Balabanto Posted February 21, 2009 Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 Johnny: I'm Johnny Gomez! Nick: And I'm Nick Diamond! Johnny: It's Saturday Night! And it's All Right For Fighting! Nick: It's really late Friday Night, Johnny, but nonetheless, even though we're on tape, it's time for another edition of... CHAMPIONS UNIVERSAL DEATHMATCH! Tonight, we've got a really special match for you, as the legendary Foxbat will be squaring off against Witchcraft! Witchcraft is appalled that Foxbat has stolen her underwear, and is aching to get even! Can the Archmage of Earth handle the Marsupial/Dog of Madness? Our lovely Debbie will be interviewing the contestants in a moment, after this commercial break.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Hawk God Posted February 21, 2009 Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 Re: Foxbat vs. Witchcraft! As Promised! bats are not marsupials.....duh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teflon Billy Posted February 21, 2009 Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 Re: Foxbat vs. Witchcraft! As Promised! Johnny: I'm Johnny Gomez! Nick: And I'm Nick Diamond! Johnny: It's Saturday Night! And it's All Right For Fighting! Nick: It's really late Friday Night, Johnny, but nonetheless, even though we're on tape, it's time for another edition of... CHAMPIONS UNIVERSAL DEATHMATCH! Tonight, we've got a really special match for you, as the legendary Foxbat will be squaring off against Witchcraft! Witchcraft is appalled that Foxbat has stolen her underwear, and is aching to get even! Can the Archmage of Earth handle the Marsupial/Dog of Madness? Our lovely Debbie will be interviewing the contestants in a moment, after this commercial break.... {Snooty Scientist guy}That would be Vulpine/Bat or possibly Chiropteran/Fox more correctly. TB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balabanto Posted February 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 Re: Foxbat vs. Witchcraft! As Promised! Nar-cola...Nar-cola....whereever it goes...I go...Nar-cola...Nar-cola...It makes me smarter and faster-oh! My Nar-cola and me, are so hap-happy, my Nar-cola and me are so wild and free...Nar-Cola...Nar-cola...Nar-cola and meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... Nick: And we're back at Champions Universal Deathmatch. Down in the locker rooms Debbie's interviewing Foxbat at this very minute. Debbie? (Switch to a scene of Debbie interviewing Foxbat) Debbie: Mr. Foxbat, is it true you ran for President? Foxbat: Well, I don't really remember much about that. Soon, the hot interviewer chicks of the world will be mine, to do with as I please! (Grabs Debbie's butt!) Debbie: Ooooh! Mr. Foxbat! You shouldn't have. Do you do massages? Foxbat: Ohhh, yeah, baby. After the match, you and I can go for some...muffins! Debbie: No problem, Mr. Foxbat! What do you think of Witchcraft's magic powers? Do you think you can handle them? Foxbat: Not a problem at all! What's she going to do with no panties anyway? Suck on my King Kong ball gun, that's what! Debbie: Uhh...Mr. Foxbat, that's Ping Pong Ball Gun. Foxbat: Yeah...right...(He gives Debbie a naughty smile.) Debbie: So could you tell us what you're going to do to Witchcraft? And are you going to save any for me? (She gives Foxbat a seductive smile.) Foxbat: Uhmmm...I'm saving it all for you...except the death part, yeah! She's just the Archmage of Earth! She's no match for my master plan, and you know it! Debbie: That's about all we have time for right now. Just time for one last comment, Foxbat....(Another sly seductive wink) Foxbat: BWAHAHHAAHAHHAAAAAAA! Johnny: Well, Witchcraft refused to interview with Debbie. Something about being too embarrassed, but that's okay, because she's already waiting in the ring, and ready to rumble! Nick: Yeah. Foxbat's coming out of the locker room now, and making his way down towards the ring! (Foxbat begins marching down towards the ring, while Witchcraft sits there grumpily with her arms folded!) Witchcraft: Foxbat! How could you! You unrepentant cad! I'm going to turn you into half a dozen animals and make you wish you were a cat treat! (Foxbat stops outside the ring) Foxbat: That's not what you said two weeks ago under those palm trees. "Marry me...Oh gawd! Marry me! Oh gawd!" Witchcraft: It wasn't LIKE that! You're gonna pay! Foxbat: Yes it was! Witchcraft (Lightning sparkling around her hair and floating up into the air): NO IT WASN'T!!!!!!! (Covers her mouth and lightly floats back down to earth.) Oh...sorry. Johnny: Holy COW, Nick! Did you see that? I thought Judge Lane might not even get into the ring! Nick: Judge Lane is tough! Even after they cut off his arm last week, he's back in here for another round! (Foxbat shivers a little bit. His arms go a little limp.) Foxbat nervously climbs up into the ring. Johnny: And now it's the moment you've all been waiting for, he's invincible, he's indestructible, and he's got a new cybernetic arm provided courtesy of Mechanon himself! He's your very own Cyborg badass.... JUDGE MILLS LANE! (Judge Mills Lane vaults into the ring with a metallic hum. He has a massively powerful cybernetic arm on his left side that throbs with massive, unknown energies. He glares at Witchcraft and Foxbat) Judge Mills Lane: All right lady and...I hesitate to call you a gentlemen, but what the hell, there's a first time for everything! You know the rules! There aren't any! So come out of your corners fighting! I want to see a bloodbath! So! That being said.... LET'S GET IT ON! Phase 12 Witchcraft: I'm aching to smack this pervert down! (Eyes glowing, Witchcraft launches into the air, and blasts Foxbat with powerful eyebeams of raw magic!!!!!) Foxbat: GAWD! I wasn't that bad in bed, was I? (Martial Dodge) (There is a massive explosion, and when the smoke clears, Johnny and Nick are covered in volcanic ash) Nick: Did you see THAT, Johnny? Johnny: No! I'm still blind! Witchcraft missed Foxbat by a country mile and blew up our announcer's booth! We'll be back in a few seconds after these messages! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balabanto Posted February 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 Re: Foxbat vs. Witchcraft! As Promised! They're form fitting...they're fantastic! They're amazing! They're the best! Slip into a pair of Coyle Jeans! They fit just like Snakeskin!!!!! Johnny: Well, I can see again! And Nick's mustache has been burned off! Nick: (Looking up from under the announcer's table) It took me two years to grow this thing! And now it's gone! Judge Lane is still hiding behind a turnbuckle after that massive blast of power, and Witchcraft's only warming up. Looks like that's it for Foxbat.... Johnny: I wouldn't count Foxbat out! He's got something up that sneaky sleeve of his. He does have a (Cough, cough) master plan! Post 12 recovery Phase 3 Witchcraft: I'm through playing around with you, Foxbat! By the power of the four elements! By the heavenly cascade of celestial thunder! I summon the cosmic-all-crusher! There is a massive DA-KOOOM as a gigantic spherical hammer appears in the air and it settles into Witchcraft's hands! It must be a hundred feet high! Foxbat: Mommy? (Dives for Cover!) Judge Mills Lane: Holy !!@#$$$$$$$$$$$! I'll...allow it? Witchcraft Swings... There is a massive THUNK as Foxbat is piledrived into the ground by the Cosmic All-Crusher, and there is a massive BOOM as the top of the arena is blown off! The scoreboard is hurled into the ether, and smoke erupts from the Foxbat half of the arena....!!!!!! The cold rushes in... Nick: Oh, my god, Johnny! She blew the roof off! This is madness! (He digs out an overcoat from under the announcer's booth and puts it on!) It's Northern Michigan! It's insanely cold in here! As the smoke clears, the broken scoreboard, hammered into the center of the ring, seems to have partially protected Foxbat. He's wandering woozily around the ring, and he appears to be dripping blood out of his mouth... Foxbat: Ohh...man...that...that hurt... Witchcraft: That's nothing! That was one of my weaker spells! I hope you're happy that you're finally getting what you deserve, you viagra popping, steroid monkey freak! Nick: Looks like Witchcraft's got a king size mad on for Foxbat. What did happen under those palm trees? Johnny: I don't know, but it made her pretty angry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balabanto Posted February 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 Re: Foxbat vs. Witchcraft! As Promised! Johnny: Uh, oh, it looks like Witchcraft is closing in for the kill! Nick: Yeah, it looks like this deathmatch is going to be short but sweet! Witchcraft floats over to Foxbat, her eyes glowing white hot, and reaches up for his throat and picks him up by the throat. "You wish another kiss, freak? Kiss this!" She plants her lips firmly on his, and there's a wet, sickening roar of magic. Foxbat's head swells up like a horrid balloon, and his eyes blink wide. Foxbat: Mommy...I...feel sick...Mommy...oh...goh.... Foxbat's head explodes in a wretched eruption of gore, a thunderous wet splat that erupts all over the arena, and Witchcraft's beautiful white outfit. Pulsing in the center of his neck is a pulsing, oddly familiar red gem that whirls and warbles as his body teeters backwards. Nick: Oh, my god. She kissed his head clean off! I've never seen anything like that! What's that jewel in his throat doing? It looks familiar. Johnny: Oh, god, you don't think...no...it can't be... Witchcraft: What the? What's that? I've never seen anything like... THNNNK! The reddish gemlike thing floats ruthlessly into the air, and an oddly familiar, reddish cloaked figure appears behind Witchcraft, stabbing her with a magical spear as it fires off a massive blast of Witchcraft's own energy. Solitaire: You STOLE MY BOYFRIEND, YOU B**CH! (The blast slams witchcraft into the ground right at Solitaire's feet! There's still a spear through her innards.) Witchcraft: Hkk...you can't...you can't do this...you cheating...I can't...hkk... Solitaire (With a big old grin on her face): They discontinued me. I'm not a member of the Champions now. So I can cheat! And I was an archmage first! So what's it going to be, honey? I stole all your magic powers. I think that's fair for stealing my boyfriend. Judge Mills Lane, covered in blood from Foxbat's exploding head: I'll allow it! Nick: My GOD! Solitaire used Foxbat as a proxy to steal Witchcraft's underwear and lure her into a trap! Ingenious! Johnny: I've got to give that girl credit! She's quite a trooper! My money's still on Witchcraft, though. Nick: The archmage catfight of the century continues in just a few, brief moments!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balabanto Posted February 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 Re: Foxbat vs. Witchcraft! As Promised! Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. At Teleos Parfumerie, we have the perfect beauty aid for the perfect client. You. So come to one of our many fine boutiques, and we'll remove the lines from your face, and remove those annoying wrinkles. You may wind up as a mutated bear, but that's the price of true artistry. Teleos Parfumerie. The Scent of the Future... Johnny: I can't believe it! Witchcraft just got stabbed in the chest with some sort of magic channelling spear that used her own power, transferred from Solitaire's widget! That's got to be the most unpleasant thing I've seen since Firewing imploded! Nick: Things aren't looking too good for Witchcraft right now, that's for sure. I sure wish one of these two ladies didn't have to die. Fortunately, we've got a special guest in our booth tonight. Ladies and Gentlemen, Defender! Defender: Hi, guys. Are those really my two ladies down there. Duking it out, over me? Johnny: I'd stay down, Defender. If they see you here, it could be even more trouble. (Defender Ducks) Phase 8 Witchcraft: Mangling my...physical body...won't last long! By...the power of Eternal Light, and the Unfettered Rings of Abe Cadabrey, I call upon the Seeking magic of Athena herself! (The Spear leaves Witchcraft's body and launches straight for Solitaire, ripping through her torso and pinning her to the ring corner!) Solitaire: Oh, my god! Nhlkkkkkkkkkkkk (The Spear impales her right through the gut, in the very place that Witchcraft was impaled just a moment before) That...that was a good trick...but this one's even better. G...get her, Widget... The Widget flies forward, and slams into Witchcraft's crotch, letting out a low, vibrating hum. Witchcraft: Wha? Feels good...AHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! The Widget begins to hum and vibrate between Witchcraft's legs, shaking and sending massive waves of energy through her! Defender: Ohh...man...I didn't think they both dug me this much. Johnny: Stay DOWN if you want to live! (Pushes Defender's head back below the announcer's booth) It's amazing! Solitaire's pinned to the ring wall, and Witchcraft's being VIBRATED to death! Judge Mills Lane (Stares as his arm begins scanning the carnage and suddenly disengages, developing a rocket pack and fleeing out through the hole in the ceiling....) I'll allow it! Nick: Yeah. They could actually both slaughter each other! That would be really impressive. We haven't had a draw in years! Phase 10 Johnny: Yeah. Not since Professor Muerte fought the Master of Death. Everyone had a skull head. It was hard to tell them apart. Looks like Witchcraft's getting up first. Witchcraft: You ran away from him! He's mine! Do you hear me? She clutches her wounded side and bleeds all over what's left of the ring. She staggers about and clutches the ropes. (Recover from being stunned) Solitaire: That's...not fair...(Crawls off the end of the spear.) You had the...nerve to replace me in the Champions, and...hkk...steal my boyfriend. (Spits up blood.) You've got to pay for that! (Recover from being stunned) Phase 12 Defender: I...I can't take this. They're fighting over me! I've got to save them. Defender leaps out of the broken announcer's booth and begins flying downward towards the two women. Defender: Ladies! Stop! We can work this out! Really! There's room for both of you, I mean...that's not what I meant...I... Solitaire and Witchcraft: Wha? Solitaire and Witchcraft: You're...you're kidding, right? Solitaire and Witchcraft: You CAN'T have BOTH of us. You have to choose! Defender (Looking Sheepish): Now? Solitaire and Witchcraft: RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! Solitaire: Did you really do that with Foxbat on the beach? Witchcraft: Uh, no? Solitaire: What was Foxbat doing on the beach? Defender: Uhm...Ladies, I can explain....every so often, a man has...other needs.... Solitaire: Other...needs? Witchcraft: WHAT OTHER NEEDS? You CREEP!!!!!!!! Solitaire: I don't...I don't like what he's saying. (Grits teeth) Witchcraft: Neither do I. Solitaire and Witchcraft Link Hands, their fists clenched in disturbing fury. Nick: Oh, man, we need to get a barrier shield or something. Johnny: Oh, god...we're going to die right here. Solitaire: By the Raging Rings of Daskilon! Witchcraft: By the Holy Fires of Atlantis! Solitaire: I bind the Darkness and the Light Together!!!!! Witchcraft: I shape the Forces of the Cosmic All!!!! Judge Mills Lane: (Hiding under what's left of the ring with only one arm) I'll allow it!!!! Defender: Ladies, really, this can all be worked out! (Waving his hands, dodging frantically, shaking his helmet!) Solitaire and Witchcraft: Infinite Lights of Luathon!!!!!!!!!!!! There is a wrenching explosion and a horrid hideous pop that seems to shatter everything in the ring except Solitaires widget! The ring explodes under the feet of the two women, and Defender's armor is reduced to an empty, hallow husk! Only a few pieces of ash remain and sift eerily on the wind. Judge Mills Lane: It's a DRAW! Oh, god, please don't make me go back in there! Witchcraft: Could you...do the thing with the widget again? That was...nice. Just not on such a high setting. Solitaire: Uhm...I guess. Can I buy you a milkshake? Witchcraft: We'll work all that out. Just no more bringing all the boys to the yard. There's enough for just the two of us. Solitaire beams, happy at last... Johnny: Well, all's well, that ends well, sort of, except for Defender, but he was kind of a cad. Dating two women and Foxbat at once, well...at least he was a ladies man and a man's man. Nick: Not you and Foxbat, too, Johnny. Johnny: Well, I can't say I've ever been that lucky, Nick. Johnny: I'm Johnny Gomez! Nick: And I'm Nick Diamond! Johnny and Nick: Saying Good Fight! And Good Night! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiva13 Posted February 21, 2009 Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 Re: Foxbat vs. Witchcraft! As Promised! If Foxbat For President is even half this funny, I'll be one happy customer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubba smith Posted February 21, 2009 Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 Re: Foxbat vs. Witchcraft! As Promised! after geting a smile from this i have just one questionwhere's wittchcraft vs cantrip? that would be WICTHCRAFTSi dea of a grudge match Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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