mwiggins

Re: Jokes

Woman texts her husband..

Her: Windows froze

Him: Pour warm water on it

Her: Computer completly screwed now.

Re: Jokes

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was, "BACH, BACH, BACH..."

Re: Jokes

musical composers will eventually decompose.

And on that note....

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

Re: Jokes

Here is the complete joke that K was telling J in the beginning of the movie Men in Black

Be aware it is dirty.

Re: Jokes

One day a man walks into a bar and to his amazement, he finds a tiny person playing a tiny piano. Stunned the man asked the bartender where he got the person. The bartender replied that if you go into the closet there is a genie that will grant one wish. The man dashed into the the closet and as the bartender said their was a genie. The man wished for 1,000,000 million bucks, but instead, got 1,000,000 ducks. Infuriated the man stormed to the bartender and screamed "I asked your f###ing genie for 1,000,000 bucks but i got 1,000,000 ducks. "No duh", replied the bartender, "Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch PIANIST

Re: What Fantasy/Sci-Fi book have you just finished? Please rate it...

I just got finished reading the first two book of the Hunger Games. No bad. Even the hard hearted B#####d that I am almost teared up on one chapter.

And it leaves a lot of room for prequels.

BTW.. what's with these shopping links that seem to be added?

Re: Jokes

A guy was concerned about his wife’s emotional swings, sohe bought her a mood ring.

When she was in a good mood, it glowed green.

When she was in a bad mood...

Re: Cool characters from goofy concepts

My problem with wolverine is how they are flogging his popularity for every buck they can get. Every x-man title, his own title, a stort in marvel comics presents, and frequant guest apperiance in every title imagionable. That's one of the reasons I gave up comics about 15 years ago.

Re: Jokes

A gynecologist decided the he hated his job. So he went to the local community college and signed up for a auto repair class.

When he got the resaults for the final exam he saw that he had gotten 150%. so he called the teacher to see if there was some kind of mistake.

The teacher said "Taking the engine apart was 50% of the grade and you did it perfactly. Putting the engine back togethor was 50% of the grade and you did it perfectly.

I gave you extra credit because...

Re: Jokes

I think that one's outdated. Under hazards it should read "possession of more than one specimen is illegal in most jurisdictions, but possible if a safe distance is maintained between specimens."

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Cornering the palindromedary market

I know a guy that has 2 and they came to an arrangement. The LUCKY dog.

Re: What Have You Watched Recently?

I just finishes 'American Pie presents: Beta house'. It's like Animal house with LOTS of Bewbs. I watched it twice which is odd for me, as I don't usually watch most netflix movies again.

there is a scene hidden behind the credits

Re: Jokes

Why was Princess Diana upset on her honeymoon?

Re: Jokes

you were scooped on page 87 by Bazza, but nice try

http://www.herogames.com/forums/showthread.php/43413-Jokes?p=1999335

Re: Jokes

An old man goes to the doctor and says

"Doc, I think my wife is going deaf. I'll say something and she will just ignore me."

the doctor replies ""When she has he back turned got o the far side of the room and say something. If she doesn't reply go to the middle of the room and try again. If she still dosn't respond get right behind her and try again."

So when he got home is wife was reading and from the far side of the room he asked "Honey, what's for dinner?"

she didn't respond

He went to the middle of the room and again asked "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again she didn't say anything

So he got right behind her and asked "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She turned around and yelled

Re: Jokes

Kind'a dirty read at your own risk.

Re: The cranky thread

I went to Lowes last night and bought 1 item. It cost $0.51* with the taxes. They gave me a recipt that was 11 5/8" long.

*that is another irritation. there is no longer a cent symbol on the keyboard any more

Re: The cranky thread

I was looking at my hive. I was about 4 feet away just standing there and a bee flew over and stung me on the bottom lip. My lip tripled in size and had swelling almost all the way to my left ear. to the point that talking, eating or drinking was a problem. I'm just glad that it mostly went down over night.

Re: Jokes

Man walks into a bar.

He's very well dressed, has a beautiful woman an his arm. And a 12" man sitting on his shoulder.

He says to the bartender "Give me 12 shots of the most expensive whiskey that you have"

Bartender pours them. The man gives him a thousand dollars and says "Keep the change"

As the man reaches for the first, the little man runs down his arm and kicks them all over.

The man says "give me 12 more"

The bartender pours 12 more. The man gives him another thousand. again saying "keep the change"

He reaches for the first and the little man runs down his arm and pisses in all of them.

The bartender askes "What's with the little man?"

"Well, I found a genie and he gave me 3 wishes. First I asked for all the money I could ever use. Then I asked for a smart, beautiful woman that would love me. Then I asked for a 12" dick.

This must be him

Re: What Have You Watched Recently?

And he got more women than all the other characters combined. His rivalry with that annoying dummy (the wooden one, not all the flesh-and-blood ones) was entertaining too.

 

And then there was Devil Baby, followed by Space Baby. And the evil cult run by Richard Moll, which brainwashed the one family's son until he got rescued by his lecherous jailbird dad, the screwy detective, the even screwier and racist old general (his grandfather), and Benson, the only sane man in the bunch. "We're the Step Brothers. We're here for the audition." "Audition! Here?" "Here? If you insist!"

Not to mention the tennis pro (brother to the nut with the dummy) that was having an affair with a mother and her daughter. He was shot, stabbed, strangled, suffocated then hit with a brick

Re: What Have You Watched Recently?

I got SOAP from netflix. For you young people, it is one of the funniest quazi soap operas of all time. It had a very young Billy Crystal, who played the first openly gay character on tv.

Re: The cranky thread

I wish that the old guy on the computer next to me would learn that a computer isn't a manual typewriter and you don't have to pound the keys hard.

Re: Jokes

From this months Playboy

Re: Jokes

A kinda dirty joke. under the spoiler

Re: Jokes

I give up. What's grosser than gross?

 

Ok, you asked for it. But don't blame me, it was a LONG time ago and I was a very wierd kid.

Re: Jokes

we need a unrep button for jokes like that.

They were almost as bad as the what's grosser than gross jokes I told in gradeschool.