MilkmanDan

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: How you are going to celebrate the 1000th page of NGD Scenes from a Hat.

Same as the other 999 pages, leading a rousing rendition of "The Girl From Ipanema" while doing the flamenco in combat boots with a troupe of exquisitely-attired mountain goats.

NT: Things mountain goats should never wear, unless in emergencies.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Subtle signs that the star pitcher on your major league baseball team is out of his mind.

You're a Cubs fan (he IS out of his mind).

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Al Franken's first goal now that he is in the Senate

Sneak up and give Biden a wedgie.

NT: Saturday Night Live-related legislation Al Franken is likely to sponsor.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: New additions to the Whizzo Quality Assortment.

Chocolate-covered geriatrics.

NT: Fun ways to confuse your neighbor's grandparents.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

New Topic: Unexpected things that arrive with your lunch.

Herpes.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Folk Songs from Hell

"If I had a hammer, I'd hammer you RIGHT IN THE STINKING FACE! Wait, look! A hammer!"

NT: Unusual ways to have fun with a hammer that do not involve hammering you right in the stinking face.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Subtle signs that the manager for your rock band is out of his mind.

"I told them, first U2, THEN the puppet show."

NT: Reasons a puppet show would be more fun than a U2 show.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: The Glastonbury festival has just finished and included Neil Young and Bruce Springsteen making their first apperances there. But what surprise band also appeared ?

The Who. With all the original members.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Superhero endorsements for craft brewery products.

"Hi, I'm Wolverine, and if you don't stop drinking that godawful, bland pisswater brewed by major corporations, I will hunt you down and stab you in the stinking head."

I'm with you, Woverine.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: It began as a fad' date=' but now has become a movement. What is It?[/quote']

 

Eating lots of beans for healthy protein began as a fad, but it most definitely ends with a movement.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Spectacularly unpatriotic things to do. Difficulty: No mention of Communism if American, Facism for Italy and Germany and Terrorism generally.

And try at least to be funny.

"Hi, I'm a Democrat."

NT: I have a particularly unpatriotic form of pastry. What should I call it?

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

New Topic: Spoon!!!

"And your question is . . . what is an overrated indie rock band?"

NT: Tonight begins my second session as a volunteer soccer coach for first-grade boys. What's a good way to utterly alienate them and keep them from wanting to play soccer ever again?

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Now that teh bunneh is an Art Director' date=' what will be his favorite project ?[/quote']

 

He's an Art Director, and he works in porn. Specifics would get me infracted.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

New Topic: How we should 'reward' people who consistently use bad puns on the NGD.

To wit, punish them severely. Or rep them, either works.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: The zoo has had to lay off some of the animals due to budget cuts. Which ones get let go?

They were going to lay off all the animals at the farm exhibit but, like a bunch of sheep, they were cowed into ducking responsibility and, doggone it, they backed out. Really, the cost of those animals is chicken feed, but it really gets my goat.

NT: Come up with the worst pun you can think of referencing Dwight David Eisenhower.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Subtle signs that the owner of the newest NFL expansion team is out of his mind.

"Really, the fact that multiple franchises have failed here shouldn't give anyone pause! Los Angeles is a great town for the NFL!"

NT: The "Bengals" just isn't a good name for the Cincinnati franchise anymore. What should it be?

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Frivolous lawsuits to bring aginst Death Tribble.

He shed hair all over my desk and it blocked up my CPU case fan; the bastard owes me a new PC.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Graffiti found in Mordor

Lots of things making fun of Bilbo Baggins, always replacing the letter "b" with a "d".

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Unexpected things you would do if you had a million dollars.

Two chicks at once, man

NT: It's Friday night; what are Patrick and Spongebob doing this evening?

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: What to get Death Tribble for his birthday ?

The NGD presidency.

Hahaha! We all know he'll never get that!

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Subtle signs that your grandmother has finally lost her mind. (Difficulty: she still remembers who you are and who and where she is.)

She complains loudly at the lack of a support hose option amongst Victoria's Secret's raciest lingerie.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: How Dr. Destroyer is going to celebrate Mother's Day.

"Hi, Mom, Happy Mother's Day!"

"Oh, Albert, it's so good of you to come."

"I got you something! I hope you'll like it."

"Oh, you shouldn't ha--what, Canada? Who would want that?"

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Things that would be improved by the random insertion of John Belushi.

Hot dogs.

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Other tough battles over food.

"You got chocolate in my peanut butter!"

"You got peanut butter in my chocolate! You bastard!" BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!

Re: NGD Scenes from a Hat

NT: Pizza in Hell

"Hi, welcome to Pizza Hut, can I take your order?"