Balabanto Posted March 1, 2009 Report Share Posted March 1, 2009 Johnny's Voiceover: What's better?... The classic world of superheroes, where good is good, evil is evil, and everything is better with apes... Or a grim world of dark superheroes where behind every villain is another psychopath, and the only way to solve these problems is to kill every last one of them.... Tonight....yes, tonight, we will find out.... On CHAMPIONS UNIVERSAL DEATHMATCH!!!!!! I'm Johnny Gomez! (Focus in on Johnny, in an armored suit) Nick: And I'm Nick Diamond! (Focus in on Nick, also in an armored suit) We're still repairing the ring after last week's Archmage brawl where Defender got desintegrated. Fortunately, we've managed to collect his ashes along with his consciousness, and placed them in this jar! (Holds up a jar filled with ash) Defender Jar: Hi, guys! Nice to be here! Johnny: Yeah. Witchcraft and Solitaire are hanging out in Hawaii, after a quick Las Vegas wedding. I cried, Nick. I actually cried. I hear there's even a new baby on the way. Nick: (Spasming for a moment.) WHAT? Johnny, that can't be. They're both girls! (The Defender Jar goes screaming skyward) Defender Jar: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Johnny: And both archmages. (Catches Defender Jar) Defender Jar: Thank god! I thought I was going to discorporeate again. Nick: Well, I guess it's possible. Shapeshifting is a possibility. Magic is a possibility. Adoption is a possibility. I hope they're both very happy! Anyway, we've got a serious showdown in the works for you tonight! Johnny: Yes! We've got a real showdown for you tonight, folks. The Harbringer of Justice says Doctor Silverback can't hack it in the modern world, and Doctor Silverback says he doesn't need guns to beat down a moron in an armored suit! Nick: That's inferior intellect, Johnny! Johnny: Moron plays better to the fans, and that's what it's all about, Nick! We'll have Debbie interviewing our contestants in just a brief moment, after this latest Nar-Cola commercial... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balabanto Posted March 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2009 Re: Champions Universal Deathmatch!: Doctor Silverback vs. The Harbringer of Justice! Nar-cooolaaa...It's the one...with the stuff...that stuffy wuffy stuff. It's the one with the ahh...that screamy weamy ahhh! It's the smile...on the face...of the girl up in your place...Nar-coooolaaaaaaaaaaa.... Johnny: And we're back! Defender Jar: Could you tighten my lid a little bit? This could be nasty. Nick: Well, first we're going to have an interview with Harbringer of Justice! Debbie's in the locker room now. Debbie: (In the locker room!) Har-bringerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Come out, you bad, bad boy...I'm looking for a real man... (No Answer) Debbie: I don't think he's in the locker room, Nick! This is...a little scary...I'm going to head over to the other locker room, get me a piece of... Johnny: I don't need to hear about hot monkey love! Nick: (Facepalming) What do you think, Defender? You're obviously not an expert on women. Defender Jar: I don't think it's safe for a young lady like Debbie to make the jungle shake with a five hundred pound gorilla, Nick! Debbie: (In the Other Locker Room) Doctor Silverback? Can I have a word with you? Doc S: Absolutely, my fine young lady. May I say that the rumors about me coveting all human women as a gorilla are completely false. On the other hand, you do have a magnificent human frame. Debbie: Really? (Making cow eyes at Doctor Silverback, getting a naughty look on her face.) Doc S: Well, of course. Debbie: So what's going to happen after the match, hmm? After you...dispose of the Harbringer? Doc S: Well, I suppose there's going to be enough time for a little...monkeying around. (Subtle smile, well, as subtle as a 500 pound gorilla can manage anyway) Debbie: See you then! (Naughty wink) And back to you, Nick! Nick: Well, Debbie's got herself...something. What do you think, Johnny? Johnny: Well, Doctor Silverback's advancing to the Ring now, and there's still no sign of the Harbringer of Justice. (Crowd hushes as Doctor Silverback walks down to the ring) Nick: Yeah, I know. It's almost like he was getting a Nar-cola or something. (Surprise Phase) BANG! (Hidden in the Catwalks, there is a sudden bark of a sniper rifle, and a bullet hurtles towards Doctor Silverback!) TWUNGGG! (A Force Field appears around Doctor Silverback, and there's a sudden burst of recoil as the bullet shoots back upward, hitting Harbringer in the shoulder! There is a massive spray of blood, and something shifts in the light) Harbringer: Oh, !@#$%$! My arm! Doctor Silverback: What the? You unspeakable cad! Attacking me from surprise before a proper referee has arrived! Judge Mills Lane (Leaping out from behind the surprised Doctor) I'll allow it! LET'S GET IT ON!!!!! Johnny: Oh, my GOD! Harbringer just tried to take out Doctor Silverback before he even got to the ring, and some kind of force field just popped into existence around the kindly Ape! Nick: Looks like Harbringer wasn't so kindly! And now he's hurting. A rattlesnake's always the most vicious when he's cornered! Johnny: Let's hope that's not all Doctor Silverback can do, or Harbringer will rip him apart! Phase 12 Harbringer: So you tried to cheat, too? Doctor Silverback: It was absolutely the correct thing to do when faced with a nefarious backstabber armed with a sniper rifle. Harbringer: (Pulls the Sniper Rifle away, and pulls out a large rocket launcher from nowhere.) "Deflect this, monkey boy!" There is a dull roar as the rocket soars for Doctor Silverback, blasting into his general location. Fans scream and dive for cover. Doctor Silverback dives for cover! Judge Lane dives for cover! Nick and Johnny do not dive for cover! BOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The smoke clears. Doctor Silverback is lying in bloody heap on the ground, struggling to get to his feet. Doc S: Oh, my bloody god. My fur has been terribly singed by all that racket! And you blew up a Nar-cola vendor, you ruffian! (Rises to his feet) Harbringer: It's all in a day's work for beating up a pansified ape wimp! Johnny: They're trading insults! Nick: And Rockets, Johnny! We'll have more Deathmatch after we're back! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balabanto Posted March 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2009 Re: Champions Universal Deathmatch!: Doctor Silverback vs. The Harbringer of Justice! Defender Jar: And we're back! Nick: Thanks, Defender in a jar! Johnny: (Screwing the lid a little tighter on the jar) I think that's it, Defender! You should be safe, now! Defender Jar: That's fantastic. Can you hold me up a little bit so I can see better? Johnny: Sure! (Holds up the Defender Jar) Let's see what's going on down in the ring! Phase 3 Harbringer: Now that you're bloodied a little bit, let's see how you handle this! (Leaps down on a swingline and tries to kick Doc Silverback's head off!) Johnny: My god, they haven't even made it to the ring! They're duking it out right on the runway! Doc Silverback: That clumsy attack will simply not be adequate for dealing with someone who is your manly superior in every way! (Dodges) Harbringer: Dinaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! You'll pay for that, you overstuffed despoiler! I'll shave you and mount your head on my wall like thousands of B'wanas before me! Defender Jar: What's a B'wana? Johnny: Aren't you the son of rich white imperialist parents? Defender Jar: Well, yeah. Nick: How can you not know what a B'wana is? This is unreal! (B'wana sneaks up behind Nick, Johnny and Defender, out of the crowd) B'wana: That would be me. Is that an intelligent ape in a lab coat? An excellent trophy for... Defender Jar: You! I remember you! You're....you're Banana! B'wana: That's B'wana! And if Harbringer is B'wana, then I can't be! This outrage will be avenged! Only I am the master hunter! Only I am the greatest man ever to eliminate thousands of endangered species and serve them to dignitaries on illegal cruises, only I... Defender Jar: They're not talking about what your armpits do! B'wana: Bring it on, Jar head! Oh, no wait, that's all of you! Phase 5 Nick: Well, it looks like B'wana's making a grab for the jar from Johnny, and...oh, right...down in the ring...oh, wait, they're not in the ring! Defender Jar: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Johnny, Save meeeeeeeeeee! Johnny: I'm dodging as fast as I can (Dodges B'wana) Harbringer: I think I'm going to bust your face up real good, pretty boy. (Harbringer studies Doctor Silverback for a moment.) Forget the pretty boy part! (Harbringer pulls out a nasty looking knife and jams it into Doctor Silverback's arm. "Let's see you deal with this CO2 pump gun!" The knife SINKS into Doc Silverback's arm and there's a wicked pumping noise and an inrush of air. Doc Silverback screams as his arm is blown off, meaty chunks of gorilla flesh and blood flying everywhere. Doctor Silverback: Oh, my! I have been disarmed! Harbringer: Now we're even! Oh, wait...you're bleeding to death. (Doc Silverback's seeping wound oozes nastily out of his arm stump.) What are you going to do? Doctor Silverback: Actually, I've activated this hypermagnetic device that works with the strength of a single finger over a two meter space. Harbringer: And what are you going to do with that? Push me down? Doctor Silverback: No. I'm afraid I actually used it to pull the pins on three of your grenades. Give my regards to that Punisher guy from the comics. I'm sure you'll have lots to reminisce about. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! (There is another flash of smoke and a series of dull roars.) Judge Lane (Emerging from the crowd as a bloody mess): I'll allow it! Harbringer: Hkkkt. You tried to bleed me dry with my own grenades? You stupid ape punk? Don't you realize how invincible I am? (Clutches what's left of his grenade belt and pulls his hand away.) No way! That's...blood! Doctor Silverback: A brilliant deduction. Fairly amazing considering you only have one hand left and you're lonely. Harbringer: You'll pay for that, Ape! Johnny: We'll be right back, after these messages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balabanto Posted March 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2009 Re: Champions Universal Deathmatch!: Doctor Silverback vs. The Harbringer of Justice! Nick: And we're back! (Shot of Johnny and B'wana duking it out in the background, struggling while Defender in a Jar Screams) Phase 8 Harbringer: I've had just about enough of you, Doctor Silverback! Blowing me up with my own grenades, shooting me with my own sniper rifle! Here's one you can't avoid! I've been saving this for a special day! (Pulls out a massive chain gun and blasts away, destroying several advertising logos in the process) Doctor Silverback: I don't believe you have what it takes to finish me! (The roar of the gun blasts apart life and limb, Doctor Silverback's force field shudders and throbs, and when the smoke clears and the dust settles, Harbringer and Doctor Silverback are both lying in bloody puddles on the ground) (3d6 Autofire RKA, 2 deflected, 2 got through) Judge Lane: (Picking up Doctor Silverback's arm and checking for a pulse) Nope....(Picking up Harbringer's arm and checking for a pulse)...Nope! Judge Lane raises his hands! "IT'S A DRAW! GET THOSE BODIES OUT OF HERE!" Johnny: Well, there you have it! Defender Jar: Ohh, yeah! they killed each other! The other jars back at the crematorium are never gonna believe this! Nick: Two of the greatest this world have ever seen came together in Deathmatch, and in the end, the Deathmatch won! Johnny: I feel kind of sorry for Debbie. She was all set for some monkey love. But I'm sure there will be other people who will catch her eye! I'm Johnny Gomez! Nick: And I'm Nick Diamond! Defender Jar: And I'm Defender in a Jar! B'wana: Give me that jar, you cretins! (Crawling up from behind the announcers, a bloody mess!) Nick and Johnny: Saying...Shut up, B'wana, and Good Fight, and Good Night! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roth Posted March 1, 2009 Report Share Posted March 1, 2009 Re: Champions Universal Deathmatch!: Doctor Silverback vs. The Harbringer of Justice! BWAHAHaHAHAHHAHAHaHa Have some rep Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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