tomd1969

¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo, mis amigos!

#rodeanmtabusandlivedtotellaboutit

A thought has occurred to me that could be funny or terrifying, depending on your perspective: the US Army trusted me with live ammo. LOL/shudder

All humans are vermin in the eyes of Tom the Grouch.

Am I annoying you yet?How about now?How about now?How about now?

Am I the only person who narrates in their head what they're doing as if they are reading to themselves the great American Novel that is their life?"Tom surreptitiously reached into his pocket and pulled out his iPhone. He called up the Facebook app and began to type, his thumbs flying over the touchscreen..."I am?All righty, then...

Barry: Where is the jerk that calls himself "The Tick"?!Tick: *I* am that jerk!

Caveat emptor.

Chelsea Piers: geographical location or porn star?

Cheyenne?

Dear God/Santa/Oprah,Please raise the IQ around here before I start choking people. These people are so stupid that there isn't a jury in the world that would convict me if I did, but still....Love, your buddy,Tom the Grouch

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage.

Great and funny movie.

Happy birthday Gloria Tarantino!

I feel old. How old? The oldies station is playing "West End Girls" by the Pet Shop Boys. Answer: I feel very old.

I finally have a watch on my arm, and all is finally right with the universe.

I have always said this in reference to spiders: nukem from orbit; it's the only way to be sure. My friends and family think that I'm overreacting: I think they're just not taking the spider threat seriously enough. #themoreyouknow #spidersthreatormenace

I have RSVP'ed to Ryan and Dustin's wedding. Can hardly wait.

I just caught myself. A song came on the radio ("Your Song" by Elton John) that my Dad loved. I had an idea to call him and tell him to tune it to the station so he could hear it. Then I remembered that he's been dead for more than 12 years. Worst idea ever. cc: Patricia Davidson Uhlmann, Maureen Taylor Davidson

I just had a dream that I was being chased around by Ted Knight ("The Mary Tyler Moore Show," Caddy Shack, "Too Close For Comfort"... yes, *that* Ted Knight) wielding a bloody machete. I'm confused: should I be terrified or should I be laughing?

I shot the sheriff but I didn't shoot the deputy.

I would have spent this Valentine's day with a special someone if it weren't for the restraining order.

I'm a guy. My emotions include hunger, horniness, and beer. Shut up... Beer's an emotion.

I'm beginning to think that, at work at least, no matter what I do, it's wrong. I also think that those who think I have a bad attitude should check their own.