tomd1969

Am I the only person who narrates in their head what they're doing as if they are reading to themselves the great American Novel that is their life?"Tom surreptitiously reached into his pocket and pulled out his iPhone. He called up the Facebook app and began to type, his thumbs flying over the touchscreen..."I am?All righty, then...

My current experiment (or current insanity, depending on how you look at it) is almost ready for prime time. I need people to put it through its paces, though, so I'm looking for volunteers. Are you man or woman enough to do it? Follow the link to the experiment and beat the ever-loving snot out of it, please.http://blog.ridingtohellinahandbasket.com

Barry: Where is the jerk that calls himself "The Tick"?!Tick: *I* am that jerk!

If I fall, do you promise to catch me?

Ugh... I feel all nauseous and gross and whiny and anxious. I hate this weather.

On the phone catching up with my cousin.

I have always said this in reference to spiders: nukem from orbit; it's the only way to be sure. My friends and family think that I'm overreacting: I think they're just not taking the spider threat seriously enough. #themoreyouknow #spidersthreatormenace

Am I annoying you yet?How about now?How about now?How about now?

¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo, mis amigos!

Ugh. The good news: I've made it past the 12-hour benchmark at work with a body count only in the low teens. The bad news: I have 3.5 hours to go.

There's nothing more depressing than watching wrestling, wondering why a particular wrestler looks so familiar, and realizing that it's because he's the son of a wrestler you used to watch when you were much younger. Then you realize that the older wrestlers were in their prime thirty years ago. It boggles the mind.In this case, Curtis Axel is Curt "Mr. Perfect" Hennig's son, and Curt Hennig in turn was Larry "The Axe" Hennig's son. Natalya is the daughter of Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart. C...

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. I really do appreciate it!

There is nothing worse then having a friend go through a tough time and not really being in a position to help them.

No, but seriously, if you are experiencing chest pains or other discomfort, please seek the advice of a doctor. I'm sure that if Warrior had gotten proper preventive medical attention he'd still be alive.http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/2014/04/14/ultimate-warrior-wwe-autopsy-cause-of-death/7713003/

All humans are vermin in the eyes of Tom the Grouch.

Yesterday, I could delay going to bed for hours; I was so tired I went to bed early. Tonight, I'm not tired at... all... Zzzzzzzzzz

Zzzzzz..... Kill all humans.... Zzzzzz hey baby you wanna kill all the humans? Zzzzz (snort)...Oh hey I just had the weirdest dream. I think you were in it.

Today is a beautiful day on Long Island. The temps are in the low 50's, there is a gentle breeze coming off the water. It's the kind of day that, were Gloria still living on the Island, she would hit me over the head with a blackjack and shanghai me to Smith's Point Beach or Montauk Point.

This weather is bullshit.

I shot the sheriff but I didn't shoot the deputy.

The nightmare is over. I have safely landed in Raleigh.

Nap Achievement: unlocked (50 points). Time Panic Achievement unlocked (75 points). Large Unnecessary Purchase unlocked (50 points).

This just in: Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage.

Dear God/Santa/Oprah,Please raise the IQ around here before I start choking people. These people are so stupid that there isn't a jury in the world that would convict me if I did, but still....Love, your buddy,Tom the Grouch