship!" "Yeah, hope the bottom doesn't scrape off like the Tiny Bronco's did that time you crashed it, Jason!" "..." Cid: "YOU DID -WHAT-?!!?!?!" ========== In Wutai, we also met up with Momo, Yuffie's cousin who has adopted my character Djinn as a "big brother". "Those god damn Shinra!" "Djinn claps his hands over Momo's ears." "Those god damn jerks and their bleep bleepin' bleep bleep!" "Would somebody SHUT HIM UP, PLEASE?!?!?!" ========== "Can we please not piss off Godo at -us-? I really don't want to get kicked out of my own country yet." "... Yet?" "There may come a time when there will be something worth getting banned from my homeland over. This ain't it." ========== "What if it was getting banned to get Sephiroth?" "Kill Sephiroth, yes. Chase Sephiroth, no." ========== "So you walk into the pagoda, and eventually find Godo in the garden. He's sitting on a stone in the middle of the pond, with a scroll in hand, looking deep in contemplation. ... After a moment, you hear, 'zzzz, zzz...'" "Okay, Scar leans down to pick up a rock and-" "NO." ========== "You know, it might have been nice to find out from her who the bad guys WERE..." "Who cares?! Let's just go kick their asses!" "And you were ragging on -me-?" "YOU WERE GONNA THROW A ROCK AT HIM!!" ========== "Okay, I'll take the left side." "And perhaps the only time in Logan's life we'll hear him say THOSE words..." ========== "Well, we already took the left path. This time let's go right. We'll be more Centrist." ========== "He's Kuno to Djinn's Ranma." "He's Amelia to Yuffie's Lina." ========== "Wow. You actually managed to land a vehicle we were riding in -normally-." "Oh, shut up." By the way, our current tally of vehicles: Helicopter - Was missing rear rotor assembly. Crashed. Gelinka (Cargo Plane) - Beached somewhere outside of Junon. Low on fuel. (We may use it for something later, as it's in perfectly good shape otherwise.) Sea tanker - Crushed by Jenova monster, sank. Dune buggy - Cannibalized interior for metal to sell. Still working okay, if uglier. Left in Rocket Town. Tiny Bronco (Gyroplane) - Crashed the everliving hell out of it. Repaired. Actually landed normally outside of Wutai. Hooray. Blackjack (Airship) We've actually managed to hang on to this one and make it our base of operations. Sephiroth stole it once. But the steering gear was wrecked and he crashed it. We repaied it and it's now in good shape again. We've even added weapons to it in the form of a large deck gun and some missiles. ========== "You both wake up halfway back to the Blackjack, feeling like you've been five sheets to the wind recently." "More like that one preview for Troy..." ========== "Kess, you wake up with a fuzzy taste in your mouth and vague memories of Djinn cracking her whip and shouting 'Call me queen!'" "Oh lord." (I would like it noted, it was the GM who stated Kess' booze-addled memory.) ========== "So, this dragon, it-" "Breathes fire." "Right. All I needed to know." ========== "So, in a friendly way, still from concealment, I say, 'Now, Smokey-'" *giant groans and protests from the other players* "What? I named the dragon, so what?" ========== "'I am the spider-killer, and the barrel rider!'" ========== "'This home! You go now or be...' and you see him trying to think very hard of the word... '... food.'" "Right. We'll just be going." ========== "Um, do you mind if we use that elevator?" "... Leave faster?" "Much." "*grunt*" (I might add that we actually ROLE-PLAYED a conversation with a dragon and TALKED our way out of the situation! I consider that something of a notable accomplishment.) ========== "So, you go to the hot springs." "o/` Naked women, ICE cold beer!" ========== "Um, boys! Sound travels over water!" "We're too drunk to care!" ========== "And Djinn, in the auxiliary control room, you realize that everything's tilted and think 'Hmmm, that's not right.' You kind of have to walk lopsided." "That's okay, I'll just, like, pad this one side, sort of balance myself out." ========== "She screams and goes running off into the city." "What did you DO, Jason?" "I was, um, just trying not to startle her." "Worked out real well, huh?" ========== "Well, since I'm the cook, I'll check the kitchen." "Someone's raided the fridge. It's -cleaned out-." "MOTHER&*#@!#ER!" ========== "There's so little food left in there, the cockroaches are bitching." ========== "A famous phrase comes to mind. And that phrase is...?" "'Whip it, whip it good'?" ========== "You see a lot of fragments of nonworking materia." "Which are the shiniest?" ========== "Uh-oh, trouble." "This is where we start spinning again, right?" ========== "Look, if it involves stealing something or blowing something up, it's good with me." ========== "One of the craziest rumors is that there's a city on the moon!" "That's true." "Oh." ========== "It looks like a giant hand. Anyone know what that looks like?" *entire party simultaneously raises their hand* ========== "That was where I fell down the hole, remember?" "Summoner go down the hoooole..." ========== "They're referred to as 'the enemy'! They must be scary!" "Actually, we know one." "Really? Is he scary?" ========== "Hello? Anyone in here?" "Don't be alarmed, we's Asians!" ========== "Someone should tell that woman she's naked." ========== "Smokey's a very old dragon." "Oops. Hope the sugar doesn't hurt him." ========== "I can so see Sephiroth as that Cats guy. 'How are you Shinra? All your bishonen are belong to us. You are on the way to yaoi. Your anal virginity has no chance to survive, make your time. Ha-ha-ha-ha.'" ========== "Metagaming skill, bribe GM." "Behold, the power of cheese... popcorn." ========== "Metagaming skill, threaten player. Gimme the cheese popcorn. ... Please." ========== "Well, the pile of bones kind of gives us a hint of the dragon's disposition." ========== "Yes, your limit breaks are charged." "Ooooo, I'm gonna need more dice!" ========== "Um, Jason... seems that Sephiroth crashed the Blackjack." "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" "And, for just a moment, Jason is wearing a yellow shirt with a black zig-zag line on it." ========== "Hey! What's all the-... oh. Um. Oh. ... That'll buff right out!" ========== "So I put my horn in the little hole and I see all that as a vision?" "I'm so glad we got the plug-and-play Summoner..." ========== "You're squatting on something hard and stone and something is clutched between your legs." "..." *player curls in on themselves in their attempts to neither kill themselves laughing or make a thousand dirty jokes at once* ========== "You realize that the Blackjack has come to rest atop this statue's head, and that you're crouched on its nose." "... I'm sitting on his face?!" *rest of the group bursts out singing, in perfect unison* "Sit on my faaaace, and tell me that you love meeee!" ========== "Put your thing in." (In reference to the Summoner's forehead crystal horn, which has shown to be a key to some locks.) ========== "Can I make a seduction roll against Odin?" ========== More quotes later. This pretty much catches us up to date as we stand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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