Newbie Submitting character For Critique

[Superdragon]

Hello all. First time poster, long time lurker.

 

I'm currently engaging in a superhero campaign using standard superheroic characters. I hope to start a new character, a martial artist type, and I was hoping that someone from these boards would critique the groundwork for this character.

 

The character is basically a hardworking, lower-middle class joe in a crime-ridden neightborhood. Eventually fed up with it all and decides to be a enigmatic crimefighting superhero. More or less in the same vein as Marvel's Daredevil.

 

I'm mostly concerned whether or not he could hang with brick-type characters, or at least last a short while against them.

 

Any and all constructive criticism would be appreciated. Thanks much.

 

 

The Paradoxman

 

Player: Superdragon

 

Val**	Char***	Cost
20**	STR	10
26**	DEX	48
20**	CON	20
15**	BODY	10
15**	INT	5
15**	EGO	10
20**	PRE	10
12**	COM	1
	*
20**	PD	4
20**	ED	4
6**	SPD	24
8**	REC	0
40**	END	0
35**	STUN	0

*10"**RUN02"**SWIM08"**LEAP0Characteristics Cost: 146

 

Cost**	Power	END
9**	Alert And Aware: Enhanced Perception (+3 to PER Rolls for All Sense Groups)*
4**	Strong Legs: Leaping +4" (8" forward, 4" upward) (added to Primary Value)*	1
8**	Strong Legs: Running +4" (added to Primary Value)*	1
12**	Bulletproof Costume: Armor (6 PD / 6 ED) (18 Active Points); OIF (-1/2) (added to Primary Value)*
25**	Good Eye: Find Weakness 12- (with Martial Arts)*
5**	Stubborn: Mental Defense (8 points total)*
10**	Supreme Defense: Lack Of Weakness (-10) for Resistant Defenses*
35**	Ducking And Dodging: (Total: 35 Active Cost, 35 Real Cost) Missile Deflection (Any Ranged Attack) (Real Cost: 20) plus +3 with DCV (Real Cost: 15)*

Powers Cost: 108

 

Cost**	Martial Arts Maneuver
**	Comic Book Martial Arts*
4**	1) Block: 1/2 Phase, +2 OCV, +2 DCV, Block, Abort*
4**	2) Dodge: 1/2 Phase, -- OCV, +5 DCV, Dodge, Affects All Attacks, Abort*
4**	3) Punch/Snap Kick: 1/2 Phase, +0 OCV, +2 DCV, STR +6d6 Strike*
5**	4) Side/Spin Kick: 1/2 Phase, -2 OCV, +1 DCV, STR +8d6 Strike*
3**	5) Throw: 1/2 Phase, +0 OCV, +1 DCV, STR +4d6 +v/5, Target Falls*
16**	+4 HTH Damage Class(es)*

Martial Arts Cost: 36

 

Cost**	Skill
15**	+3 with HTH Combat*
**	*
3**	Acrobatics 14-*
0**	AK: Brookyln 8-*
3**	Breakfall 14-*
3**	Climbing 14-*
3**	Computer Programming 12-*
3**	Concealment 12-*
0**	Conversation 8-*
3**	Deduction 12-*
2**	KS: Comic Books 11-*
0**	Paramedics 8-*
0**	Persuasion 8-*
2**	PS: Illustrator 11-*
2**	PS: Short-Order Cook 11-*
3**	Shadowing 12-*
3**	Stealth 14-*
3**	Streetwise 13-*

Skills Cost: 48

 

 

Cost**	Talent
12**	Combat Luck: 6 PD/6 ED*

Talents Cost: 12

 

 

Total Character Cost: 350

 

Val**	Disadvantages
20**	Psychological Limitation: Code Of The Hero, Very Common, Strong*
20**	Psychological Limitation: Code Versus Killing, Common, Total*
15**	Psychological Limitation: Devoted To Justice, Common, Strong*
20**	Psychological Limitation: Feels The Need To prove Himself; Overcompensates For Lack Of True Powers , Very Common, Strong*
15**	Psychological Limitation: Mysterious And Enigmatic, Common, Strong*
20**	Psychological Limitation: Protects The Weak And Innocent, Very Common, Strong*
15**	Psychological Limitation: Refuses To Back Down Or be Bullied, Common, Strong*
15**	Psychological Limitation: Thrillseeker, Common, Strong*
10**	Social Limitation: Secret Identity: Nathaniel Rollins, Occasionally (8-), Major*

Disadvantage Points: 150

 

Base Points: 200

Experience Required: 0

Total Experience Available: 0

Experience Unspent: 0

[AmadanNaBriona]

Re: Newbie Submitting character For Critique

 

Looks like a pretty solid Martial Artist, with a couple bits of weirdness. The main thing being the immense load of Psyche limits. Most games have a max number of disad points you can take from a single category. I was going to comment on his relativly low STUN, but then I realized that he's running at a base DCV of 12, which is pretty nasty, and thus compensates for fairly low defences and damage stats. If it were a character in my campaign, I'd probably suggest he loose the +3 DCV levels in favor of either levels with block, dodge and missle deflect (active vs passive defence) or a "reflexively rolls with damage" dex roll based Damage Reduction. He doesn't really seem to have much in the way of a shtick to make him unique, but thats never really a requirement. What's his background, and where did he get the name Paradoxman?

[Guest C--]

Re: Newbie Submitting character For Critique

 

 

I like to see characters like this. He's solidly built. He's not gonna shatter with one punch. That is very good. A few quick things:

 

1) Don't know if it matters to you or not, but the Champions genre book states that "nonpowered" humans generally don't go above 15 PD and ED. I've got no problem with a 20 PD martial artist, but I figured I'd mention it since I know some people on this board will have a coronary.

 

Edit: Okay, I just saw that the Armor was already added in. In this case, I'd give him more PD and ED. I'd want him to end up in the 25 or so defense range, if I could get him there. You've spent 10 points on Lack of Weakness. Honestly, nearly nobody bothers to Find Weakness on a martial artist. You'd be better served with +5 PD and ED.

 

2) You might want ot give him a small movement multipower. I give a lot of my "skilled human" types something like this:

 

11 point Multipower "Superior Athleticism"

+5" Running

+7" Superleap (11" total)

11" Swinging "Bouncing off flagpoles, etc--'City movement'"

 

It's dirt cheap and gives you enough movement so you can bound around and actually get places.

 

3) You don't have any special maneuvers (like a nerve strike or a killing strike) in your martial arts, so drop one of his damage classes and buy up his strength by 5 points. Same effect, plus you get figured stats out of the deal. Likewise, you can drop your Int to 13 (same skill roll), your Ego to 14 (same ECV), and buy your Con up to 23. It gives you a little bit more Stun.

[Superdragon]

Re: Newbie Submitting character For Critique

 

Thanks for the reply guys, you've been quite helpful.

 

As per you questions AmadanNaBriona, here's the background. I've also took some of your advice to heart.

 

C--, same here. Except my GM won't allow my char a PD/ED higher than 9, so I allocated some to his bulletproof costume. Also, my character doesn't kill without a good reason, so I gave him a nerve strike only. Is having a killing attack means disregarding that "Does Not kill" disad? Please let me know if I'm mistaken.

 

I've boosted both Running and Leaping, plus adding Swinging as rooftop bounding (let me know if I've done this correctly).

 

And now, here's my character revamp:

 

 

The Paradoxman

 

Player:

 

Val**	Char***	Cost
20**	STR	10
26**	DEX	48
20**	CON	20
15**	BODY	10
13**	INT	3
14**	EGO	8
20**	PRE	10
14**	COM	2
	*
23**	PD	5
23**	ED	5
6**	SPD	24
8**	REC	0
40**	END	0
40**	STUN	5

*12"**RUN02"**SWIM010"**LEAP0Characteristics Cost: 150

 

Cost**	Power	END
9**	Alert And Aware: Enhanced Perception (+3 to PER Rolls for All Sense Groups)*
6**	Strong Legs: Leaping +6" (10" forward, 5" upward) (added to Primary Value)*	1
12**	Strong Legs: Running +6" (added to Primary Value)*	1
4**	Rooftop Travel: Swinging 10" (10 Active Points); Requires A PER Roll (-3/4), OIF (structures of opportunity) (-1/2) [Notes: cannot generate his own swinglines, but must find flagpoles, railings, and other structures to swing from]*	1
16**	Bulletproof Costume: Armor (8 PD / 8 ED) (24 Active Points); OIF (-1/2) (added to Primary Value)*
25**	Good Eye: Find Weakness 12- (with Martial Arts)*
20**	Ducking And Dodging: Missile Deflection (Any Ranged Attack)*

Powers Cost: 92

 

Cost**	Martial Arts Maneuver
**	Comic Book Martial Arts*
4**	1) Block: 1/2 Phase, +2 OCV, +2 DCV, Block, Abort*
4**	2) Choke Hold: 1/2 Phase, -2 OCV, +0 DCV, Grab One Limb; 4d6 NND*
4**	3) Dodge: 1/2 Phase, -- OCV, +5 DCV, Dodge, Affects All Attacks, Abort*
4**	4) Kidney Punch: 1/2 Phase, -1 OCV, +1 DCV, 4d6 NND*
4**	5) Punch/Snap Kick: 1/2 Phase, +0 OCV, +2 DCV, STR +6d6 Strike*
5**	6) Side/Spin Kick: 1/2 Phase, -2 OCV, +1 DCV, STR +8d6 Strike*
3**	7) Martial Throw: 1/2 Phase, +0 OCV, +1 DCV, STR +4d6 +v/5, Target Falls*
16**	+4 HTH Damage Class(es)*

Martial Arts Cost: 44

 

Cost**	Skill
15**	+3 with HTH Combat*
**	*
3**	Acrobatics 14-*
0**	AK: Brookyln 8-*
3**	Breakfall 14-*
3**	Climbing 14-*
3**	Concealment 12-*
0**	Conversation 8-*
3**	Criminology 12-*
3**	Deduction 12-*
2**	KS: Comic Books 11-*
0**	Paramedics 8-*
0**	Persuasion 8-*
2**	PS: Blue Collar 11-*
2**	PS: Illustrator 11-*
2**	PS: Short-Order Cook 11-*
3**	Shadowing 12-*
3**	Stealth 14-*
3**	Streetwise 13-*

Skills Cost: 50

 

Cost**	Perk
2**	Reputation (known as a hero by Brookyln residents) (A medium-sized group, 11-) +2/+2d6*

Perks Cost: 2

 

Cost**	Talent
12**	Combat Luck: 6 PD/6 ED*

Talents Cost: 12

 

 

Total Character Cost: 350

 

Val**	Disadvantages
15**	Dependent NPC: Nathaniel Rollins Sr. (father), Normal, 11- (Occasionally), Unaware of character's adventuring career/Secret ID, Useful noncombat position or skills*
20**	Dependent NPC: Holly Romero (waitress, co-worker), Incompetent (-20 points or lower), 8- (Infrequently), Unaware of character's adventuring career/Secret ID*
15**	Hunted: Local Police, As Powerful, 8- (Occasionally), Harshly Punish, Extensive Non-Combat Influence*
20**	Psychological Limitation: Code Versus Killing, Common, Total*
15**	Psychological Limitation: Devoted To Justice, Common, Strong*
20**	Psychological Limitation: Feels The Need To prove Himself; Overcompensates For Lack Of True Powers , Very Common, Strong*
15**	Psychological Limitation: Mysterious And Enigmatic, Common, Strong*
20**	Psychological Limitation: Protects The Weak And Innocent, Very Common, Strong*
10**	Social Limitation: Secret Identity: Nathaniel Rollins, Occasionally (8-), Major*

Disadvantage Points: 150

 

Base Points: 200

Experience Required: 0

Total Experience Available: 0

Experience Unspent: 0

 

 

 

 

Nathaniel Rollins was born in 1976. His father was a machanic, raising Nathaniel after the death of his mother from cancer when he was still in his teens. Living in a rough neighborhood in Brookyln, New York, Nathaniel sought refuge in comic books and drawing, while his father instilled in his son a strong sense of ethics and morality that Nathaniel took to heart. He grew to be a talented artist, as well as a dedicated athlete in high school, competing in track and field and weightlifting, despite the rough conditions of his neighborhood.

 

When he graduated from high school, he found that there were little in the way of good-paying jobs for someone with few job-related skills, and so Nathaniel resigned himself to blue collar jobs wherever he could find it.

 

At that time, a small gang war broke out in his neighborhood, to the point where they ruled the small city and had paid off the local police there. The gangs began an extortion racket, demanding that both homes and businesses pay for their "protection" or suffer serious consequences. When goons came to Nathaniel's father at his auto garage for their weekly payment, he refused, which resulted in the goons beating him severely, hospitalizing him.

 

Angered at the police's refusal to help, as well as the injustice of the whole situation. Nathaniel has had enough of the way things were in his neighborhood. Working jobs by day and training himself rigorously at night, from gymnastics to fighting skills to practicing criminology. Nathaniel laid the groundwork for a extracurricular one-man crusade against the gangs who ran the city. Not wanting to further risk his father's life, and knowing full well that the police were on the gangs' payroll, Nathaniel, inspired by the heroes in his comic books, created a superheroic identity for himself, developing a full-covering bodysuit and calling himself "Paradoxman", a play on words from the "mystery men" that superheroes refered to themselves during the Golden Age.

 

In the following months, the Paradoxman's attempts in fighting the gangs were initally successful, defeating numerous goons to the point where he caught the neighborhood's attention. The police, under orders from the gangs' leader, tried to arrest the Paradoxman several times, but so far he's eluded capture due to his own cunning and stealth. His crimefighting efforts finally bore fruit when he eventually confronted the leader of the gangs and defeated him, ending the gang war and fracturing the gangs into smaller factions operating in Brookyln.

 

From that point, the police had underwent a massive investigation, weeding out the corrupt element in their precinct. However, the Paradoxman was still wanted for arrest, in part for the police's strict zero tolerance on vigilantism, as well as the Paradoxman earning the emmity of those who were involved with the gangs who still had their jobs. The neighborhood, on the other hand regarded him with less villification, earning him a mild reputation as the city's crimefighter.

 

Nathaniel Rollins continues to fight crime as the Paradoxman at night, enjoying the thrill of being a costumed hero. He has managed to land a job as a short-order cook at a small diner. His father, now recovered from his injuries, continues to work at the neighborhood's auto garage. So far, Nathaniel has managed to keep his costumed identity secret from him. He also has to deal with waitress and co-worker, Holly Romero, who has been sniffing around his personal life as of late...

 

 

Quote: Not on my watch!

 

 

Appearance: The Paradoxman is a broad-shouldered, stocky (5'9"), muscular black man with close-cropped black hair. He wore a dark blue and red full bodysuit with a full face mask. (A mix of Statesman from City of Heroes, with Captain America's gloves and boots, all without the patriotic elements). A symbol of the Vitruvian, black, against a yellow backdrop, sits on his chest.

[hooligan x]

Re: Newbie Submitting character For Critique

 

Dependent NPC: Holly Romero (waitress' date=' co-worker), Incompetent (-20 points or lower), 8- (Infrequently), Unaware of character's adventuring career/Secret ID*[/quote']

 

Incompetent waitress? I sat in her section today

 

You're still rockin' too many psyc lims. I usually cut them off at 50 pts. I'd go with another hunted, perhaps a Kingpin-style crimelord?

Maybe shorten the name to just Paradox.

 

But by far the best 1st character I've ever seen. Much better than Inviso, the disappearing man!

[AmadanNaBriona]

Re: Newbie Submitting character For Critique

 

Incompetent waitress? I sat in her section today

 

You're still rockin' too many psyc lims. I usually cut them off at 50 pts. I'd go with another hunted, perhaps a Kingpin-style crimelord?

Maybe shorten the name to just Paradox.

 

But by far the best 1st character I've ever seen. Much better than Inviso, the disappearing man!

So beats the heck outta my first champs character too.

Can't remember his name, but I do recall that he could teleport by flying into a solid object...as long as he made his activation roll....

I agree that you're still a bit psych heavy, and I think that a gang related hunted would be entirely appropriate. Other possible disads could include a negative rep as a wanted vigalante (wider area then his good rep... the police will be sure to try and spin the press to make their zero toilerance policy look good, especially if he has lots of community support, which the good rep implies) and, in the same vein, perhaps a Watched by the press.

[Superdragon]

Re: Newbie Submitting character For Critique

 

Thanks much for all the input guys.

 

I got the disads fixed. Also i took C--'s advice (see CON and Movement powers).

 

An observation: I'm not too sure, but I think he's bordering on superhuman. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

 

 

Final version:

 

 

The Paradoxman

 

Player: xxxxxxx xxxxx

 

Val**	Char***	Cost
20**	STR	10
26**	DEX	48
23**	CON	26
15**	BODY	10
13**	INT	3
14**	EGO	8
20**	PRE	10
12**	COM	1
	*
10/24**	PD	6
10/24**	ED	5
6**	SPD	24
9**	REC	0
46**	END	0
40**	STUN	3

*12"**RUN02"**SWIM012"**LEAP0Characteristics Cost: 154

 

Cost**	Power	END
9**	Alert And Aware: Enhanced Perception (+3 to PER Rolls for All Sense Groups)*
16**	Bulletproof Costume: Armor (8 PD / 8 ED) (24 Active Points); OIF (-1/2) (added to Secondary Value)*
25**	Good Eye: Find Weakness 12- (with Martial Arts)*
20**	Ducking And Dodging: Missile Deflection (Any Ranged Attack)*
12**	Athletic Movement: Multipower, 12-point reserve*
1u**	1) Strong Legs: Leaping +8" (12" forward, 6" upward) (8 Active Points) (added to Primary Value)*	1
1u**	2) Strong Legs: Running +6" (12 Active Points) (added to Primary Value)*	1
1u**	3) Rooftop Travel: Swinging 12" (12 Active Points); Requires A PER Roll (-3/4), OIF (structures of opportunity) (-1/2) [Notes: cannot generate his own swinglines, but must find flagpoles, railings, and other structures to swing from]*	1

Powers Cost: 85

 

Cost**	Martial Arts Maneuver
**	Comic Book Martial Arts*
4**	1) Choke Hold: 1/2 Phase, -2 OCV, +0 DCV, Grab One Limb; 4d6 NND*
4**	2) Block: 1/2 Phase, +2 OCV, +2 DCV, Block, Abort*
4**	3) Dodge: 1/2 Phase, -- OCV, +5 DCV, Dodge, Affects All Attacks, Abort*
4**	4) Kidney Punch: 1/2 Phase, -1 OCV, +1 DCV, 4d6 NND*
4**	5) Punch/Snap Kick: 1/2 Phase, +0 OCV, +2 DCV, STR +6d6 Strike*
5**	6) Side/Spin Kick: 1/2 Phase, -2 OCV, +1 DCV, STR +8d6 Strike*
3**	7) Throw: 1/2 Phase, +0 OCV, +1 DCV, STR +4d6 +v/5, Target Falls*
16**	+4 HTH Damage Class(es)*

Martial Arts Cost: 44

 

Cost**	Skill
15**	+3 with HTH Combat*
**	*
3**	Acrobatics 14-*
0**	AK: Brookyln 8-*
3**	Breakfall 14-*
3**	Climbing 14-*
3**	Computer Programming 12-*
3**	Concealment 12-*
0**	Conversation 8-*
3**	Criminology 12-*
3**	Deduction 12-*
2**	KS: Comic Books 11-*
0**	Paramedics 8-*
0**	Persuasion 8-*
2**	PS: Blue Collar 11-*
2**	PS: Illustrator 11-*
2**	PS: Short-Order Cook 11-*
3**	Shadowing 12-*
3**	Stealth 14-*
3**	Streetwise 13-*

Skills Cost: 53

 

Cost**	Perk
2**	Reputation (known as a hero by Brookyln residents) (A medium-sized group, 11-) +2/+2d6*

Perks Cost: 2

 

Cost**	Talent
12**	Combat Luck: 6 PD/6 ED*

Talents Cost: 12

 

 

Total Character Cost: 350

 

Val**	Disadvantages
15**	Dependent NPC: Nathaniel Rollins Sr. (father), Normal, 11- (Occasionally), Unaware of character's adventuring career/Secret ID, Useful noncombat position or skills*
20**	Dependent NPC: Holly Romero (waitress, co-worker), Incompetent (-20 points or lower), 8- (Infrequently), Unaware of character's adventuring career/Secret ID*
15**	Hunted: Organized Crime Kingpin, As Powerful, 8- (Occasionally), Harshly Punish, Extensive Non-Combat Influence*
10**	Hunted: Local Police, As Powerful, 8- (Occasionally), Mildly Punish, Extensive Non-Combat Influence*
5**	Hunted: The Press, As Powerful, 8- (Occasionally), Watching, Extensive Non-Combat Influence*
10**	Hunted: Various Street Gangs, As Powerful, 8- (Occasionally), Harshly Punish*
15**	Psychological Limitation: Code Versus Killing, Common, Strong*
15**	Psychological Limitation: Devoted To Justice, Common, Strong*
20**	Psychological Limitation: Protects The Weak And Innocent, Very Common, Strong*
15**	Reputation: Reckless Vigilante, Frequently (11-), Extreme*
10**	Social Limitation: Secret Identity: Nathaniel Rollins, Occasionally (8-), Major*

Disadvantage Points: 150

 

Base Points: 200

Experience Required: 0

Total Experience Available: 0

Experience Unspent: 0

[AmadanNaBriona]

Re: Newbie Submitting character For Critique

 

Nice work. Great looking final write up. a very well put together, solid character that I wouldn't even blink twice at if someone wanted to play him. Kudos

[hooligan x]

Re: Newbie Submitting character For Critique

 

Nice work. Great looking final write up. a very well put together' date=' solid character that I wouldn't even blink twice at if someone wanted to play him. Kudos[/quote']

 

Agreed. And welcome out of the shadows, lurker!

[Guest C--]

Re: Newbie Submitting character For Critique

 

Looks good. You can have a Killing Strike and still have a Code vs Killing. You just probably won't use it too much. My point about the Nerve Strike and the Killing Strike is that the only ways to increase the damage of those two maneuvers is to buy Damage Classes for your martial arts (as you have done). Since, however, your original writeup didn't have those, you could have just bought more Strength. But since you've added those maneuvers in, he looks good as he is. My only other bit of advice would be to talk to the GM about the limitations you have on your character's Swinging. I didn't bother putting any limitations on mine, with the understanding that the guy will virtually always make his perception roll, and always has a flagpole/awning/whatever available that he can bounce off of. Your GM might not like that, however, so talk to him first.

 

Much better than my first character. My first guy was a monstrosity with an Independant Focus.