Gnaskar

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

new campaign! The following are quotes from character creation. the players are:

Silverbolt: Mage Energy Projector

Steamjack: Steam-tech Power-Armor

Ultrasaur: Corporate Mutant Brick

Pinpoint: Acupuncture Martial Artist

Andy: Mutant with Snot Powers (not present this time)

The quote that caused me to activate the recording function on my computer:

Steamjack: Do nuns really count as sentient beings?

Ultrasaur: No, I think they're parasites.

Steamjack: Feeding of god?

Ultrasaur: Yeah … it's not as funny the second time around.

Steamjack: No, it really isn't.

Ultrasaur: Damn you, recorder, damn you!

Ultrasaur has been playing champions for five seconds and is already tired of some genre traits:

Ultrasaur: Is Shamrock right up there with the Leprechaun and O'flamady along with Genericman and Clichéwoman?

GM: Welcome to the superhero genre, if it isn't a cliché it doesn't belong here.

The GM's introduction to the campaign:

GM: To discuss you guys we have to go across the sea to the town of Detroit.

Silverbolt (only player who knows the Champions setting): oh, crap.

Steamjack: how long does this take?

GM: you travel at the speed of montage, the only thing faster than bad news.

The player's have a low tolerance for generic names:

GM: Detroit was attacked in the year 2004 (I moved the setting ten years ahead, to be better able to play around with the end of the Mayan calendar) by the super villain Doctor Destroyer, a German scientist.

The players chuckle.

Steamjack (dripping with sarcasm): Wow, very original.

GM: Not my character, this stuff's official.

No clue where this came up:

Steamjack: If it looks like a diamond, smells like a diamond and tastes like a diamond… it's probably carbon.

A question of opponents:

Pinpoint: Are there any funky bad guys, like the Foreign Minister?

GM: The foreign minister is not a bad guy … as far as you know. He might be Doctor Destroyer … in disguise!

Some characters are stranger than others:

GM: So you want to be a steam powered...

Steamjack: A steam powered power armor. There does not have to be anyone in it.

...

Steamjack: Boiling water is not known for its intelligence.

No comment:

Ultrasaur: If I'm wearing a acid proof gag it's either furries or VIPER, either way some one would rescue me.

Silverbolt: Or Summon Popcorn.

The naming of teams is a difficult matter:

Ultrasaur: you may call me X2-3725, or Ultrasaur.

Silverbolt: Alright, C3PO, we need to stop with the complex names. But speaking of names, what shall we call our little gathering. I suggest The Magnificent Silverbolt and his Loyal and Stuart Minions.

…

Ultrasaur: How about the Millennium City Hexes?

Steamjack: that would be a better name if there were six of us.

Silverbolt (looking through phonebook): and its a bowling club.

…

Pinpoint (OOC): I watched a lot of TV before coming to America, so (IC) How about the Justice League?

Silverbolt: That's a private security company.

…

Ultrasaur: How about the Millennium League.

Silverbolt: Bowling league.

…

Ultrasaur: How about the Millennium City Axis? We're in Millennium City, and we're superheroes; Axis because we're on the axis of good.

Silverbolt: Pluming company.

Walter (DMPC): You know, we could buy naming rights for any of these.

…

Silverbolt: We could go with the Millennium City Guard … if that weren't a Taco company … huh, strange.

IF YOU ARE SILVERBOLT, OR, LESS LIKELY, IN A CAMPAIGN WITH HIM STOP READING NOW!

Background:

Finally decided to get my notes together and run a champions campaign, mostly because I couldn't bare having any more DnD with a compulsive game-breaker for a DM. I figured I'd log our adventures here, as none of the players actually view this sight and only one of them know it exists. The Players are built on 350 points (200 base, 150 in disadds) with a 10 DC cap (it started as a 12 DC cap, but no one actually made an attack over 10 DCs) and most powers at a 50 active point cap (with occasional powers breaching 80). The campaign is set in a slightly modified Millennium City.

The main modifications to the established setting is that the original Champions never existed (with it's members either living elsewhere or not having super powers), and that Dr. Destroyer attacked a decade later than planed. Another feature added just to make the campaign more distinctive, and to simplify mapping, was to make the entire city hex based (as in having city hexes instead of city blocks) strengthening the sci-fi feel of the city. The main bad guys in the campaign is DEMON, those goal is (contrary to the cannon) to send Millennium City into hell. They've got this huge ritual planned, requiring tons of unique items the players can deny them.

The Players are called together when ULTRACOR's Marketing Division decides that founding a superhero team would be a good PR stunt. ULTRACOR is going to be a hated ally of the players throughout the campaign. Everything they recover on their missions will be claimed by ULTRACOR R&D, and Marketing Division will harass the players for every bit of collateral. And to top it all, the entire organization is overrun with VIPER agents.

Team Rooster:

Silverbolt: Storm Mage Blaster. Has light weather control powers and multiple lightning attack powers. Unknown to him, he is one of the five Chosen of Tranmisius, which means: a) he should have owned one of the five Rings of Destiny (granting immortality), and DEMON needs to sacrifice him (and the other four) to have the power to send the entire city to hell. DEMON is currently harassing his old mentor in order to discover the identity of the last Chosen; Silverbolt.

Ultrasaur: Lizard Mutant Flying Brick. Officially the only surviving subject of ULTRACOR’s Project X2-3725, designed to make military super soldiers using lizard DNA from various sources. Unknown to him, the project was initiated by VIPER, and they are continuing it in secret. Hunted by furries and VIPER.

Steamjack: Steam-Powered Power-Armor. A British clockmaker who went overboard with the eccentric thing when he became suddenly rich. Notable features include having an large iron jaw. He has a rivalry going with Al Gore, who’s high tech solar powered power armor is completely environmentally friendly. Hunted by Environmentalists.

Pinpoint: Acupuncture Martial Artist. Having left his home town of Beijing after the Triad killed his wife and son in revenge for his meddling, Pinpoint set up a Acupuncture Clinic in Millennium City. Unknown to him, his son was not killed, but brainwashed and trained into a super-assassin by the Triad.

Andy: Snot Based Mutant. When Annie turned eleven he discovered that he could shot snot from his hands. Choosing to call his super powered alter ego a more masculine version of his name, he donned a costume and set out to fight crime. Unique powers include: hiding in a snot cocoon, swing along a snot line, and a singing voice like Jiggilypuff.

GMs initial thoughts:

Groan. Some of those concepts are beyond silly. Even after two weeks coxing and prodding, Steamjack still ended up being turning an intriguing concept into a joke by insisting on a rivalry with Al Gore and that the Environmentalists want him dead. Andy feels like the player just wanted to test my claim that any character could be built in HERO system. And Silverbolt’s ability to teleport away from an incoming attack makes him immune to most damage (our old DM back to his tricks…).

The solution: with Steamjack I’ll just have to RP Al Gore with enough realism to make him a fun rival for the whole party, and keep the environmentalists out of the game until I can make him a target of eco-terrorists without it seeming strange. Andy is still a problem, though having me build the character means he at least is useful in combat, and the player may well enjoy RPing a ten year old. Silverbolt’s player noticed the problem on his own and asked me to build his character for him, as he doesn’t trust himself anymore than the rest of us do.

A few rounds in the danger room did wonders for character creation, with every character going through a refit after the experience. RPing the choosing of a team name helped set the tone for the campaign and showcased a few worries for party dynamics. The sibling rivalry between Silverbolt and Ultrasaur manifested itself with Silverbolt shooting down every one of his brother’s naming suggestions. Steamjack doesn’t RP, but that may well change as he gets used to the concept. And Andy is just going to be strange, though the player couldn’t show due to homework. At this point I can only hope and pray. The first session is in fourteen hours.

Re: Dracula: Super-Pimp!

indeed.

(I've had far to much Stargate; that should not have been my first thought)

As for stating him up, just take the vampire template, add acting related skills, and presto!

Re: Muties

In a campaign quite some time ago, our intrepid group of heroes were investigating a possible corporate front for GENOCIDE. So 3 of our characters, a cyborg, a martial artist and a magic-wielding character, decide to check it out by posing as investors. Well we all go in there, pass through a metal detector, and just a few steps from the elevator are greeted by a well dressed man (we'll call him Bob).

 

Well Bob gives us a very warm welcome and says that at the moment the corporate office we were there to visit was having it's mid morning break. The entire office. Not even one of us blinked an eye, we just said "Oh well that's too bad". He then offered to buy us breakfast, pardoned himself to the bathroom, and mysteriously disappeared.

 

We were all sitting around wondering what had happened to him, when the GM just couldn't contain his laughter anymore. You see, I had forgotten that my cyborg was a mutant- he had regeneration powers which is why he survived the operation to put cybernetic implants in him. The metal detector? A mutant detector. Mid-morning break? Just when does an entire floor of an office building go on a mid-morning break?

 

To be fair, none of us worked in an office environment so we thought it could happen. LOL, man were we ever stupid.

Was I the only one who read this and thought a cyborg should have had trouble enough with a normal metal detector? In my experience it's best to avoid things like that when you have hydraulics bolted to your thigh... (or a computer in your brain, or what not)

Re: Places to Fight

[me]Or in the middle of a sacrificial chamber' date=' in which having your blood spilled doom the planet to a hell world, while surrounded by cultists. With machine guns. In cover. 350 of them. (I was GMing)[/me']

 

What happened?

The players did a lot of dodging, flamethrowing, knifing, and aborting to staunch bleeding; while the tech-priest set up twenty something det-charges (reinforced by the powercells they'd brought). After "producing" an alternative exit, they high tailed out of there and blew the rest, leaving a medium sized chater.

Re: Places to Fight

On the back of a rampaging fossilized dire elephant on its way toward a church.

Or in the middle of a sacrificial chamber, in which having your blood spilled doom the planet to a hell world, while surrounded by cultists. With machine guns. In cover. 350 of them. (I was GMing)

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

Some one wanted more backround on the evil DnD campaign with Kale (I apologize in advance if it seems a tad ... bitter):

Then the quotes:

No further explanation:

Naomi (OOC): Wow! There's a long way between one and infinity.

On how to solve the hyperactivity problem of the Bear:

Naomi: Can I neuter him with an arrow?

How to ambush a dragon (after the first damsel was ripped apart we've found few volunteers):

Dusty: Wait! I can make a damsel.

Planning how to ambush the vigilantes:

Kale: So… (catches himself) wait, I'm discussing tactics with a Int 6 bear I might as well talk to myself. (to the Bear) So what do you think? Should we ambush them in their sleep or when they do their next attack? (long pause, Bear is playing on his PC) Sigh, I'll just go out side and talk to a wall.

No further explanation:

Kale: Gasp! Actual terrain! Not another featureless plane!

Ditto:

Dusty: They're puppies. There is no will save.

The Bear has a hang-up with certain concepts:

GM: Can you stop messing with doors

A common argument:

Bear: I kill you in your sleep if you make me dead!

Kale: I don't sleep.

Bear: But you have a bed!

GM: He has a bed, but that for...

On the plan to ambush the mages that have been petrifying people in town:

Kale: They're trapped like a mouse in a rat.

Famous last words… we were forced to retreat three rounds later.

And now Kale's good bye speech to the city of Brownwell:

Citizens of Brownwell! Gather round, gather round! When I first arrived here, an anonymous caravan guard, six long months ago, I saw only opportunity. I saw a city awaiting salvation, I saw a people awaiting Immortality, a starting point for a New World Order! (pause for applause) I promised myself that I would see myself in charge, that I would lead you into a new era. I stand here now, in answer to that promise! (pause for applause) The last amongst you have, in these dire times, turned to me for salvation. Brownwell finally stands united in its plea for help! (pause for applause) So, as emergency ruler of Brownwell, I can continue the proud tradition of your rulers and say: (dramatic pause) Bugger You All! (pause for shocked mutterings, changing to an accusative tone)

From day one you've had nothing but whining, pitiless tasks for us! Your City Guard stands helpless against a kobold infestation, so a group of five inexperienced amateurs does what two-hundred trained professional locals fail to do! Your law enforcement fails to solve a crime with only one suspect, and panics in the face of a pair of costumed fools! Your gate guards are so lax a basilisk can sneak unnoticed in and out of your city!

And every time you face a problem you're too lazy or incompetent to solve yourselves you turn to me. Case in point: a pair of vigilantes plague the city. Your law enforcement won't pay a few hundred gold pieces for a divining spell, but pays a thousand to resurrect the victims! And pays us 3 thousand to solve the crime! This is plain and simple lazy incompetence on behalf of your leaders! And only one of dozen examples I've gathered over the last six months.

I know now why my brethren choose to rule behind the scenes. If the masses don't know you exist, they can't beg your help for every petty problem. And now you turn to me again, to save your city from the apocalypse! To construct the greatest architectural wonder of the millennia, a dome strong enough to survive under two kilometers of water, surrounding the whole city, to save all twenty thousand souls. A true miracle of science and engineering. (dramatic pause) In. Three. Days.

All hell be buggered if I'll give up three nights of sleep to save you lot. To the faithful amongst you who have chosen to ascend: rejoice, for you'll not fall to a flood. To the faithful who have not yet given your life for immortally: heaven awaits you as the flood takes your life, and given time you can be returned to your bones, and live forever beneath the ocean. To the rest: (dramatic pause) pray your gods are as forgiving as me.

I bid you now farewell. (approaching armor plated dragon zombie) I will see those faithful amongst you again, either here or in heaven. (mounting dragon, which rears up impressively, breathing lightning into the storm) To the rest of you: Good luck. (flies off into the rain)

Re: The Butler

It Was The Bulter!: Social limitation: Always Presumed to be the Culprit of Violent Crimes.

Psychological Limitation: Must End Every Sentence With Sir or Madam.

Psychological Limitation: Prone to British Humor.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

Gnaskar- why is Naomi planning to betray Kale? Because he´s a necromancer?

I'm not quite sure actually. She informed me OOC not to get upset if/when she did about five sessions ago, and the way she's been acting has begun making Kale suspicious (but then Kale is paranoid by nature). There are several possible motives, though:

1. Base fear/jealousy: Kale is well on his way to becoming a god. He's planning on killing everyone in existence, creating an empire of his own special breed of sentient undead. The guy has his own plane of existence, for crying out loud. He's one of those threats to humanity that even bad guys want to hunt down.

2. PMSing: It's that time of the century for her, and she's done a lot of strange things with that excuse already. It could be just an extreme elven way of taking it out on the boss (Though she detests Kale being called that...).

3. Personal beliefs: She's got several class features directed toward undead and spellcasters, which make her deadly to undead casters. Whether this is the cause of her planned mutiny (if she's part of some undead hunting ranger lodge or secret wizard hating cult or something) or the effect (and she's leveling into something that could actually threaten me).

4. Greed: She believes Kale is hoarding party loot, because he maintains the loot list (I'm doing the hardest math course the school offers, so I was deemed the most suitable). Of course, she's partly justified in her beliefs; Kale's "Ascension" was hideously expensive, and the armor forged of chaos itself (bought for Sir Kalmeran) even more so.

Guess we’ll find out if she ever manages. Quite apart from the fact that his cult (with over a 1000 members) would resurrect him at once (and lynch her), he’d just end up in his own personal hell again. To clarify: that’s the hell he created by weight of the numerous kobold and, later, bandit souls he’s sacrificed to his own dark power. One that he rules over, and an excellent fallback point.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

Two sessions in a row, as my computer died right after the first and they didn't fix it until after the next session.

Random Comment:

Ninja: Can I borrow an undead for hygiene purposes?

…

Ninja: I just wanted to see how you'd react.

In eerie resemblance of her first quote (where a similar comment gravely insulted the previous character of the player of the Cleric), Naomi meets a new character:

Naomi: Hey, ninja! You smell…good

Cleric: Ninjas shouldn't smell at all. Hey, ninja, remove your nose.

Without further explanation:

GM: Your teeth are not magic weapons or silver.

My scouting doesn't go as planned:

Kale: We have been discovered, stealth is no longer an option.

Ninja: Nonsense, stealth is always an option

Kale: Okay, maybe for some of us…

Naomi has a crisis of faith (she's planning to backstab Kale, so helping him defeat an imposer seems against her character):

Naomi: Can someone tell me why I'm doing this?

Kale (Neutral evil necromancer): You get to kill an evil necromancer.

Cleric: He's been hoarding all the towns supply of chocolate. And its that part of the century for you.

Naomi: Okay, lets go.

Battle Talk:

GM (Pointing at battle map): the elephant is…

Kale: in mint condition.

Ninja: It's fossilized, it's anything but mint.

A play on words:

GM: I'm just going to remove everything dead from the initiative list.

Kale: There are two undead armies out here.

GM: you know what I mean.

Fun with the rules:

Dusty: I jump out the window, then delay my fall action.

next session:

A couple without explanation:

Bear: What is the DC of a hug.

…

Kale: I have too much coffee to care.

…

Xen: You sing like a valleygirl after a sex change ... No offense Bear.

Xen tries speaking his character's accent:

Xen: You say it. You're Irish.

**Long pause**

Kale: Why does he think I'm Irish?

Xen: You like Irish folk ... You have one eyebrow.

In defense of his character concept:

Bear: I like one dimensional characters. It make making choices easy.

Kale considers his options before pissing off the church of Pelor:

Kale: I look around at my party. We have a bear rolling drunk in the mud; a ninja, who's singing, for some reason; the sniper is dead drunk, trying to forget she died; the dwarf is making jokes to the skulls on his shoulder… Combat may be not be the best option at this point.

How to torture our opponents:

Kale: We've found a new torture device. Push the wand up and in, then fire away.

Xen: Actually, wands are kind of naughty, eh, knotty.

The standard pre-combat theories of the nature of the enemies (with our DM they could be anything):

Dusty: He's a transformer. He'll turn into a ballista!

We're attacking a church of Pelor, so:

Dusty: Why are we being attacked by gladiators?!

Xen hangs on to a force ladder by one hand and is approached by our flying foes:

Bear: Ticking is a touch attack. *evil smile*

Xen: I'm a skeleton!

Bear: Then he'll tickle your funny bone.

Dusty rolls 180 damage in a single attack, one-shoting the boss:

Kale(KIA): That was a somewhat anti-climatic fight with a living saint on a rampaging elephant...

And my other group has finally gotten around to starting a new campaign:

We discuss how things really are:

Half-elf sword mage: In the real world you can never tell if someone has levels in fighter or not.

From character creation, said to the guy planning on going elf:

Half-elf sword mage: NO! You can't be my mother!!

I had the misfortune of asking which weapon group (house rules) the whip is in, sparking the following proposed weapon group:

Weapon group (rape weapons): sap, net, whip, spiked chain, rapier, bastard sword.

(The DM let me have most of those as part of Weapon group (zoo keeper) instead...)

Re: Norse Campaign Journal

. . . I'm a Swede. I learned that in fourth grade.

I'm Norwegian. Ditto.

And we were doing just fine 'til we were told about Christianity (in 1030)... After that our country was sold between Denmark and Sweden for a millennium, even being french at one point (damn Napoleon...).

We did kick your arses in 1905 though, and at least we actually fought the Nazis. The Swedish Neutrality kept you out of that war. (Of course, we tried being neutral as well, but after what Quisling did...)

Re: Norse Campaign Journal

And just to add to the fun, the Norwegian Parliament is still called "Storting" which, directly translated, means Big Thing. This was from when Norway (briefly) was a single nation (controlling much of Scandinavia) they needed a meta-thing to gather the leaders of all the other Things (so they could discuss the really important things).

Unsurprisingly, the Norwegian Empire (never actually called that) collapsed within a few decades.

Fun fact: the Russian equvilant to a norse Thing is a Soviet. Hence the name.

Edit: How is this being geeky?!

Re: The Joker Scenario

Nightstalker (vampire with a soul): Cut the monster in two with with his broadsword. Then do his best to stop it from coming back. Try to find out who made it, and stop them (see if they are as good as escaping jails), too.

With Cain it would depend on his state. If he was conscious and begging for his life Nightstalker would send him to jail. If he was conscious and still making threats (despite being in no shape to fight) he'd get slapped until he shut up and possibly given a permanent injury. If he was unconscious he'd have about a 50-50 chance of ever waking up. Less if he hurt a DNPC.

Pasifier (power armored 70 year old with a total CvK): Doesn't deal BODY damage. His only power that can deal body only effects inorganic compounds, so he can't kill either of them. He probably just spray on more glue and wait for his teammates.

Re: Funny thought: Plot seed

Which begs the obvious question:

How to stat out a giant baby?

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

Explaining his absence the last time:

Kale: My presence was required at my church. There was a slight crisis of faith. *cracks knuckles*

Dusty introduces his new cohort:

Dusty: His name is unknown.

Kale: So he won't tell us?

Dusty: No, he's called Unknown.

Why the DM got more cake, said during a combat:

Naomi: He's god, he gets special treatment.

Blædimir: But I'm the one who's about to release a ball of wind. (A powerful spell)

Dusty: Please use the bath room.

Best without explanation:

Blædimir: The wall isn't actually a giant burrito!

Trap finding:

Blædimir: We're going need an animal. A cute, furry, small, expendable animal.

On our tactical situation:

Blædimir: We're in an anti-magic field, we have no idea what sort of traps we could be dealing with.

Kale: Mundane ones?

The plan:

Kale: Corridor , corridor, corridor, corridor, steal door.

DM: Iron, not steel.

Kale: Not steel, S-T-E-A-L. Loot, loot, loot, loot.

Without explanation:

Naomi: You've crossed the fine line between evil and gay.

Situation: We bust into a guy's library, ripping the door of the hinges. We then proceeded to pull out a statue of him to make room for the door in a bag of holding. We then cast our most powerful spells at him, burning his hand off (it was carrying the symbol of a god we hate), and smashing him into the roof. Turns out he was a vampire.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

Slow haul this week, as there was only three players present, and the usual quote taker, me, wasn't.

Bleh (the actual name of the clerics new character) runs off by himself and gets attacked by a flesh golem. He screams. The rest of the party hears his scream from all directions:

"[insert girly scream here] … I'm being attacked! …. Surround screaming! … Echo!"

Naomi: I pull forth the rat from my shirt and I ....

GM: You had a rat between your boobs?

GM: Do Frankensteins need to poop?

Naomi (OOC): I want to be a Dachshundator pillow.

We uncover a new strange threat:

GM: you need "KS: the planes"

Dusty: it's a boing 747!

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

Either you liked that post' date=' or someone shoved a pigeon down your shorts...[/quote']

 

or both...

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

Our evil dnd campaign continues:

• Kale: A necromancer of great power, Kale is the party's leader and face; mostly because he the only one who can dress presentably (That and him being the only one with charisma above 12). Kale dreams of immortality and godhood, and plans his conquest of the entire material plain.
   
  
• Sir Kalmeran: Sir Kalmeran is a paladin assassinate by Kale, who was then brought back as a skeletal servant to serve his killer as a bodyguard.
   
  
• Dusty: A gruff desert dwarf, Dusty accepted long ago that his greatest strength is the ability to hit things hard and take a lot of damage. He considers it his job to stand between casters and mooks.
   
  
• Naomi: Naomi, an elf, is in her PMS century and thus completely unpredictable. She is also one of the best archers in the region, and constantly demands that the rest of the party informs her of, and appreciates, the fact.
   
  
• Xen: A Wizard of the Arcane Order, and high priest of Kale's blooming cult, Xen is friendly, for an otherwise sane person who sacrifices anything and everything to a necromancer.
   
  
• Cleric: The party cleric has a long and complex name that no one remembers. He worships the god of slaughter, and recently Kale, as an apostle of that god, and is barking mad. He is always happy and positive.
   
  
• Sid: Sid also has a longer name that no one can pronounce, so the shortened version is used. He is a centaur fighter, and serves as mobile artillery for the party with a giant bow. He is also clearly regretting going anywhere near this gang of lunatics.
   
  
• Druid: The druid is a highly secretive member of the party. She reveals little of herself and her past. The only thing that is known is that her cat is not normal by any stretch of the word, as it is currently the size of a man and shows no trace of stopping.
  

Xen's player managed to spill coke all over his computer, right before we were ready to start playing:

Dusty: I function well with coke in my system, why shouldn't his computer?

The puns aimed at our campaign city, named Brown Well, and built into a canyon, continue:

GM: When we last left our a$$holes…

Kale: In A$$hole City.

Our quest giver turns up dead:

Random city dweller: Good news, the paranoid private investigator was found dead in an alley.

Kale: Huh, guess they really were out to get him.

When listening through a door there are some things one can't be sure of:

GM: You hear a conversation through the door, one sounds like a human male. Or a f*cked up female.

Best without explanation:

Naomi: I make the bat pooh on him.

Ditto:

Naomi: Do we roll initiative for the bat?

GM: No it doesn't do sh**.

Dusty: Actually it does sh**…

And again:

Dusty, Sir Kalmeran, and Naomi at different times: I attack the bat pooh.

A course in speaking polite:

Naomi: You shouldn't say "f*ck"

Everyone: F*CK!

Naomi: You shouldn't say that

GM: You just did.

Naomi: F*CK!

Another speech on the New World Order is interrupted:

GM: While you preach in the town square a man comes up to you and hands you a letter

Kale: Damn it. Why does everyone presume I am the group leader?

Everyone except the elf: Because you are!

Naomi and Kale: He's not/oh, right.

On Centaur/elf relations:

Naomi: I might consider riding you when I know you better.

Sid: I just increased my charisma…

After the Cleric made a big mistake leading to the loss of a heap of chocolate (all OOC):

GM: You win the retard award of the day.

Cleric: Right after midnight, too. So who won yesterday?

Mostly Everyone: I did!

Xen: Hello! Coke on computer?

Everyone: ok, you win.

Xen: I just reminded you because I couldn't stand losing.

GM: And you get runner-up for to day.

The cleric comments, in character, on the predominance of spells requiring touch on his spell list:

Cleric: We can have a cleric duel. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Inflict Critical Wounds. Argh! [collapses backwards]

At 3 in the morning, we decide to go to bed:

Naomi: I claim the soft sofa

Sid: I claim the long sofa

Kale: I claim the soft part of floor

Re: I need a function!

The Trousers of Time is a pair of pants. To the untrained eye they appear to be completely normal, if slightly out dated. However, the pants are in fact ancient and immortal, and undamagable. The pants have existed since before the rise of humanity, and will certainly outlive us. No matter what happens the pant will not become dirty or damaged (fate always intervenes), and this can rub of positively on its wearer. Other than that, it has no magic powers.

Built as: luck (possibly with an activation roll and side effects unluck to simulate that the pants don't always help the wearer; for example: wearer gets ghastly sick just before he was planning to enter the sewers.)

Next: The Sword of Mars

Re: The Brick Hall Of Fame

8. Nominees for real life brick are...

Chuck Norris (duh)

Rasputin (so tough his CON is in FRED)

Re: Major NPCs from your campaign...who got ganked before their time.

There's the daemonhost that got one-shoted by a splinter rifle... Suppose that was my fault for letting dark eldar near a tech-priest. I was looking forward to nice long chase. Or his second in command, who was head-shoted through a key hole.

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

We enter a city in a canyon:

Beguiler: It's between the BOOBS!

Necromancer: No, no, its in the crack.

Wiz: It's a shitty town, anyway.

Dwarf: The guards here must be crap.

Beguiler: Watch out for the well, you don't want to fall in to it.

Etc.

…

GM: Damn, I've forgotten the name of the town. Eh, they found a reservoir of a dark flammable liquid under it. They call it Brown Well.

The beguiler has a bad evening at a bar:

GM: You wake up with something strange written on your face in elvish, one eyebrow missing, and smelling oddly like piss.

Beguiler: I commit suicide.

Bartender (NPC): one more like that and I'll have to throw you out...

Necromancer: We'll try to prevent any other party members from committing suicide.

Adventuring guild recruiter (NPC): Will this be happening a lot?

Most of the party at once: I think the problem just died out.

We instructed to clear a kobold mine.

Necromancer: We're committing genocide for the government then? Okay, sounds like fun.

GM: Haven't you forgotten anything?

Necromancer: Like what?

GM: Asking to be paid?

A bloodstain alerts to the presence of a trap:

Wiz: I throw a rock forward.

Necromancer: Everyone else duck while he does it.

Dwarf: I don't have to.

GM: It has no effect.

Necromancer: We throw the dead beguiler forth

That sprung the trap...

GM: I seem to have misplaced the encounter.

We face another large foe.

Necromancer: For a kobold lair we seem to meet few kobolds.

8 kobolds ambush us:

Wiz: What do the kobolds think of the corpse?

GM: They tend to ignore it

Wiz: Really? Its a glowing corpse.

I roll a 1 on a spot check:

Necromancer: I spot my nose.

GM: You rolled a 1, then you don't spot your nose.

Necromancer: Damn it, where's my nose.

We get ambushed by a group of super-stealthy kobold force, who crit and have sneak attack bonuses. Just a pity their target, Sir Kalmeran is already dead, and so immune to both:

GM: Sir Kalmeran takes 5 piercing damage.

Sir Kalmeran: bursts out laughing.

Sir Kalmeran: I'll reduce my hit points by zero then. (Damage reduction, yay!)

Re: Need a proofreader (Steampunk)

and me too.

Re: Cursed dice

Red Dice:

My first pack of dice were red. I had had them for two years before ever playing a RPG. I learned to recognize a d12 from a d20 with those dice. And they always rolled normally, not too many good rolls, not too many bad. Until I actually started role-playing with them. After a year or so of consistently rolling low I bought new dice, and put the old ones in a box labeled "warning, for use as GM only! Keep out of reach of players." I use them when the players have done something stupid and need a lot of luck relative to the NPCs to survive.

Green dice:

I got a green d20 for christmas once. It has the unual quality of criting a third of the time. Eigher with a natrual 1 or a natrual 20...

Blue and Yellow dice:

My best set so far; bought because Orks in Warhammer 40k lore consider blue to mean lucky and yellow to mean rich. they have good days and they have bad days. But at least they have good days...

Conclusion:

My gaming group has houseruled "cursed dice". whenever someone has rolled consistantly bad with a given set of dice, they may declare them cursed and reroll with a different set. They may then not use the cursed dice for the rest of the day.

Re: First role playing memory

My first roleplaying experience was as a DM (yeah, t'was DnD), leading a group through a dungeon crawl that had put together the weekend before. There was one trap, total. It merly paralysed the barbarian (who crit failed her fort save) for a few minutes of out of combat time. And even so, after 3 years, they still spend 5 minutes desribing safety precautions before going through any doors.

When I think back now, I see that I made a hell lot of other mistakes that they never found out about. Lucky me.