MilkmanDan

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Subtle signs that you aren't in power anymore.

The Secret Service have been replaced by Girl Scouts wielding spitballs.

NT: Dick Cheney was in a wheelchair today, apparently because he pulled a back muscle moving boxes in his new house. Boring! What is the real reason he had to be in a wheelchair?

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: It takes two to ___________. Difficulty: must be SFW.

Have a really good time playing Left 4 Dead.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: New high-tech ways for the Coyote to fail to catch the Roadrunner.

By borrowing the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator from Marvin.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

New Topic: Mad science projects that would actually make your job easier.

"So, when I press this button, a hand reaches out of the remote user's monitor and slaps them across the face. I call it the 'Seriously, morons, listen to me' tool."

NT: It was -31 this morning. How would Foxbat handle the cold?

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

New Topic: The first order from Lord Krosp upon assuming the mantle of Emperor of All Cats:

"No more licking ourselves clean! Let's get the humans to do it!"

Re: The "Nice Happy" Thread

Yep. I argued long and hard that, if we got a boy cat, I got to name it. She hates my name. I don't care. I won my case. She's naming the girl kitty Stella, while the boy kitty is going to be named Westerberg. As in Paul Westerberg, former leader of The Replacements, my favorite musician ever. She HATES the name and says she'll call him "Wes", which she can handle. All the cats (and our kids) wind up with about 50 nicknames anyways, so I doubt it really matters.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT:

How you want to be remembered in your obituary.

"He was a doting father, a good husband, and a friend to many. Also, his penis was HUGE."

NT: Ways I should probably not introduce the two kittens we're getting to our two older cats.

Re: The "Nice Happy" Thread

When my wife and I started dating eleven or so years ago, I had one cat. She had five. Sounds like a lot, I know, but you get used to it--you always had a cat on your lap when you sat down, they slept on our bed, we just had constant companions. Well, when we moved in together, I had to get rid of my cat (it didn't play well with others). The about four years ago Squid died, two years ago we lost Maddie, and Tootie died a couple months ago (my wife did the naming). We still have Claudia, who's 17, and Bea, who's 15. They're old and slow, and the house just seems empty.

So . . . tonight, it's kitten time! Getting two kitties tonight from a lady who works at a rescue league. We had to get approved, so on New Years' Day we went to her house so she could verify the kids were OK, and they loved the kittens, played with them constantly for an hour while we were there. We just told them we were going to meet mama's friend Nancy who takes care of cats. They have absolutely no idea we're getting kittens. I am giddy at this point; I can't wait to see my son's face when he sees the kittens. The whole plan is the wife has stuff to do after work and will get them and bring them home while I take the kids to swimming lessons at the YMCA tonight. When we get home, they'll be waiting for us.

The 17-year-old cat will be OK with it, she's old and cranky and doesn't move much. The 15-year-old was freaked out by my old cat when I tried to bring it into the house, but the hope is (A) she's much older now, and ( they're kittens, and not adult cats, so there won't be as much of an "alpha kitty" concern from her.

Woo.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: What a way to go !

"His pelvis was crushed, but he had this huge smile on his face. Kept muttering something about 'snu-snu'."

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: What the person chuckling softly in the public library is doing (Difficulty: he's not reading anything)

He's watching me check out all the Sin City books, knowing how much I'm going to hate the things.

NT: Frank Miller has an uncommonly happy day. What kind of a story does he write?

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

nt: Actors completely wrong for certain star trek character parts

Whoopi @#$!@!! Goldberg for any @#$@#$%!!! part you can @#$!!! imagine!!!!

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Star Trek quotes that failed horribly.

"Dammit, Spock! Have you no compassion???"

"Indeed I do, Doctor, and it seems quite logical at this juncture to suggest you should bite me."

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: What happens in the new version of Star Trek ?

Fans cry, as it winds up sucking. Hard.

NT: Captain James Tiberius Kirk died a pretty lame death back in Generations; think up a cooler and more appropriate death for him.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Subtle signs that your child's gym teacher is out of his mind.

"And today, first graders, you will learn to defend yourself if attacked by a man carrying . . . a banana!"

NT: Things you would like to use a 16 ton weight for.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: America is truely afraid of Canada. Why ? (Difficulty: No answers along the lines of 'not really afraid' and no sarcasm.)

Because they'll mass their fleets of giant sharks and killer Panda bears on the shores of their beaches, and swim across the Indian Ocean to get to us! Then, they'll show up in the lederhosen, get off their camels, and take all our stuff!!!

What? I went to public school, what do you expect?

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Subtle signs that you're not going to be getting a second hit single.

"Your name is what? Kalabooboo? Gazafoofoo? Zsazsapoopoo?"

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Biggest surprise at the Golden Globe Awards

When they're talking about Kate Winslet's two Golden Globes, they're not talking about film awards.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Other celebrities decide to copy Mr. T' date=' and start calling themselves Mr. or Ms. (first letter of last name). Who joins in, and what do they wear around their neck?[/quote']

 

"Look, it's Prince. Wait, I mean Mr. . . . Mr. . . . Mr. "Whatever it is I'm supposed to call that symbol around his neck".

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

New Topic: Famous people and their unlikely Superheroic ID's.

Dick Cheney is Captain Really, I'm Not A Total Bastard, Believe It Or Not

NT: Evil things Dick Cheney did when he was six years old.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: World's Worst recipe

Whatever it is, it features a can of Cream of Mushroom soup, french-fried onions, and a casserole dish.

NT: How not to welcome new kittens to your house.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

Singing Aurd Rang Syne.

 

(I'm going to hell, I know.)

Considering how hard I laughed, I'll be joining you. Must spread rep, yadda yadda.

NT: Things you wish you hadn't said while the speakerphone was still on.

"Boy, the best thing about working from home is I can pick up all you prostitutes while still getting paid!"

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: If individual US States manifested as superheroes or supervillains what would they be like ?

"Villains! Fear me! I am Captain North Dakota!"

"Hey, did you hear something? I thought I heard a noise."

"Nope, didn't hear a thing. Let's get back to robbing this bank."

"Um, villains, I'm right here!"

"I could have sworn I almost noticed something, but it was apparently too irrelevant to pay attention to."

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

New Topic: Classic movies remade with dogs in the lead role(s).

"Luke--I am your father!"

"Arf! Arf!"

NT: Other shocking revelations given by Darth Vader to Luke that didn't make the final cut.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Military equipment reused as personal fitness devices.

"If you run really fast, maybe the missile won't hit you."

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

New Topic: Stupid-sounding excuses that have actually worked.

"That was Poland? Honestly, it was a nice Fall day, we all decided to go for a drive, and, next thing you know, Britain's all overreacting and we're in this giant mess . . ."

NT: Unknown, comical reasons why World War II actually happened.